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RE: The Distance Issue - 11/5/2009 5:14:30 PM

InvisibleBlack

Posts: 865
Joined: 7/24/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MTCell

You've talked or emailed for some time with a person and are attracted to each other under whatever relationship. How have you resolved the issue problem when you reside some distance apart? Was it a deal breaker in the end?

I don't believe I've ever started a relationship without actually meeting the person involved. We may have met online and interacted for months, but just as a purely text-based relationship highlights certain features (such as intellectual compatibility), there are things that only come to light when you meet in person.

That being said, I don't believe that a long-distance relationship is workable over an extended period of time. If at some point you're not going to be together, eventually the distance becomes a problem in and of itself. Exactly what this point is varies from person to person and that's something you need to decide for yourselves.

What the plan is/was for getting together, tolerance for being apart and how to deal with geographical issues would be one of the key things I would address early on.

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Post #: 21

RE: The Distance Issue - 11/5/2009 5:27:35 PM

whiteslavebitch

Posts: 479
Joined: 9/10/2007
Status: offline

MasterK and I met more than 4 years ago when I visited his city, though we had chatted online and emails for a couple of weeks. I wasn't really looking for a relationship, he was to be just a play partner if we liked each other well enough.

What can I say, the chemistry on our first two meet and play sessions was amazing. We decided to stay in touch, though I wasn't in favor of a LDR. He can be very convincing when he wants to be.

Over a period of a couple of years we got to know each other, met a couple more times, and decided we wanted to take this R/T. I made arrangements to move to him, and have been here for 2 years now. I think it's the best decision I've ever made.

edited for spelling

< Message edited by whiteslavebitch -- 11/5/2009 5:35:54 PM >

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Post #: 22

RE: The Distance Issue - 11/5/2009 6:08:54 PM

MasterSlaveLA

Posts: 3991
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MTCell

You've talked or emailed for some time with a person and are attracted to each other under whatever relationship. How have you resolved the issue problem when you reside some distance apart?

Met... confirmed mutual interest and desire to be with each other... called a moving company.

< Message edited by MasterSlaveLA -- 11/5/2009 6:10:34 PM >

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Post #: 23

RE: The Distance Issue - 11/5/2009 7:06:36 PM

DomImus

Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder
If you're going to do long distance someone is going to have to eventually move.

Nope. That's just like saying that if you enter into a relationship you'll eventually have to marry. Doesn't work like that. Your absolutes are not everyone's absolutes.

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Post #: 24

RE: The Distance Issue - 11/5/2009 7:16:02 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

Well I guess if you're both rich and can afford to travel back and forth for the rest of your lives or you're just looking for strictly online and phone then sure..long distance can work without anyone having to move.

(in reply to DomImus)

Post #: 25

RE: The Distance Issue - 11/5/2009 7:57:19 PM

cinderella221972

Posts: 17
Joined: 4/8/2005
Status: offline

Distance creates unique challenges. my experience was with someone i had known in college many years prior. W/we crossed paths later in life getting together a couple of weekends. It was instantly clear there were still strong feelings that needed explored but He was moving on to a job 1000 miles away. W/we decided to spend a month together since i was on summer break and figure out what this relationship was truly worth. In the end, it was worth sacrificing for and W/we pursued it long distance with daily phone calls, IMs, journals, and visits on vacations until W/we could be together full time again. It took commitment, trust, and determination but was worth it.

The only other long distance relationship i attempted was with one i had not met. Whether it fizzled because we had not met or was not meant to be i can not say for certain.

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Post #: 26

RE: The Distance Issue - 11/6/2009 5:40:57 AM

nailgirl

Posts: 27
Joined: 4/27/2007
Status: offline

we lived about 3 hours from each other, money was tight and so was our time with both having family, in the end we gave up , but ....he was and still is the love of my life, if things cud only of been different.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 27

RE: The Distance Issue - 11/6/2009 6:21:42 AM

gentlemanprince

Posts: 127
Joined: 5/19/2008
Status: offline

My Lady and I met in a chatroom on CM. We live over 2000 miles apart. We've been a couple for 18 months and, for reasons not pertinent here, won't be able to live together for seveal more years. We chat daily, if possible, and visit each other when we can. Of course, I'd rather be together, but I'm rich with what we have. Color me content.

(in reply to nailgirl)

Post #: 28

RE: The Distance Issue - 11/6/2009 2:13:11 PM

ThundersCry

Posts: 892
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MTCell

You've talked or emailed for some time with a person and are attracted to each other under whatever relationship. How have you resolved the issue problem when you reside some distance apart? Was it a deal breaker in the end?

The few LDR`s I had were fun for....awhile <eg>
I need much more =L=

(in reply to MTCell)

Post #: 29

RE: The Distance Issue - 11/6/2009 3:38:08 PM

Elipsis

Posts: 301
Joined: 7/8/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

I dont have anything but long distance freindship. The rest is just asking for frustration, IMHO.

This.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 30

RE: The Distance Issue - 11/6/2009 6:47:38 PM

sophia37

Posts: 1433
Joined: 2/7/2006
Status: offline

We live 90 miles apart. What happened was it settled into a pattern we could both live with. We met/meet in the middle one hour away from our homes each way. I wont go into more detail.

