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starting a new d/s relationship - 11/9/2009 11:19:15 PM

magdakitty3

Posts: 13
Joined: 10/26/2009
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How well should I know a dom before, he calls me his? (a dom that I am starting to play with, referred to a part of my body as his--I have met him a total of five times)

Are there instances where you only belong to the dom in one scene, and once that is over, you return to your normal life and/or after that, you two are not connected?

Can a successful d/s relationship be kept at the same level as "casual sex"?

Any advice to anyone who is starting a new relationship with a dom?

< Message edited by magdakitty3 -- 11/9/2009 11:24:53 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: starting a new d/s relationship - 11/9/2009 11:49:22 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
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From: Savannah, GA
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How well would you feel you needed to know a vanilla guy before you got seriously involved?

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Post #: 2

RE: starting a new d/s relationship - 11/10/2009 12:08:00 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

It takes as long as you are comfortable with. No one can answer that but yourself.
All relationships depend on those that are involved in them and change accordingly. BDSM ones are no different.

the.dark.

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love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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Post #: 3

RE: starting a new d/s relationship - 11/10/2009 1:48:12 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
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I knew my sub a year before I collared him. I wanted to make sure that we were compatible on all levels. For some people that may seem like a long time, but to me it was not. Because it takes time to get to know a person, particularly if you are planning to be with them for a long time.

~Lashra

_____________________________

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(in reply to magdakitty3)

Post #: 4

RE: starting a new d/s relationship - 11/10/2009 4:22:40 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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Unless you want to be his, put an end to it. Unless you've negotiated that he can do this in play, but he has no control over you except then. It may give him a surge of excitement to say that this is his pussy. As long as he understands it doesn't mean anything to you, go for it.

If you don't feel that you want to be his, make that clear. If it makes you ill for him to refer to it as his, make that clear.

Both of you need to be on the same page here. Since you aren't, you had better talk about it. While fully clothed over a cup of coffee.

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Post #: 5

RE: starting a new d/s relationship - 11/10/2009 5:15:18 AM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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It's no different than "vanilla".

You want casual sex while roleplaying and then never see each other again? Go for it!
You want a relationship with the person? Take your time and get to know the person.

Same as "vanilla".

No difference.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 6

RE: starting a new d/s relationship - 11/10/2009 5:47:03 AM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: magdakitty3

How well should I know a dom before, he calls me his? (a dom that I am starting to play with, referred to a part of my body as his--I have met him a total of five times)

Are there instances where you only belong to the dom in one scene, and once that is over, you return to your normal life and/or after that, you two are not connected?

Can a successful d/s relationship be kept at the same level as "casual sex"?

Any advice to anyone who is starting a new relationship with a dom?

A dom or top could be just a play partner or someone you want to have a serious, committed relationship with or some level of involvement in between.
Even in casual play, as part of a scene he might verbalize that you or parts of you are his, just as some people will wear a collar for play but are not really collared.

If it seems like more than play to him but is only play for you ... well, it sounds as if neither of you have discussed what you are looking for.

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(in reply to magdakitty3)

Post #: 7

RE: starting a new d/s relationship - 11/10/2009 6:51:43 AM

MarcEsadrian

Posts: 852
Joined: 8/24/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: magdakitty3

How well should I know a dom before, he calls me his?

It might help to ask the question in reverse: how well should he know you before he calls you his? Common sense may tell you that if he takes little time to know what it is he claims or how it ticks, his possession is skin deep. Then again, that may be appropriate if it's simply a matter of skin. For me, the psychological aspects of "ownership" are vital, and they can only be realized through intimacy. How long it takes depends upon the individuals and the circumstances involved, of course. It's probably important to note that many Masters and Mistresses claim you loosely during a trial period of getting to know you; in essence saying you are being observed, and I expect your full attention to me during this time. This shouldn't be confused with the emotive and even spiritual ownership that takes place in a committed M/s relationship.

That said, reality check: if your submission feels too shake and bake, it is—period. How do I know that? The answer is quite simple: you are the second half of the equation. If the math isn't working out for you, your heart and mind aren't really there, and without them, there is no real possession to speak of.

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(in reply to magdakitty3)

Post #: 8

RE: starting a new d/s relationship - 11/10/2009 7:14:28 AM

ncbabe

Posts: 1060
Joined: 4/19/2009
Status: offline

There are no rules to anything in D/s except the ones that work for you.

You have to figure out how this makes you feel and what you would like to do, if anything, about it. Do you like that he refers to part of your body as his? What does that do to you inside? Do you want to keep it to during sex only? Or do you want it to mean more? Bear in mind that five meetings is not a lot and that if you do want it to mean more, do not rush into a relationship just because you want to belong to someone.

It may just be that he gets aroused from calling you his during sex, or it may be something more. So figure out your own feelings on the matter and then sit down and talk to him about it.

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Nichts ist unmöglich

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Post #: 9

RE: starting a new d/s relationship - 11/10/2009 7:21:41 AM

Toppingfrmbottom

Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
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I feel you should know him very very well, rushing into things and relationships isn't the best way to start off and to me, meeting 5 times is not enough time for someone to expect to call me or parts of me his.

]

quote:

ORIGINAL: magdakitty3

How well should I know a dom before, he calls me his? (a dom that I am starting to play with, referred to a part of my body as his--I have met him a total of five times)

(in reply to magdakitty3)

Post #: 10

RE: starting a new d/s relationship - 11/10/2009 7:22:30 AM

Icarys

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

It takes as long as you are comfortable with. No one can answer that but yourself.
All relationships depend on those that are involved in them and change accordingly. BDSM ones are no different.

the.dark.

