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Since i don't have these things - 1/19/2010 3:44:14 AM

ForeverOwned

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i was wondering why people feel the need to do these things and what it means to them if they are in a long term relationship:

1) Contracts
2) Testing (being tested by your partner)

Thanks everyone.

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RE: Since i don't have these things - 1/19/2010 3:52:44 AM

Level

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Testing for STDs?

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RE: Since i don't have these things - 1/19/2010 4:41:08 AM

DesFIP

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Testing is a fancy way of saying seeing if they do what they say. You should be able to see this without contriving artificial circumstances. He says he is unflappable, okay, but if he throws a tantrum when you have to cancel because your kid is sick, then you know the truth.

Contracts are less used than used. Because their greatest value is in the writing which forces you to think about every little thing you want and need. If you are sufficiently self aware, then you already know that. They aren't legal and no matter what is written, things do change over time. Break your leg and you won't be kneeling ten times a day no matter what the contract says.

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RE: Since i don't have these things - 1/19/2010 4:42:28 AM

AquaticSub

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We don't have a contract and he doesn't test me. We may see the need/desire a contract in the future but I doubt we'll ever do the testing thing.

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RE: Since i don't have these things - 1/19/2010 4:53:38 AM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ForeverOwned

i was wondering why people feel the need to do these things and what it means to them if they are in a long term relationship:

1) Contracts
2) Testing (being tested by your partner)

Thanks everyone.

I use contracts for business transactions, not in affairs of the heart.

If you are like me, then when someone says they are into contracts, simply say "I don't think we are compatible, but thank you for your time" and click the next button.

As far as tests, well yes, STD tests are important, and so can little challenges in play, but I don't have a set of *tests*. I use my intuition.

- LA

< Message edited by LadyAngelika -- 1/19/2010 4:54:37 AM >

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RE: Since i don't have these things - 1/19/2010 5:42:04 AM

PrimalConsonance

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ForeverOwned

i was wondering why people feel the need to do these things and what it means to them if they are in a long term relationship:

1) Contracts
2) Testing (being tested by your partner)

Thanks everyone.

I don't worry about these things myself...I've been into this for MANY years, and have never done either really. Just never thought much about it as to incorporating these things into my life. One is for formalize and set a distance between two people, where I feel that there is a finite and definite out for some. Where they do not have to put emotions and personal feelings into it and commit to that other person in anyway. If that is how two want to operate, then that is fine with me, but not for me personally.

The second one deals with either insecurity, or lack of imagination and poor form. I don't need to test my sub or anyone...if I've done things correctly and behaved naturally and my counterpart has done so, then why in God's name do I have to test? I'm confident. My submissive is happy and willing as much as I am. She's confident. So....(makes exaggerated shrugging gesture)?! I understand that some feel that it is a show of power or some sort of proof, and if that is your thing; then more power to you. I just don't see the point, unless you like instilling anxiety and doubt into your play. Testing someone (especially nearly constantly) will do that, and seems cruel and not in a nice way.

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RE: Since i don't have these things - 1/19/2010 5:50:23 AM

agirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ForeverOwned

i was wondering why people feel the need to do these things and what it means to them if they are in a long term relationship:

1) Contracts
2) Testing (being tested by your partner)

Thanks everyone.

They are evident and naturally occuring parts of our relationship. Both of us have agreed to some kind of contract due to being together in the way we are and both of us tend to get tested at various times by the other....but neither are artificially created.

agirl

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RE: Since i don't have these things - 1/19/2010 5:57:35 AM

lucylucy

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We don't use either, but I can see why a contract would be helpful--not so much to enforce certain behaviors but to help two partners articulate what they want/need and what their expectations are. Although we don't have a written contract, I think it's fair to say we have an implied contract. At some point early on, my boyfriend said that he likes a relationship where he takes care of his woman and she takes care of him. We talked about what that meant and I agreed that I wanted that kind of relationship. Nothing was put in writing, but it helped us clarify our expectations of ourselves and each other.

Personally, the testing thing sounds silly to me.

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RE: Since i don't have these things - 1/19/2010 6:00:23 AM

Lanpanic

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Contracts I feel are not for long term. Long term relationships should be built on trust and mutual understanding, not whats written on a peice of paper. SOme people liek them though because they serve as a physical reminder of limits, likes, dislikes, agreements, etcs.

Testing I think is a way of seeing if your partner is for real, who they really say they are.

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RE: Since i don't have these things - 1/19/2010 6:17:55 AM

NibbyJibby

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Strange as in reading your query i just realized in sessions or with online or most short term relationships i enjoy to have limits pushed and tested... not necessarily to the extreme but rather taken to my edge and then pushed a little further.

With lifestyle or long term i do not feel the same way, do not feel compelled for such. Perhaps with long term i have nothing to prove, do not crave the rush or simply fall into a different dynanic. More likely it is that with a long term relationship i am in different mindset and the power exchange is different as it is constant as opposed to shorter periods of interaction.

