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Normal - 11/27/2009 6:14:58 AM

Roselaure

Posts: 672
Joined: 4/12/2008
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In reading posts on another thread, I began thinking about "normalcy" and "conformity". Conforming for the sake of conformity is not something I am into. Conversely, though, neither is not comforming for the sake of non conformity. People who shock to be shocking, who are different just to be different, don't hold any more appeal to me than the George Babbitts of the world who are determined to conform to society's rules at all costs.

So how do you view conformity? When up against it, conform or not conform, that is the question.

_____________________________

Once conform, once do what other people do because they do it, and lethargy steals over all the finer nerves and faculties of the soul.
-Virginia Woolf

Post #: 1

RE: Normal - 11/27/2009 6:41:48 AM

Fitznicely

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
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In our town, there's a square where all the goths ted to hang out. I really love walking past and laughing at all these identically dressed nonconformists, all of them thinking they're the first ones to do it.

For a time, if there was a flow, I swam against it. Then I turned 20

Like anything else, it's a balancing act. There's merit in going with the flow, given the right time and place, but there's also merit in not not joining the herd and asserting your individuality. Problem is, nobody I know really gets individuality. They pin their colours to a certain mast and think they're being rebellious or nonconformist when really they're just taking a different route along the same path as everyone else.

_____________________________

I tell you this: No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn
Proud Owner of Darkmoonkat. Such a good girl!

(in reply to Roselaure)

Post #: 2

RE: Normal - 11/27/2009 6:56:01 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

As I explained to the college aged kid the other day, I am normal. I just happen to be an outlier on the bell curve. The fact that I'm less common doesn't make me abnormal.

As far as conformity, it depends. I conform to good manners. I don't feel it buys me anything to knock over old ladies in the street. I conform to speed limits. I park within the lines since if everyone takes up extra spaces, there won't be room for all of us to park.

Are you saying you won't do anything that anybody else ever does because you want to view yourself as a noncomformist? Limiting your options, that, since in a world this large there's damn little you can do that hasn't been done before.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Fitznicely)

Post #: 3

RE: Normal - 11/27/2009 6:59:39 AM

greenman59

Posts: 3
Joined: 10/19/2009
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I have never felt the need to conform, and took pride in being not-normal...then life got in the way, and some of the repercussions for non-conformity (like speeding tickets, the IRS) convinced me that some conformity was necessary to do the other things that I like, the things that mattered to me.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 4

RE: Normal - 11/27/2009 7:04:29 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Fitznicely

In our town, there's a square where all the goths ted to hang out. I really love walking past and laughing at all these identically dressed nonconformists, all of them thinking they're the first ones to do it.

For a time, if there was a flow, I swam against it. Then I turned 20

Like anything else, it's a balancing act. There's merit in going with the flow, given the right time and place, but there's also merit in not not joining the herd and asserting your individuality. Problem is, nobody I know really gets individuality. They pin their colours to a certain mast and think they're being rebellious or nonconformist when really they're just taking a different route along the same path as everyone else.

Friend speaks my mind.

Which is nice cause I am frikkin' sleep deprived today... Anyway, I agree that it's a delicate balencing act. There is no point in being rude or shocking just to not confirm and there isn't any point in confirming just to confirm either. On the outside, I tend to look pretty conservative. Which is fine - I'll wear punk/goth clothes to a prep/retro dance club cause I like the music and the clothing style best.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Fitznicely)

Post #: 5

RE: Normal - 11/27/2009 7:07:27 AM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

You are my idol DesFIP -- i find it so hard to conform to the speed limit - so i join all the others with the same issue.(where is a good matter transmitter when you need one?)

Conformity interests me only so far as it doesn't impinge on my personal beliefs. For instance , i firmly believe in womans rights, and i am a nurse, but i wouldn't assist in an abortion. I believe a fetus is a baby human and don't believe in taking human life, so no abortion for me - but i also won't impose that belief on someone else. Infact i would go to bat for their right to decide. Its not particularly logical i know , but it is my belief system.

