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and I wonder if after a certain time when you're not all that reliant on reciprocal sex as a partner-based achievement if it changes the dynamic of a bdsm relationship a lot, especially as I've discovered that women often find it kind of weird and strange dealing with someone who is much more interested in achieving pleasure as a slave in the relationship than a quid pro quo kind of existence.

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ORIGINAL: StoneFox
Regular sex without power exchange gets boring but regular power exchange without a healthy dose of sex feels too business-like.

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ORIGINAL: lally2

when play is intense, emotions and physical energy is so spent so wrung out and satisfied that the act of fucking only becomes part of it if the urge is there, often it isnt, i think its because we are wired to extract so much from the play and the play is so part of our wiring that it gives us the same deep satisfaction that a good old fashioned fucking can. 

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ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

I've been meaning to write this for some time, but it's one of those things that's been kind of bugging me for awhile. You see, I've been involved with a few women over the years as a submissive; I generally don't get into vanilla relationships, so they all tend to be of a certain nature we all know and love here. Anyway, when I first got involved, many years ago, I used to think kink was a precursor to sex, and then as years went on, I started feeling it was a part of sex. Then, years later, I found myself not all that concerned about sex, but much more interested in the feeling of being controlled rather than the desire to achieve sexual pleasure.

In the last few relationships I was in, I found that I was most comfortable just pretty much being whatever the woman I was involved with wanted me to be. Usually that meant a sexual relationship, but it was always directly on her terms, when and how she desired it. Satisfaction on my part was usually reward based, or in some cases, awarded as an afterthought when she felt it was probably time for it to happen. And I was pretty happy with that.

What I find interesting is that a lot of posts all seem to be about sex, and I wonder if after a certain time when you're not all that reliant on reciprocal sex as a partner-based achievement if it changes the dynamic of a bdsm relationship a lot, especially as I've discovered that women often find it kind of weird and strange dealing with someone who is much more interested in achieving pleasure as a slave in the relationship than a quid pro quo kind of existence.

I guess the reason I ask it is because I often also run into women who seem to go the complete opposite where they are so glad to not have a submissive who is humping their leg looking for sex that they then start to think that sexual release is not even a thought and kind of create an atmosphere where there's almost no sensual interaction whatsoever (like the one that said she wanted me to clean her house when she wasn't there and that if I had any problems, I should deal with her other male slave instead of bothering her...yeah, that sounded exciting....).

Anyway, just a thought as I haven't had a post started in a long time and for the most part, no one seems to respond to my responses to posts anymore. So I felt lonely on the boards. Sniffle.

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ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn
In the last few relationships I was in, I found that I was most comfortable just pretty much being whatever the woman I was involved with wanted me to be. Usually that meant a sexual relationship, but it was always directly on her terms, when and how she desired it. Satisfaction on my part was usually reward based, or in some cases, awarded as an afterthought when she felt it was probably time for it to happen. And I was pretty happy with that.
(snip)
I guess the reason I ask it is because I often also run into women who seem to go the complete opposite where they are so glad to not have a submissive who is humping their leg looking for sex that they then start to think that sexual release is not even a thought and kind of create an atmosphere where there's almost no sensual interaction whatsoever (like the one that said she wanted me to clean her house when she wasn't there and that if I had any problems, I should deal with her other male slave instead of bothering her...yeah, that sounded exciting....).

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...In the last few relationships I was in, I found that I was most comfortable just pretty much being whatever the woman I was involved with wanted me to be. Usually that meant a sexual relationship, but it was always directly on her terms, when and how she desired it. Satisfaction on my part was usually reward based, or in some cases, awarded as an afterthought when she felt it was probably time for it to happen. And I was pretty happy with that...

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ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

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...In the last few relationships I was in, I found that I was most comfortable just pretty much being whatever the woman I was involved with wanted me to be. Usually that meant a sexual relationship, but it was always directly on her terms, when and how she desired it. Satisfaction on my part was usually reward based, or in some cases, awarded as an afterthought when she felt it was probably time for it to happen. And I was pretty happy with that...

when this slave was completely new to all the terminology that folks use around here, she thought the above paragraph was what defined "submissive"...and was overjoyed that there were folks out there that could appreciate such an arrangement.
 
her observations since then have been that the above paragraph is not what most who wear the label of submissive are about...and furthermore, not what most who wear the label of dominant are seeking.