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insecurities - 8/16/2009 6:40:26 PM   
slave2own48


Posts: 14
Joined: 11/13/2008
Status: offline 		i would like some advice on how to deal with insecurities and a long distance relationship.  Should it bother me that i am not allowed to call or text someone when i need to talk to Him?  To me, not being allowed to even text feels like He is hiding something.  How do i get past something like this should i ever be in a LD relationship again?
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RE: insecurities - 8/16/2009 6:42:31 PM   
SweetNika


Posts: 955
Joined: 4/19/2008
From: Forest Hills, Maryland
Status: offline 		I would suggest listening to your gutt, if something doesn't feel right perhaps that is for a good reason.
I personally would not be comfortable being in a relationship where the contact was soley one sided.

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Blessed be,
Nika


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RE: insecurities - 8/16/2009 6:43:49 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		Easy.  Find someone who lets you call and text. He's not the only online player, uh, I mean dom out there.  You don't have to take the first one who cums.....uh, comes along.

Find out if the terms of the relationship jive with what you can live with before committing.  Another bus will be along shortly.

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RE: insecurities - 8/16/2009 6:44:06 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		what Nika said

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RE: insecurities - 8/16/2009 6:47:07 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5175
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		Only you know what you need and want in a relationship.  If you are happy and fulfilled with a LDR, then that suits you and all is well.  If you find it lacking then perhaps it is not for you.  

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RE: insecurities - 8/16/2009 6:49:32 PM   
slave2own48


Posts: 14
Joined: 11/13/2008
Status: offline 		Nika....i usually do go with my gutt, sometimes it wrong though.  i could ruin something that could be a good thing.
wind.....oh believe me, He wasn't the first one, i have been in the lifestyle over 10 years.  i dated someone for a while that knew i was insecure and made it possible for me to get a hold of him any time i wanted to, just to prove there was no one else.  That was a good feeling :)

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RE: insecurities - 8/16/2009 6:52:23 PM   
SweetNika


Posts: 955
Joined: 4/19/2008
From: Forest Hills, Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slave2own48

Nika....i usually do go with my gutt, sometimes it wrong though.  i could ruin something that could be a good thing.
wind.....oh believe me, He wasn't the first one, i have been in the lifestyle over 10 years.  i dated someone for a while that knew i was insecure and made it possible for me to get a hold of him any time i wanted to, just to prove there was no one else.  That was a good feeling :)


So ask him bluntly... and if you dont get an answer that settles your fears I would suggest you have a choice to make.

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Blessed be,
Nika


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RE: insecurities - 8/16/2009 6:53:18 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Has he ever told you why you can't text or call him?

I'm in a semi-ld relationship but I'm allowed to text or call anytime. If he can't answer due to work or he's busy with other life stuff then he just makes sure to get back to me when he can.

If after his answers you're still uncomfortable with the situation you'll have to reevaluate the relationship and decide to either stay or leave.

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RE: insecurities - 8/16/2009 6:58:30 PM   
slave2own48


Posts: 14
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Status: offline 		littlewonder......"Has he ever told you why you can't text or call him?"  yes He has

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RE: insecurities - 8/16/2009 6:59:51 PM   
HarderToBreathe2


Posts: 181
Status: offline 		OP - It sounds like you *know* something isn't quite right, but you're finding excuses not to believe what your instincts are telling you.  You're unsure of yourself, so you accept poor treatment from someone and tell yourself that the problem is not in him, but within yourself (insecurities, etc).  And you don't want to ask for too much, so you accept what they will give you, even if it's the bare minimum.

I may be assuming a lot here from your short post, since there weren't many details, but...  from what you did say, I see some of myself in you, and I can imagine how you might feel.  Are you still in this LDR?    

edited to change font size

< Message edited by HarderToBreathe2 -- 8/16/2009 7:02:00 PM >

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RE: insecurities - 8/16/2009 7:02:48 PM   
HarderToBreathe2


Posts: 181
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slave2own48

littlewonder......"Has he ever told you why you can't text or call him?"  yes He has


well what did he give as the reason?

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RE: insecurities - 8/16/2009 7:05:58 PM   
slave2own48


Posts: 14
Joined: 11/13/2008
Status: offline 		OMG Hardertobreathe.....it's like you have known me for years.  And yes i have always thought the insecurities are my problem, that is why i started this post.  i don't think i am in this relationship any longer.  It's only been 2 weeks and this morning i told Him we had nothing more to talk about and yes i made it feel like my fault. 
He has a profile here but i will not mention His name.  i don't even know if he reads these posts.

