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RE: Question - 9/14/2009 3:08:26 PM   
KYsissy


Posts: 781
Joined: 5/12/2005
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quote:

Shouldn't the lifestyle community be more about finding what we have in common rather then concentrating on what our differences are?


You would think that.  I have been to a few local munches and it was very segregated into cliques I was not made to feel very welcome at all and thus have not been back. I may call myself a submissive but Just because you "call" yourself a Dom doesn't mean anything to me.

(in reply to ftmyersartist)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Question - 9/14/2009 3:16:17 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		I don't know that I agree. Sometimes it seems like what you're saying is correct. But really, that's only a few people here and there. For myself, I personally am highly approving of whatever it is that helps two people to be happy and fulfilled together.

To my knowledge, the only thing I look down on is idiocy.

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(in reply to ftmyersartist)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Question - 9/14/2009 3:51:07 PM   
MarcEsadrian


Posts: 852
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ftmyersartist

Is it me or does the BDSM community seem very willing and almost eager to seperate out parts of itself as "Them". By this I mean I have noticed that those who view themselves as slaves tend to think of themself as supperior to submissives. Submissives can look down on Baby Girls or switches or bottoms. . .dominants can look down on tops or Daddys. . . Masters can look down on dominants or gorean masters. . .etc ect.

I mean it just seems at times that people are looking for someone else they can make into the "Them". Shouldn't the lifestyle community be more about finding what we have in common rather then concentrating on what our differences are?


I say both. It's good to be brought together under a forum such as this to discuss and explore all the permutations of D/s. It's likewise good to discuss philosophy and theory in-depth. For example, the difference between a Master vs. a top, or what the words "dominant" and "submissive" actually mean. We can all acknowledge what links us vs. what differentiates us without resorting to name calling or pomposity. That doesn't mean we should not passionately debate our convictions, that we should not try to arrive upon greater truths through discourse, or tolerate the ignorance and incredulity of the masses.

(in reply to ftmyersartist)
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RE: Question - 9/14/2009 4:06:01 PM   
DomImus


Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ftmyersartist
Shouldn't the lifestyle community be more about finding what we have in common rather then concentrating on what our differences are?


If you want to actively concentrate on only the similarities and actively ignore the differences that's fine but I think over time what has happened is natural. Other than all falling under a big umbrella called 'kink' (or whatever you wish to call it) I don't know that we necessarily really have all that much in common one person to the next and that is how it has played out. Occasionally I meet someone involved in all of this whose ideas and mindset parallel mine to some extent but that's the exception to the rule. The thing we need to do is learn not to pit one person's differences versus the next person's differences.


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(in reply to ftmyersartist)
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RE: Question - 9/14/2009 4:10:46 PM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
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From: Quietville
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quote:

We don't all get together around a campfire and sing kumbaya while roasting marshmallows.
you mean...that wasn't you i was poking in the ass with the roasting twig? Oops.

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Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Question - 9/14/2009 4:34:34 PM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

I cannot change how another chooses to view me or how others determine to infight with each other.



I disagree here. I can change how another chooses to view me through who I am, how I interact and what I do. I cannot change or influence everyone or their decision how to view me, and I wouldn't want to as I feel that everybody liking me would be just as much of a hell as everybody hating me, and those people who don't like me and who disagree with me, and even who don't accept me reinforce my view that this world and society is a greater whole that I am just a part of, that I have opportunities to grow, to develop, to learn, to live.

I cannot influence everybody, I'm not perfect and am not even seeking perfection, nor am I trying to climb onto any 'holier than thou' soapbox here. I'm not. But I have made more than enough mistakes in my life, through what I have done, what I have said, and what I have thought to know that I can adversely affect how people perceive me, just as I can with a little effort and a bit more luck positively affect how some people perceive me simply through showing them who I am as a person.

I would assume that my experiences and feelings here are common to a few other people, perhaps more than a few, or maybe not, it doesn't matter at the end of the day for we all are individuals, we all walk our own paths through life, and we all seek happiness, fulfillment, love, understanding and acceptance from others in ways which are meaningful for us.

How can I change how other people perceive me and think of me? It's very simple, in fact it's a very simple concept and also the most powerful thing I have to offer, and in the English language that word contains four letters - that word is quite simply 'love'. There is not one person alive on this planet at this moment in time who does not respond to love. Can you think of any such person?

