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RE: Find it hard... - 9/19/2009 12:19:11 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		No it isn't inappropriate to want to be attracted to your partner, we all want that. But that's a given, it shouldn't be stressed.

And let's face it, he's very young, he wants someone older with more experience who is willing to invest her time into teaching him what this is about with the good chance that half the stuff she tries, he won't be able to handle. And what's the pay off for her spending her time teaching someone instead of being with someone she knows will like to take the stuff she dishes out? She gets to have sex with him.

That's not a payoff for a woman. Women can always find someone to have sex with. A very young male with whom she won't have much in common is not worth that much time for an experienced domme.

Because even the difference from 25 to 19 is a big one. He can't go out and have a drink with her. He can barely afford to take her out for pizza once a week. So if they go to a restaurant, she pays. If there are toys to buy she has to buy them. She is investing her time, her money and what she gets out of it is the altruism of showing a very young man what this is about.

Which is why I said he needs to date girls his own age who are interested in exploring themselves instead of putting out this list of requirements and expecting someone to fulfill them all for nothing. With someone his own age, they try what he likes, they try what she likes, they try stuff, keep stuff, toss stuff out. And they can introduce each other to their families which he can't do if some 32 year old takes him on.

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Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Find it hard... - 9/19/2009 12:25:09 PM   
Elipsis


Posts: 301
Joined: 7/8/2009
Status: offline 		DesFIB, I don't disagree that the difference between 19 and 25 is huge.  His situation is definitely more difficult than mine... but I didn't see anywhere in his profile that he requires that the girl be older than him.

Someone his own age, as you described it in the last paragraph of your post, would nonetheless be more reasonable but I thought that's what he was looking for anyway.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Find it hard... - 9/19/2009 12:44:54 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IWantYou

@ Condemned... gamerPup is quite correct in what they are refering to. I come acroos many profiles that ask that. I have had countless emails here wanting me to contact them in Yahoo or MSN only to either find they want you to sign onto a webcam site or start the process of telling you they are in need of money as they are stuck in some country and can;t get home, there dad died a long time ago and now mom is in hospital and they can't get on properly.

Maybe you haven't had this happen... maybe you have but the reality it happens and it will continue to happen


Well, IWantYou, I looked at your profile and it looks pretty good.  I assume that you know that everyone gets the spam/.scam contacts.  So if you want to meet real people, you have to put in the effort to browse through profiles and confact the ones that appeal to you.  Have you been doing that?


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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Find it hard... - 9/19/2009 12:49:42 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
If you play world of warcraft, join my femdom guild :)

Akasha


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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Find it hard... - 9/19/2009 4:13:39 PM   
abuddingdom


Posts: 158
Joined: 3/8/2007
Status: offline 		 Patience, Grasshopper.....

I got by fine, OP. I started actively exploring where B&D crosses over into S&M afew weeks before my 18th birthday & kept at it  as a top until about 3 years ago, which is when I came into the lifestyle seeking real power exchange. Granted, I was with one person for about half of that time, & granted , there were some dry spells over the years. But I found partners, & sometimes they found me, the old fashioned way. For most of my life there was no internet and no community to turn to. I'd be real suprised if there wasn't an abundance of other kinksters - kink being such a not bad place to start - in the gaming community of which you're  a  part. And, you're over 18, so most BDSM groups would accept you & many of them have special interest groups catering to the younger generation. Start seeking & start munching......

Good luck to you - I predict you'll find the confidence to find what you seek. Maybe not today or next week, but I hope it will will come together for you.

Man, to be 19 again. Would I or wouldn't I? Go back, that is.......

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Find it hard... - 9/19/2009 4:19:06 PM   
abuddingdom


Posts: 158
Joined: 3/8/2007
Status: offline 		There you go - see the post before mine.......

(in reply to abuddingdom)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Find it hard... - 9/19/2009 4:21:00 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

Patience is a virtue.


which is why i'm still single. i must have heaps!

porcelaine


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His will; my fate.

