RE: switches get a bad wrap

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Elipsis -> RE: switches get a bad wrap (12/25/2009 9:43:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SirRussellP I know we all have some bipolar elements in us to allow us to survive but I believe that most of us are pretty much one or the other in real life. I'd have to say that I disagree with this. I don't see much of a reason why a person can't greatly enjoy, and fully understand, the psychology of both domination and submission.

WinsomeDefiance -> RE: switches get a bad wrap (12/25/2009 10:10:47 AM)
Hi Ernesto, I think I understand what you are saying in your post. From your understanding of a switch, it can be either someone who lives an otherwise vanilla life, OR someone who uses the word "switch" to be manipulative. The problem that I see with your post is that either of your definitions, imply a very tiny, closed in box for what can sometimes be a spacious, wide open lifestyle approach. Your two perspectives of a switch do not match my own, so I can't really offer you any support either way. To answer your question, "...is a switch really a bad thing..." I'd have to maneuver about in that wide open space, and all I would be able to tell you was my perspective of the pro and con aspects of it. Am I sounding at all switchy yet[:D]? Best wishes to you in your search for answers, WinD

rockspider -> RE: switches get a bad wrap (12/25/2009 11:45:21 AM)
This kind of tread seems to crop up all the time. It must stem from that idea on CM that there really is only 5 types of people and they are strictly only to one type of activity. Who would want to go to a restaurant which only served 5 dishes? I certainly wouldn't return to that. I see BDSM as a lifestyle, may it be adhered to most of the time or only occasionally, which is outside the box of what is normally accepted by soceity. To me tying up a woman and using and humiliating her in my home, certainly don't preclude walking hand in hand the day after or even pulling out her chair at a restaurant. So am i a switch in as far as the one behaviour is dominant and the other could be seen as submissive? I see that as being dominant as being the one who makes the decisions in the relationship and take the lead in the bedroom. But then not all bedroom activity is BDSM related and i would never forsake vanilla sex either. It is all pieces in the puzzle of getting a relationship to function, so all the participants needs is fullfilled. Neither are those needs the same all the time. It is a very dynamic evolving situation all the time. Attempting to put that in to 5 little boxes to tick off is quite stupid, if you ask me. Those boxes can only be seen as a jumping off point, to start exploring the other persons personality, to see if they are suited.

allthatjaz -> RE: switches get a bad wrap (12/26/2009 5:35:48 AM)
Well said Rockspider. People who have no comprehension of 'switch' will often toss it away as 'tasting the kink'. The simple answer is, they think they understand but they don't. I know many people on the scene and I continually meet new people and I have never once been questioned, berated or not been taken seriously because I am a switch. People can see Stephen and my magnetism across a room and they don't need to ask, to understand that we have something incredibly deep and very real. The fact that we may not be like them does not make us of lesser importance. I am not a submissive and I am not a dominant but I have dominant traits and I can have submissive tendencies. I don't take a little taste of either, I drench myself in both, I savor every drop of it and I am very often consumed by it. We are so complex, so open minded and so eager to explore every last jot of our inner selves..... I consider we are two of the luckiest people in the world! Just being dominant would not fulfill me and neither would just being submissive but that makes me no less real, no less into it and no more or less kinky than anyone else here. My dominance feels like the most natural thing in the world. Its like a healthy meal that energizes me. Submitting is like a glass of good champagne... it makes me light headed and happy. Please don't cheapen this very beautiful and unique thing that we have because if you a try to dissemble us and analyze how we work you will be left with a many peaces of a very unique puzzle with no idea of how to put them together.

TEMPERANCE -> RE: switches get a bad wrap (12/26/2009 10:58:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SirRussellP I know we all have some bipolar elements in us to allow us to survive but I believe that most of us are pretty much one or the other in real life. That someone can figure out how to hold or use a crop doesn't make them fit to be in charge of life decisions. It doesn't make them able to serve and get the full enjoyment out of it. It could also be said that when someone has hands on experience of being a submissive/slave it equipts them bettter to know the mindset of such and thus allows them a greater understanding when it comes down to having the controlling of another.

