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RE: Since i don't have these things - 1/19/2010 9:29:05 AM

Lockit

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Contracts... lol... yeah, right. Lost three million on a contract once... divorced here... contracts mean someone put something on paper... whether than means something or not, depends on the people. I will take a hand shake from an honorable person.

Testing... I have one test and most do not pass it, thus, my single state. It isn't a hard test and proves someone's sincerity and that is done before we even meet. After they pass that test there are none.

If they don't pass that test and I still give them an okay, I may watch them to see if they have sincerity and just failed to think that one test as important as I feel it is, but test them after a relationship has been formed and agreed to... no... that would suggest that the relationship was faulty to start with. (None of this applies to lairs that get passed my radar for a time.They get watched and exposed by their own deeds and then they get a boot... and not a sexy kind.)

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RE: Since i don't have these things - 1/19/2010 9:30:03 AM

Rule

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One of my late friends had a contract with his master, stipulating that the master would not starve him to death, etcetera. When he wanted to divorce his master, he was murdered by his master.

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Post #: 22

RE: Since i don't have these things - 1/19/2010 10:26:42 AM

MasterSlaveLA

Posts: 3991
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ForeverOwned

i was wondering why people feel the need to do these things and what it means to them if they are in a long term relationship:

1) Contracts - Because they falsely/foolishly think an alleged (and completely unenforcable) "contract" gives them some pseudo sense of control. A combination of both stupidity and insecurity.

2) Testing (being tested by your partner) - For D-Types, they are actually testing THEMSELVES, not a perspective sub/slave; shows their insecurity. For s-types, they will frequently "test" to see if a D-Type can actually control/dominate them; shows their immaturity.

Thanks everyone.

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Post #: 23

RE: Since i don't have these things - 1/19/2010 4:33:07 PM

littlewonder

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No contract or testing here. Never felt the need for either one. I've never had any need to test him and if I had to test him I'd already see it as a failed relationship and I"d be already moving on.

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Post #: 24

RE: Since i don't have these things - 1/19/2010 5:41:23 PM

RumpusParable

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I tend ot to do either just because I'm lazy lol. Contracts I have used but rarely, I find them fun but too much effort. "Testing" I'm not into because it feels like game-playing to me and I'm not into that... I just observe how a person acts as normal life changes come up.

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Post #: 25

RE: Since i don't have these things - 1/19/2010 5:47:20 PM

KatyLied

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I don't get the testing thing, it seems immature or not trusting of your partner.

About contracts, I can see how people who enjoy writing or have a paper fetish might enjoy it. I'm talking about building your own contract here, not a copy/paste of some silly internet document. Some people like to have parameters and expected behaviors spelled out. I think the less rules the better.

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Post #: 26

RE: Since i don't have these things - 1/19/2010 6:14:35 PM

sweetboundesire

Posts: 285
Joined: 10/29/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lanpanic

Testing I think is a way of seeing if your partner is for real, who they really say they are.

that makes sense.

I'm like this a bit...not to be cruel or malicious...just to understand, like a scientist. I love shock value for the same reason, to see the results of a persons reaction....it may be the deviant in me in this aspect...so i may do this at time to just understand a person but it isn't to be a bitch.

(in reply to Lanpanic)

Post #: 27

RE: Since i don't have these things - 1/19/2010 6:22:48 PM

sweetboundesire

Posts: 285
Joined: 10/29/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Contracts... lol... yeah, right. Lost three million on a contract once... divorced here... contracts mean someone put something on paper... whether than means something or not, depends on the people. I will take a hand shake from an honorable person.

Testing... I have one test and most do not pass it, thus, my single state. It isn't a hard test and proves someone's sincerity and that is done before we even meet. After they pass that test there are none.

If they don't pass that test and I still give them an okay, I may watch them to see if they have sincerity and just failed to think that one test as important as I feel it is, but test them after a relationship has been formed and agreed to... no... that would suggest that the relationship was faulty to start with. (None of this applies to lairs that get passed my radar for a time.They get watched and exposed by their own deeds and then they get a boot... and not a sexy kind.)

you are killing me with the suspense! what is the test? dying of curiosity here!

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 28

RE: Since i don't have these things - 1/19/2010 10:29:24 PM

stella41b

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I have a verbal unwritten contract - acceptance of each other as a person, regular contact and communication and a commitment to friendship. But I'm still unattached.

Life tests us enough without creating more tests. I don't believe in tests. Even when I was a TEFL teacher I didn't believe in tests. I prefer appraisal and evaluation.

However testing someone you're hoping to have a relationship with is manipulation in my eyes, playing with someone's feelings or heart.

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Post #: 29

RE: Since i don't have these things - 1/19/2010 10:54:15 PM

Hawkwindblues

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RE: Since i don't have these things - 1/19/2010 11:03:26 PM

Hawkwindblues

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quote:

Life tests us enough without creating more tests.

Stella41b,

a very good summary of an essential truth.

Ruth

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Post #: 31

RE: Since i don't have these things - 1/20/2010 11:33:09 AM

xssve

Posts: 3589
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What a written contract does is prove consent - within the applicable legal boundaries, which don't believe include, uh, murder, Rule.

Test's? I dunno they can be a game, or more like standards, Like Lockit - it raises Red flags for me if somebody doesn't listen and ask questions if they don't understand something I said, it's a communication thing - I don't care if you argue about it, but argue with what I said, not what you thought I said; I usually choose my words fairly carefully.

Otherwise, if you say you're mine, how will I know that unless I put it to the test?