If it is a seesion then testing of limits allows so i can test myself and have a sense i have pleased or intrigued Mistress. To intrigue, impress or please another is always special feeling. I find a sense of self-fulfilment if i can be taken a step further... a sense of satisfaction. Sometimes testing is simply exploring a new venue or dabbling in areas that i do not necessarily enjoy. Other times it is taking something i enjoy or very familiar with and pushing it further, one of a few ways to keep so familiarity does not feel as a routine.

Have only signed one power exchange contract(1 yr. contract) and although perhaps not legally binding, to me a moral bond is much stronger than a legal bond. At the time it gave a very strong sense of submission and control. Hmmm, what one does in a brief moment of heightened sensation can certainly have long term impact.

If one is not pushing the envelope... you are pushing hard enough!

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RE: Since i don't have these things - 1/19/2010 7:14:29 AM

Wolf2Bear

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ForeverOwned

i was wondering why people feel the need to do these things and what it means to them if they are in a long term relationship:

1) Contracts
2) Testing (being tested by your partner)

Thanks everyone.

Many D/s or M/s couples I know start off early in the relationship with a time specified agreement contract which simply spells out in writing the terms of the service both have agreed to entering. In all cases, that contract is quickly forgotten about because the couple have gotten to the point that they continue to be in that relationship as the dynamics meld so good.

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Take the pain
Take the pleasure
I'm the master of both
Close your eyes, not your mind
Let me into your soul
I'm gonna work it 'til your totally blown

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RE: Since i don't have these things - 1/19/2010 7:16:04 AM

LaTigresse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ForeverOwned

i was wondering why people feel the need to do these things and what it means to them if they are in a long term relationship:

1) Contracts
2) Testing (being tested by your partner)

Thanks everyone.

Not everyone views the M/s or D/s relationships in the same way. For many it is less a love interest than service.

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: Since i don't have these things - 1/19/2010 7:19:26 AM

Missokyst

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....after watching question after question about what other people do, what do YOU do, OP? I can't quite decide if you have never done this and want to find out more, or if you have just started doing this and decided your way is the right way.

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RE: Since i don't have these things - 1/19/2010 7:43:27 AM

Hawkwindblues

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We have no contract and are not into testing.

I despised people who deliberately test other people since a very long time. That is a behaviour that is totally unknown in my family and as i was confronted the first time with the concept, i was apalled.

It makes the tested person the rat in the laboratory test. In my experience is behind the tester façade a human being with serious self worth problems.

In a pure SM situation i can imagine a testing situation, especially if both are interested in it and judgements play a important role.

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RE: Since i don't have these things - 1/19/2010 7:44:31 AM

mnottertail

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ngZh6ZSRoYg

Ron

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RE: Since i don't have these things - 1/19/2010 7:52:38 AM

Hawkwindblues

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Beautiful Ron,

memories of your youth?

Good to see you!

Ruth

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RE: Since i don't have these things - 1/19/2010 7:58:22 AM

NuevaVida

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ForeverOwned

i was wondering why people feel the need to do these things and what it means to them if they are in a long term relationship:

1) Contracts
2) Testing (being tested by your partner)

Thanks everyone.

We do neither.

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Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

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RE: Since i don't have these things - 1/19/2010 7:59:25 AM

Marc2b

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I have never understood the need for contracts and I think that the ones floating around the internet are used mostly for wank fodder. Not that I have anything against wank fodder, mind you. Searching for wank fodder was how I stumbled across Collarme in the first place.

“Let’s see here… search terms: kinky, perverted, wanton slut… okay, let’s see what we get here…ENTER!"

"Well! Hello there miss Aileen1968. You seem like an interesting person… and this seems like an interesting web site…"

As for testing, if you mean testing the slave’s loyalty to me… I neither have nor see any need to do that. I am in a good relationship that could best be described as Close Friends with Temporary TPE Periods. In other words we get together now and then for a day and a evening, a weekend or long weekend and a week or two at the cabin in the southern tier (lots of nature and very few people! Perfect for a slave to dance naked by the flickering light of a camp fire!) during which time she has one “right” and one right only – the right to end things (and return to normal mode, so to speak) at any time. Otherwise the rule is: I command, she obeys.

It’s a good relationship that allows us to live “normal” lives while indulging our BDSM side. Anyway, within this context there are lots of ways to “test” the slave’s devotion to seeing things through to the end (of what ever time period we are in Master/slave mode for). It’s one thing to have to cook my dinner or scrub the kitchen spotless while wearing only a collar and cuffs – it’s another thing to change the oil in my truck (“the floor is so cold! May I please have a blanket, Master? Please?!” Well… since you’ve been a pleasing girl so far and you beg so prettily…) or chop wood in the nude.

Has anybody ever watched a naked woman chopping wood? It is truly a beautiful site (lots of jiggling) yet kind of weird at the same time (something about a naked woman in safety goggles, work gloves and steel toed boots).

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RE: Since i don't have these things - 1/19/2010 8:01:12 AM

mnottertail

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eHo0W5x_eaE

Why Walk?

Lou Reed

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

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RE: Since i don't have these things - 1/19/2010 8:06:37 AM

mnottertail

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Hawkwindblues

Beautiful Ron,

memories of your youth?

Good to see you!

Ruth

Wie geht es dir, Ruth?

< Message edited by mnottertail -- 1/19/2010 8:19:55 AM >

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

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