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RE: Did I just get old and not realize it? - 9/17/2009 1:17:51 AM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

I was thinking about this the other day because of some events that are going on in my life (nothing bad). I came back to the United States after a bad experience in Korea where my job just stopped paying me but expected me to keep working. If my boss would have been a woman, well, that might have worked, but that wasn't the case. Anyway, I came back to the US, expecting it shouldn't be that hard to find a job. Well, I was wrong. With that, I finally managed to find work, but it will require me to move back to Michigan where I was 3 years ago. I leave next week.

But this isn't about that (just wanted to say it, however). It's about what was happening when I was in Michigan. I was there for 8 years working on a Ph.d, and then did some work for a hospital system there. All the time that I was there, I kept thinking to myself how much I wanted to return to California, because that's where some of the greatest bdsm relationships I've ever had took place. And then I got the opportunity to come home and do some grad school back in California (Stockton, actually). Never found a way to plug myself back into that community, almost as if it disappeared and went into hiding. Even my old friends into the scene were somewhat different (or maybe I was; who knows?). So, after returning from Korea, I thought of looking for that scene again, and I never found it. So, I'm going to Michigan, almost as if I feel like I'm leaving something behind, but I'm not sure what it is anymore.

So, I'm wondering if I just got older, and that was a life that was open to someone being much younger, or what? Honestly, I'm still not sure what happened, or didn't happen, but it's like I found myself on the outside and wanting to look in, but not even knowing where the window is anymore.

Does this make any sense? Anyone else feel this way? Or is this just me and my stuffed animals that feel this way?

I realised I was getting older when my Doms were getting younger....

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Post #: 21

RE: Did I just get old and not realize it? - 9/17/2009 1:44:06 AM

MaamJay

Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
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I agree with Ravenmuse that you can't revisit your past, so I do hope OP that you can go on to build a new future instead. And I want to add that the situation in Korea surely sucked! Glad you could at least get out of there.

And as to the "before you were born" sidebar in this thread ... how about being at your adopted-by-love nephew's 21st and having his older brother there with his wife and 2 year old child, saying to his wife "Hey, come and meet (Me) ... she taught my mum at high school!" OMG I suddenly felt terribly old!

Maam Jay the decrepit aka violet[A]

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Post #: 22

RE: Did I just get old and not realize it? - 9/17/2009 2:20:33 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

In part I disagree. One can and oft it is good to revisit the past, if for no other reason to enjoy memories of that time or of that place, to enjoy how things have progressed or in some cases to pity how something which has beautiful and even glorious has deteriorated. In this way we can both learn from what has eventuated and even see how mistakes could have been avoided, thus having a far better chance of avoiding making those same mistakes. I want to be able to take those things from the past which I find of beauty or value and bring them into my present life. there is no way I want to go back and relive my 21st Birthday, far too painful physically.However I would be happy to have the health and fitness I had at that time or even when I was 35. the older you get, the more memories you have of which many you cherish. It is not necessarily a bad thing to be old especially when some young punk underestimates you and wants to try being physically pushy.. ~ Very Wicked and most evil grin and maniacal chuckle. ~

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(in reply to MaamJay)

Post #: 23

RE: Did I just get old and not realize it? - 9/17/2009 3:37:50 AM

CNJDom

Posts: 186
Joined: 6/6/2006
From: Southern NJ
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

I was thinking about this the other day because of some events that are going on in my life (nothing bad). I came back to the United States after a bad experience in Korea where my job just stopped paying me but expected me to keep working. If my boss would have been a woman, well, that might have worked, but that wasn't the case. Anyway, I came back to the US, expecting it shouldn't be that hard to find a job. Well, I was wrong. With that, I finally managed to find work, but it will require me to move back to Michigan where I was 3 years ago. I leave next week.

But this isn't about that (just wanted to say it, however). It's about what was happening when I was in Michigan. I was there for 8 years working on a Ph.d, and then did some work for a hospital system there. All the time that I was there, I kept thinking to myself how much I wanted to return to California, because that's where some of the greatest bdsm relationships I've ever had took place. And then I got the opportunity to come home and do some grad school back in California (Stockton, actually). Never found a way to plug myself back into that community, almost as if it disappeared and went into hiding. Even my old friends into the scene were somewhat different (or maybe I was; who knows?). So, after returning from Korea, I thought of looking for that scene again, and I never found it. So, I'm going to Michigan, almost as if I feel like I'm leaving something behind, but I'm not sure what it is anymore.