A bit of conformity makes everyday living smoother, so why not?

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 6

RE: Normal - 11/27/2009 7:12:48 AM

Llyren

Posts: 637
Joined: 3/5/2007
From: Illinois
Status: offline

I suppose it depends on what you mean by conform. There is conforming to things like wearing clothing, not masturbating on little old ladies in the park, things like that. Or obeying speed limits and not robbing convenience stores. In some circles one is a non-conformist by spelling the word you correctly.

I gave up trying to conform early in life. I went to nine different schools by my junior year in high school, so I was always the newest, youngest, shortest, smartest kid, and usually the only redhead. I just went my own quiet bookwormy way and forgot about conforming. Some things never change, I suppose. I still don't conform to the way society things "grown ups" should behave, and I'm fine with that.

I don't go out of my way to scream how non-conformist I am. It wouldn't matter how much I wanted to be like everyone else, if I did. I don't look "normal", so I'll always be different. I'm okay with that, and really that's all that matters, being okay with who you are.

I'm running on no sleep, as I'm sure you can all tell from my rambling, so I'll stop now.

_____________________________

I'm not perving. I'm compensating for my myopia. So nyah.

Member of Cock-Suckers for World Peace

"Character is what you are in the dark."

- Lord John Whorfin

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 7

RE: Normal - 11/27/2009 7:23:23 AM

devilishpixie

Posts: 1044
Joined: 10/15/2009
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I admit I enjoy the a little WTF or shock value. I do it through my tattoos.
I do however, conform to the expected norms when it comes to laws (unless those laws go against my own personal moral code). I am not very conservative in how I dress, although I can and do dress conservative when the situation requires it.

My teen daughter is a goth and she makes the conscious choice to be different from the majority of people in her school.She is very aware that this limits how many people approach her and dictates who some may approach her. Yet, she still manages to conform to the expectations of her teachers and myself when it comes to school work and her emloyeers expectations .

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 8

RE: Normal - 11/27/2009 7:28:05 AM

Underumam

Posts: 485
Joined: 12/18/2008
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Conforming is something I've never done well at, from childhood to adult life. I've tried to get a grip on being rebellious and going against the grain just for the sake of doing so. It profited me nothing, and got me into a crap-load of trouble. lol.

I have however, had to accept the fact that I simply am not like the majority of other people, and that's just fine with me. If what the majority of the people in the world call "normal" is truly normal, then I'm glad/proud to be a bit different. I believe that each person needs to be true to themselves, and have the courage to live their own truth.

(in reply to Llyren)

Post #: 9

RE: Normal - 11/27/2009 7:50:07 AM

MidMichCowboy

Posts: 665
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline

con·form·i·ty (kn-fôrm-t)
n. pl. con·form·i·ties
1. Similarity in form or character; agreement: I acted in conformity with my principles.
2. Action or behavior in correspondence with socially accepted standards, conventions, rules, or laws:

Many who think they are not conforming, adopt some other's style or behaviour just to shock. There is very little originality in how people attempt to NOT conform.
They may be part of a subgroup, but they are part of something.
I conform to my responsibilities. This means that I understand that as a member of society, I have obligations to that society. When we all agree to live together, we agree to certain behaviors so that we don't infringe on others basic rights.
In addition, I live by my morals and ethics. I stand up for my beliefs, even when unpopular. I hold myself to a certain code, even though in todays society, that is considered .. outdated. Manners, respect for others (until they prove they don't deserve it), and taking responsibility for my actions .. good or bad, is a part of who I am. It's not done to gain approval or notice. It's done because that is my standard for myself.
I dress the way I want. I've worn boots with jeans, suits and tuxes, because .. that is what I wear.
I still wear a suit to church. This is not a judgment on those in jeans, for me, its a sign of respect. I seldom wear a suit at work. I don't believe it's necessary.
I don't feel a need to share my private life with too many others. My personal relationships and what is involved with them, is nobody else's business.
I walk the road that I walk, not to conform or shock, but because it is who I am.
Conformity is not a bad word, but one should conform to what they are, not to be someone they are not.

