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Did I just get old and not realize it? - 9/16/2009 2:39:26 PM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

I was thinking about this the other day because of some events that are going on in my life (nothing bad). I came back to the United States after a bad experience in Korea where my job just stopped paying me but expected me to keep working. If my boss would have been a woman, well, that might have worked, but that wasn't the case. Anyway, I came back to the US, expecting it shouldn't be that hard to find a job. Well, I was wrong. With that, I finally managed to find work, but it will require me to move back to Michigan where I was 3 years ago. I leave next week.

But this isn't about that (just wanted to say it, however). It's about what was happening when I was in Michigan. I was there for 8 years working on a Ph.d, and then did some work for a hospital system there. All the time that I was there, I kept thinking to myself how much I wanted to return to California, because that's where some of the greatest bdsm relationships I've ever had took place. And then I got the opportunity to come home and do some grad school back in California (Stockton, actually). Never found a way to plug myself back into that community, almost as if it disappeared and went into hiding. Even my old friends into the scene were somewhat different (or maybe I was; who knows?). So, after returning from Korea, I thought of looking for that scene again, and I never found it. So, I'm going to Michigan, almost as if I feel like I'm leaving something behind, but I'm not sure what it is anymore.

So, I'm wondering if I just got older, and that was a life that was open to someone being much younger, or what? Honestly, I'm still not sure what happened, or didn't happen, but it's like I found myself on the outside and wanting to look in, but not even knowing where the window is anymore.

Does this make any sense? Anyone else feel this way? Or is this just me and my stuffed animals that feel this way?

_____________________________

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Post #: 1

RE: Did I just get old and not realize it? - 9/16/2009 2:42:41 PM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

One thing I've learned, never try to revisit the past, it ain't what it used to be...

The people have moved on, the places have changed, you have altered both in ways you are aware of and likely in ways you aren't. Doesn't matter where you are you build a future because you can never recreate the past.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 2

RE: Did I just get old and not realize it? - 9/16/2009 2:44:13 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

You are not alone in this feeling. But I don't think its limited to BDSM. People all over want the young stuff, men, women.. most everyone is out for young flesh. I would venture to say you probably get a lot of this comment... we like you, but you may have too much experience, we don't want you to leave out of dissatisfaction. Nilla, or bdsm.. jobs or romance, once you start getting older it is much more difficult to find what you are looking for.

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 3

RE: Did I just get old and not realize it? - 9/16/2009 2:50:47 PM

kallisto

Posts: 1185
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

One thing I've learned, never try to revisit the past, it ain't what it used to be...

100% on the mark. Couldn't agree more.

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 4

RE: Did I just get old and not realize it? - 9/16/2009 2:51:45 PM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

You are not alone in this feeling. But I don't think its limited to BDSM. People all over want the young stuff, men, women.. most everyone is out for young flesh. I would venture to say you probably get a lot of this comment... we like you, but you may have too much experience, we don't want you to leave out of dissatisfaction. Nilla, or bdsm.. jobs or romance, once you start getting older it is much more difficult to find what you are looking for.

I don't think it has anything to do with young flesh. Most of my partners have generally been my age or older than me. Never was one to seek out young people with whom I have very little to talk to about.

_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me

http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 5

RE: Did I just get old and not realize it? - 9/16/2009 2:55:09 PM

lateralist1

Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline

Maybe it's time you stopped prevaricating and found the one relationship that will satisfy you for the rest of your life.
That's if you are actually submissive rather than just kinky.

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 6

RE: Did I just get old and not realize it? - 9/16/2009 3:06:36 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

You can't return to your past. It has moved on without you and you need to move on as well. It's all part of growing up, getting older, finding different paths and having new experiences.

(in reply to lateralist1)

Post #: 7

RE: Did I just get old and not realize it? - 9/16/2009 3:29:16 PM

Acer49

Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

I was thinking about this the other day because of some events that are going on in my life (nothing bad). I came back to the United States after a bad experience in Korea where my job just stopped paying me but expected me to keep working. If my boss would have been a woman, well, that might have worked, but that wasn't the case. Anyway, I came back to the US, expecting it shouldn't be that hard to find a job. Well, I was wrong. With that, I finally managed to find work, but it will require me to move back to Michigan where I was 3 years ago. I leave next week.

But this isn't about that (just wanted to say it, however). It's about what was happening when I was in Michigan. I was there for 8 years working on a Ph.d, and then did some work for a hospital system there. All the time that I was there, I kept thinking to myself how much I wanted to return to California, because that's where some of the greatest bdsm relationships I've ever had took place. And then I got the opportunity to come home and do some grad school back in California (Stockton, actually). Never found a way to plug myself back into that community, almost as if it disappeared and went into hiding. Even my old friends into the scene were somewhat different (or maybe I was; who knows?). So, after returning from Korea, I thought of looking for that scene again, and I never found it. So, I'm going to Michigan, almost as if I feel like I'm leaving something behind, but I'm not sure what it is anymore.

So, I'm wondering if I just got older, and that was a life that was open to someone being much younger, or what? Honestly, I'm still not sure what happened, or didn't happen, but it's like I found myself on the outside and wanting to look in, but not even knowing where the window is anymore.

