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SteelofUtah -> RE: How to handle rejection (9/3/2009 9:42:11 AM)
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It’s all a matter of manners.
First things first so far everyone is correct in saying that you are not responsible for his reaction and there is a chance that he may have reacted poorly regardless.
That being said, if you actually care about how what you say will possibly cause another to react then there is a simple method to create a non-threatening response to any query. Again as I said this does not mean the person who receives it will act like an adult and do the right thing this simply allows you to take the high road and know that you did everything you could to spare someone hurt.
First, When rejecting someone explain in a simple tone the exact reason that you are not interested and exactly why it does not fit into you ideal of an acceptable connection. In the example you gave it was fairly clear that the reason that this was not a valid relationship is because he would only be fulfilling one of the two people’s need who are involved. That you apologize as that they somehow got the wrong impression but that your profile clearly states that you are looking for someone who is interested in BOTH parties. That they would be getting involved with both parties and anything that excludes one or the other is not an acceptable compromise to the type of relationship you are looking to have.
In the reply e-mail that was sent there are many ways to continue to be kind and know that you have taken the higher road while also pointing out that the person seems to have a shallow outlook on things.
In regard to him having a lot of money, I would reply "While I can appreciate someone who has worked hard to make a life and a stable foundation for themselves I do not see Money as something that would make me happy, I can appreciate that perhaps you thought that this was important to me, but in the great scheme of things, it really makes little impact on who I choose as a partner."
In regard to him going to London and owning property in Jackson Hole, I would reply "I hope you have a safe flight, I enjoyed London, and Jackson Hole is Lovely, However these are things that make you happy, they are not my aspirations. I hope you can respect that this is not about you it is about the fact that my Archetype for Fruitful Relationship is one that included Both Myself and my slave and because of this any aspect of a life with you that would not include or encompass what I am looking for would be nothing more than a prison to me emotionally."
In the end there is always a way to take a higher ground if you choose to do so, however I agree that the people who react that way aren’t really worth the effort they only shine as an exercise in patience and possible elegant writing skills.
Steel
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