_____________________________

I want to capture your mind, your spirit, your soul, your body, your devotion and your love. Then, will I give you my heart.

(in reply to Underumam)

Post #: 10

RE: Normal - 11/27/2009 7:59:07 AM

MasterSlaveLA

Posts: 3991
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Roselaure

So how do you view conformity?

Taking the scenario/environment into consideration. Wouldn't walk into a funeral in BDSM garb, for example... but wouldn't think twice about the same attire if attending a BDSM club event. Same applies for one's behavior, speech, etc.

_____________________________

It's only kinky the first time!!!

(in reply to Roselaure)

Post #: 11

RE: Normal - 11/27/2009 8:10:57 AM

LPslittleclip

Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline

i have never realy conformed to the majority of the expectations of me. if i dont like something im simply not going to do it im not going to go on about it being wrong or not allowed and all that. simalary i am not going to be forcing my views on to another. i will answer questions and give what information i have.
im me and you are you now lets have a great day

_____________________________

proud to serve the awsome
LadyPact

(in reply to MidMichCowboy)

Post #: 12

RE: Normal - 11/27/2009 8:25:27 AM

wisdomtogive

Posts: 636
Joined: 11/13/2009
Status: offline

Ages ago I was very much into shocking people, but in my mid 20's I realized that was boring. I was comforming to the noncomforist..geeze:). I find that it is easier being me, and many things i look normal and conservative and many things i don't. I do not fit into anyone's group or give appearances that I do. At 58, i prefer not being apart of anyone scene or culture. I been that way for a long time though. I never consider myself in the norm but i never needed to prove to others that i am this or that.

_____________________________

Happily owned by MstrDark1

(in reply to LPslittleclip)

Post #: 13

RE: Normal - 11/27/2009 8:52:22 AM

allthatjaz

Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
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Conformity is subjective and also affected by the circumstances. We consider in our day to day life we are non conformists. We live on a boat and although there are elements in our lives that make conformity easier, in the main we choose not to be controlled by the system. We are travelers with the benefits of a good education and the skills to survive comfortably.
I think the benefits of not conforming is your not tempted to borrow money and therefore not controlled by debt. We feel no need to compete and we have no desire to have 2 shiny cars and all the latest gadgets. Our existence is somewhat humble compared to most but most of our friends are envious that we were brave enough to jump away from conventional life we once had.

We were talking about the conformity of scene life this morning before I read this thread. When we visit a BDSM club we always conform to protocol but when we recently visited a club night run by BDSM swingers we found the protocol was very different.
'True' BDSMers have said that they won't visit this club because there are wanky men and voyeurs that get too close but we found this experience to be much more raw. These people did understand the word no and so I really don't see a problem but if we tried convincing most of our BDSM friends they would shake their head in disbelief. Open sex and gangbangs don't offend us. We don't have to join in but they can be good to watch!!

As far as shocking.... yes I want it. I don't want to sit in a club and watch Master John juggling with his matching floggers over little beths arse, or Mistress Tedium boringly spanking little teds fat backside. I want to see something exciting and so thank goodness we have some exhibitionists and extreme players amongst us. By the nature of what they do, these people can hold my attention and entertain me. They are people that ignore convention for fear of being criticized by the conformists and to them I hold up my glass.

_____________________________

S&M (Steve and Maria) persona libre de convencionalismos

Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

(in reply to Roselaure)

Post #: 14

RE: Normal - 11/27/2009 9:07:39 AM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Fitznicely

In our town, there's a square where all the goths ted to hang out. I really love walking past and laughing at all these identically dressed nonconformists, all of them thinking they're the first ones to do it.

