stella41b
Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: mikeyOfGeorgia
i don't believe in paying to play when there's so many Dommes out there that would rather have a submissive for their minds and personalities. i suppose they have their uses though...if someone wasn't serious about being a real submissive though...just being a 'weekend warrior' as it were.
Ah but is it really all about minds and personalities? I mean come on, pull the other one, it's got bells on it.
The way I see it's quite simple - you have a man, and you have a woman. man wants to be with woman and woman wants to be with man. But it's not that simple, because man wants to be with specific woman, and woman wants to be with specific man. The OP is there at this point, it IS about minds and personalities.
But here we are kinky. We are part of a minority in society who are aware, accept and profess to being kinky. And do you know I have to say thank God it is just a minority and not everyone because from what I can gather from reading these boards is that if everyone was kinky the entire human race would be up shit creek without a paddle.
Why?
Okay we have a man and a woman right? Man is submissive and wants to be with a dominant woman. Woman is dominant but wants to be with a submissive man. So it's not just about personalities and minds, but it's also about kinks and who does what to who and when and how. However it still remains the same as before. Submissive man wants to be with specific dominant woman. Dominant woman wants to be with specific dominant man. A bit more complicated but still possible, right?
Not from what my domme friends appear to be experiencing and, from reading some of the posts here, what some submissive males seem to be experiencing. It appears to be possible, but unlikely. In fact it would appear that climbing Mount Everest with a teaspoon and a ball of string is more possible than submissive male and dominant woman getting together.
Submissive male approaches dominant female expressing interest in her, but hasn't read her profile, so dominant female is suspicious and ignores, deletes, blocks submissive male's approach.
Submissive male reads profile, sees the woman of his dreams, goes through her list of interests, sees all his fave kinks and thinks 'oh boy I've got it made' and works out the entire relationship in his head even before he's established contact with dominant female. Dominant female thinks 'fantasist' and either ignores, deletes or blocks submissive male. Submissive male doesn't receive anticipated reply back, experiences big disappointment, and assumes she's a fake, scammer or man pretending to be a woman and moves on.
Submissive male reads profile, checks interest, sees woman who looks interesting. Writes a message to her. Dominant female is about to roll her eyes and click on message with scepticism, reads message, says 'oh', goes to check his profile but profile is empty or she comes face to face with his hairy ass on the screen and leaves it at that.
Submissive male reads profile, checks interest, sees woman who looks interesting. Writes a message to her. Dominant female is about to roll her eyes and click on message with scepticism, reads message, says 'oh', goes to check his profile and is also interested, and she writes back, thinking to herself 'this might be the one'. So she writes back, and he writes back, and they start to get to know one another.
It's looking good, and they try to get to know one another. She wants to know about his life, mind and personality. He wants to know if she's strict, really dominant, and whether she is prepared to spank his bottom. She touches on the subject and tries to find out more about his life, mind, and personality. He touches on these subjects, but really wants to know how she will spank him, whether he will be made to wear her knickers, and whether she uses a strap-on dildo. She gives up and writes back telling him he's not what she's looking for. He gets upset, and writes back calling her a fake, a man, a bitch, fat, ugly, etc etc.
This happens on a number of occasions and what happens? The more determined carry on. Dominant female becomes more and more disillusioned with men and 'do me' male submissives, and reaches the point where she's either not prepared to give any submissive amle a chance or she gives up. A few start looking at submissive female profiles and 'trans' and explore that avenue. Submissive male becomes more and more disillusioned with women and also reaches the point where he's just not prepared to give anyone a chance or gives up. Some explore the 'trans' route but most of these wind up disappointed because they have the same unrealistic expectations. Others decide that the site is full of fakes, scammers, men pretending to be women, etc.
However some are just as determined, but not in the same way. Sometimes submissive male says 'sod this for a game of soldiers' checks out a pro-domme, finds out how much it costs, checks his finances, and arranges to meet her. Dominant female starts looking for 'generous men' and finds them. She thinks 'there must be something in this' and arranges to meet five of them. Three don't show up but two do, they meet, submissive male gets his kinks, and dominant female gets her dosh. Submissive male thinks 'half a loaf is better than no bread' and continues seeing her, or others. Dominant female thinks 'there might be something in this' and decides to set herself up as a pro-domme.
Meanwhile back at the ranch, the doggedly determined submissive male who has now contacted hundreds of dominant women but still is no closer to working it out sees the profiles of pro-dommes and assumes that there's other submissive males out there getting their kinks and perhaps some jiggy jiggy thrown in for good measure but paying for it, and sees also profiles of submissive females who don't have to pay for it but who can find a dominant male seemingly at the drop of a hat. Submissive male gets upset 'it's so unfair' he thinks and he starts a thread on it. Meanwhile the dominant female who has read and deleted thousands of mesages from submissive males, met some, got nowhere sees the thread and simply rolls her eyes.
Now I know that this might seem like a silly suggestion to some people, but I wonder what would happen if submissive male read a profile with an open mind and started off with the mind and personality stage of getting to know a dominant female and left it for the dominant female to decide when and how to start discussing the kinky side of things?
How about forgetting all the labels and definitions, dynamics and so on and just simply be? Yes that's right - be. That means being a human being and allowing the other to be the same, and try to interact as a man and a woman successfully before even thinking in terms of domme and sub or slave.
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