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How do you communicate serious problems, hurt, or frustration (or how would you want it communicated to you)? It may seem like a very basic question, but I see a lot of this sort of balancing issue as part of a lot of posts here. How does one maintain respect and the power structure without having very significant issues fall through the cracks?

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ORIGINAL: sirsholly

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How do you communicate serious problems, hurt, or frustration (or how would you want it communicated to you)? It may seem like a very basic question, but I see a lot of this sort of balancing issue as part of a lot of posts here. How does one maintain respect and the power structure without having very significant issues fall through the cracks?

When it comes to the really serious stuff...we always strive to maintain the respect, but the power dynamic goes right out the window. My voice and opinions are equal to his.

It would be ridiculous to try to deal with a serious issue, say a problem with the LoudOne, as Dom and sub. Our roles at that time are not D/s related. We are Jim and Holly, concerned parents

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My first question in why in general can it only be done by the Dom in question...

If its because of "place" my personal view if its THAT important, its better to ask forgiveness then permission.

If its because of something physical, like say the washer has to be moved becasue of repairs and you yourself cant do it, hire a kid on the block to do it.

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ORIGINAL: KatyLied

I prefer the direct method.  There are two people in the relationship.  If transparency is an expectation, then I find nothing wrong with having a specific discussion regarding it.  Such as "the fact that issue A is not being dealt with is having an impact on my life and my peace and it is affecting how I feel about our relationship."  It is respectful and direct and there can be no question about what the discussion is about.  You can not make the dominant move on the issue or take action, you can, however, decide what you will do in the event of inaction.

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I tend to agree. In my relationship, there is a lot less leeway about what falls under the D/s side of things and what is appropriate to discuss on equal footing, but regardless, my voice is heard and we can both be respectful toward each other. He knows I can get very stressed by serious things and handles my feelings and needs with a gentle hand. We have done the united front course as well in some matters. We are aware, as many couples are, that sometimes life demands do have to factor into how we handle some situations.

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ORIGINAL: hopelessfool

My first question in why in general  can it only be done by the Dom in question...

If its because of "place"  my personal view if its THAT important, its better to ask forgiveness then permission.

If its because of something physical, like say the washer has to be moved becasue of repairs and you yourself cant do it, hire a kid on the block to do it.

If its been reminded and times running out, then to me its obvious its not a matter of importance to my owner, and if its High importance to me but not to them then ill to my best to get it done, wither or not it pisses him off.

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ORIGINAL: littlewonder

In my current relationship I thankfully have not had that problem. I have simply politefully and respectfully remind him of something in case he has forgotten in which case he most likely has otherwise he would have taken care of it already. He's like that...if it's important to him it gets done. If it's not then he doesn't do it and if he wants to tell me why then he does.

Now in my past relationship...yeah....it just never got done which is why it's one of the many reasons it's a past relationship.

I would say if things aren't getting done and you end up having to resort to other less than respectful tactics you may want to take a look at the overall man in front of you......and then ask yourself...why am I bothering?

You can't change people.

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ORIGINAL: sirsholly

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I tend to agree. In my relationship, there is a lot less leeway about what falls under the D/s side of things and what is appropriate to discuss on equal footing, but regardless, my voice is heard and we can both be respectful toward each other. He knows I can get very stressed by serious things and handles my feelings and needs with a gentle hand. We have done the united front course as well in some matters. We are aware, as many couples are, that sometimes life demands do have to factor into how we handle some situations.

this sounds like a really healthy relationship, LovingPet  *hug*

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ORIGINAL: lovingpet

This is a really general question that can cover most any kind of situation. From the submissive position, what are some good ways to respectfully address getting something important taken care of? Let's say it isn't something that he/she can't take care for the dominant or for him/herself. The dominant HAS to be the one to do it. Gentle reminders have come and gone. Paniced statements of what needs to be done, by when, why, and the fact that the submissive is getting very stressed have yielded nothing. The clock is ticking. Time is running out. There has to be something better than, "Excuse me please Sir/Maam, but would you kindly get off your lazy behind and take care of this before all hell breaks loose? I am about to strangle you in your sleep if you don't. Thanks!".

I am intentionally making this a little humorous, but the reality is that occasionally confrontation may be needed in any relationship. The power dynamics do not necessarily impede good, everyday communication, but at that point where other couples may become more forceful, that is just not a good fit. I, for one, am encouraged to speak my mind and lay problems on the table, but I had better do it with a very careful eye to respect and with regard to position within the relationship. How do you communicate serious problems, hurt, or frustration (or how would you want it communicated to you)? It may seem like a very basic question, but I see a lot of this sort of balancing issue as part of a lot of posts here. How does one maintain respect and the power structure without having very significant issues fall through the cracks?

I will look forward to courteous discussion. Thanks!

lovingpet

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ORIGINAL: lovingpet

I generally tend to think of this situation as being related to something where legal and/or financial constraints cause it to fall squarely in the dominant's court. Physical matters such as you mentioned could be in there, but I don't think it would be too hard to have alternative options or to just wait for a better time.

When I say can't, I mean literally, this HAS to be done by this specific person in the relationship. I doubt most of the time it is a matter of these major things not being important, but not understanding the position of having something that big in someone else's hands and one's own fate resting on what that other person does or doesn't do.

lovingpet

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Ok, because this will affect both of you in the long run, you might need to really step it up a bit. You did the gentle reminding, now it is time to *politely* say "If "X" is not done by such and such date, we will lose the contract on the house" or whatever the issue is.