So, I'm wondering if I just got older, and that was a life that was open to someone being much younger, or what? Honestly, I'm still not sure what happened, or didn't happen, but it's like I found myself on the outside and wanting to look in, but not even knowing where the window is anymore.

Does this make any sense? Anyone else feel this way? Or is this just me and my stuffed animals that feel this way?

It may all seem like the scene and the BDSM world has slipped away while you've been away, but scenes change and people move on. And as with many things there is an ebb and tide...you may be experiencing that as well right now and just caught things at a low-tide condition for the moment. Also not being connected can sometimes give you the "gee, it was much bigger when I was here before" effect. Just have to re-connect and find another BDSM source. They are out there. Just be diligent and you'll soon be back in the swing of things. Good luck!

< Message edited by CNJDom -- 9/17/2009 3:38:27 AM >

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 24

RE: Did I just get old and not realize it? - 9/19/2009 9:59:34 PM

Rhodes85

Posts: 445
Joined: 11/15/2008
From: Nova Scotia, Canada
Status: offline

I started realizing I was getting older when my cousins and random people I talked to didn't know what a super nintendo, Doom or a 486 were

I miss the early 90s

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Post #: 25

RE: Did I just get old and not realize it? - 9/19/2009 10:07:55 PM

GoddessImaginos

Posts: 1493
Joined: 8/5/2009
From: A small blue planet near Alpha Centauri
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Hi CNJDom, I'm originally from Stockton CA..
This year, I started realizing I was getting older when all My childhood icons started dying off in large groups, which was way after I started hearing Guns-n-Roses on the classic rock station..
Also, I think I'm going to start shaving down below, because I'm pretty sure I saw a gray hair that I'm really hoping was just a trick of the light..

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Post #: 26

RE: Did I just get old and not realize it? - 9/20/2009 6:10:50 AM

Manawyddan

Posts: 701
Joined: 1/2/2005
From: Petaluma (Northern California)
Status: offline

Probably the most at-home I have ever felt was when I lived in Michigan for 9 months. I've never really felt comfortable in California.

But at the same time ... I don't want to move back to Michigan. What I experienced was lightning in a bottle ... the friends I had there have moved on. I suspect what you experienced was the same. Sometimes social circumstances just come together perfectly ... don't expect it to happen again just by returning to the same place.

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Post #: 27

RE: Did I just get old and not realize it? - 9/20/2009 6:14:05 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

In addition to you and your friends changing because of life experiences, we tend to get choosier with age. We want a quality experience, not just any experience. And those are always much harder to find.

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Post #: 28

RE: Did I just get old and not realize it? - 9/20/2009 6:29:38 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

One thing I found, after moving back to my home regioun, I changed in ways they did not. They do not understand me, feel I have "forgotten where I came from". I do not wish to do a large number of things they do, hang out in the local bar, drink a lot, smoke a lot, tell the same tired jokes. I don't want to gossip about who is sleeping with whom. I don't want to be a part of allowing minors to drink, drive, put themselves in dangerous situations. It is better for me to avoid a large number of their gatherings rather than speak up. So, because of these things, I am assumed to be snooty or forgetting where I come from.

I've not forgotten, in fact I quite embrace it. The difference is that I also embrace the new. New places, experiences, learning, foods, everything. They don't. The prefer to stay in familiar places, with familiar people, doing familiar things, eating familiar foods. I understand this but it is not what I want. They don't understand my ease with things that are new and unfamiliar to them.

So, in moving back here, I created a bit of an island here on my hilltop. If I was a more social creature, I would probably look to sell and move closer to Iowa City. However I enjoy the solitude so I stay.

