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RE: Rationalizing red flags - 10/23/2009 7:26:00 AM

porcelaine

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

And slowly things become bearable and I become alive again, changed and altered by the experience in unexpected ways, no longer the person who entered the relationship but a butterfly newly emerged from the chrysalis of pain, a different, and hopefully better, person.

i really liked this a lot. it reminds me of someone i know quite well.

porcelaine

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RE: Rationalizing red flags - 10/26/2009 10:16:52 PM

oceanwyndsLoves

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I just glanced through the posts that were written while i was at my daughter's wedding. I thank those that added their thoughts. As I flew too Cabo, Mexico I gave a lot of thought to this whole thing, and am seeing it in a different light. My life is not ruined, and i am proud that I was strong enough to end something that would not benefit either of us. Being away from the situation, made it easier for me to see how I got involved etc., and to forgive myself for making a 'wrong turn'. In reality i took a risk and it didn't turn out to be what i needed. I do know that i have a lot to give, when I decide to enter another relationship, but at this time i prefer to work on my creative projects and heal. Staying out of relationships at this time will benefit me more, so i can get my footing back.

My daughter's wedding was very beautiful as was Cabo.
blessings
oceanwynds

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RE: Rationalizing red flags - 10/26/2009 10:50:46 PM

oceanwynds1

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odd that my old name came up, especially since i deleted it. It should have read oceanwynds1

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Post #: 43

RE: Rationalizing red flags - 10/27/2009 1:58:52 AM

SailingBum

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I really dont know what to say... From the sounds of it you knew better and went ahead and did it anyway??? WTF Over. That's pretty close to the definition of insanity. ie Doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.

Tell ya what to do .... Bitch slap your self ohhh about 30 times in a mirror and repeat after me. "Next time I will NOT Repeat I am smarter than that". Hopefully you are

Motown BadOne

< Message edited by SailingBum -- 10/27/2009 2:04:01 AM >

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RE: Rationalizing red flags - 10/27/2009 8:59:29 AM

Aanakaris

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It's human nature to have 20/20 hindsight. If we all truly learned from our mistakes everyone here would be a genius.

Everyone rationalizes at one time or another. Sometimes it pays off, most times it doesn't. I could not easily count the number of times I have listened to non-stop complaints about a partner and when I ask, "Why are you with them?" they always look puzzled and say, "Because I love him." Emotions cloud our logic centers. The more our intellect screams "This is wrong!" the harder the emotional side of the brain fights to negate that thought. Science has proven the people become addicted to their opinions and these addictions are no easier to break than any other. You may have become emotionally addicted to this person and So like any addict you rationalized away warning signs until they became too huge to ignore.

All you can do is try to be better at it next time and if that fails, then try, try again. It's the struggle to better ourselves that is important just don't give up.

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Post #: 45

RE: Rationalizing red flags - 10/27/2009 12:10:48 PM

CreativeDominant

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

i find myself now very unsteady. How do i begin walking through my ruins?

One tiny baby step at a time.

Do one thing every day that scares you, and do not deny the fear because you think it is silly. When i was at my lowest point i was afraid to get the mail. I was in a state of isolation and mail was an interference to my protective shell. It sounds silly to you certainly, but to me it was a real fear. I set the goal on day one to bring it in. Day two, bring it in and actually look at it....and so went the baby steps, until i realized i was getting a tiny bit stronger, one day at a time.

You will not regain your self esteem overnight. But you can take a tiny step toward it today.

Ocean...you CAN di it!!!

Di it? Do you mean "dye it" or "DO it"? Because if she is going to dye something, that will have to be handled in small steps too.

ocean, in all seriousness...holly gave some good advice. Take some time and recover...that means pushing the remnants away into a pile a bit at a time and as you sweep them up, you'll do what most people do when they sweep...you'll pick up a broken piece and cry over it all again...but then you will pick up a broken piece and smile and that's a good sign...and when you pick up the broken piece and begin to examine the faults of that piece, tis a better sign. But it takes time to get there...so give yourself time and when you are there, remember something I heard that I felt made a lot of sense..."you can't live on until you let go".

