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Different Treatments? - 9/30/2009 9:44:45 AM

fantasy69maker

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In a discussion with a Slave a while back she kept asking me the differences in the way I treat Gfs,sub, and slaves. I just didnt get it since I treat then all the same. She just didnt get it since she expected them all to be different.
After a while it dawned on me that I treat all the girls in my life the same and they respond as in their nature.
Do you as a Master, dom or vanilla treat your girls different according to their choice of vanilla ,sub and slave?
Do you as a Vanilla ,sub or slave treat men different according to their choice of calling?

Post #: 1

RE: Different Treatments? - 9/30/2009 9:53:34 AM

sweetsub1957

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I am very submissive to my Sir. If I know someone else is a Dom, I will treat Him with proper respect but won't submit to Him (my submission is only to my Sir), and vanillas I treat with common courtesy, whether male or female.

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In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to fantasy69maker)

Post #: 2

RE: Different Treatments? - 9/30/2009 9:56:00 AM

DesFIP

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From: Apple County NY
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I treat them as people. If they are polite, I am polite back. If they tend to be overbearing, I have to be a lot firmer with much stronger boundaries then if they are sensitive.

I don't view them as orientations or roles.

But in my relationship he is my best friend, my lover, my partner, my dominant and a myriad of other things. And I don't change how I think of him when he is beating me at miniature golf or when we're discussing house chores. During sex, my goal is not to think but just feel, so I'm leaving that out.

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Post #: 3

RE: Different Treatments? - 9/30/2009 10:02:06 AM

LadyPact

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From My perspective, it's absolutely different. I have both a husband and a submissive and I can tell you that the way I interact with each of them is not the same at all. That is based entirely on the fact that I have a power dynamic with one and a romantic relationship with the other. There's a big difference in the way things are handled between an equality based coupling and one where I have the final authority. The two structures are no where near identical.

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Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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Post #: 4

RE: Different Treatments? - 9/30/2009 10:17:10 AM

porcelaine

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quote:

ORIGINAL: fantasy69maker

Do you as a Vanilla ,sub or slave treat men different according to their choice of calling?

i treat everyone with respect and maintain a pleasant countenance. when conversing with self-identified dominant men, my reactions are based on a few factors: their behavior, my perception of their character, the level of respect i've afforded to that individual, emotional connection if applicable, and willful deference. the latter almost never shows up unless that person is able to affect me on a dimension most never reach.

i would say overall my behavior is similar, but becomes more restrictive depending on the person. across the board i've noticed that i'm fairly laid back, but that is tempered with one person. i view him in a different context, therefore my response is more controlled and within the parameters of slavery. i see him as a Master, and my behavior is in line with that. outside of this example i don't have the same opinion of anyone else, and would not curtail myself in this manner.

porcelaine

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Post #: 5

RE: Different Treatments? - 9/30/2009 10:25:39 AM

CallaFirestormBW

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I find that I treat the people in my life differently according to the dynamic we've created between us. I guess because I have a lot of different types of relationships going on within the context of my family at any given time, it wouldn't occur to me to force one specific type of behavior/interaction style on everyone, willy-nilly.

"Treating everyone the same, regardless of dynamic" just doesn't seem like an effective way to make the most of each relationship. Aside from that, it seems crass to push a dynamic on someone who isn't interested in being treated that way--and from a counselor's PoV, it doesn't seem to bode well for the durability of the relationship, for the most part.

Dame Calla

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Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

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RE: Different Treatments? - 9/30/2009 10:30:55 AM

fantasy69maker

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Joined: 3/27/2004
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Im not sureIve made myself clear as to my behaivior,
To illastrate, The other night at the fast stop while checking out I was talking with a girl making a drink at the fountain. When she explained what she was making it sounded good so I said "Sounds good make me one too."
A vanilla gf would have taken that as a question with a option "Sounds good make me one too?"
A sub would have taken that as a request "sounds good make me one too" and thought to herself this will please someone so I will do it to make him happy.
A Slave would have heard "sounds good make me one too" and immediatly thought I have a task to do.

But my thought was the same, in any case, it sounded good and I expected her to make me one , yes even though she was a vanilla who wasnt even my Gf.

She made it too.

Could she have refused? Sure ANY of them could have. My behavior then would have stayed consistant. I would have expressed my disapointment in terms appropriate to her station in my life. Yes each would have gotten a different responce but MY behaivior would stay the same.

