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RE: Talking with Vanilla friends... - 9/15/2009 8:38:48 AM

allthatjaz

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quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

Sorry. But if your friend ran because she could not find it within herself to believe in YOU...she was not much of a friend.

Think what you wish; my stand does not change.

And neither does mine!
How about my family? are they not much of a family either because they may not understand?

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RE: Talking with Vanilla friends... - 9/15/2009 8:42:23 AM

allthatjaz

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I will add to that..... I don't tell my family because to be honest they don't want to know about my sexuality anymore than I want to know about theirs.
Its the same with certain friends. If they are not into this then they may except but they won't necessarily understand. I have plenty to talk about in the nilla world other than how my partner and me get off.

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RE: Talking with Vanilla friends... - 9/15/2009 10:16:14 AM

oceanwyndsLoves

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When i ended things with my past Sir, my vanilla freinds were excited. They thought it was just a phase I was going through and I was done with it. It wasn't the case, am now with another Dom and we connect great. Sadly these vanilla 'friends' have wiped their hand of me. I am though happy and that is what counts. BDSM is very much a part of who i am. I took many months searching within and decided to stay.

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RE: Talking with Vanilla friends... - 9/15/2009 10:23:48 AM

genericsub4one

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Surround yourself with like-minded people for friends...Doesn't mean you can't talk to the "vanilla" ones, they just only need to hear somethings...I think the majority of society has "kinks" & sexual fantasies or fetishes they just are too afraid to explore down that path in fear of what others may think...Time to live loud and proud with the rest of us who choose to live a alternative lifestyle....

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RE: Talking with Vanilla friends... - 9/15/2009 11:56:51 AM

Acer49

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jadiken

I know we all have vanilla friends that we can tell them that we are in a relationship, but we cant go into much detail with it. To them we are simply boyfriend and girlfriend or something along those lines. Not Master and slave... Have you ever been having a conversation with a vanilla friend nad they say something about you and your other half that just makes you laugh so hard and they have no idea why... ?

I just got done talking to my friend who knows I am in a relationship but doesnt know the extent of it simply because its better that way... but she just told me to " tell bf time to buck up n make it happen lol" and that just totally made me laugh till it hurt... Right... I'll get right on telling Master what to do... right after I hand Him the flogger and pull my pants down... lol

Hope every one else at least gets a chuckle from this...

Jade

<<Chuckles>> Trying out for the position of pain slut are we? Yes, I am afraid that is about how it play out. And what is also amusing is the g/f who somehow is having illusions of grandeur, thinking she has the right to pass judgement and dictate policy for a relationship she is not involved in.

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RE: Talking with Vanilla friends... - 9/15/2009 12:17:43 PM

IrishMist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

Sorry. But if your friend ran because she could not find it within herself to believe in YOU...she was not much of a friend.

Think what you wish; my stand does not change.

And neither does mine!
How about my family? are they not much of a family either because they may not understand?

Do you truly want me to answer that? Because I will. It is not an answer that would sit well with you.

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RE: Talking with Vanilla friends... - 9/15/2009 1:53:31 PM

allthatjaz

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quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

Sorry. But if your friend ran because she could not find it within herself to believe in YOU...she was not much of a friend.

Think what you wish; my stand does not change.

And neither does mine!
How about my family? are they not much of a family either because they may not understand?

Do you truly want me to answer that? Because I will. It is not an answer that would sit well with you.

It is my decision to not tell my family what goes on behind our four walls.
I am not here to judge you and likewise I would appreciate you not judging my friends or my decisions.
I know people that tell everyone. I know people that tell the family and I know people that just confide in a few close friends. I also know people like myself that make the decision not to tell anyone who is not into similar things and I gave the reasons why I made those decisions. For me it works my way and for you it works your way.

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RE: Talking with Vanilla friends... - 9/15/2009 2:01:31 PM

theRose4U

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quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

The answer for me is to explain that a girl in my collar is a servant and my AdC. It raises the odd eyebrow when they realise that yes we do have servants but then the same folk raise an eyebrow when they hear me addressed as Reverent and someone explained that I am an ordained Pagan Priest. The biggest laugh I have is when because of our obvious age difference some folk assume wrongly that my wife is my daughter. I once when doing Christmas shopping with Neets and had several girls in tow. I was asked on several occasions that day who were the women with me, and not wanting to offend the good folk asking, I introduced Neets as my wife and the girls as my concubines before introducing them by name.

Some days what I wouldn't give just to be a fly on your wall.Guessing their heads exploded right after they assumed you were joking.