Yeah, I get a chuckle out of that as well. Like that old quote: "Remember, you're unique. Just like everyone else."

luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to Fitznicely)

Post #: 15

RE: Normal - 11/27/2009 9:22:38 AM

allthatjaz

Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

quote:

ORIGINAL: Fitznicely

In our town, there's a square where all the goths ted to hang out. I really love walking past and laughing at all these identically dressed nonconformists, all of them thinking they're the first ones to do it.

Yeah, I get a chuckle out of that as well. Like that old quote: "Remember, you're unique. Just like everyone else."

luci

But don't you think this is all to do with human nature. Its natural for people to want to be accepted within the environment they choose to spend their time in, so will naturally conform within that sub groups culture. Its the same with hippies that have a uniform of dreadlocks and yak wool jumpers! Our old survival instincts are to group and be accepted because there is safety in numbers.
What many say here is true in one context or another. The true non-conformist can't be categorized. Even the non conformist people we know still have to conform in some part of their life.

We know an 82 year old hermit that is self sufficient but he still needs to make regular appointments at the doctors and still has to queue for his appointment.

_____________________________

S&M (Steve and Maria) persona libre de convencionalismos

Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

(in reply to slaveluci)

Post #: 16

RE: Normal - 11/27/2009 9:31:47 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

...When up against it, conform or not conform, that is the question...

this slave conforms to Master's rules. in all the time this slave has known Him, He hasn't been interested in pushing anything to the point of being arrested or cited, although our behavior or choice of attire has no doubt offended delicate personalities. something as simple as walking down the street without a bra on has caused folks to feel the need to comment. this slave would like to be able to do so without a shirt OR a bra, but Master doesn't want the hassle with local law enforcement, so she doesn't...(unless we are at the Folsom Street Fair.

)

this slave has no minor children or financial employer or community service group or anyone else in authority over this slave to conform FOR...so she really doesn't spend too much time worrying about it.

(in reply to Roselaure)

Post #: 17

RE: Normal - 11/27/2009 9:46:39 AM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

i am a Christian, and i take a LOT of heat for that on this site. (thankfully people aren't as bold AND rude in person) i am not a Christian just to stir things up, its what i believe is right, correct, and prudent. So no.... i don't just "go along, to get along" its not in me.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 18

RE: Normal - 11/27/2009 10:34:07 AM

afterforever

Posts: 315
Joined: 6/12/2008
From: Belfast, NI
Status: offline

I definitely made a point to try not to conform (or conform with the minority?) when I was in school. I was always too smart, a year younger and liked the wrong type of music anyway, so I figured I might as well go for it. I was the athlete who smoked dope with the punks, the quiet little bookworm with a blue mohican, the vegan hippy with a pound of metal in my face, the atheist in a C of E school, the virgin who partied with the rockers.

Then I turned 17, got into med school and decided there were more important things than shock value in my daily life. Patients just don't seem to have confidence in someone wearing a Metallica rotting skull tshirt who wants to take their blood or examine them.

Not fair maybe but I can live with it, I would rather not scare the little old ladies, so I took all the metal out and dyed my hair back to brown. I just leave the crazy stuff for the weekends and in private.

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 19

RE: Normal - 11/27/2009 11:16:09 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Roselaure

In reading posts on another thread, I began thinking about "normalcy" and "conformity". Conforming for the sake of conformity is not something I am into. Conversely, though, neither is not comforming for the sake of non conformity. People who shock to be shocking, who are different just to be different, don't hold any more appeal to me than the George Babbitts of the world who are determined to conform to society's rules at all costs.

So how do you view conformity? When up against it, conform or not conform, that is the question.

I've never minded doing anything I wanted to do......... if it was viewed as *conforming* it wouldn't make a blind bit of difference. My main thrust has been to do what *I* want....it still is the main thrust, even today.

When it comes to *being up against it* it has always depended on the circumstances. If it's something I feel strongly about, and think my way is right for me and mine , I'll follow that. If it really doesn't matter one way or the other, I'll probably take the path of least resistance. I'm quite lazy overall.

It really seems to come down to what *I* want, for the majority of the time.

agirl

(in reply to Roselaure)

Post #: 20

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