Denial and self control.

Denial and self control. (Full Version)

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LaTigresse -> Denial and self control. (9/4/2009 12:18:39 PM)
I've been struggling with how to word this as succinctly as possible since it came to me last night so please bear with me. And to complicate things, it is a dual purpose thread. Like most people, this last couple years has been a financial struggle. For me, certainly not as much as many but I have my moments. Some of this has been self created (which I will elaborate on), much of it paying the repercussions of a MIA crooked accountant, and the rest a pay freeze but not a cost of living freeze. There was a time when I had a little bit of extra money to spend. Treats of DVD's, a meal out at a nice restaurant with friends, a nice piece of jewelry once or twice a year, occasionally a cool handbag, coat or pair of shoes. Occasional being, a new coat every couple years......maybe. I am not a clothes horse, but I do like nice things. Well that time has definitely passed. Yet there was a brief time in there that I tended to forget the income limitations and bought what I wanted anyway. The credit card bill got past the point of paying it off monthly (my golden rule) and I had to reel myself in pronto. Not difficult really. I've been poor, I grew up very poor. I am good at budgeting and denying myself things I want. Not a big deal. It's kind of like dieting, you know you WANT to buy that container of ice cream but you also know, your going to eat the whole damned thing and how you will feel if you do. Except the spending diet is wayyyyyyyyy easier for me![:D] Now, because I was such an excellent customer of some companies in the past, and even now for Xmas and birthday gifts I go back to old favourites, I continue to get emails and catalogues. Most of the this is not a problems AT ALL! I have my mind set on a goal and while it is fun to look, I am at most, only wistful as I ogle the lastest cool wool coat, another hand crafted handbag, awesome gold and tourmaline earrings, or whatever. But last night I got blindsided by culmination of events. I've been riding a lot more lately. Most of my gear is stuff I have had for decades. While I take good care of my gear, things like boots will wear out at some point. Especially when you wear them often and during our winters. A new catalogue came last night AND the same company sent out an email, just in case we missed the catalogue, of course. I haven't spent any unnecessary money on myself in literally ages. I've been more stressed than usual. I've lost weight and actually look better in things than I have for the last few years. And right there.......as soon as I opened the email, was the PERFECT pair of boots. I wanted them immediately. All $ 298.00 of them. Now, if you have ever priced and/or purchased english riding boots, you will know that this is not an exorbitant amount of money to spend on such. And I do need them, or use some really sexy duct tape on my old ones. The crux of the matter is, I really cannot afford $ 298.00 for riding boots. Period. And, I can improvise. I am creative and I know how to find a plan B. Hell I did it last night. The world will not come to a screeching halt if I ride in sneakers instead. I do not absolutely NEED those boots. But I want them. BADLY. I keep thinking about them. Justifying the purchase. Making excuses. I've been down this road before. It is how credit card bills are built. Justification. It's how healthy eating plans are screwed over and exercise routines ruined. It's a strange thing, almost becomes an obsession. The reality is, because I've been here before, giving in is never as wonderful as imagined. The boots may not fit properly and have to be returned (hassle), the bill will come and I will struggle to pay it. Regardless I will be mad at myself. It's easy when I have to think about others, when the repercussions of giving in will affect others. I can walk away from those temptations without a backwards glance. But when it's all about me, that's when I struggle. So people, am I alone here in my battles. (somehow I doubt it) What are your weaknesses, what do you succumb to and when you overcome, how?

Kirata -> RE: Denial and self control. (9/4/2009 12:32:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse So people, am I alone here in my battles. (somehow I doubt it) What are your weaknesses, what do you succumb to and when you overcome, how? Personally, I've found that avoiding temptation is a lot easier than resisting it. Less noble perhaps, but infinitely more effective. I'd start by clicking the "unsubscribe" link on those emails and requesting to be removed from any catalog mailing lists. K.

subtlebutterfly -> RE: Denial and self control. (9/4/2009 12:34:43 PM)
I don't give in 'cause fuck.. the money I own now are already spent..I mean, I still have them but they've already been arranged... How I overcome... I count the days 'till I graduate[:D][:D] only 500 days or so...and then I'll hopefully get a job and have a steady income..and then I can actually start spending money on the things I want....... I know the things I want will probably exist in one form or another after those 500 days. Also ask myself if I benefit from the things or not.. if I do..I buy them, if not then..nope[8\|] oh and postponing things..postponing to buy things works wonders too..'cause eventually I forget about it

LaTigresse -> RE: Denial and self control. (9/4/2009 12:43:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kirata quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse So people, am I alone here in my battles. (somehow I doubt it) What are your weaknesses, what do you succumb to and when you overcome, how? Personally, I've found that avoiding temptation is a lot easier than resisting it. Less noble perhaps, but infinitely more effective. I'd start by clicking the "unsubscribe" link on those emails and requesting to be removed from any catalog mailing lists. K. That is a splendid idea for a person that can live in a bubble. I am afraid I am going to have to find the more noble approach.

