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Missokyst -> Off button (9/20/2009 8:46:13 AM)
Do you have an off button? Is there something you can flip in your mind that allows you to say no, even when everything inside you resists it? Are their certain people that can get you to comply no matter how many years have passed? If you cannot say no even when you know you should, how do you feel later?

TwistedHeart74 -> RE: Off button (9/20/2009 8:53:09 AM)
Yes, I have an off button. When my gut is screaming "don't do it" and my heart is saying "Full steam ahead" I listen to my gut. There have been only one or two who can still get me to do things after years and years. I try to aviod situations where they can manipulate me. If I give in...I always feel guilty afterwards. There was a reason that relationship ended and I'm not one who is into repeating my mistakes.

sirsholly -> RE: Off button (9/20/2009 8:56:10 AM)
I have more of a Hold Button. What the common sense is conflicting with the emotions i do my best to put any and all decisions on hold until i can be more rational and think things through

lovingpet -> RE: Off button (9/20/2009 9:05:54 AM)
In general, yes, I can get to a point where things just shut down and I can't, won't, and never will do THAT or be with that person. In everyday life, I am fairly well adept at putting on the brakes and making decisions that fit just so. I am strong in my ability to use logic, instinct, and emotion in appropriate portions to determine an appropriate outcome. When it comes to HIM, however, there is only that quiet request of "Please no." It's the best I can do. I did the hard stuff I mentioned above early on, however, and it leaves me quite assured that I have chosen this partner well. I know he may go against every inclination I have, but that he is tracking me and us toward something better and building our bond stronger as he goes. I have never really had a need to say no, just the overwhelming desire to do so, that could only manage to express as a request. I don't know if I can say no to him. So far it doesn't seem so. It's irritating and frustrating, but I guess if I'm honest I wouldn't have it any other way. lovingpet

littlewonder -> RE: Off button (9/20/2009 9:10:46 AM)
Yes there is a point where I can say "no", an off button. If it goes against my morals and values I have absolutely no problem in pressing that off button. But I can't think of anyone in my life that even after years who can still make comply. The only person in my life who I can say makes me comply each and every time is Master but even with him if he was to touch on my morals and values I still would have to say no to him. Thankfully that's not ever been a problem so far since we seem to match up pretty well in that department.

Missokyst -> RE: Off button (9/20/2009 9:12:19 AM)
I never feel guilty, but I do feel... sort of like a computer that hasn't quite processed the data because it is looking for more imput. When some people tell me, "do this.. close the door, sit, put your hands behind your back," ect.. and my initial reaction is no, there is something inside me that caves in and complies with persistance. Not to all people or situations of course, just for some men who have been in my life. I am a person that is used to battling issues. I am dyslexic but can read close to 1000wpm. I have had agorophobia since I was 12, but I have kept that at bay and even gone beyond what most people would try. I have been onstage, made a living in sales, run groups, and in general I have a well constructed mask of leadership in place. And I am in no way submissive to most people, in fact allowing that sub side to come out is done cautiously because I know how little power I have within a relationship. Once that switch is flipped on, it is almost like I have been short-wired. I figure there must be something I am missing because for me forever really is forever. I know most people get to a point where things are bad and they can step out and never return. But I don't think I have been to that point in anything. Usually I leave or pull the plug on a relationship for their benefit if I think that is what they need at the time due to life events. I have never left because something was bad. I even gave up smoking cigarettes after a 2 pack a day habit I had for 10 yrs, in one day. And I didn't develop a dislike of the smell or the desire to pick them up again. lol.. if one flipped up between my lips I would probably smoke it. quote: ORIGINAL: TwistedHeart74 Yes, I have an off button. When my gut is screaming "don't do it" and my heart is saying "Full steam ahead" I listen to my gut. There have been only one or two who can still get me to do things after years and years. I try to aviod situations where they can manipulate me. If I give in...I always feel guilty afterwards. There was a reason that relationship ended and I'm not one who is into repeating my mistakes.

Missokyst -> RE: Off button (9/20/2009 9:17:46 AM)
yea, if someone tried to go against my values there would be not even a hesitation before I would leave. But I have never become close to anyone who would do that. I am not particularly close to my family for that very reason. I had no choice in what family I was born into, but I have had choices in the men with whom I have become intimate. Caution along those lines are why I have had so few loves in my life. quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder Yes there is a point where I can say "no", an off button. If it goes against my morals and values I have absolutely no problem in pressing that off button. But I can't think of anyone in my life that even after years who can still make comply. The only person in my life who I can say makes me comply each and every time is Master but even with him if he was to touch on my morals and values I still would have to say no to him. Thankfully that's not ever been a problem so far since we seem to match up pretty well in that department.