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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Find it hard... - 9/19/2009 4:25:28 PM   
MsMillgrove


Posts: 260
Joined: 5/27/2008
Status: offline 		There's lots of people in Second LIfe and WOW who are femdoms offscreen as well as onscreen. If you're a gamer, you'll be familiar with the controls.. and can move quickly to get yourself involved. Once there, you can find people. i know someone who lived in the most godforsaken place.. tiny...and she connected with someone else into bdsm on the same barren island in themiddle of nowhere.. it happens. It happens a lot more often i think than here on CM>

If you lived in L.A., i'd be happy to introduce you to a big group of young kinksters who do great events with one another. And it's true, i don't want a sub of 19 to deal with, but I am happy to get them involved with others their own age. Mature femdoms just love to give advice on "how to". You'll find lots of us in SL happy to help you.

I have to agree that CM is not the easiest place for you to find what you're looking for. Go with your strength, which is games.. and find people who will help you get going offline. It's way easier to show up alone at a real time event if you know someone you're acquainted with is going to be there. Anyone,half way normal, finds going out on one hour drives to places you're not familiar with to meet people you don't know--is not easy. I just did it today! and when i got there, right day right time.. right place.. no one was there--and I was pretty unhappy to have that experience. We all have to keep the chin up and.. soldier on bravely.

Good luck!

(in reply to abuddingdom)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Find it hard... - 9/19/2009 4:32:27 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		I would say that you do, you also have inner strength, which helps keep you on course.

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Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

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(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Find it hard... - 9/19/2009 4:35:39 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

I would say that you do, you also have inner strength, which helps keep you on course.


or too stubborn to settle.

porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Find it hard... - 9/19/2009 4:53:07 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		Patience and stubborness are kissin' cousins.

Settling, ugh

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Find it hard... - 9/19/2009 7:13:05 PM   
Wolf2Bear


Posts: 3204
Joined: 9/6/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gamerPup

True, but I have tried to find local munches and most of the time they are much further away than I could go to in a day. I don't know if I keep looking in the wrong place or what...


Consider letting your kinkster friends know you are seeking another. Munches are also a good avenue to explore and even if you attend one here and there, it does help. I mean, it was just a short time ago that I met the pup at a munch and we are working towards a relationship.


_____________________________

~Resident Sadist Approved~

Take the pain
Take the pleasure
I'm the master of both
Close your eyes, not your mind
Let me into your soul
I'm gonna work it 'til your totally blown

(in reply to gamerPup)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Find it hard... - 9/19/2009 8:21:19 PM   
SomethingCatchy


Posts: 796
Joined: 7/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gamerPup

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: gamerPup

True, but I have tried to find local munches and most of the time they are much further away than I could go to in a day. I don't know if I keep looking in the wrong place or what...

New Jersey is not that big of a state that it would take more than a day to get anywhere.


Well the only munches I ever can find info on are an hour or more of a drive and at night, and for someone who typically has to be at work early in the morning... not really a good thing for me



If a person wants something badly enough, he will work for it. "I have to work in the morning" doesn't cut it when you're 19 and these 30-40 year olds are showing you up while they juggle multiple children, full time jobs, sometimes college courses, spouses, and D/s partners all thrown in.




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Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

(in reply to gamerPup)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Find it hard... - 9/19/2009 8:29:59 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Elipsis

DesFIB, I don't disagree that the difference between 19 and 25 is huge.  His situation is definitely more difficult than mine... but I didn't see anywhere in his profile that he requires that the girl be older than him.

Someone his own age, as you described it in the last paragraph of your post, would nonetheless be more reasonable but I thought that's what he was looking for anyway.



How many highly experienced 19 year old dommes are there? Damn few is my bet. So they should get their experience together.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Elipsis)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Find it hard... - 9/20/2009 6:15:57 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: abuddingdom
Man, to be 19 again. Would I or wouldn't I? Go back, that is.......


Having the body I had back then maybe fun, but not worth loosing everything I've learned in the meantime.

The OP does need to stop making excuses. "It might be too late when I have work early the next day"... DAMN dude, whats happened to 19 year olds since I was one. Back then I thought nothing of finishing work on the friday, travelling to a convention doing the entire weekend with maybe a catnap or two sat in a lobby chair, traveling back monday morning in time for work and finaly crashing out properly Monday night.