LadyAngelika -> RE: switches get a bad wrap (12/26/2009 11:14:42 AM)
quote: I think I understand what you are saying in your post. Apparently you and I are the only ones who do. Poor thing is going to be even more confused when he reads this thread! - LA

SirRussellP -> RE: switches get a bad wrap (12/26/2009 7:44:13 PM)
Well we have gotten all the normal switch statements defending themselves. I still say that it is both a new condition and that it mostly about the "Play" not the life. I deal in life the play aspects are fine but then again I guess I have a fuller experience.

allthatjaz -> RE: switches get a bad wrap (12/27/2009 12:39:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SirRussellP Well we have gotten all the normal switch statements defending themselves. I still say that it is both a new condition and that it mostly about the "Play" not the life. I deal in life the play aspects are fine but then again I guess I have a fuller experience. What a narrow minded load of crap. If you want people to respect you as 'Sir RussellP'! then I strongly suggest that you wake up and smell the coffee. As for your fuller experience... you haven't experienced life in our skin and therefore you can't possibly know. Like I said before, you think you know but your words betray you.

SomethingCatchy -> RE: switches get a bad wrap (12/27/2009 4:30:22 AM)
I will never understand why people insist we live cookie cutter lives. Who the fuck cares, and how the hell does it affect YOU if I want to be a switch? Why do you have to tell me I'm bipolar? Is it because you're afraid of change? Is it because people who are different than you confuse you? Do you go face to face with people and blurt out that they must be mentally unbalanced because they don't think and act exactly like what you think they should be? I don't insult people I don't know because of the differences between us, because I am an adult, and I strive to be the 'bigger person' and keep an open mind. You are more than welcome to insult whoever you want, just don't be surprised that people don't respect you for it. ETA To make it clear, I DO insult people, but only because they're blatantly stupid, like insisting I have a mental disorder when they are not 1) an accredited, licensed physician 2) not MY accredited licensed physician or 3) insult the entire medical practice, people with real mental disorders, and people who support and deal with people with real mental disorders because they just HAVE to be right.

SirRussellP -> RE: switches get a bad wrap (12/27/2009 7:44:39 AM)
OH so you open minded people are only willing to except those thoughts that agree with you, what a load of crap. Bipolar comment was directed to the fact that we each have Dom and sub parts to us, learn to read. The fact that I don't understand switches certainly has be help in here and I was up front with that statement. You though decided that you know who I am and what I think which I doubt strongly. Grow a life since right now as spokes persons for switching you are very lacking. Russell

LadyAngelika -> RE: switches get a bad wrap (12/27/2009 7:47:20 AM)
I'm just sitting here in awe that people keep arguing about a subject that has nothing to do with the OP. Wow. - LA

SirRussellP -> RE: switches get a bad wrap (12/27/2009 8:46:02 AM)
As far as the OP it was about how vanilla's switch to get what they want, isn't that what we have all done. Now this is a post by my slave, who is a switch and has done more to enlighten me than all the lovely name calling that has been done here. Of course I don't think you will actually read and try to understand but that is your issue not mine. Quote: Originally Posted by name removed [image]http://www.bdsm-sanctuary.com/forums/images/buttons/viewpost.gif[/image] When I first became a member of fetlife, I would read what the members were listed as. Mistress, sub, switch, Master, kinkster, fetishish... So on and so forth. But what really got to me are the ones that are listed as a slave to one, Mistress to another, owner of a pet, etc., etc. I'm like, either you are or you "haint" (southern slang). After having a few real life meetings and a whole lot of online experience and roleplaying, I am beginning to see where these people are coming from. Sometimes to understand something you have to experience it for yourself, or at least be open minded about it and get to know more about it through others. If you don't experience it - and I know some people will never experience being a switch as that just ISN'T what they are and are not capable of feeling the other side (either submission or domination) you may never truly understand but can at least accept others viewpoints Quote: Originally Posted by name removed [image]http://www.bdsm-sanctuary.com/forums/images/buttons/viewpost.gif[/image] I enjoy playing a domme and found it a little confusing when roleplaying as a switch but I am quite drawn to being a Domme with a Master. I have a need inside of me to answer to a Dom when it comes down to it but I enjoy playing too and having control of a scene. I have found that switching for me can be confusing at times. At a playparty with my pet on a leash in Domme mode and yet still keeping the slave inside me and acting as I know My Master Sir Russell wishes me to act. It is a fine balancing act at times, pushing down my Domme side when I return home and bringing out the slave again sometimes is hard work - just as it is hard work to bring out the Domme when the slave is strong but it is possible Quote: Originally Posted by name removed [image]http://www.bdsm-sanctuary.com/forums/images/buttons/viewpost.gif[/image] Until I am divorced, I can't go too far into real life scenes but I could see myself as having multiple life choices as the above mentioned members on fetlife. Go figure. Never say never, eh. Enjoy your options, embrace all aspects of your sexuality and personality. I do and it is very satisfying

