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ORIGINAL: learning2sub

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ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

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ORIGINAL: learning2sub

For those who are poly or play without getting too involved with someone, how do you compartmentalize?

Are you asking this because you feel it is the only option available to you or because this is how you actually want to treat these facets of your life?

How else can they be treated?  For me, if my heart is involved it screws with my head too much thus I need to compartmentalize.  All my life though, sex has equaled love.  I have had sex without it but like many on the vanilla side, I've always been lead to believe that is not "normal" so I focused on being in love with those I had sex with.

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ORIGINAL: KneelforAnne

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ORIGINAL: learning2sub

"I... am trying to figure out how to keep the heart out of it." 

Why would you want to? 
This is just a rhetorical question as I did read all of the OP. 

My point:

If your heart isn't it in, then why?  Are you satisfied by just "play"?

If you were, would you be pushing for more?  Wanting more?

...The Dom has expressed to me I need to find myself.  I know this to be true.  I won't lie, I have self worth issues but I am facing them and growing a little each day. 

Maybe this IS you?  What's wrong with that? 

My point:

I've tried ~for a long time~ to be a person that can separate my emotions from my body.  But for me, this does not work.  At all.  The more I tried, the more unhappy I was so I tried harder and the more I tried, the more lost I became. 

Maybe this IS you. 

It's not very convienient, but it could be true. 

~

What happens if the person you "FIND" is one that does link play with emotions and emotional connections?

It's not so lucky for him, hmm?

The implied threat (that I see, forgive me if I am wrong!) is that if you continue to have "feelings" associated with him that he will no longer "play" with you. 

Maybe it's more "finding" who he wants you to be, rather than who you are. 

(If I'm wrong, sorry!)

I'm thinking if you're to the point you're coming here, then it isn't just play to you.

Again, just mho.

Is it possible to find yourself and still play?

Up to you, I guess. 

Not me.  I need to be solid before I enter anything--- because hopefully he'll push my limits~all sorts of limits~ and to do that I'll have to know where I stand prior to, make sense? 

Either way you decide, here's the deal: (as I see it, and who am I really? )

You're you.  You can pretend, you can act, you can deny. 

However.

You're still going to need what you need. 

Hopefully you can figure it out. 

~ 

You may find some views on this thread interesting.  Both sides are represented.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_2942860/mpage_1/tm.htm

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ORIGINAL: domiguy

You are in luck!!! On this site I am a  very well known professional mentor.

You are a newbie just waiting to be plucked.  You will be fucked hard and fucked over even harder and whatever feelings you might have will be ignored because, well,  you are you. 

Due to your admitted self esteem issues you are a great catch for the most dreadful of Doms. You know, those fuckers that are "laid off, divorced, bankrupt, etc."

Don't even consider talking about matters of the heart. You are not worthy. In the mentoring field you are what is known as a ffalf....Fucked fast and left faster.

Good luck to you. You will need it.

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ORIGINAL: KneelforAnne

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ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

some people just can't keep the heart out it! Look deep in yourself and ask

... do you truly believe that you could keep your emotions out of what you do on sexual/physical level?

... do you truly believe that you could keep your emotions out of what requires you to open yourself and trust another?

If you can't believe you will do it... you never will beable to do it

Well said! 

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ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain

Playing is a significant sensual jolt to our emotions, submissive or Dom. Many feel that play is more important than sex, yet some of the same people will say they can play casually, but not have sex nonchalantly. That’s always been perplexing to me.

Your feelings are fairly straight forward. You found the brilliant play can give you an exquisite euphoria and want to latch onto the person who gave it to you regardless of the situation. Happens everyday.

What you are not considering is that many Doms can give you that floating around the sky-scrapers sensation and may want to have a relationship and may not be bankrupt.

So, guess what? You are back to looking for someone exactly as you did in vanilla life. It’s kind of like the first time you had sex. It stays with you, but you later discover others can give you the same response.

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ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Well, I read the whole thread, as well as re-reading the one referenced.  Personally, I'm still a bit confused by the original.  The question was asked about "play" but all of the answers seem to be talking about sex.  Did the OP actually mean sex or did she actually mean play in some relation to BDSM?  One doesn't automatically equate the other.  Perhaps she meant both.

What I tend to see through the thread is something of an imbalance between the parties about emotional investment.  I think the Dominant has probably been forthcoming in his lack of wanting one.  Once realizing this through the course of the thread, the OP has decided to use her prior methods for remaining detached.  If they have now found compatibility in this area, more power to them.  However, it seems to Me that most folks, once they have made that initial emotional investment, tend to have difficulty withdrawing it.

If I were the OP, I'd be doing some very serious self examination at this point.