Hell even these days I'll pull an all nighter if there is something I particularly want to do. If you want it MAKE it happen, if you don't want it badly enough you will sit around making excuses and complaining that nobody is turning up to hand it to you on a silver platter.


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This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to abuddingdom)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Find it hard... - 9/20/2009 6:47:25 AM   
oceanwyndsLoves


Posts: 44
Joined: 9/15/2009
Status: offline 		To the Op
What i am hearing from you is your frustrations, and my advice might seem silly but i would suggest you just step back for a bit and stop looking. You might be getting overwhelmed by not finding the 'right' Dom for you, and I know for me being overwhelm leads me into trouble.

I stepped back as I was weaning myself away from Ex Sir, and at one time signed on to delete my account just to give me more head space to think. On a normal day there would be plenty of cmails which i normally deleted, but one caught my eye and we talked and then met for coffee the next day. Am happy i open his cmail prior to deleting my account, but at that moment, i really wasnt looking for anyone nor wanted a relationship. It just happened.

Being alone for 7 months and giving myself time to find me and not be out reaching for another Dom helped me in a major way. The reason for that, is i cleared my head and my heart and could start anew.

One thing also I would suggest, and is a common suggestion of mine under all my oceanwynd names is don't trash people here. You don't know who could see that, and would walk away, and a good possibility for you missed.. Carry yourself with respect and honor.

blessings
oceanwynds

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Find it hard... - 9/20/2009 3:41:58 PM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		My previous boyfriend/submissive met when we were 19, though an online game. We started dating about a year later, when we were both attending the same college, and were together for 5 years. Most of the other guys I've dated have also been into video games, roleplaying games, and such.

When I was looking a few months ago, I prefered men who were within about 10 years of my age. I did go on a couple of dates with guys in the 21-25 range, and a couple more who were over 45, but they had to make more of an effort. Under 21 just seemed a bit too young - it's nice having the option of going to clubs and such together, and I prefered that they weren't still living with their parents, etc. I think it's perfectly reasonable to want someone you're attracted to, have chemistry with, share interests/hobbies with, get along with each others' friends, etc. My Master and I are very compatible in those areas, and I found him here. I found my female submissive playpartner through a local discussion group, even more easily! We already knew each other for a few months before we started playing, and it's great to be able to discuss stuff besides kink with her (my Master, her family, work, hobbies, etc.). I wouldn't want someone who was just a "warm body" to beat on/get thwacked by!

I think it *is* harder for men to find what they're looking for here, since there are more "female" fakes/scammers, judging from posts I've read. However, it's tough for women as well, and there are lots of guys who just want kinky play and sex, not a relationship, or who have unrealistic expectations, or whatever. If you aren't willing to put any effort in, stay up a bit late occasionally, take the initiative to contact potential partners, you deserve to be alone. Of course, even doing your best in all of those areas doesn't guarantee instant results, so try to be patient.

(in reply to oceanwyndsLoves)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Find it hard... - 9/20/2009 4:45:51 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: wandersalone

quote:

ORIGINAL: gamerPup

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: gamerPup

True, but I have tried to find local munches and most of the time they are much further away than I could go to in a day. I don't know if I keep looking in the wrong place or what...

New Jersey is not that big of a state that it would take more than a day to get anywhere.


Well the only munches I ever can find info on are an hour or more of a drive and at night, and for someone who typically has to be at work early in the morning... not really a good thing for me



You are throwing up lots of excuses sweetie.  You have gone from saying it would take a day to get to a munch to it being an hour or so away.  Go to one for a couple of hours, drive home, set your alarm and go to work.  Trust me, it can be done.



Think we're supposed to call Domme-no's and deliver him kink fresh to his door in 30 minutes or less.

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Find it hard... - 9/20/2009 10:20:25 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		OP, you've been on this site less than a month! 
  Davan

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-Me

Waiting is

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(in reply to Elipsis)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Find it hard... - 9/21/2009 12:08:28 AM   
Elipsis


Posts: 301
Joined: 7/8/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

OP, you've been on this site less than a month! 
Davan


I noticed this too and was going to say something but I figured maybe he has had other profiles or something.

(in reply to DavanKael)
Profile   Post #: 40
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