Does this make any sense? Anyone else feel this way? Or is this just me and my stuffed animals that feel this way?

quote:

prevaricating

I did, and I decided I did not like that feeling so I found myself a very special, very beautiful human being who I will soon hopefully be able to call my own

_____________________________

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
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(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 8

RE: Did I just get old and not realize it? - 9/16/2009 3:41:48 PM

CaringandReal

Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline

It's hard to say, because I don't know the details of your life or what that state is like, but I think maybe you just outgrew them or expect something different now without realizing that you do. You're certainly not too old. When I did the little socializing I did in the bdsm scene I frequently met people in it who were 10-15 years older than you are now, and they seemed completely integrated into their local communities, whatever those happened to be. Although I remember a couple of older dominants who were annoying, because they kept trying to hit on me even though I told them I was owned, lock stock and barrel. Those annoying aggressive coots pretty much ruined what little postive side I saw to "community socializing" and I've never been back since.

_____________________________

"A friend who bleeds is better" --placebo

"How seldom we recognize the sound when the bolt of our fate slides home." --thomas harris

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 9

RE: Did I just get old and not realize it? - 9/16/2009 3:42:25 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

One thing I've learned, never try to revisit the past, it ain't what it used to be...

Amen to this!!
I think what you're experiencing is is the breaking of illusion. "Things were so great, happening, cool" and then you grow up, friends move on, things change and it's just never quite the same. the class bully becomes a district attorney that fights for victims rights, the nerd is now rubbing elbows with Bill Gates...stuff changes.

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 10

RE: Did I just get old and not realize it? - 9/16/2009 3:49:13 PM

BKSir

Posts: 4037
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
Status: offline

Not just you. I actually said "I've been doing this since before you were born." to a co-worker not long back... The first time you say that and it's true, it's a very very frightening experience. >.<

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We'll begin with a spin, traveling in a world of my creation. What we'll see will defy explanation.

I am the voices in your head.

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(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 11

RE: Did I just get old and not realize it? - 9/16/2009 3:53:18 PM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U

quote:

One thing I've learned, never try to revisit the past, it ain't what it used to be...

Amen to this!!
I think what you're experiencing is is the breaking of illusion. "Things were so great, happening, cool" and then you grow up, friends move on, things change and it's just never quite the same. the class bully becomes a district attorney that fights for victims rights, the nerd is now rubbing elbows with Bill Gates...stuff changes.

I agree with all the above. "Gather ye rosebuds" my friend :)

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 12

RE: Did I just get old and not realize it? - 9/16/2009 3:56:42 PM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BKSir
I actually said "I've been doing this since before you were born." to a co-worker not long back...

Not just co-workers, I can and have said that to My girl regarding the lifestyle.... well colour Me ancient!

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to BKSir)

Post #: 13

RE: Did I just get old and not realize it? - 9/16/2009 4:04:41 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BKSir

Not just you. I actually said "I've been doing this since before you were born." to a co-worker not long back... The first time you say that and it's true, it's a very very frightening experience. >.<

I had that horrifying experience with one of my great nieces, she found my mom's collection of 78's. The older one (4) brings it up to her and says "grandma are these really big DVD's ?" Her other aunt and I spit our drinks we were laughing so hard.

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to BKSir)

Post #: 14

RE: Did I just get old and not realize it? - 9/16/2009 6:28:33 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I do tend to think that I know the feeling.

Quick side note. I'm sorry we never got a chance to say hello before your departure.

_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 15

RE: Did I just get old and not realize it? - 9/16/2009 8:09:11 PM

Andalusite

Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline

I'd been pretty much out of the public scene for nearly 4 years, and am just barely delving back into it. I've run into several people I knew from before, and it's fun catching up with each other, but we weren't super-close friends who were hanging out all the time. If anything, the connections seem to be getting a lot deeper this time around. I'm not really sure how to advise you, and I don't know how long it has been since you were out here.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 16

RE: Did I just get old and not realize it? - 9/16/2009 8:52:54 PM

Elipsis

Posts: 301
Joined: 7/8/2009
Status: offline

I don't like time very much. I dislike how it works.

A necessary evil, I suppose.

(in reply to Andalusite)

Post #: 17

RE: Did I just get old and not realize it? - 9/16/2009 8:55:21 PM

Musicmystery

Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Does this make any sense? Anyone else feel this way? Or is this just me and my stuffed animals that feel this way?

Here's your answer.

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 18

RE: Did I just get old and not realize it? - 9/16/2009 8:59:53 PM

pompeii

Posts: 934
Joined: 1/4/2007
From: Silicon Valley, San Jose, California
Status: offline

The good thing about BDSM is, when you get old, and your eyes go, it doesn't matter 'cuz you're blindfolded anyway!

(in reply to Musicmystery)

Post #: 19

RE: Did I just get old and not realize it? - 9/16/2009 11:10:16 PM

stella41b

Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pompeii

The good thing about BDSM is, when you get old, and your eyes go, it doesn't matter 'cuz you're blindfolded anyway!

ROFL!! Classic!

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Post #: 20

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