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)

Post #: 7

RE: Different Treatments? - 9/30/2009 10:43:32 AM

CallaFirestormBW

Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: fantasy69maker

Im not sureIve made myself clear as to my behaivior,
To illastrate, The other night at the fast stop while checking out I was talking with a girl making a drink at the fountain. When she explained what she was making it sounded good so I said "Sounds good make me one too."
A vanilla gf would have taken that as a question with a option "Sounds good make me one too?"
A sub would have taken that as a request "sounds good make me one too" and thought to herself this will please someone so I will do it to make him happy.
A Slave would have heard "sounds good make me one too" and immediatly thought I have a task to do.

But my thought was the same, in any case, it sounded good and I expected her to make me one , yes even though she was a vanilla who wasnt even my Gf.

She made it too.

Could she have refused? Sure ANY of them could have. My behavior then would have stayed consistant. I would have expressed my disapointment in terms appropriate to her station in my life. Yes each would have gotten a different responce but MY behaivior would stay the same.

Hey, if it's working for you, what can anyone say.... wouldn't work for me, and I can guarantee that I wouldn't have made you a drink (I probably would have assumed you were just joking) but if it's working for you, go for it.

DC

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to fantasy69maker)

Post #: 8

RE: Different Treatments? - 9/30/2009 10:59:46 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
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~ Fast Reply ~

Granted, I'm coming at this from a different angle but, I don't treat anyone I meet differently; lifestyle or not.

The primary reason is I am confident that no matter which label someone is introduced to me, my definition for that label isn't the same. It may have fundamental similarities but I know the details are very different. That said, I also don't need to know them. I respect how people are introduced and I do use the macro definition as a reference to the dynamic of the relationship, if they are involved in one, or what the person is seeking. Should I get to know the person or persons more intimately I may gain a better understanding; however outside the context of that interaction I don't temper or change my treatment of them based upon any label.

In fact, I try to avoid people who require self assigned honorariums be used in social settings. Any 'Lord', 'Master', 'Goddess', 'Mistress', or 'Emperor'; gets called whatever their first name is by me; same holds for the other side of the flogger. When we introduce ourselves it's first names. I get nothing out of anyone else calling me master other than beth.

Everyone has sensation preferences; giving and receiving. I don't change how I interact with them socially or intellectually based upon that preference. I respect them and their title preferences; but as I said, if they need me to use it as some confidence builder, I'm the wrong guy to hang out with.

quote:

When she explained what she was making it sounded good so I said "Sounds good make me one too."

You know what, being with a friend who made that comment to me, of just someone waiting for the same dispenser I'd never met before - I may have made one. Unless of course beth was there - but then I wouldn't be making one in the first place. However if you liked what she made for me - I'd be happy to have her also make one for you! Without consideration of your honorarium, title, or lifestyle affiliation; just because that's the 'nice' guy that I am.

< Message edited by Mercnbeth -- 9/30/2009 11:48:05 AM >

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)

Post #: 9

RE: Different Treatments? - 9/30/2009 12:04:52 PM

pinkwind

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Joined: 1/9/2005
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Andy treats as he finds, although from my own pov he treats every woman with the same respect he shows me, which makes life easier for me in our open relationship. Because people bring different elements into the mix doesn't necessarily put them on different planes or in differing universes. i happen to like his approach, it attempts to form a level playing feild from which we can all get along, no matter our wiring or proclivities.

From what i see, it is those women who are more ego centric, or at least want to force a difference in attitude towards themselves from Andy, who have a problem with him not treating them any differently, A shame really, as some damned decent folk who couldn't help themselves have fallen by the wayside rather than still being a valued part of the family.

_____________________________

pink...
Master Andy's emotion...

From Each According To His Abilities, To Each According To His Needs.

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Post #: 10

RE: Different Treatments? - 9/30/2009 12:47:54 PM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: fantasy69maker

In a discussion with a Slave a while back she kept asking me the differences in the way I treat Gfs,sub, and slaves. I just didnt get it since I treat then all the same. She just didnt get it since she expected them all to be different.
After a while it dawned on me that I treat all the girls in my life the same and they respond as in their nature.
Do you as a Master, dom or vanilla treat your girls different according to their choice of vanilla ,sub and slave?
Do you as a Vanilla ,sub or slave treat men different according to their choice of calling?