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Post #: 29

RE: Did I just get old and not realize it? - 9/20/2009 6:43:22 AM

abuddingdom

Posts: 158
Joined: 3/8/2007
Status: offline

I turned 58 a week ago today, & overall I'm still a youthful guy. I've slowed down physically some, to be sure, but in a lot of ways I've managed to pull off refusing to grow up. Life's good, people. But - things that make me feel old :

The other day my pretty one & I were pitting pics on our profiles & I pulled out a photo of myself from about 3 years ago which I really like.In it my hair's browner, & there's no hair on my face, but I considered putting it as one of the secondary pics. She said I look 10 years older than in the pic. Yikes! Good thing we don't have a punishment dynamic, pretty one.......

music from the 80's played on the oldies channel(where will it end? inafew more years will 90's music be considered oldies?).

The obits - I used to pick them up & look for members of the "older" generation, such as parents of my friends, my contemporaries etc For the last 20 years or so I just as often see people my age & younger. One day last year I picked up the paper & saw a woman who grew up on the same street as me who's a year older & a guy who grew up afew streets away who's a year younger. I have many feelings when hearing of the demise of a contrmporary. Feeling old's one of them, but feeling fortunate that I'm still here is there, too. It's almost a competitive feeling - I made it longer. Silly, I know, but some elements of that feeling is there. &, often, I feel sorrow, even towards someone I was not close with or even someone who I didn't like. the reason being that- often - they died before their time because they didnt take care of themselves, physically and spiritually, & now their 2nd, 3rd, etc chances are up.

Knowing that I'm the oldest living male in my family. I keep trying to pass that "patriarch" title to my cousin's husband but there's no getting around it.

about 10 years back my daughter, who was in her teens at the time, asked me if "that Mick Jagger guy is still alive?" That made me laugh, but also made me feel old.

Knowing that my first bottom, wherever she is and bless her soul, would be75. Or should that make me feel young?

(in reply to Manawyddan)

Post #: 30

RE: Did I just get old and not realize it? - 9/20/2009 6:56:47 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

I know that when I visited Glasgow with My ex after an absence of 15 years or so, I started off full of memory's and wanting to show her so much of what I grew up with, that shaped Me, the background to all the storys she'd hear Me tell of My youth...... I was gutted.... it was gone, in some occasions the shell was still there but the heart had been ripped out. It was just another bland European city filled with chain stores and chavs.

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And it must follow, as the night the day,
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(in reply to abuddingdom)

Post #: 31

RE: Did I just get old and not realize it? - 9/20/2009 10:48:23 AM

looking4princess

Posts: 165
Joined: 4/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

One thing I've learned, never try to revisit the past, it ain't what it used to be...

The people have moved on, the places have changed, you have altered both in ways you are aware of and likely in ways you aren't. Doesn't matter where you are you build a future because you can never recreate the past.

Raven has a very good point but let's take it one step further. Maybe there is no past to be recreated and maybe creating a future is also an illusion. Maybe there is just the NOW..focusing on the NOW...doing the NOW...because all is changing constantly. I know that sounds like a freshman lecture hall on far eastern religion, but seriously what makes you think there is anything you can really count on for lasting associations. The river keeps rolling and you can't step into the same place twice. Boring if you do. Bottom line, what I am trying to say here is you cannot count on building a future ... there aint any, not for long anyway.

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Post #: 32

RE: Did I just get old and not realize it? - 9/20/2009 10:53:46 AM

looking4princess

Posts: 165
Joined: 4/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

I know that when I visited Glasgow with My ex after an absence of 15 years or so, I started off full of memory's and wanting to show her so much of what I grew up with, that shaped Me, the background to all the storys she'd hear Me tell of My youth...... I was gutted.... it was gone, in some occasions the shell was still there but the heart had been ripped out. It was just another bland European city filled with chain stores and chavs.

I had that same experience, Raven. I went back once and sat in front of my teen years home in a car. LOL I thought the current owner was about to call the cops and I would have to explain i was a time traveler from 30 or 40 years in the past. LMAO.

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vincent....

Where would we be without the agitators of the world attaching the electrodes of knowledge to the nipples of ignorance? I ask you.

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Post #: 33

RE: Did I just get old and not realize it? - 9/20/2009 11:22:36 AM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
Status: offline

Fast reply (haven't read the thread yet):

That's what the old saying "you can't go home again" means.

Of course you can go back to the same place, but its never the same.

The place, the people, and you- all change with each passing day.