allthatjaz -> RE: switches get a bad wrap (12/27/2009 10:18:35 AM)
You gave your opinion but it was one that came with a knifed tongue. You really shouldn't be surprised when you get a reaction. I did read the posts by your switch and all I can say is, she has only been able to enlighten you as one individual. When I read her posts I can clearly see that I have little to no connection with the switch in her. I would go as far as to say that I am as far away from her switchiness as I am to your sort of dominance. I have absolutely no desire to be a slave or a submissive like the ones that so many men want on here. Everything in my life from birth to adulthood was a conditioning that males and females are equal...at least in western society. For me slavery and submission would feel like a game. Now thats not to say I don’t respect people that want to go down that route and I don’t believe that for them it is a game but for me it is and so when you say something like..... I still say that it is both a new condition and that it mostly about the "Play" not the life. and this..... I deal in life the play aspects are fine but then again I guess I have a fuller experience. It just seems ridiculous I don’t expect anyone to agree with me but I hope that people can accept what I am without having to belittle and cheapen what my partner and me are about. I would not dream of cheapening what your about. I may not understand it or have any desire to go there but I won’t put it down. If you want to roar ‘IM ALL MAN’ then thats fine too because its just your thing. Then you said this...... That someone can figure out how to hold or use a crop doesn't make them fit to be in charge of life decisions. It doesn't make them able to serve and get the full enjoyment out of it. Do you honestly believe that you are more real because you call yourself a purist? Many switches use D/s within their lifestyles to make important life decisions and do so very successfully. Do you just shake your head in disbelief? Is it really all that black and white? Basically the message your giving out is that you understand what a switch is about because one of your girls has explained it to you. That you see it as shallow and have made up your mind about that. That is like me saying that I understand what slavery is because I have talked to a slave in depth!. Life has taught me many things but I have also had to learn that I will never understand everything. Some things are just too complex, other things are just not interesting enough but I won’t kick it just because I wasn’t able to grasp or understand it.

SirRussellP -> RE: switches get a bad wrap (12/27/2009 11:39:59 AM)
My goodness, you would make a great politician since you love shoving words into someone elses mouth. First never said I was a purist or even implied that. Course I have been doing this for almost 40 years now and the facts are that switches are new but maybe from your perspective they are old but then you would be showing that you haven't been around that long. Unlike you I never said that you have to be one or the other or that either is better. I did state that "I" don't see many switches as being able to handle real life domination. Lots of elements in it, lot of responsibility there to, but I don't think you are on the same level with that when in your Domme mode. You want to read in insults but again that is because you don't seem to be able to set aside your own prejudices and see anything that you don't already agree with. That ability that you lack is a trait of a good Dominant, in my opinion. Actually sorry that I posted here trying to learn more I did know better but oh well.

Level -> RE: switches get a bad wrap (12/27/2009 12:00:21 PM)
Russell, I honestly don't get your comment on switches being "new". I don't know how long that term has been in use, but I feel safe to say that the act of switching has been around for a long time.