In certain ways, I treat everyone the same. Everyone that is involved in my life is entitled to courtesy and civility from me, many are entitled to respect from me and a few are entitled to see the almost full-on me (the unlucky ones...~grins~). But I certainly do not treat the women who frequent my practice in the same manner that I do women are my friends, women who are my cousins, and, if there is one, the woman who is sharing my life. They are not the same...they are unique individuals and they each hold a different place in my life. I have women friends that I can joke with at the dirtiest level, women friends that I can flirt with outrageously and yet, I would not expect them to follow an order I might give, no matter what tone of voice I used. I have female friends that are submissives...some of them would do certain things for me if told to but that is out of respect for me and it is certainly not something I expected from the start. I expect my submissive to do things with me whether or not I put "please" in with the command since that is what she signed up for. To me, it is just a bit of civility to say "Get me a cup of coffee, please" while knowing that I would not have to add the please in. In some instances with my submissive, I would not add the "please" just as a subtle reminder that the command is to be obeyed whether or not the courtesy of "please" is in place.
In your example? If I am dealing with a woman behind the counter in the 7-11...and the ladies at the 7-11 know me well...I still say "Please" when I ask for something and "Thank-You" when I get it. Most times when I am with family, I will get up and get the coffee/soft drink/whatever myself unless I know they prefer to be asked OR if they are of the type to be solicitous and ask me if I would like something. None of these people are MY submissive and while I am always dominant, that doesn't take away from the need to be able to deal with these people in the manner in which I was raised and which helps me prosper in my practice. That is why my female patients are addressed...until they tell me different...as Miss So-and-So or Mrs. Whoever or by "Miss/Ma'am/Ms.".

(in reply to fantasy69maker)

Post #: 11

RE: Different Treatments? - 9/30/2009 1:54:07 PM

sweetsub1957

Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: fantasy69maker

A vanilla gf would have taken that as a question with a option "Sounds good make me one too?"
A sub would have taken that as a request "sounds good make me one too" and thought to herself this will please someone so I will do it to make him happy.
A Slave would have heard "sounds good make me one too" and immediatly thought I have a task to do.

When I was still supposedly vanilla & I was working at a mini-mart, I would've said "If you wish," and then made it. Now that I consider myself a submissive, I would still do the same. But then I've always been a "pleaser" and, when I worked retail, strived to keep the customers happy no matter who they are.

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to fantasy69maker)

Post #: 12

RE: Different Treatments? - 9/30/2009 1:59:44 PM

Acer49

Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: fantasy69maker

In a discussion with a Slave a while back she kept asking me the differences in the way I treat Gfs,sub, and slaves. I just didnt get it since I treat then all the same. She just didnt get it since she expected them all to be different.
After a while it dawned on me that I treat all the girls in my life the same and they respond as in their nature.
Do you as a Master, dom or vanilla treat your girls different according to their choice of vanilla ,sub and slave?
Do you as a Vanilla ,sub or slave treat men different according to their choice of calling?

Other than attempting to involve a vanilla individual in lifestyle activites. I would treat them pretty much the same for the most part, within reason of course.

_____________________________

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Harvey Fierstein

(in reply to fantasy69maker)

Post #: 13

RE: Different Treatments? - 9/30/2009 2:14:36 PM

Missokyst

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I get your point completely. I am the same in or out of my sub-skin. I would not regard a request as an order if the man was nilla or bdsm. Men for me are the same people in or out of bdsm, they get the same reaction, I will help if I can. The only difference as I can see it is that for me in a bdsm relationship the degree of urgency on MY part is greater. It isn't so much that I want to do things to make my partner happy, it is that I need to do it so I can be happy.

quote:

ORIGINAL: fantasy69maker

Im not sureIve made myself clear as to my behaivior,
To illastrate, The other night at the fast stop while checking out I was talking with a girl making a drink at the fountain. When she explained what she was making it sounded good so I said "Sounds good make me one too."
A vanilla gf would have taken that as a question with a option "Sounds good make me one too?"
A sub would have taken that as a request "sounds good make me one too" and thought to herself this will please someone so I will do it to make him happy.
A Slave would have heard "sounds good make me one too" and immediatly thought I have a task to do.

But my thought was the same, in any case, it sounded good and I expected her to make me one , yes even though she was a vanilla who wasnt even my Gf.

She made it too.

Could she have refused? Sure ANY of them could have. My behavior then would have stayed consistant. I would have expressed my disapointment in terms appropriate to her station in my life. Yes each would have gotten a different responce but MY behaivior would stay the same.

(in reply to fantasy69maker)

Post #: 14

RE: Different Treatments? - 9/30/2009 2:25:43 PM

SomethingCatchy

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I've come to realize that being romantically involved with a submissive man is harder for me than having a submissive that I see as just a play thing and having a boyfriend that I love with no kink involved.