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RE: Talking with Vanilla friends... - 9/15/2009 2:20:02 PM

shadowowl

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an interesting event happend to me actually in regards to this though maybe not "confiding" so much as be outed :P
I had given my Mistress a photo of myself holding a sign proclaiming my status as her pet and property, as she was telling some of her Vanilla friends about us and they didnt believe her :P so I provided her with some proof. at any rate as I expected her to show this to her friends that she confided in she ended up showing everyone..
Including her mom, whom I have yet to meet in person.. they didn't run away but do think I'm pretty wierd and "crazy" but I suppose that's out of the way now we can move on :P
I suppose since I'm the sub her mother is more accepting of her daughters side of things, I would expect if it was reversed she would be far less accepting :P

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RE: Talking with Vanilla friends... - 9/15/2009 8:02:17 PM

DemonKia

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FR, after read thru

OP, I thought the story was charming, funny, & I got it. That kinda thing happens to me all the time .. . . . Like when I was dating the gay married couple last year, that led to all kinds of amusing misunderstandings by people outside my intimate circle . . . .

& Des, you're usually pretty reasonable, but I think you were reading way too much into the OP this time . . . . .

As for the other discussion going on here, I have many levels of people I interact with socially, from casual acquaintances to close friends, most of whom can be described with that loose label, 'friend' . . . . . I think that some people only want to give the label 'friend' to those who are 'close friends', 'best friends', & that level of intimacy . . . . Which is fine for themselves but leads to trouble when they apply those standards to others . . . . . .

Others who may have people at work, school, or wherever who they consider 'light, casual friends', friends who don't know intimate details, & for whom intimate detail sharing may be inappropriate . . . .

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RE: Talking with Vanilla friends... - 9/15/2009 10:37:33 PM

Jadiken

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Thank you Kia.

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RE: Talking with Vanilla friends... - 9/15/2009 10:59:41 PM

MaamJay

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I too got the humour in the story OP, and I wouldn't have taken offence at your gf's advice either as it was clearly meant as a joke. Just it was even funnier for you with your extra knowledge of the way things are! It would have been different if she was genuinely trying to boss you around or interfere in your relationship and I doubt you would have found that funny. I do feel there are a few folks round here who could lighten up a bit though and I thought Kia's explanation of different levels of "friends" was spot on.

My own version of similar situation ... I used to be a choir Mistress and ex sub hub was in the choir. When I asked him to do something he generally replied "yes Maam!" (just about the only time he was keen to obey LOL!) and most people thought he was "taking the piss out of Me" (a very australian thing to do). I was suitably strict as a benevolent dictator in charge of a choir needs to be, and frequently I'd hear "watch out - she'll bring her whip next week!" Now they were joking ... and we all laughed ... just that hubby and I found it even funnier knowing I had a whole selection of whips I could bring! Then when some D/s friends of ours joined the choir it was even funnier knowing there were others who were in the know. Had to avoid their eyes in some situations or I would have lost it completely. We sang one stirring German song about travelling in which there was a line "No one ties us down and no one ever will". I just could NOT glance in the other sub's direction when we sang that or I would have cracked up laughing, knowing how terribly fond she was of bondage! Now in all this, I wasn't laughing AT the members of My choir, I loved them dearly but it wasn't appropriate to tell them more about the relationships (though they did wonder about Master!). But the situation was hilarious. I miss it!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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RE: Talking with Vanilla friends... - 9/16/2009 4:18:40 AM

allthatjaz

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jadiken

I know we all have vanilla friends that we can tell them that we are in a relationship, but we cant go into much detail with it. To them we are simply boyfriend and girlfriend or something along those lines. Not Master and slave... Have you ever been having a conversation with a vanilla friend nad they say something about you and your other half that just makes you laugh so hard and they have no idea why... ?

I just got done talking to my friend who knows I am in a relationship but doesnt know the extent of it simply because its better that way... but she just told me to " tell bf time to buck up n make it happen lol" and that just totally made me laugh till it hurt... Right... I'll get right on telling Master what to do... right after I hand Him the flogger and pull my pants down... lol

Hope every one else at least gets a chuckle from this...

Jade

Actually thats bloody hilarious Jadiken

Some years back I had a male domestic sub. The poor guy went through an awkward incidents within my home.
He was busy going about his tasks when my mum called in.
I told him to stop what he was doing and just be sociable (fortunately he was fully dressed).
He asked her if she would like a coffee and she followed him to the kitchen where she witnessed him busying himself. She then started to lecture him about him doing my cleaning. 'You shouldn't be doing that' she told him before calling me in and giving me a good telling off about the modern women of today not looking after the men. She then proceeded to take the dish cloth off him and firmly placed it in my hands.