CouveTimmy -> RE: switches get a bad wrap (12/27/2009 1:10:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: allthatjaz Well said Rockspider. People who have no comprehension of 'switch' will often toss it away as 'tasting the kink'. The simple answer is, they think they understand but they don't. I know many people on the scene and I continually meet new people and I have never once been questioned, berated or not been taken seriously because I am a switch. People can see Stephen and my magnetism across a room and they don't need to ask, to understand that we have something incredibly deep and very real. The fact that we may not be like them does not make us of lesser importance. I am not a submissive and I am not a dominant but I have dominant traits and I can have submissive tendencies. I don't take a little taste of either, I drench myself in both, I savor every drop of it and I am very often consumed by it. We are so complex, so open minded and so eager to explore every last jot of our inner selves..... I consider we are two of the luckiest people in the world! Just being dominant would not fulfill me and neither would just being submissive but that makes me no less real, no less into it and no more or less kinky than anyone else here. My dominance feels like the most natural thing in the world. Its like a healthy meal that energizes me. Submitting is like a glass of good champagne... it makes me light headed and happy. Please don't cheapen this very beautiful and unique thing that we have because if you a try to dissemble us and analyze how we work you will be left with a many peaces of a very unique puzzle with no idea of how to put them together. Amazingly well put! You have just summed up my entire feelings about kink and the life. I don't think I could have put it to words anywhere near as eloquently as that. I'm also jealous that you have such a strong and wonderful relationship! Maybe I'll get one of those someday... Oh, BTW, Hi everyone! I've been lurking for a while. Figured I'd introduce myself...finally!

LadyAngelika -> RE: switches get a bad wrap (12/27/2009 2:38:14 PM)
quote: Oh, BTW, Hi everyone! I've been lurking for a while. Figured I'd introduce myself...finally! Welcome to the boards Timmy! You might want to put your helmet on as stones seem to be flying lately! But don't be fooled, we are actually a lovely bunch! - LA

CouveTimmy -> RE: switches get a bad wrap (12/27/2009 4:02:00 PM)
I haven't seen anything bad yet. Some of the other forums I hang around on require use of full body armor, and sometimes a nice safe tank to hide in!!!

allthatjaz -> RE: switches get a bad wrap (12/27/2009 4:29:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Level Russell, I honestly don't get your comment on switches being "new". I don't know how long that term has been in use, but I feel safe to say that the act of switching has been around for a long time. Thank you Level. The term in this context may or may not be new but that doesn't change the fact that Steve and I have been living it for some time and aware of it for at least as long as we have been aware of BDSM. The act of switching has been around since before BDSM. We are discussing a style of life, not a BDSM term Russell. The term is used as a convenient way of referring to a sub group of BDSM scene people, like subs, Domms or whatever. Years on the scene does not make a necessarily good dominant and I have no idea why you feel the need to state your "40" years. Ask around, we are far from being new, we just don't feel the need to score points.

Andalusite -> RE: switches get a bad wrap (12/27/2009 4:49:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SirRussellP Well we have gotten all the normal switch statements defending themselves. I still say that it is both a new condition and that it mostly about the "Play" not the life. I deal in life the play aspects are fine but then again I guess I have a fuller experience. quote: ORIGINAL: SirRussellP Now this is a post by my slave, who is a switch and has done more to enlighten me than all the lovely name calling that has been done here. I don't understand how you reconcile those two statements, unless you're claiming that your slave is just playing, since she's a switch. [8\|] I've been a switch, although I didn't use the term, for 10 years now. I started out as a Domme for 5 years, and my most recent previous relationship was as a submissive for 3 years. I happened not to switch with either of those partners, though I have with others who I've been involved with (romantically, not just for casual play). I only have 15 years of total experience in BDSM, compared to your 40, but I started out when I was 20. shrugs I'm not old enough to have more experience than that. Your slave has her own perspective on switching, which is perfectly valid and works for her. That doesn't mean that Maria or I will have similar experiences, relationship dynamics, etc., just because we have the same basic BDSM orientation. Since you've said you don't know much about switches, why try to define who we are and what our relationships are like?

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