So, carpe diem! And remember: Change is GOOD.

See the good in it. Focus on the good.

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(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 34

RE: Did I just get old and not realize it? - 9/20/2009 4:41:16 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pompeii

The good thing about BDSM is, when you get old, and your eyes go, it doesn't matter 'cuz you're blindfolded anyway!

problem is though most subs prefer that the person at the switch isn't using braille to locate them in the same room!!

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Post #: 35

RE: Did I just get old and not realize it? - 9/20/2009 5:24:10 PM

OnlyMaster4u

Posts: 31
Joined: 12/11/2005
Status: offline

Just my opinion based on recent experiences. That is simply this I am in my mid 30's now and had what I like to think of and many would agree were some very jammed packed years and experiences throughout my twenty's both in and out of relationships. All were D/s and wonderfully fulfilling and fun. I had a self induced break and upon returning now have had the most amazing summer of my life and it has been so much more important and meaning full because I can see it as an adult and because well it is busy now then ever! I was in my twenty's a bartender in elite clubs throughout OC california so imagine it being better now and know that I think with everything it is your mindset and what you are putting out to others that will make what type of experiences and lifestyles you have.

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Post #: 36

RE: Did I just get old and not realize it? - 9/21/2009 5:56:27 PM

roughleather

Posts: 232
Joined: 11/11/2004
Status: offline

No, the kinky scene isn't what it was ten years ago. There were far more fetish events in the late 1990s than now, at least in NY/SF/LA/London. For a while, it was something the cool people did. No longer.

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 37

RE: Did I just get old and not realize it? - 9/22/2009 3:19:35 PM

submittous

Posts: 345
Joined: 6/12/2004
Status: offline

Life is about growth, if you spend too much time and effort trying to recreate your past you are wasting your future.... Taking a moment now and then to reassess your life is worthwhile if you don't over indulge yourself.

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Post #: 38

RE: Did I just get old and not realize it? - 10/1/2009 2:01:26 PM

billyInAustin

Posts: 12
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

I was thinking about this the other day because of some events that are going on in my life (nothing bad). I came back to the United States after a bad experience in Korea where my job just stopped paying me but expected me to keep working. If my boss would have been a woman, well, that might have worked, but that wasn't the case. Anyway, I came back to the US, expecting it shouldn't be that hard to find a job. Well, I was wrong. With that, I finally managed to find work, but it will require me to move back to Michigan where I was 3 years ago. I leave next week.

But this isn't about that (just wanted to say it, however). It's about what was happening when I was in Michigan. I was there for 8 years working on a Ph.d, and then did some work for a hospital system there. All the time that I was there, I kept thinking to myself how much I wanted to return to California, because that's where some of the greatest bdsm relationships I've ever had took place. And then I got the opportunity to come home and do some grad school back in California (Stockton, actually). Never found a way to plug myself back into that community, almost as if it disappeared and went into hiding. Even my old friends into the scene were somewhat different (or maybe I was; who knows?). So, after returning from Korea, I thought of looking for that scene again, and I never found it. So, I'm going to Michigan, almost as if I feel like I'm leaving something behind, but I'm not sure what it is anymore.

So, I'm wondering if I just got older, and that was a life that was open to someone being much younger, or what? Honestly, I'm still not sure what happened, or didn't happen, but it's like I found myself on the outside and wanting to look in, but not even knowing where the window is anymore.

Does this make any sense? Anyone else feel this way? Or is this just me and my stuffed animals that feel this way?

The old saying that you can't go home again is so true. Facebook has underlined that for me. The absolute cutest girl I have ever had sex with (30 years ago) now looks like a troll, a real under the bridge troll. From 85 lbs and perky to 280 and counting. "Time has no shame"

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 39

RE: Did I just get old and not realize it? - 10/1/2009 2:30:58 PM

TurboJugend

Posts: 481
Joined: 6/15/2009
Status: offline

I think you get old when you can't accept the present. (perhaps keep up is a better word choice)
Propably most people have a period in which they think...tis not as it was.
But time goes only forward. We can try to stay still...but everything moves on.

< Message edited by TurboJugend -- 10/1/2009 2:33:58 PM >

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Post #: 40

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