It makes it difficult and confusing sometimes to figure out what to do, but hopefully, one day, I'll figure it all out and be happy.

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Post #: 15

RE: Different Treatments? - 9/30/2009 3:33:14 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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I wouldn't have asked a stranger to make me a drink and if somebody asked me, and then told me he was disappointed that I didn't, I'd assume he was a creep and tell the clerk as I rushed to check out.

But I don't have multiple relationships. I have just one. So I treat him the way he likes to be treated. But if I were with a friend and I was at the soda fountain and they asked me to get them one also, of course I would. Not because I'm submissive to my friends but because I like to do nice things for people I like. And if I didn't like them, they wouldn't be friends. I would also expect that if he got to the soda fountain while I was getting the milk, he would get me a diet coke should I ask. Because we love each other and do things for each other.

Telling people you are not in a power relationship to do things for you, as opposed to asking, and telling them you're disappointed when you have no right to be? Sorry that whole scenario says creepy to me.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

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Post #: 16

RE: Different Treatments? - 9/30/2009 7:30:54 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Let Me make one particular point. I don't give commands to random strangers. Whether they are vanilla, kinky, pink, purple, or blue. I find it to be in poor taste.

Now on to this.....

quote:

ORIGINAL: fantasy69maker

Im not sureIve made myself clear as to my behaivior,
To illastrate, The other night at the fast stop while checking out I was talking with a girl making a drink at the fountain. When she explained what she was making it sounded good so I said "Sounds good make me one too."
A vanilla gf would have taken that as a question with a option "Sounds good make me one too?"
A sub would have taken that as a request "sounds good make me one too" and thought to herself this will please someone so I will do it to make him happy.
A Slave would have heard "sounds good make me one too" and immediatly thought I have a task to do.

But my thought was the same, in any case, it sounded good and I expected her to make me one , yes even though she was a vanilla who wasnt even my Gf.

She made it too.

Could she have refused? Sure ANY of them could have. My behavior then would have stayed consistant. I would have expressed my disapointment in terms appropriate to her station in my life. Yes each would have gotten a different responce but MY behaivior would stay the same.

There actually is a difference here. That being your reaction wouldn't have been the same if they refused. The consequences, or lack thereof, are entirely different.

Also, the context isn't the same. Even though it could be said the same way, one really is a request and the other is a command.

The fact that you would have made the same statement regardless of who you were dealing with isn't the point. It doesn't become an interaction until two people are involved and how the scenario transpires from there.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to fantasy69maker)

Post #: 17

RE: Different Treatments? - 9/30/2009 7:43:14 PM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
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quote:

My behavior then would have stayed consistant. I would have expressed my disapointment in terms appropriate to her station in my life. Yes each would have gotten a different responce but MY behaivior would stay the same.

Her ‘station’ in your life? What station is that, the SUBway station? Not only was she not IN your life, you were not in hers.
Your self described orientation does not entitle you to be served, catered or deferred to by anyone. Had it been me, I probably would have made the drink and then dropped it on the floor at your feet.
Bossing strangers, IMO, comes across as rude, not dominant.

_____________________________

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Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to fantasy69maker)

Post #: 18

RE: Different Treatments? - 9/30/2009 9:29:22 PM

Sunnyfey

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From: OK
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See if someone had asked ME to make them a drink like mine while I was at the soda fountain, I'd comply while SHOWING them how to do it also. That way I'm happy I have my drink, I feel a little special for making someones day better and he now knows how to make his own day a little better.....

I dont see how him asking me to make him a drink is rude....

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Post #: 19

RE: Different Treatments? - 10/1/2009 1:12:33 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

My boyfriend is ENTIRELY different than my slave. I use the same communication talents with each and I afford much respect to each. But, the nature of the relationships are different and thus how I ultimately treat them is different.

For example, I use a 3rd person/it protocol with my slave. I'm sure my boyfriend would be miffed if I referred to him as an "it". My slave, on the other hand, expects to be called an it. It's part of the bond we share.

I also don't have a sexual relationship with my slave, but obviously do with my boyfriend. So, if my boyfriend in kneeling in front of me and has his head in my lap, he's probably going down on me. :-) My slave, on the other hand, is probably grounding through me in a way that is calming and powerful for the two of us.

In the end, the relationship I have with slavelliot is one of obedience; I order, it does. The relationship I have with Andrew is based on agreement; I ask and he usually does it because he wants to but knows he doesn't HAVE to. TOTALLY different.

Master Fire

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