72 days..6 hours and 42 minutes. I don't count every second ya know.

_____________________________

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Post #: 11

RE: starting a new d/s relationship - 11/10/2009 7:25:41 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys
72 days..6 hours and 42 minutes. I don't count every second ya know.

That's what the s-type is for...

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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Post #: 12

RE: starting a new d/s relationship - 11/10/2009 7:31:18 AM

Icarys

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

quote:

That's what the s-type is for...

Lord knows they need something to keep themselves busy these days.

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 13

RE: starting a new d/s relationship - 11/10/2009 7:31:23 AM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

It's probably important to note that many Masters and Mistresses claim you loosely during a trial period of getting to know you; in essence saying you are being observed, and I expect your full attention to me during this time. This shouldn't be confused with the emotive and even spiritual ownership that takes place in a committed M/s relationship.

Its also important to note that the so called "masters and mistresses" and the gulible "s" types that allow this are confused really. Its USUALLY nothing more than a "keep em off the market" ploy until the "D" type makes up his mind about the "s" type

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Post #: 14

RE: starting a new d/s relationship - 11/10/2009 7:33:50 AM

Icarys

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

quote:

It takes as long as you are comfortable with. No one can answer that but yourself.

The simplest answer is usually the best.

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to magdakitty3)

Post #: 15

RE: starting a new d/s relationship - 11/10/2009 7:40:13 AM

Icarys

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

quote:

a dom that I am starting to play with, referred to a part of my body as his--I have met him a total of five times)

He may have been saying that in a sexually playful way and it might not be a ploy at all? Hell, I've told a female that a certain body-part (I'm trying to be nice here)was mine during sex before and meant nothing more than sexual dominance at the time. Should we both be strung up by our dominate parts? lol

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 16

RE: starting a new d/s relationship - 11/10/2009 8:09:01 AM

Aylee

Posts: 24103
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

It takes as long as you are comfortable with. No one can answer that but yourself.
All relationships depend on those that are involved in them and change accordingly. BDSM ones are no different.

the.dark.

72 days..6 hours and 42 minutes. I don't count every second ya know.

I like that!

_____________________________

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I don’t always wgah’nagl fhtagn. But when I do, I ph’nglui mglw’nafh R’lyeh.

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Post #: 17

RE: starting a new d/s relationship - 11/10/2009 8:17:08 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

quote:

That's what the s-type is for...

Lord knows they need something to keep themselves busy these days.

Well, we have to do something other than paint our nails all day you know...

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to Icarys)

Post #: 18

RE: starting a new d/s relationship - 11/10/2009 8:17:19 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

How well should I know a dom before, he calls me his?

How well do you know yourself? What are you ready for? What are your goals? What is your 'ideal'? Hope you have answers and those thoughts in mind if you are considering any relationship.

quote:

Any advice to anyone who is starting a new relationship with a dom?

Take your time, or speed up and be owned by him. Both options are possible. What is impossible if for you, or him, commit unilaterally. I guess you've been physically naked with him, so it should be easy to remove some of protective emotional and mental clothing. I hope you didn't let one opportunity you've disclosed pass you by.

You say he referred to you, or at least a body part of yours as "his". Obviously you feel something, some connection, based upon that remark. Who knows whether it was his 'tell' that there is some deeper interest in forming a relationship with you. You could find out by asking him; "what do you mean by that?"

It's not topping from the bottom or any of those things that some sub book says not to do. You have an opening for communication, benchmarking, and determining if he and you have the same perspective about each other and any potential relationship. Use opportunities, don't be afraid to get naked and hope that your partner wants to, and more importantly has the confidence, to do the same.

The problem isn't knowing when the timing is right. It could be right at the first glance. The problem is when one side moves at a speed that leaves the other in the dust. Casual sex, or intense long term 24/7 relationship; the participants have to be running parallel. You can't go it alone, run fast, believing you've found your 'one', and think you can just wait for them to catch up and realize they've found their 'one' too. As an individual, you have to be at or close to, the pace of your potential partner, never letting them get too far ahead or behind. If they do - it's over before it starts.

What does he mean? What is his perspective and goal? "Casual sex" or 'ownership'; you can't find out that answer from an on-line thread. The answer to "how well you know your dom before he calls me his?" comes from getting naked with him, and him getting naked with you. Some people are ready for that out of the gate - some have never seen their partner 'naked'. Its very empowering for the relationship while and for the individuals willing to do so - confidence building.

Good luck!

(in reply to magdakitty3)

Post #: 19

RE: starting a new d/s relationship - 11/10/2009 8:18:54 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: magdakitty3

How well should I know a dom before, he calls me his? (a dom that I am starting to play with, referred to a part of my body as his--I have met him a total of five times)

Are there instances where you only belong to the dom in one scene, and once that is over, you return to your normal life and/or after that, you two are not connected?

Can a successful d/s relationship be kept at the same level as "casual sex"?

Any advice to anyone who is starting a new relationship with a dom?

Him calling your cunt *his* .....doesn't mean YOU are his. Unless you want to be, that is, and unless he actually wants the rest of you, and you want that also... A guy can call you *his* before he even meets you but it doesn't mean you ARE his. It's just words, otherwise.

You can have a casual d/s relationship which begins and ends with the *scene* , yes, of course you can. You can pretty much have any permeatation you like. People have successful *casual* girlfriend/boyfriend relationships, don't they? As long as both people are expecting the same thing, then anything is possible.

agirl

(in reply to magdakitty3)

Post #: 20

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