Another incident that comes to mind was at a friends house. She had a fem puppy and a house full of subs when her neighbors called round. Being polite, she offered them a coffee and gave the subs (all but puppy who was upstairs) a warning stare to be normal. They had all just sat down comfortably when puppy girl crawled into the living room on her hands and knees barking. My friend told them that this female was a care in the community case and she was just looking after her for the day.
I think the neighbors left pretty quickly!

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RE: Talking with Vanilla friends... - 9/16/2009 5:13:25 AM

DesFIP

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DemonKia

& Des, you're usually pretty reasonable, but I think you were reading way too much into the OP this time . . . . .

Appreciate the compliment Kia but I'm truly puzzled by how saying to a friend that neither he nor I knows a trustworthy mechanic would get an answer of "tell him to make it happen". Here what it would get is "go to this garage and speak to Ollie" or some such answer. Forgetting about the power play in the relationship, there is no way you can tell someone to magically acquire information they don't have.

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RE: Talking with Vanilla friends... - 9/16/2009 7:24:04 AM

DemonKia

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Des, I just didn't get from the OP, or any of her successive posts, what you got out of it. I read thru the exchange between you & her, but I didn't see the stuff you did . . . . . & your first post on the subject had me totally shaking my head, wondering what you read -- even after I went back & read thru the OP again, I was still wondering WTF . . . . . .

I hear your explanation, I just don't buy that that's the only way things could have shaken out . . . . Or even that that's the most obvious way things played out; maybe for you that would be, but it wouldn't work that way for me, necessarily.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: DemonKia

& Des, you're usually pretty reasonable, but I think you were reading way too much into the OP this time . . . . .

Appreciate the compliment Kia but I'm truly puzzled by how saying to a friend that neither he nor I knows a trustworthy mechanic would get an answer of "tell him to make it happen". Here what it would get is "go to this garage and speak to Ollie" or some such answer. Forgetting about the power play in the relationship, there is no way you can tell someone to magically acquire information they don't have.

< Message edited by DemonKia -- 9/16/2009 7:25:56 AM >

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RE: Talking with Vanilla friends... - 9/17/2009 4:00:12 AM

CNJDom

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jadiken

I know we all have vanilla friends that we can tell them that we are in a relationship, but we cant go into much detail with it. To them we are simply boyfriend and girlfriend or something along those lines. Not Master and slave... Have you ever been having a conversation with a vanilla friend nad they say something about you and your other half that just makes you laugh so hard and they have no idea why... ?

I just got done talking to my friend who knows I am in a relationship but doesnt know the extent of it simply because its better that way... but she just told me to " tell bf time to buck up n make it happen lol" and that just totally made me laugh till it hurt... Right... I'll get right on telling Master what to do... right after I hand Him the flogger and pull my pants down... lol

Hope every one else at least gets a chuckle from this...

Jade

Very funny Jade, and I know what you mean! Once my Mother was trying to encourage me about a situation I related to at work that I was lamenting over, and she made a comment to me that I had to keep my immediate response mostly subdued (and probably the laughter was a little out of place, but thank goodness we were talking via phone), when she stated: "...well sometimes you got to let 'em know you're going to spank them!" (aka that "I" am in charge). I had a hard time controlling my shock and laughter at the same time. She doesn't know about my BDSM taste (but you never know with mothers....), but that comment came out of nowhere, since she doesn't make comments like that often. Somethings are to be enjoyed and the humor we see in them are just that: humorous.

I read through nearly all of the responses, and it seems that it takes a twisted mind to appreciate the humor in these situations. It appears though that some are taking things too seriously, and if that is your thing, great! But I do appreciate the humor and thanks for sharing with us Jade. Humor is precious. I look for it, or it finds me in the most unlikely places at times. I try to enjoy it no matter what.

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RE: Talking with Vanilla friends... - 9/17/2009 4:19:32 AM

Marcus440

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To Jadiken,

What a great picture. I love those lips!!!

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RE: Talking with Vanilla friends... - 9/17/2009 4:29:31 AM

Marcus440

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Also, I guess on this site I am considered Vanilla. I have complained about it, to no avail. I can only say that around here, in the physical neighborhood where I live, no one would consider me to be anything even close to vanilla, if they knew even ten percent of what this site knows about me and about what my sexual interests are. In fact, people in this neighborhood would probably (if they ever found out about me) want to hang me as a raging faggot pervert. Mark

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RE: Talking with Vanilla friends... - 9/17/2009 4:32:12 AM

Marcus440

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OK, now at least I don't have that silly ice cream cone hanging over My head!!!

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