RE: Pretence: dynamic without responsibility

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Pretence: dynamic without responsibility

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Pretence: dynamic without responsibility

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Pretence: dynamic without responsibility - 1/18/2010 1:01:23 PM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

The only constant in all your relationships is you.

That's a truism so why state it?

Because you missed the piece it follows. You pick these guys. Over and over, if there's a really good guy around you ignore him and pick the losers. Of course you think there are no decent men around because you don't see them.

And you and I have met have we? So you know me?

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to DesFIP)

Profile

Post #: 41

RE: Pretence: dynamic without responsibility - 1/18/2010 1:18:53 PM

Delphinus

Posts: 146
Joined: 11/26/2008
Status: offline

Much cyber activity may be a person (or two people) exploring their thoughts and possible roles for the first time. I've been through it. Then you get scared/busy/it takes more than you thought and you drop off. Then you miss it/start to think about it/want something again or more and you come back and find someone else at that same level you are. Eventually, I felt comfortable enough to know what it is I wanted in a relationship - that thing that I had been wanting but didn't know there was a name for (submission). And exclusively cyber just wouldn't give me what I wanted. But it served a purpose, both for me and the men I explored with. It was dipping a toe in the pool...just to see...

So yes, I guess in a relationship like that, there really isn't any responsibility, because there is no expectation. No, not all cyber experiences were like mine, I know. Mine was exploratory. And in retrospect, there was never a true D/s relationship there - at least what I ulitmately wanted in one. But at the time, it was the most D/s I had ever experienced and that small taste of it was just the right amount to keep my interest and make me want more.

The pretense was fun. As long as we both knew it for what it was.

_____________________________

"Silly bitch."

(in reply to Prinsexx)

Profile

Post #: 42

RE: Pretence: dynamic without responsibility - 1/18/2010 1:29:51 PM

stella41b

Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Because you missed the piece it follows. You pick these guys. Over and over, if there's a really good guy around you ignore him and pick the losers. Of course you think there are no decent men around because you don't see them.

I've been here over two years and you've come to the boards repeatedly with drama about the latest bad fit you're attempting to get together with. If you want a good relationship then you need to identify and fix why you only chose men you will have a bad relationship with.

I'm suspecting that you pick these guys because you really don't want a relationship so you always sabotage them. If that's so, fine. But it isn't fine for you to claim that since you only pick losers that every man around is a loser. Because that isn't true.

I started online, we were LDR for a couple of years, we've been living together for over four. And I'm not the only one who has done this. It is doable, if you do what's required to get there.

I didn't get that in the OP, I just got that she said that there were many.. and you know what? I come to these boards often and have done since early 2007 and having read the threads on all the boards here over the time I have to concede that she does have a point.

But you know I would have thought you were above these cheap shots and smarter than that, but you disappoint me.

I'm coming here and posting this response because unlike you, I actually do have a real time friendship with Prinsexx and not only do I know her past relationship history of recent years I've also actually met some of the men.

I'm happy that your relationship has worked out and is a stable relationship Celeste, I really am, but a happy stable relationship is never really a given, and happy stable relationships lasting years are actually - if you stop and think about it - in the minority of all relationships.

I could relate my own relationship experiences with both men and women and relate something similar - and then what? For someone like you who knows me from these boards to suggest that it's probably all down to me and that just maybe I am dysfunctional?

Judgemental perhaps?

I've also seen this on the other side of the kneel and have had domme friends who've gone through year after year after year of coming across and meeting hopeless submissives, I have male friends who have experienced the same thing..

Yes, Prin's been here over two years or so with her dramas and stuff but you know on the other side of the coin she's also raised her family single-handedly, held down an academic career, is a valued teacher loved by students, she's had books published and for the last six months she's also been caring additionally for a seriously ill twin sister and looking after her family. Now you try coping with that lot without experiencing any drama.

Here online when someone posts we only have their words to go by and what they post, but for me it's only the tip of the iceberg and I wouldn't attempt to even think I know anything about that person until at least I have either met them in person or had some serious correspondence between us.

Yes we can assume, but isn't that part of the problem here discussed on this thread? People assume, they jump to conclusions, they don't make enough effort to get to know the other person, they don't take responsibility and they don't come forward with the follow through and the commitment.

And I would say that this isn't as problem just experienced by the OP but by many people on this site.

_____________________________

CM's Resident Lyricist
also Facebook
http://stella.baker.tripod.com/
50NZpoints
Q2
Simply Q

(in reply to DesFIP)

Profile

Post #: 43

RE: Pretence: dynamic without responsibility - 1/18/2010 1:37:41 PM

WantingToServe11

Posts: 93
Joined: 1/17/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

Once again, trust your gut. If the person's behavior feels suspicious, run the other way. Your time is too valuable to allow it to be wasted by on-line game players.

Hmmm... When in doubt: Charlie and out!

(in reply to Rochsub2009)

Profile

Post #: 44

RE: Pretence: dynamic without responsibility - 1/18/2010 2:33:03 PM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Delphinus

Much cyber activity may be a person (or two people) exploring their thoughts and possible roles for the first time. I've been through it. Then you get scared/busy/it takes more than you thought and you drop off. Then you miss it/start to think about it/want something again or more and you come back and find someone else at that same level you are. Eventually, I felt comfortable enough to know what it is I wanted in a relationship - that thing that I had been wanting but didn't know there was a name for (submission). And exclusively cyber just wouldn't give me what I wanted. But it served a purpose, both for me and the men I explored with. It was dipping a toe in the pool...just to see...