In some sense, that can also be like testing myself - these intricacies can keep it interesting, a game, like Truth or Dare, but if it's like, "if you love me you'll do x" it could indicate insecurity or Narcissistic manipulation - like I said, the test may reveal as much about the tester as the testee.

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Post #: 32

RE: Since i don't have these things - 1/20/2010 12:59:19 PM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ForeverOwned

i was wondering why people feel the need to do these things and what it means to them if they are in a long term relationship:

1) Contracts
2) Testing (being tested by your partner)

Thanks everyone.

Contracts aren't worth the blood they are writen in if circumstances or triggers start a breakdon on the relationship.
Testing is not peculiar to bdsm. The difference between vanilla testing and gdsm testing is that bdsm testing is sylized or role played or fetishised rather than being passive

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Post #: 33

RE: Since i don't have these things - 1/20/2010 1:21:00 PM

sweetboundesire

Posts: 285
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what is the definition of testing?

for me it could be as simple as asking a question...or telling a joke.

it seems many on here are thinking of more extreme testing....
or being manipulative....

now i am confused....sorta like Bill Clinton and his definition of sex! lol

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Post #: 34

RE: Since i don't have these things - 1/20/2010 1:37:20 PM

Prinsexx

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Joined: 8/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetboundesire

what is the definition of testing?

for me it could be as simple as asking a question...or telling a joke.

it seems many on here are thinking of more extreme testing....
or being manipulative....

now i am confused....sorta like Bill Clinton and his definition of sex! lol

I don't agree.
Asking a question is merely asking a question.
Testing is asking a question for which there is a covert meaning which directly tests the role of the 'ither'.
Let's suppose here I am referring to a question a Master might ask a slave.
Q Where are my shirts?
A. I folded them this morning master. They are in the ti dtawer.

Test What are these doing here?
Correct A. I'm sorry Master. They are you shirts which i did not fold s expected and put away this morning in the top drawer.

Q What are these doing here?
Incorrect A Oh they are just being a pile of shirts attempting to trip you up to prove what an arsehole you are.
(Slave testing a Master????)

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Post #: 35

RE: Since i don't have these things - 1/20/2010 2:24:30 PM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eHo0W5x_eaE

Why Walk?

Lou Reed

LOL!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gTP34Loudjo&feature=related

<end of threadjack>

ETA: Prinsexx! *smooch*

< Message edited by dreamerdreaming -- 1/20/2010 2:26:35 PM >

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Post #: 36

RE: Since i don't have these things - 1/20/2010 2:48:30 PM

whiteslavebitch

Posts: 479
Joined: 9/10/2007
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We don't have a written contract. We have an agreement, He says, I do (As long as it is physically or mentally possible for me to do so.)

He doesn't feel the need to test me.

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Post #: 37

RE: Since i don't have these things - 1/20/2010 7:00:06 PM

Andalusite

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Joined: 1/25/2009
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We don't have much in the way of "testing" now that we're in a relationship, but when we started dating, I had a lot of questions that I couldn't meaningfully get a verbal answer to, and so did he. We considered it to be exploring compatibility, there weren't any mindgames involved. For example, how did I react when he hurt me in ways that didn't physically feel good? Did I actually feel submissive, or was I only able to bottom to him? How did we get along with each other's friends? We both wanted the answers to those questions, they were important, so doing things that let us figure out the answers seemed like a great idea.

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Post #: 38

RE: Since i don't have these things - 1/21/2010 7:34:53 AM

WayHome

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Marriage is a contract. So I guess I'm into contracts.

Travelling the country together is a test (!) So I guess I'm into testing.

They aren't necessary but they do have their value.

Leto

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Post #: 39

RE: Since i don't have these things - 1/21/2010 8:20:13 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
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~ Fast Relevant Experience ~

We have a written document. Calling it a 'contract' would be the same as calling beth a 'slave'. Both are labels outside the literal meaning of the words; however within the 'community' (also out of its literal context) the labels provide shortcut reference points. In that context, I'll continue to use the shortcuts.

Our contract is a document which defined where we were, what we each could rely upon from the other, and where we hoped to go. Reading it daily was the first 'ritual' (can be used literally) assigned to beth. The process was amazing and, in our opinion, fundamental to our relationship, contributing to its longevity. We don't read it daily anymore, but it still has a predominant place of display in our home. Some of the details at this point are silly, some irrelevant to how and where we live now, some still left to experience; but the essential aspects, our daily interaction, rules of behavior, dress, have been followed and continue to guide us. We wrote it, better put compiled and wrote it since we both used some outside resources and examples along with our own thoughts, so the reality is we guide us, The contract doesn't define us - we define the contract. For us, it is a sexy, romantic, emotion stirring, document that every time we read it - makes us smile.

Testing? I did 'test' beth. A quick test accomplished in the first hour we met. I bought the first round of drinks we shared. The appropriateness of drinking at the first meeting can be debated on another thread. beth bought the second round. That was the 'test'. It's a character test I've used forever when meeting anyone for business or friendship. I don't know if it proves anything but, for me, it benchmarks whether a person is cheap and/or feels entitled. In my experience that 'test' result has been representative of future interaction.

Did beth 'test' me? I thought she did. Leaving the bar in her neighborhood, she took me to a very remote and secluded canyon. I told her that she should be more cautious. We only knew each other less than 1/2 hour and how did she know I wasn't a psychopathic, sadistic, rapist? When she replied, "How do you know I'm not?" - I think both of us thought all the 'tests' were over.

This is our experience.

(in reply to WayHome)

Post #: 40

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