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The Distance Issue - 11/5/2009 7:42:21 AM

MTCell

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Joined: 3/23/2009
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You've talked or emailed for some time with a person and are attracted to each other under whatever relationship. How have you resolved the issue problem when you reside some distance apart? Was it a deal breaker in the end?

< Message edited by MTCell -- 11/5/2009 7:43:11 AM >

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RE: The Distance Issue - 11/5/2009 7:43:53 AM

breatheasone

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i'm afraid that answer is different for everyone.

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RE: The Distance Issue - 11/5/2009 7:46:58 AM

lusciouslips19

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I dont have anything but long distance freindship. The rest is just asking for frustration, IMHO. Others view it differently.

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RE: The Distance Issue - 11/5/2009 7:47:45 AM

LaTigresse

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I've been in two relationship where the woman lived, at least part of the time, a distance away. In both cases there were other issues much bigger than geographical. I would never have a relationship that did not involve spending actual physical time together as a core foundation or that did not have a common goal of living together.

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RE: The Distance Issue - 11/5/2009 7:55:09 AM

Andalusite

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I'm not attracted to anyone I haven't touched, so it hasn't come up.

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RE: The Distance Issue - 11/5/2009 7:57:23 AM

SL4V3M4YB3

Posts: 3506
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To quote Dr Johnson:

"Distance has the same effect on the mind as on the eye."

Mind blur, to prevent mind blur you must keep the relationship in focus and establish the boundaries of distance. That is to say don't let the relationship get out of sight. Obviously some people suffer from relationship long-sightedness and so find people up close uncomfortable, so the optimum distance must be found between being right on top of someone by badgering them or being too distant.

< Message edited by SL4V3M4YB3 -- 11/5/2009 7:58:02 AM >

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RE: The Distance Issue - 11/5/2009 8:06:11 AM

RCdc

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It wasn't a deal breaker, but it does depend on how big the distance is and how much people involved can manage.
We were 8 hrs... which went down to 2 hrs. And now I live with Master.

the.dark.

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RE: The Distance Issue - 11/5/2009 8:11:17 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
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From: Apple County NY
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We were 3 - 5 hours, depending on traffic on and off of Long Island. Mainly we worked hard to keep aware of everything happening in each other's lives. "So any cavities", "Or what color are your new eyeglass frames". We talked about every little thing, just as we would if we were sitting having coffee together.

Because a life is made of such small, minor details, day by day.

He moved up here two years later and that was 6 years ago.

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RE: The Distance Issue - 11/5/2009 9:08:19 AM

CollaredLisa

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Joined: 3/28/2009
From: Germany
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We live about 4 hours away from each other (by train) and I am the one who has to do the travelling since he has two dogs that don't exactly like travelling and since I am still living with my parents (I'm 19 and still in school), it wouldn't be an option.
When we first met we both knew it would be long distance, it wasn't a deal breaker back then... we ended up moving in together for a while, was one of my more... stupid decisions because I quit school for a while, it was fun, but now we are back to long-distance. By now, it...well, it sucks, I don't like it especially because I always have to spend the time and money on going there by train. But it's still not a deal breaker I guess. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone though.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 9

RE: The Distance Issue - 11/5/2009 9:17:00 AM

ThatDamnedPanda

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

It wasn't a deal breaker, but it does depend on how big the distance is and how much people involved can manage.
We were 8 hrs... which went down to 2 hrs. And now I live with Master.

the.dark.

I just want to say that that's a wonderful photo. It's only recently that I realized you two are in color!

As for the OP, distance is no problem to me. An issue to be carefully considered, yes - certainly. But not necessarily a problem. There are a lot of places in the world that I wouldn't choose to live on my own, but very few places I wouldn't move to for the right relationship. Love, and the happiness and fulfillment that come from it, are far more important than almost any other thing in life. Most other things can be worked around if you have that as a starting point.

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RE: The Distance Issue - 11/5/2009 9:22:54 AM

daintydimples

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Geography is fixable. So many things (needed a personality transplant), are not.

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RE: The Distance Issue - 11/5/2009 10:05:20 AM

Rochsub2009

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quote:

ORIGINAL: daintydimples
Geography is fixable. So many things (needed a personality transplant), are not.

Daintydimples,
i agree. i have always been adamant about the distance issue. i even spell it out clearly in my profile. i only want local Dommes who are able to meet in real-time. That being said, i have been communicating lately with a Domme who lives several states away. We have great chemistry, both in the BDSM arena and in the vanilla arena.

This has made me re-evaluate my previous stance. i'm becoming of the opinion that great chemistry at a distance is better than poor chemistry locally.

It still doesn't change that fact that long distance creates challenges. But finding good chemistry is a far greater challenge than distance, IMHO.

(in reply to daintydimples)

Post #: 12

RE: The Distance Issue - 11/5/2009 10:45:52 AM

kyraofMists

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Yes, we resolved it. I moved over 3,000 miles and immigrated to Canada to resolve it. It certainly wasn't a deal breaker for us. However, it was hard; words cannot express how hard it was to be seperated. But as of next month, I will have lived here for two years, we have known each other for five and the three of us are extremely happy.