So yes, I guess in a relationship like that, there really isn't any responsibility, because there is no expectation. No, not all cyber experiences were like mine, I know. Mine was exploratory. And in retrospect, there was never a true D/s relationship there - at least what I ulitmately wanted in one. But at the time, it was the most D/s I had ever experienced and that small taste of it was just the right amount to keep my interest and make me want more.

The pretense was fun. As long as we both knew it for what it was.

Yes I've liked pretence. But I've been clear in my communication. Role playing. A sort of let's pretend. It's fun. It can stop being fun so suddenly though. In real life it can suddenly stop being fun. The cyber and real dichotomy is not where the stress lays in my exeprience.

< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 1/18/2010 2:34:54 PM >

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to Delphinus)

Profile

Post #: 45

RE: Pretence: dynamic without responsibility - 1/18/2010 4:30:15 PM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b
I didn't get that in the OP, I just got that she said that there were many.. and you know what? I come to these boards often and have done since early 2007 and having read the threads on all the boards here over the time I have to concede that she does have a point.

Only to an extent. You(generic) get what you give out.
I have heard of all these negative experiences that people post sure - I have seen Prin talk about them before. I have seen other posters posting about it. But have I experienced it personally? No. I have great personal relationships whilst being a submissive person, regardless of how I met people.

I was having a conversation with a friend today on over the telephone and I mentioned that I choose whom I have relationships with, and that I choose what conversations I have with people. I love positivity. I will not continue a conversation that is negative - I do not submit to that... I will listen to it for a while but eventually I either steer it away from the negative or I will close a conversation down. We are the designers of our own destiny and if someone is noticing a pattern of run away dominants, or bratty subs or scams and failed ventures or whatever the new vogue is for bemoaning, then it's time to look at yourself and ask why.

quote:

I'm happy that your relationship has worked out and is a stable relationship Celeste, I really am, but a happy stable relationship is never really a given, and happy stable relationships lasting years are actually - if you stop and think about it - in the minority of all relationships.

I see happy stable relationships the majority. Look at them just on here alone - Ours, celestes, Mercnbeth, Knight and His girls, RavenMuse, Gabrielle... I am not usually one for 'naming names' but I could list a lot more that exist in positive and affirming dynamics that people take for granted when reading their posts.
And then, there are the other relationships forged... the friendships and buds that dig each other. I met one of my very own best friends via this site. You have Prin.

quote:

I could relate my own relationship experiences with both men and women and relate something similar - and then what? For someone like you who knows me from these boards to suggest that it's probably all down to me and that just maybe I am dysfunctional?

Judgemental perhaps?

Of course, but also correct, perhaps?

quote:

Here online when someone posts we only have their words to go by and what they post, but for me it's only the tip of the iceberg and I wouldn't attempt to even think I know anything about that person until at least I have either met them in person or had some serious correspondence between us.

Yes we can assume, but isn't that part of the problem here discussed on this thread? People assume, they jump to conclusions, they don't make enough effort to get to know the other person, they don't take responsibility and they don't come forward with the follow through and the commitment.

I do not believe it has as much to do with commitment as you may think, but communication... or lack of it. Or even very different communication depending on whom someone is relating to.

quote:

And I would say that this isn't as problem just experienced by the OP but by many people on this site.

I would disagree... But even if I agreed then, what fun is joy? It's so common in our culture to moan and be so heavy with burdens. To be martyrs and have a story to tell of the life we have lived and the difficulties we have struggled. How boring and sickening to hear of joy and happiness! After all, people can always comment on what makes something so bad and are at a loss when confronted by having nothing more than 'congratulations'.

Congratulations leaves so little to talk about...

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to stella41b)

Profile

Post #: 46

RE: Pretence: dynamic without responsibility - 1/18/2010 5:18:39 PM

thornhappy

Posts: 8596
Joined: 12/16/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

The only constant in all your relationships is you.

That's a truism so why state it?

Because you missed the piece it follows. You pick these guys. Over and over, if there's a really good guy around you ignore him and pick the losers. Of course you think there are no decent men around because you don't see them.

I've been here over two years and you've come to the boards repeatedly with drama about the latest bad fit you're attempting to get together with. If you want a good relationship then you need to identify and fix why you only chose men you will have a bad relationship with.

I'm suspecting that you pick these guys because you really don't want a relationship so you always sabotage them. If that's so, fine. But it isn't fine for you to claim that since you only pick losers that every man around is a loser. Because that isn't true.

At the risk of sounding repetitive, I've been here a bit over 3 years, and have seen the same. All the info we have is what gets written, so it looks like the same motif again. There may be much more complexity, but it's not apparent on the boards.

< Message edited by thornhappy -- 1/18/2010 5:22:18 PM >

(in reply to DesFIP)

Profile

Post #: 47

RE: Pretence: dynamic without responsibility - 1/18/2010 5:46:32 PM

mc1234

Posts: 683
Joined: 10/4/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: thornhappy
At the risk of sounding repetitive, I've been here a bit over 3 years, and have seen the same. All the info we have is what gets written, so it looks like the same motif again. There may be much more complexity, but it's not apparent on the boards.

I've been here about that same amount of time (different screenname prior to this one). I've seen relationships come and go - some people more often changing partners than others. I always assume there's MUCH more complexity behind the scenes.

As for the OP - all the things you talk about are why I stopped getting emotionally invested or submitting online. So often the dom wanted to move forward, declare me under consideration or add me to his stable of online subs or whatever. It's boring, repetitive and ... did I mention, boring??? I think it's all so cavalier, when I was looking for something, dare I say it, real.

_____________________________

** Owned by E **

(in reply to thornhappy)

Profile

Post #: 48