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RE: insecurities - 8/16/2009 7:18:51 PM   
HarderToBreathe2


Posts: 181
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slave2own48

OMG Hardertobreathe.....it's like you have known me for years.  And yes i have always thought the insecurities are my problem, that is why i started this post.  i don't think i am in this relationship any longer.  It's only been 2 weeks and this morning i told Him we had nothing more to talk about and yes i made it feel like my fault. 
He has a profile here but i will not mention His name.  i don't even know if he reads these posts.



I go through this all the time!!!  Sucks huh?  I, too, usually blame my insecurities for the ending of things.  And in reality, that probably has a lot to do with it.  But here's a new idea (I'm still learning all this myself, lol, and it's a process) -- We think that if we could just control our insecurities, or at least not show them, that the guy would stay with us and give us more of his time, attention, affection, etc.  But these guys are usually a jerk in some way to begin with -- maybe married? -- and they are "with" us because we will accept the crumbs they throw out.  Soooo,  #1) If we had higher standards for what we want and need, and believed that we deserved it, the loser guy wouldn't be able to worm his way in in the first place, and  #2)  If he's already a jerk before we met him, he's still going to be a jerk no matter what you do or don't do... so it's not the insecurities that are chasing him off, but the fact that he's married or hiding something or whatever the case may be.

Soo, I think you and I need to work on raising our standards and feeling worthy of recieving what we need and want... and NOT stick around for the "crumbs". 

Easy to say, hard to do, lol.

Is any of that something you can relate to as well?

< Message edited by HarderToBreathe2 -- 8/16/2009 7:22:40 PM >

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RE: insecurities - 8/16/2009 7:24:43 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slave2own48
i don't think i am in this relationship any longer.  It's only been 2 weeks and this morning i told Him we had nothing more to talk about

You had been talking to him for only two weeks?  I would be careful about considering that a "relationship."  In the vanilla world, that's barely "dating."  BDSM isn't much different.

If a woman wanted to text me 25 times a day, I might say, "No texting."  It costs me money, and I would want her to be independent yet submit to me anyway, instead of being unable to function emotionally without me.  Without knowing more about the situation, I can't say whether he might have something to hide.

In any case, it sounds as though you made this into a bigger deal than it really was, and now you are paying the emotional price.


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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

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RE: insecurities - 8/16/2009 7:25:13 PM   
slave2own48


Posts: 14
Joined: 11/13/2008
Status: offline 		Harder......to bad you aren't closer to me, i think we could become friends.  i honestly believe he isn't married, i was at his house (unless she was out of town and he knew she wouldn't be home that weekend).  Hiding something?  Can't prove it but it sure feels like something, why else can't i text him?

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RE: insecurities - 8/16/2009 7:27:54 PM   
slave2own48


Posts: 14
Joined: 11/13/2008
Status: offline 		RedMagic........i am not making anything bigger than it really is.  i don't ask to message him 25 times a day and nor would i.  He always has excuses why he wasn't online at night.  At first i blamed myself but i didn't do anything wrong!!!!!!

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RE: insecurities - 8/16/2009 7:28:44 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		How long were you in this relationship?

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

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RE: insecurities - 8/16/2009 7:29:46 PM   
SweetNika


Posts: 955
Joined: 4/19/2008
From: Forest Hills, Maryland
Status: offline 		I have a friend who I adore. He and I once thought about becoming more than friends but the deal killer for me was he would not allow me to have his phone number. His reasons were known to me and although I understood his hesitancy it was still a deal breaker for me.

Edited to add: If you "broke it off this morning' why post this thread now?

< Message edited by SweetNika -- 8/16/2009 7:33:59 PM >

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Blessed be,
Nika


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RE: insecurities - 8/16/2009 7:31:40 PM   
slave2own48


Posts: 14
Joined: 11/13/2008
Status: offline 		RedMagic......You KNOW the answer to that already.

Nika.....exactly, but i have his cell and home number.  i was just told not to call or text.

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RE: insecurities - 8/16/2009 7:36:28 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slave2own48
RedMagic......You KNOW the answer to that already.

I thought I had misunderstood, because you said you were not making anything bigger than it was.

So... two weeks.  May I ask how many hours you were in the same room during those two weeks?  How many hours you spent talking on the phone, or on IM?

Because, frankly, I'm doing the math here, and the amount of time just doesn't add up to "relationship."  You were "getting to know" someone, not "in a relationship" with someone.

You might want to slow down, next time around.  Relationshipping right out of the gate will freak a lot of guys out.  And, frankly, I think those guys have a point.


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

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