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RE: switch, fake, or confused? - 8/17/2009 5:57:53 PM   
jasonslv


Posts: 14
Joined: 7/3/2009
Status: offline 		thank you przm and thanks to everyone else who posted....i really do appreciate the advice, support, and most of all blunt honesty

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Profile   Post #: 21
RE: switch, fake, or confused? - 8/17/2009 6:31:24 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jasonslv

So I've been reading more and more of the discussions here and talking to some people on the site, but I'm still left wondering...

First of all, I just want to apologize..

I came here, like many new and curious men, wanting to peek into a different world and see if my fantasies were simply that, or something more. So yes, I have trolled, and I'm sorry for that...but I learned about what real, good, bad, and boring profiles look like by doing so. And I've talked to people under false pretenses...no more than talking, but dishonest nonetheless. I can't say I regret it because it was a lesson, as well, but I am sorry for being selfish in those ways.

What I haven't yet learned though, is what to call myself. I have lived a vanilla life for 23 years and have fantasized about being dominated by a woman. What I'm now realizing though, is that those desires seem to lay solely in the bedroom. In real life, I am independent and a leader. I want to help people grow and I enjoy structuring others' days to help in that way. While I have no "bdsm" experience, I've advised people on careers and how to get jobs, have worked in a jail, an institute for troubled girls, and have taught. I feel like these experiences have helped to make me a dominant person that can effectively structure someone else's life. On the other hand, my girlfriends have all been strong-minded women. And I do like that.

So...I have to admit, after writing this, I feel more confused actually haha. The point is, I feel that I may be 90% dom in real life, but 70% submissive in the bedroom. So does that just make me a mismatch in every which way?




I identified (stromgly) as a slave and my profile said so here for the most part of the two years I have been here.
I met and formed a relationship with two Masters from here. Released myself from both.
I identified as an alpha female slave and that is to say that I like to be dominant to women.
However I have had two fabulous relationships with male switches...as cmplax as those relationships were and I was able to switch with them Predomiantly because their sunmissiveness was complax and not what i call narrow-band. They were not dixated on one particular fetish or mode of discipline.
So: evolving away from emotional masochism has given me the impetus (oe i have given myself the right) to define myself as switch. My experience and skills are very different as a submissive to those of being dominan. And it's a switch: like being two different people.
I will always be a service slave domestically in terms of  the three C's...cooking, cleaning, caring. So go figure....slave switch.
As I have said on another thread: there are no red lines on a map. Only rivers, and mountains oh and clouds which arent even on a map. We are what we are what we are and thank goodness that we can grow and evolve. Who nows: I may very well becom enslaved and stay enslaved on all levels.


< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 8/17/2009 6:32:36 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: switch, fake, or confused? - 8/17/2009 7:39:11 PM   
Hardbutt


Posts: 78
Joined: 3/16/2005
Status: offline 		Well Redmagic, when I read this post and began my reply, no one had yet replied to the OP so my answer was not directed at anyone in particular. Hope you're not disappointed.

However, I will add that I habitually skip over the posts of several regulars who I feel are less then helpful to other members, so this is one of the few of yours I have read in quite some time.

(in reply to RedMagic1)
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RE: switch, fake, or confused? - 8/17/2009 7:56:09 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hardbutt
I habitually skip over the posts of several regulars who I feel are less then helpful to other members, so this is one of the few of yours I have read in quite some time.

That seems like a wise use of your resources, because I clearly have nothing to offer you.


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RE: switch, fake, or confused? - 8/17/2009 8:53:58 PM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		jasonslv, I'm a switch, and have had LTRs with men of each possible D/s orientation in the 15 years I've been engaging in BDSM. A couple of them were openminded vanilla, or were interested and had fantasised about BDSM, but hadn't had a chance to try it yet. In my experience, fantasies are a good thing to keep in mind, and to approach to start out with, but it's good to keep an open mind and explore a variety of things. You may find that some of the fantasies don't work for you in reality, or do with one person, but not another. That doesn't mean you need to seek out someone to play with casually, or a pro. If you do find someone kinky to date, or someone who is openminded who you meet in vanilla circumstances, explain that you're very much interested in learning and exploring. There's nothing wrong with being a bottom, although a lot of people here are looking for D/s there are plenty of exceptions!

(in reply to jasonslv)
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RE: switch, fake, or confused? - 8/17/2009 9:20:16 PM   
jasonslv


Posts: 14
Joined: 7/3/2009
Status: offline
quote:

If you do find someone kinky to date, or someone who is openminded who you meet in vanilla circumstances, explain that you're very much interested in learning and exploring.


i think i'm still a little, make that, very, afraid of putting these desires out into the open. i don't know, hopefully as i learn more and get more involved those feelings will subside, i guess

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RE: switch, fake, or confused? - 8/17/2009 9:24:19 PM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		I can certainly understand that! Since this is a kinky dating site, you probably don't have to worry much about it here. For what it's worth, I haven't had any guys turn me down over my BDSM inclinations, but men may be more openminded/adventurous than women, I wouldn't really know, since I haven't dated any. Even with the people you do meet here or on fetlife or whatever, I still think it's a good idea to focus on other areas first, and let the kink part of the conversation come out more naturally/organically.

< Message edited by Andalusite -- 8/17/2009 9:25:32 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: switch, fake, or confused? - 8/17/2009 10:19:39 PM   
jasonslv


Posts: 14
Joined: 7/3/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite

I can certainly understand that! Since this is a kinky dating site, you probably don't have to worry much about it here. For what it's worth, I haven't had any guys turn me down over my BDSM inclinations, but men may be more openminded/adventurous than women, I wouldn't really know, since I haven't dated any. Even with the people you do meet here or on fetlife or whatever, I still think it's a good idea to focus on other areas first, and let the kink part of the conversation come out more naturally/organically.


i completely agree. i've started off meeting a few people on here with just kink and it never seems to be that fulfilling or worthwhile. the few who are willing to actually have a conversation with and have interests outside of kink have always been the ones i feel closest to

(in reply to Andalusite)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: switch, fake, or confused? - 8/17/2009 11:01:22 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		Men who like to be “sexually submissive” are usually called “bottoms”. Give it a google and see if you think that accurately describes you.

There is nothing wrong with just calling yourself “kinky” while you explore this newfound world, its terminology and how you fit into it.

May your journey be pleasurable . . . best wishes!
quote:

ORIGINAL: jasonslv
. . . What I haven't yet learned though, is what to call myself. I have lived a vanilla life for 23 years and have fantasized about being dominated by a woman. What I'm now realizing though, is that those desires seem to lay solely in the bedroom. In real life, I am independent and a leader. I want to help people grow and I enjoy structuring others' days to help in that way. ...

So...I have to admit, after writing this, I feel more confused actually haha. The point is, I feel that I may be 90% dom in real life, but 70% submissive in the bedroom. So does that just make me a mismatch in every which way?


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I give good thread.

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Profile   Post #: 29
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