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Daddysredhead -> RE: I Admit It I........ (12/6/2009 11:01:53 PM)
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I admit that I have recovered. I admit that I also baked my Things' favorite cookies a bit ago because they will be thrilled when they come home in the morning, and because I love my kids. I admit that it is time for some serious admissions on my part. I admit that I have been rather introspective this weekend because I have had alone time, I've been snowed in, and I have not had the tv on once. I admit that 2009 has had its share of ups and downs for me. I admit that during the late spring and early summer, I thought I was having a nervous breakdown. I admit that some very dear friends from here gathered around me and stuck by me even on the worst days. I admit that one woman in particular held my hand from far away, and was willing to take my calls at odd times because I was terrified of just "being" due to generalized anxiety disorder mixed with depression. I admit that this one woman talked to me and was straightforward when I probably didn't want to hear what she said. I admit that taking her advice to seek professional help probably saved me and my family a tremendous amount of grief, and probably saved my job because I could no longer cope. I admit that I have worked my butt off to get better the past 5 months. I admit that I have been in individual counseling since the beginning of July. I admit that I have been in group counseling since the beginning of October. I admit that my group meetings end tomorrow night and strangely enough, I will miss the odd little mix of people who have joined together in a common cause - to get better and not let worry and anxiety and depression take over the worlds we live in on a daily basis. I admit that I will pray that they continue to improve in their journeys. I admit that I have worried that people would think less of me if they knew I had been dealing with, and working on, these issues. I admit that I no longer care, because what is best for me and mine, is all that matters really. I admit that I have worked very hard at breaking my co-dependency habits and have replaced them with healthier boundaries, some of which people do not appreciate very much. I admit that their opinions of my boundaries are none of my business. I admit that people who cannot respect my boundaries and feelings have no place in my life. I admit that in the past, I have clung to unhealthy relationships with various people because I was afraid of letting go of them. I admit that I have also let go of toxic people when I realized how bad they were for me. I admit that sometimes doing the "not easy" things are the best things for us. I admit that it feels good to have reached the place where I am, even though I know there is more work to be done. I admit that I am a constant work in progress. I admit that my family, closest friends, and my beloved DB, have all said, in one way or another, that they are happy to "have me back." I admit that hearing DB tell me several months ago that He just wanted His girl to be "healthy and returned to Him" broke my heart because I knew that I was a mess. I admit that He told me that He loves His "work in progress" if that's what I call myself. I admit that I may stumble along the way, but it doesn't mean I have to fall down the mountain. I admit that I'm pretty happy for me right now, because 6 months ago, I never thought I could feel "ok" again. I admit that I love my friends who understand the essence of this post and what it means because you were on the "front lines" with me. With all sincerity, Daddysredhead *edited for spacing*
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