However there are those who speak of love, who dream and aspire to love but who can only think in terms of conflict. The big problem is here that for love to be shared between people it not only needs to be understood and expressed but also recognized and perceived by others in all its different forms, and this is where some people have issues or problems. Some are even so twisted up inside by bitterness, pain and regret that they prefer animosity and hatred. In fact take a look around you, and you will see those who put much more effort into war and hatred, even devoting their lives and giving up their own lives when all they have to do is to stop, think, to talk, to learn, to put down the gun and to extend that hand in friendship.

But you know people are individuals, none are perfect, all make some sort of mistakes, and life isn't as fair or as much of a paradise as we would want it to be.

But this is just me, just my opinion and feeling on the matter. I see no reason to hate another or to despise them just because they are being themselves, just because they think, act and speak in ways I don't expect them to. In fact I don't even have much time to think about them, I'm too busy with those who respond or recognize that what I have to offer and sharing it because at the end of the day this life is short, very short, and that love, happiness and cherished memories are all what's meaningful from what I will leave behind when I die.


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(in reply to lovingpet)
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RE: Question - 9/14/2009 4:42:01 PM   
Elipsis


Posts: 301
Joined: 7/8/2009
Status: offline 		Also don't forget that this is an Internet community... and elitism is inseparable from the Internet.

I could tell stories about many different communities on IRC...

(in reply to stella41b)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Question - 9/14/2009 5:28:55 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		I don't think that the question is why does the bdsm community divide itself, but who says it does, and on what evidence?

In my local community we have mtf tg's, submissives, dominants of both sexes, daddy doms, little girls and variations there of, and the squabbles we have are because we are people, not because we are doms or little girls. I don't see divisions based on orientation or preference.
Perhaps the divisions perceived by the poster are internet based, if at all.

(in reply to Elipsis)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Question - 9/14/2009 5:59:45 PM   
WyldHrt


Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

There is no lifestyle happy little community. We don't all get together around a campfire and sing kumbaya while roasting marshmallows.

Well actually.... several of us did exactly that at Merc's Saturday night, except it was "Hotel California" instead of kumbaya... and the roast marshmallows were used to make s'mores

< Message edited by WyldHrt -- 9/14/2009 6:01:00 PM >

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(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Question - 9/14/2009 6:01:52 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		If I am happy in and of myself, then I won't be choosing to change the way I interact or portray myself to another. Their judgements based on the person inside my own skin are theirs. I am not responsible for them and cannot, and wouldn't want to, determine them. I am okay with whatever this opinion or view of me is. I am okay with it because I am at home within my own person. I care what others think of me, but it is not the impetus for me to change unless the person is someone whose opinion matters to me. Then I will consider it and weigh the merits of what they have to say. I may or may not come to agree, but I am not so content as to remain static in the face of my own betterment.

As for influencing people, I do and I know I do on a regular basis. This happens based upon my relationship with those people. A person determines that my opinion of them holds worth and undergoes a similar process. There's nothing wrong with wanting to adapt to one's environment and have it adapt to you when appropriate. Even still, I come to a point where I cannot change because it is in direct violation with who I am at the core. There are times I must walk away because who I am and what I am expected to be cannot coexist. It doesn't necessarily make me or others right or wrong. It makes us different and I can accept that difference and all that comes along with it.

At the root maybe we agree or disagree, but it is the individual that makes the whole what it is. As individuals change, so does the whole. What individuals value or spurn, the whole tends to follow. A collective outcry becomes a movement. Movements cause revolution. Revolution makes the world go round. It all starts, however, with one. Only one. It all starts with me. It all starts with you. I believe in being change, not demanding it.

lovingpet

(in reply to stella41b)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Question - 9/14/2009 6:02:52 PM   
dcnovice


Posts: 37282
Joined: 8/2/2006
Status: offline
quote:

We don't all get together around a campfire and sing kumbaya while roasting marshmallows.


Someone's flogging, Lord. Kumbaya.
Someone's safewording, Lord. Kumbaya.
Someone's collaring, Lord. Kumbaya.
Oh Lord, Kumbaya.

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it's never enough to keep up.

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INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Question - 9/14/2009 6:12:51 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ftmyersartist

This may have been answered before but I have a question.