LaTigresse -> RE: Denial and self control. (9/4/2009 12:44:44 PM)
And yes, postponing is my usual method of attack. It works wonderfully for sale items. If you postpone long enough, it's gone!

Kirata -> RE: Denial and self control. (9/4/2009 12:46:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse That is a splendid idea for a person that can live in a bubble. Well unh, I don't consider marketing emails and shopping catalogs to be part of my social life. K.

Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: Denial and self control. (9/4/2009 12:49:17 PM)
Craft stuff, cute baby materials in the fabric department, baby toys, ect ect a couple of months ago I went on an all out spending trip about spent 300 dollars at Michael's, and it was just random I wandered about the store and if I liked it and it was fairly cheap I put it in the basket and then 200 at walmart, on crafts and craft supplies and other fun stuff. I wanted to make a media book and there were 3 really cute kid like scrap books and I couldn't decide which one I liked best, so since they were all 9 bucks a piece I bought all 3. Plus stickers and scrap book paper and stuff to go in them. Then I decided to buy some more porcelain soap dishes and some rub on decals and stickers for them, because I was going to decorate them and then seal them, so of course I bought 3 in every color, on top of the 3 I'd already bought earlier. That month I wasn't sure if I'd have any money to pay bills once I realized just how over board I went, I was left with no money to my name before being payed. and of course I have hardly touched any of it since. And eating out, but we cover that base by most the time eating where he works, and his employee off duty discount takes it down from 30 to 20. And we don't go very often, which is a huge acomplishment, since we were eating at jack in the box and other fast food places at least 3 times a week just about every week. But we both agree'd we wanted the money eating out was eating up* no pun intended* to spend on bills and saving money for things. I over come by not going to craft stores and ignoring craft sales coupons and I avoid situations that trip my trigger to shop. I also do not ask to eat out just because the thought popped into my head. I save it for times when we're out running errands and we're hungry, or that special restaurant you've been wanting to try, and you decide it's a date night. I am to the point that I just don't want any more stuff, yeah it's cute and great and I could probably make something awesome out of it, but I won't. I'll bring it home and store it for years and years, and then like in the case of the hoards of baby material I had and didn't want to walk around any more, get rid of it. quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse So people, am I alone here in my battles. (somehow I doubt it) What are your weaknesses, what do you succumb to and when you overcome, how?

LaTigresse -> RE: Denial and self control. (9/4/2009 12:49:39 PM)
My point is that, rarely does temptation come in the form of mail. It surrounds us and it usually does a sneak attack!

LadyPact -> RE: Denial and self control. (9/4/2009 12:54:24 PM)
Hi LaT. No, you're not alone. For Me, it's not things. Not even things I need. (The riding boots would have a good pull on Me though.) In My case, it has everything to do with adventures. Case in point, I had clip for a bit during his leave. To Me, this is an automatic opportunity to stir up something to go out and do. Out to a club somewhere or find a new play space to explore. I do the same thing with other types of BDSM events or chances to meet people. (Your trip to CO was off by a week when I was going through.) In those instances, there really isn't a put it off option. I either take advantage of it or I don't. Funny thing though. I never regret it. I pull the belt tighter somewhere else or I don't buy material things instead. Some opportunities just don't come around twice.

Viridana -> RE: Denial and self control. (9/4/2009 12:54:41 PM)
When in a similar situation I allow myself to want the product, even yearn it. I enjoy looking at pictures of it, going to the store and trying it on multiple times and fantasizing how much better my life would be if I got myself the item. I do it because I've really found that the majority of the fun is wanting the item, not actually getting it. When I finally buy it, it doesn't take long till the thing is already in the closet and all the wonderful fantasies I had that made the item so absoloutely necessary have dissolved....so just enjoy wanting the boots, but really if you could buy them now, the tingly feeling would soon disappear ;)

Kirata -> RE: Denial and self control. (9/4/2009 12:55:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse My point is that, rarely does temptation come in the form of mail. It surrounds us and it usually does a sneak attack! Ah, I see... well, not much we can do about those, I'd guess, except crank up ye oulde noble spirit of self-restraint! However, please don't quote me. [:D] K.

LaTigresse -> RE: Denial and self control. (9/4/2009 12:57:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Viridana When in a similar situation I allow myself to want the product, even yearn it. I enjoy looking at pictures of it, going to the store and trying it on multiple times and fantasizing how much better my life would be if I got myself the item. I do it because I've really found that the majority of the fun is wanting the item, not actually getting it. When I finally buy it, it doesn't take long till the thing is already in the closet and all the wonderful fantasies I had that made the item so absoloutely necessary have dissolved....so just enjoy wanting the boots, but really if you could buy them now, the tingly feeling would soon disappear ;) This is so very true!