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Post #: 46

RE: Rationalizing red flags - 10/27/2009 2:28:23 PM

DrkJourney

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Only read the OP, but won't help to beat yourself up. You take a break, gather yourself and start all over again.

Can't help your emotions, nothing to be embarassed about. Emotions trump common sense a lot, especially when it comes to relationships.

I've been there tons of times...always felt just like you...but you learn from it, and one day, it will all pay off...did for me

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RE: Rationalizing red flags - 10/27/2009 2:49:45 PM

Icarys

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Well said.

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RE: Rationalizing red flags - 10/27/2009 9:45:48 PM

NihilusZero

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

Well said.

Back to this one?

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Post #: 49

RE: Rationalizing red flags - 10/29/2009 6:21:24 PM

Icarys

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What can I say..I need more points so I can get that subby decoder ring I've had my eye on for some time now.

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RE: Rationalizing red flags - 10/29/2009 6:53:03 PM

oceanwynds1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

What can I say..I need more points so I can get that subby decoder ring I've had my eye on for some time now.

ummm, i can give you a mood ring, however for it to work you need to experience menopause...hmmm...will think about that.:)

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RE: Rationalizing red flags - 10/29/2009 7:03:28 PM

zephyroftheNorth

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

What can I say..I need more points so I can get that subby decoder ring I've had my eye on for some time now.

I could get you a subbie decoder ring but then I would have to kill you.....sorry

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RE: Rationalizing red flags - 10/30/2009 11:09:12 AM

Icarys

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I'll just turn this heavy ring I have on around..It work's just fine for a decoder ring. *THWAP*..Look she's telling me all I want to know :>. I'll pass on the decoder ring..This way is much more fun.

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RE: Rationalizing red flags - 10/31/2009 3:44:06 PM

oceanwynds1

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i am not really sure what to say here. i did get a lot of awesome advice, and am still incorporating it into my life. Sir and i talked when i got back from Mexico, and we decided to try again. What i conceived as red flags were more from my own insecurites and became my own monsters, so i will claim them as such. Things that really did bother me and had validity to them, have been dealt with, and him honoring how i felt, and making changes on those few things.

I do want to thank everyone for giving me a hand, but in reality this stemmed from a lot of my own insecurites, of entering a bdsm relationship when the majority of my 58 years of life has been vanilla. Sir understand this and is taking things slow with me. because of this, and i am happy for that.

This update is to let everyone know and for me to take responsibility for my own mistakes here. I am not being isolated either, and can correspond to people here. That was never his intention to isolate me. I do apologize for my reaction and bringing it to the message board.

blessings
oceanwynds

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RE: Rationalizing red flags - 10/31/2009 3:51:49 PM

zephyroftheNorth

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Please don't be so hard on yourself, sweetie. It's good that you have recognised your reactions for what they are and that you and your Sir are working on them. At the end of the day that's what counts

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RE: Rationalizing red flags - 10/31/2009 4:02:05 PM

oceanwynds1

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Thank you zephy
I am so please that he came to me so we could discuss things and are working on our relationship. That says a lot to me about him. I'm not being hard on myself either, but i felt for myself i needed to comment on my original posting. Am just the type of person i am. Yes, we are both happy to give it a try:)

oceanwynds

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RE: Rationalizing red flags - 10/31/2009 4:05:20 PM

zephyroftheNorth

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I agree, he really sounds like a keeper. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you two but I doubt it will be necessary.

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RE: Rationalizing red flags - 11/5/2009 4:48:24 AM

oceanwynds1

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no not a keeper..but i am a keeper, and i can embrace myself with a lot of tlc. i am healing one step at a time and have marked this thread in my favorites, to follow. i took myself off cm for now until i can believe in me again.

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RE: Rationalizing red flags - 11/5/2009 5:07:47 AM

ranja

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a life time ago i was in Gabo san Lucas... right on the tip
i was totally free and sun tanned and i wore a wrinkled bright yellow cotton mini dress... oh wow what a blast from the past... i hope you have a good memory about yourself from there...

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