Knight's Kyra

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(in reply to MTCell)

Post #: 13

RE: The Distance Issue - 11/5/2009 12:38:01 PM

afterforever

Posts: 315
Joined: 6/12/2008
From: Belfast, NI
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I definitely wouldn't do long distance right now. Somewhere in the UK or Ireland is as far as I can reasonably travel, and I don't think I could do without seeing them in person. When I graduate it might be a different story, moving for love doesn't sound unreasonable to me.

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 14

RE: The Distance Issue - 11/5/2009 2:29:22 PM

antipode

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Joined: 4/19/2004
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quote:

You've talked or emailed for some time with a person and are attracted to each other

On the basis of what? Typing speed? Diction?

When I attracted to someone, I meet with them. I never meet with anyone I am attracted to unless the logistics can be sorted, whatever the attraction calls for. Anything else is masochism, in my book.

I should point out to you this has nothing to do with phone or chat. In 1880, you might have met someone at a function in another country and fallen in love with them. Once you're all back home you have to figure out where to take it, if anywhere. Some do, some don't.

(in reply to MTCell)

Post #: 15

RE: The Distance Issue - 11/5/2009 2:43:30 PM

windchymes

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quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

quote:

You've talked or emailed for some time with a person and are attracted to each other

On the basis of what? Typing speed? Diction?

When I attracted to someone, I meet with them. I never meet with anyone I am attracted to unless the logistics can be sorted, whatever the attraction calls for. Anything else is masochism, in my book.

I should point out to you this has nothing to do with phone or chat. In 1880, you might have met someone at a function in another country and fallen in love with them. Once you're all back home you have to figure out where to take it, if anywhere. Some do, some don't.

Amazingly, people reveal a LOT of personality through typing and diction. That probably gets overlooked in face-to-face meetings because the focus is on the size of their boobs and the mental negotiations that are taking place while sizing up how many of their physical imperfections could be lived with, as well as gauging the likelihood of getting laid that night regardless.

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RE: The Distance Issue - 11/5/2009 4:26:05 PM

NyDaddysGirl

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Joined: 11/23/2006
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I'm currently in a relationship with someone 100 miles away. It's about a 90 min drive on toll roads.

It started innocently enough, just a friendly cmail from time to time, but after a few weeks of this, it became clear that we were headed for more than a friendship. Before persuing the relationship, I had reached a decision to relocate if it came down to it or there would be no point in being in a relationship with him. I made him aware of that decision and my reasons. That after living solo for the last 6 years that ultimately if things progressed, co-habitation is what I was looking for in a relationship. I want and need more than just a "weekend warrior".

Due to his job, I've had to do most of the traveling and absorbing the cost of tolls and gas each weekend. I recently brought up co-habitaion and was just informed that he doesn't like living with anyone. Soooooo.... It appears that I can either have the relationship as is (at my expense, with me traveling more often than not and him living alone the way he likes it), or it will wind up being a "deal breaker in the end". (Which is what I thought I was avoiding from the beginning.)

To answer your question more directly, both people have to know if they are willing to relocate or deal with an on-going long distance relationship and if co-habitation is possible or not and both must agree on the same thing. If you aren't both working toward a common goal, you're both wasting each other's time and energy.

Good luck.

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RE: The Distance Issue - 11/5/2009 4:32:28 PM

Acer49

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MTCell

You've talked or emailed for some time with a person and are attracted to each other under whatever relationship. How have you resolved the issue problem when you reside some distance apart? Was it a deal breaker in the end?

We ended up moving in together. I am not one for a long distance relationship as a permenant solution, so I am afraid it would be a deal breaker

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Post #: 18

RE: The Distance Issue - 11/5/2009 4:57:41 PM

DomImus

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Depends how far it is. They must be within reasonable driving distance. Three or four hours max would be my limit. I'm in an LDR right now and we live about three hours (200 miles) apart - mostly interstates. It's a nice drive through north Georgia and east/middle Tennessee (the latter a little more scenic than the former) and we see each other every other weekend. I would not entertain any sort of long or even medium term arrangement outside of that perimeter. I might consider a occasional casual one off visit now and again outside that perimeter - maybe something where we meet in the middle. I might consider flying to see someone but would much rather they flew to see me if only for the fact that I need a road crew to tote my stuff. Anything that involves passports is off limits. I won't even go there. All of this is purely hypothetical to answer your question as I am in a very happy relationship and I am not looking.

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RE: The Distance Issue - 11/5/2009 5:03:34 PM

littlewonder

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It wasn't a dealbreaker for me because I knew I was going to move somewhere in a couple years anyway, just wasn't sure where.

Until I am able to move now in less than a year, I visit him as often as I can, usually two weekends a month.
If you're going to do long distance someone is going to have to eventually move.

(in reply to DomImus)

Post #: 20

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