LaTigresse -> RE: Denial and self control. (9/4/2009 12:59:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Hi LaT. No, you're not alone. For Me, it's not things. Not even things I need. (The riding boots would have a good pull on Me though.) In My case, it has everything to do with adventures. Case in point, I had clip for a bit during his leave. To Me, this is an automatic opportunity to stir up something to go out and do. Out to a club somewhere or find a new play space to explore. I do the same thing with other types of BDSM events or chances to meet people. (Your trip to CO was off by a week when I was going through.) In those instances, there really isn't a put it off option. I either take advantage of it or I don't. Funny thing though. I never regret it. I pull the belt tighter somewhere else or I don't buy material things instead. Some opportunities just don't come around twice. Yes, which is why I did go to Colorado even though I couldn't really afford it. Plus, I had promised last year. When I promise someone something, I feel I have to follow through. And it was SO worth it!

windchymes -> RE: Denial and self control. (9/4/2009 1:56:47 PM)
Well L.....I'm the wrong person to ask. Remember almost 3 years ago, when you posted about the beautiful little shiny red telephone you HAD to have? And you were so descriptive about it, about how it felt in your hand, and blah blah blah? Well.....I had to have one, too, thanks to you! (And I still do!) So, I am just going to pretend I didn't read this thread, because I cannot afford a beautiful new pair of boots, either! [;)]

mnottertail -> RE: Denial and self control. (9/4/2009 1:59:19 PM)
LT, I will buy you your riding boots should you be willing to worship my genitalia for say, 72 hours non-stop (to my specifications). This will easily divide your need from want. Next to that, nothing is impossible. XO, Ron

Level -> RE: Denial and self control. (9/4/2009 5:55:32 PM)
Right now, my biggest temptation is paying a fella $250 an hour to chip up several stacks of logs I have. I began with 8 stacks, have burned them all, but only one is totally gone. There are several large oak stumps, too, those won't burn fast... it's be soooo nice to have that stuff gone, but I really can't afford to pay Chipper Guy. So, that leaves me cutting, re-stacking, burning, rinse, repeat, until they're gone.

LaTigresse -> RE: Denial and self control. (9/5/2009 9:10:41 AM)
Level, Ron can help you with that........

LaTigresse -> RE: Denial and self control. (9/5/2009 9:16:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: windchymes Well L.....I'm the wrong person to ask. Remember almost 3 years ago, when you posted about the beautiful little shiny red telephone you HAD to have? And you were so descriptive about it, about how it felt in your hand, and blah blah blah? Well.....I had to have one, too, thanks to you! (And I still do!) So, I am just going to pretend I didn't read this thread, because I cannot afford a beautiful new pair of boots, either! [;)] Ah yes. The phone that Sophie, lil miss thang, chewed up during her puppy teething time. At least I didn't post a link so you could SEE the boots!

TheHeretic -> RE: Denial and self control. (9/5/2009 9:35:57 AM)
I think you should just buy yourself the boots, LaT. If you don't, you'll only take that need to do something special for yourself and splurge on something else, and what are the chances you'll get as much use out of that something else as you will out of these good boots? My weakness is the unplanned dinner out, and I find it is best countered by spending some extra money at the grocery store to have some very simple, very tasty stuff in the freezer, and to make sure we don't need a special trip to the store for margarita mixings.

DavanKael -> RE: Denial and self control. (9/5/2009 11:53:51 AM)
So people, am I alone here in my battles. (somehow I doubt it) What are your weaknesses, what do you succumb to and when you overcome, how? Hi, LaT---- I am joining the voices to say that you are not alone. I find people most important but when I am stressed or feeling alone, 'things' have a somewhat comforting effect. For me, when my ex- quit his job for the last time and then for sure when we broke up, I decided I needed to just be okay with not having perfect credit anymore and that I couldn't drive myself insane over it. That having been said, I didn't go out and buy a Viper either. I refinanced my house recently to try to consolidate my bills and to get back on track following the divorce. Was there an impulse or several to do something really frivolous with 4 or 5 figures. You betcha. Instead, I've done some little nice things for myself. The first weekend I had the re-fi funds, I bought myself the highest capacity Ipod on the market, gave each of my godkids a little bit of spending money, and took them and my best friends (their parents) out to dinner. Attire-wise, I've made a few frivolous purchases of substance, the most noteworthy being my corseted custom pirate coat but it was a steal at $300. As I said, I 'therapy shop' but I don't 'do' couture stores as a matter of course, I discoujt shop, so I can get my 'fix' with $20-$40 typically. I understand, you are not alone. And, it's okay to treat yourself sometimes. :> Davan

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