Is it me or does the BDSM community seem very willing and almost eager to seperate out parts of itself as "Them". By this I mean I have noticed that those who view themselves as slaves tend to think of themself as supperior to submissives. Submissives can look down on Baby Girls or switches or bottoms. . .dominants can look down on tops or Daddys. . . Masters can look down on dominants or gorean masters. . .etc ect.

I mean it just seems at times that people are looking for someone else they can make into the "Them". Shouldn't the lifestyle community be more about finding what we have in common rather then concentrating on what our differences are?




I think wherever you go in life, there will be people who think they are better than others.

That said, I am not opposed to talking about differences, but it doesn't have to be condescendingly.  I typically enjoy hearing thoughts and opinions that differ from my own, as it allows me to open my own mind to concepts that might be new to me.  It's all in the presentation, though.  There are ways to discuss differences while remaining positive.


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(in reply to ftmyersartist)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Question - 9/14/2009 7:22:11 PM   
sexisubi


Posts: 373
Joined: 11/23/2008
Status: offline 		because people in nature, talk about what we believe/think/deem to be how the world should turn, it is only normal that people be judged by others with different opinions.

did someone say camp fires? bdsm camp anyone? tee hee


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(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Question - 9/14/2009 7:28:43 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Obviously you've never been to a PTA meeting if you think this is unique to BDSM.

Most people here don't consider themselves part of a community. And community or not, we all want to think of ourselves as special. The easiest way to consider yourself better is to make someone else out to be less.

It's not a good thing to do but it is a quintessential people thing to do.

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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Question - 9/14/2009 8:01:08 PM   
coyotedancer


Posts: 10
Joined: 10/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I may call myself a submissive but Just because you "call" yourself a Dom doesn't mean anything to me.


That is probably the answer to the problem. How can you expect to be taken seriously if you don't take others seriously as well.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Question - 9/14/2009 9:21:50 PM   
MasterSlaveLA


Posts: 3991
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

There is no lifestyle happy little community. We don't all get together around a campfire and sing kumbaya while roasting marshmallows.



Damn... and I was really looking forward to those marshmellows.  Friggin' kill-joy, that's what you are!!!



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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Question - 9/14/2009 9:27:22 PM   
MasterSlaveLA


Posts: 3991
Status: offline 		To the OP:  I don't see much in-fighting with regard to the examples you gave.  Very little, actually.

Where I see more of a separation is in what I consider the goofy stuff, like the "under consideration", "under protection", "Mentor", and similar type things.  Another area would be how people define sub vs. slave, Master vs. Dom, what constitutes a "doormat", "TPE" and so forth.



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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Question - 9/15/2009 12:34:27 AM   
aldompdx


Posts: 538
Joined: 10/24/2004
Status: offline 		The entire HUMAN community should focus on commonality!

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sunnyfey
...wont ever happen


Thus the term "should" rather than "will." As the world grows smaller and more information is exchanged, community grows larger. It is happening.

200 years ago, the population of the world was a mere 1 billion, and the global average life expectancy was 25-30 years. Naysayers would have contended that it was impossible for life expectancy to reach 65 years, and the population to grow 600% in 200 years. It was also inconceivable that medicine would be transformed by the invention of bacterial antibiotics and viral immunizations.

65 year life expectancy -- "Won't ever happen." Certainly not for everybody. That is why such things are generalities -- stastical averages -- not factual reality for every person.

200 years ago, the notion of machines that allow people from all walks of life to freely exchange writing across the globe, in less than 1 second -- "Won't ever happen." Yet, enough commonality and world peace was created to make it happen across most nations. And, here we are, reading this.

Some view the world as an empty glass, because its contents are there only on a temporary basis. Some view the world as a glass either half full, or half empty, because they must judge what is simply 1/2 glass of water. Yet even 1/2 a glass of water is always full -- 1/2 with water and 1/2 with air. I agree, there will always be people who do not recognize the always full glass, even when it is is 100% full of air. Is anything possible? Or, is everything impossible?

The origin of most prejudice and dissociation is purely in the psyche. And perhaps you are correct that the artificial constructs of a person's psyche are the most difficult thing to change, since from your viewpoint, it "won't ever happen."

My viewpoint does not have to be your's, and your viewpoint does not negate mine.

< Message edited by aldompdx -- 9/15/2009 12:48:08 AM >

(in reply to Sunnyfey)
Profile   Post #: 38
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