So far this has been ok for 5 years. But everyone's situation will be different. Im just trying to tell you that if the two of you like one another, things can be worked out in both your favors. Good luck to you. xo

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 31

RE: The Distance Issue - 11/8/2009 2:43:56 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MTCell
You've talked or emailed for some time with a person and are attracted to each other under whatever relationship. How have you resolved the issue problem when you reside some distance apart? Was it a deal breaker in the end?

Carol and I met when we were both vanilla. But even so, we lived 1500 miles apart. We got over that. I think it was about a year before she moved out. Honestly, with us the love affair was so strong and fast that I don't think "deal breaker" was even a possibility. Once we met (face to face), there was a certain inevitability to getting married.

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I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
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(in reply to MTCell)

Post #: 32

RE: The Distance Issue - 11/8/2009 3:16:20 PM

TimeInEveryDay

Posts: 22
Joined: 8/26/2008
Status: offline

The longest I've ever been able to do the distance thing is about 6 months. We were only separated by about 2.5 hrs., but it proved to be too much when she decided she wouldn't be moving for at least 2 or 3 years. We talked on the phone and internet daily, but for me real time is irreplaceable as I'm fairly active. I agree with others who have said that one or both of the parties involved are probably going to have to move to make it work.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 33

RE: The Distance Issue - 11/8/2009 3:25:47 PM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

25 minutes proved to be too far. We're now working on being about five seconds away from each other for the second half of our lives.

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Post #: 34

RE: The Distance Issue - 11/8/2009 4:14:57 PM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

We met six weeks into our relationship and later resolved the distance issue by me moving 800 miles south to live with Him. It's worked out blissfully

I often think what a fool I would've been to rule Him out simply because we didn't live within a few miles of each other. I'm so glad I didn't let that hold me back from becoming His...................luci

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Post #: 35

RE: The Distance Issue - 11/9/2009 6:07:16 PM

MaamJay

Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline

Master lived diagonally across Australia (think LA to Niagara for the US/Canadians) and we lasted a year LDR. In that time we met 3 times, once for 5 days after both had flown for about 5 hours (think New Orleans!), then i visited His place for 11 days and then He visited mine for 23 days. On that basis He decided to up stumps and move to live with me, and i flew over to help Him drive His belongings over, took a week of fairly hard driving. We've subsequently made the drive in reverse to live back near His home town, and are now in a mobile home travelling all around the country. He moved June 2004 and it was the best move He could have made.

While it is possible to continue LDR for a long time if necessary, i'm of the opinion that sooner or later someone has to be prepared to move to make it happen in real. By the end of the year we were both going crazy and the phone bill was getting crazy too!

violet[A] aka Maam Jay

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Post #: 36

RE: The Distance Issue - 11/10/2009 4:29:26 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Some of us prefer a truly amazing relationship where you can only be together part of the time to a eh relationship with someone closer.

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Post #: 37

RE: The Distance Issue - 11/10/2009 4:56:31 AM

Santoro

Posts: 58
Joined: 9/16/2009
Status: offline

I am far from an advocate of limiting myself based upon geography. In fact, I am firmly convinced greater difficulty unfolds the greater opportunity.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 38

RE: The Distance Issue - 11/10/2009 6:39:46 AM

abuddingdom

Posts: 158
Joined: 3/8/2007
Status: offline

In my experience , I've never had a LDR. I have had several lengthy email / phone things going with women I'd "met" online,. In a couple of these cases they came to meet me and we proceeded to have a LDR fling for a brief time, but nothing serious. In the other cases it just petered out before going anywhere "real". I also was seeing someone the next big city over from me, about an hour&a half away. We went back&forth several times over the courde of a little more than a year and essentially played. Sometimes months would go by between our visits and not even much phone or email contact so, again,not only was it nothing serious but there was no potential for it to turn that way.

I'll take it further and say that I've never had a real relationship with anyone I've met online, omly with people I met in person, one way or another. I refer to it as "meeting the old fashioned way".

Having said all this, though, if I were looking I'd be open to a distance thing. I've just never experienced it myself, in any kind of seriousness or mutual goals.

Dunno if this next will make sense or not but I think this topic has parallels to the age old(pardon the pun) age debate, whether 2 people far apart in age can relate and be compatible. I always argue for most people it likely would matter,but it can and does work. Same with distance - for the majority, no, but it can and does work for some. It depends on the individuals involved,how they feel about and relate to each other and what they want in their life(lives)....

(in reply to Santoro)

Post #: 39

RE: The Distance Issue - 11/10/2009 7:03:55 AM

Icarys

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

She would have to be pretty interesting for me to attempt a relationship from..let's say a state or more over.

The last two females were 1 hour and 5 hours away. I definitely would not go for a long period of time just seeing someone on the weekends but I wouldn't turn a good woman away either.

Like someone said earlier. LDR's can be very rough/frustrating on/to the people involved. I prefer someone I can interact with on a daily to semi-daily basis..or at the very least..someone within a close enough distance that when I want to see her or she wants to see me it isn't a big ordeal to accomplish that.

One more thing...Then there are those that hide in LDR's because they have commitment issues. As long as they can keep you at arms length with the distance for a bit..etc etc.

< Message edited by Icarys -- 11/10/2009 7:08:20 AM >

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Post #: 40

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