TwistedHeart74 -> RE: Off button (9/20/2009 9:22:04 AM)
My guilt comes into play because to me still feeling that way makes me feel weak. I'm not weak. I tend to be pretty hard on myself heh.

porcelaine -> RE: Off button (9/20/2009 9:45:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Missokyst Do you have an off button? Is there something you can flip in your mind that allows you to say no, even when everything inside you resists it? Are their certain people that can get you to comply no matter how many years have passed? If you cannot say no even when you know you should, how do you feel later? my no is just that. no. i don't believe in shifting my thinking in the manner you mentioned. that person didn't get me to do anything i didn't wish to do with them all along. maybe i'm more comfortable assigning that theory to them rather than admitting that it isn't a hard and fast no in the first place. which would simply mean it is no until i've met the right person, or that person makes me feel comfortable enough to set it aside. which still goes back to me. i've yet to meet anyone that i can say falls within the categories mentioned. porcelaine

RavenMuse -> RE: Off button (9/20/2009 9:56:21 AM)
OK cheating here I guess because I'm on the other side of the D/s slash.... but the off button is My default setting. Unless I find a reason to DECIDE for My own reasons to do something then no amount of cajoling, begging, pressuring, emotional blackmailing, or whatever will make Me do so.

Mercnbeth -> RE: Off button (9/20/2009 10:13:59 AM)
quote: ...Is there something you can flip in your mind that allows you to say no, even when everything inside you resists it?... this slave asks herself what would Master have her do...how would Master desire her to react...and then says yes or no, accordingly. quote: ...Are their certain people that can get you to comply no matter how many years have passed?... no. this slave complies according to Master's wishes...not others.

Missokyst -> RE: Off button (9/20/2009 10:29:36 AM)
Off is my normal default setting. There have only been a few men in my life that could short circuit my control. I wonder if this is the real issue with me, because I am wired for control. I feel uneasy when I see things run badly, or with little direction. I need to know people who are in charge know what they are doing. If a leader is doing things well I will happily follow them to the ends of the job, or earth. If people appear to be acting like scattered ants it makes me uncomfortable. When I feel this way I often step up and become the head, and people have not only allowed it, they welcomed it. More often than not I have been in charge, and not always because I want to, mostly it is because people know I can. But when I feel someone is not only capable of running things I feel absolute trust and confident what ever path they chose, it is where I want to be. Begging, cajoling, ect., never seems to be the tactic of the dominant men I have known.. just a firm "do it". lol but yeah.. if they tried to use those methods I would be laughing too hard to comply. quote: ORIGINAL: RavenMuse OK cheating here I guess because I'm on the other side of the D/s slash.... but the off button is My default setting. Unless I find a reason to DECIDE for My own reasons to do something then no amount of cajoling, begging, pressuring, emotional blackmailing, or whatever will make Me do so.

DesFIP -> RE: Off button (9/20/2009 10:35:24 AM)
When I couldn't say no, I learned to say "I'll get back to you". And for people who don't accept a no, I learned not to say no face to face. I write, email or leave phone messages when I know they won't be there so they can't badger me. I also learned to write down my refusal and read the sentence word for word no matter how many times they ask, wheedle or badger. "Sorry I don't lend my car" But you don't understand, this is an emergency "Sorry I don't lend my car" Just this one time "Sorry I don't lend my car" What kind of friend are you anyway? "Sorry I don't lend my car. I don't give explanations because when you do, the other person will tell you that your explanation isn't good enough. I just say I can't do it. And then hang up.

OrionAndi -> RE: Off button (9/20/2009 10:36:02 AM)
While I do have a submissive nature... I am not weak, If anything goes against what i believe in, morals ect I have no problem in saying No. If it causes me to leave then so be it. I will! Even something slightly more trivial like dressing up as a school girl, I fully see the kink in it and have no problem with anyone who likes to do it or would like there sub to do it, doesn't phase me. But I will not do it, goes against my views and is not a turn on for me. Give me Seven of Nine from Voyager and im yours.Lol[:)] (Edit) _ Andi x

sblady -> RE: Off button (9/20/2009 10:37:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Missokyst Off is my normal default setting. To this dismay of many, off is also my normal default setting. Perhaps it's because I'm fully aware of what I'll allow or am willing to do. On the other hand, if I've built up a certain amount of trust with someone, "off" is no longer my default setting. No amount of begging, cajoling or whatever, will change my mind. In fact, the off is then accompanied with "the freeze".

RavenMuse -> RE: Off button (9/20/2009 10:37:36 AM)
Sounds pretty similar to the reason I often end up running things.... It needs running and the other possible people couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery... so I end up stepping in if it is something I consider important enough to Me to want it running well. My girl knows that if I say do then she'd best get on with it... I may or may not explain the why later when there is more time, because I like her to understand the why... it helps her reach decisions I will approve of when she has to make them and I am not right there to make them for her.

subtlebutterfly -> RE: Off button (9/20/2009 10:40:15 AM)
I definitely have an off button.

Missokyst -> RE: Off button (9/20/2009 10:47:32 AM)
LOL yeah I have no problem with that either. Someone wanted to borrow my violet wand for the weekend, and I had no problem saying no.

Elipsis -> RE: Off button (9/20/2009 10:54:39 AM)
Personally I'm not sure. I think I need to be with someone way less vanilla than my last relationship before I can develop an answer to this question. Also, this thread makes me want to make a really obscure reference - anyone? [img]http://shasrevenge.no-ip.info/elipsis/hom.gif[/img]

Joseff -> RE: Off button (9/20/2009 11:11:59 AM)
I won't say I have an "off" button, but I can hold my emotions in check very well. I've been accused of being cold and heartless many times, but it is not true. I have feelings, I just don't react to them very often. Most of my actions are governed by reason, not emotion. The only ones I find myself unable to say no to are family, and that only rarely.

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