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RE: insecurities - 8/16/2009 7:39:12 PM   
slave2own48


Posts: 14
Joined: 11/13/2008
Status: offline 		OMG RedMagic.........the amount of time spent together doesn't matter.  It was what He and i BOTH decided.  Just because You do things differently doesn't mean everyone has to!!!!  i didn't scare him off, if anyone was scared off it was me.  Not being able to get in touch with him, Him insisting i look for a 3rd already, so soon!!!!  DO NOT make me look like the bad one here, i did NOTHING wrong!!!!

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: insecurities - 8/16/2009 7:39:34 PM   
SweetNika


Posts: 955
Joined: 4/19/2008
From: Forest Hills, Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: slave2own48
RedMagic......You KNOW the answer to that already.

I thought I had misunderstood, because you said you were not making anything bigger than it was.

So... two weeks.  May I ask how many hours you were in the same room during those two weeks?  How many hours you spent talking on the phone, or on IM?

Because, frankly, I'm doing the math here, and the amount of time just doesn't add up to "relationship."  You were "getting to know" someone, not "in a relationship" with someone.

You might want to slow down, next time around.  Relationshipping right out of the gate will freak a lot of guys out.  And, frankly, I think those guys have a point.


In all fairness I have known people who where in relationships w/people they have only known for days or weeks, hell I know a couple who have been married after knowing each other for days.

I think the better question is did this guy think he was in a relationship as well? And did they truly know what the other person needed before getting into a relationship?

< Message edited by SweetNika -- 8/16/2009 7:41:02 PM >

_____________________________

Blessed be,
Nika


(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: insecurities - 8/16/2009 7:39:46 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slave2own48

Harder......to bad you aren't closer to me, i think we could become friends.  i honestly believe he isn't married, i was at his house (unless she was out of town and he knew she wouldn't be home that weekend).  Hiding something?  Can't prove it but it sure feels like something, why else can't i text him?


So,, were you physically in HIS home.. and did you PHYSICALLY go through every room and clost?


_____________________________

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Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: insecurities - 8/16/2009 7:46:23 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		oookkk then....you were in a relationship for 2 weeks? Ok I"m confused. I have a feeling you both had different views on what a relationship entails.


(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: insecurities - 8/16/2009 7:46:25 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetNika
In all fairness I have known people who where in relationships w/people they have only known for days or weeks, hell I know a couple who have been married after knowing each other for days.

Sure.  I don't do casual.  Once I start flirting with someone, I am monogamous, and I have never had what I intended to be a one night stand.  I have always hoped for long-term, and sometimes I've been right.

But... I don't self-identify as emotionally insecure, and I don't complain about current or former partners on the internet.  The couple you know who got married after a few days... I'm guessing you would consider them emotionally grounded and mature.  Is that right?  Because, if so, that seems to be a different situation from what's going on here.


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to SweetNika)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: insecurities - 8/16/2009 7:49:46 PM   
HarderToBreathe2


Posts: 181
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slave2own48

Harder......to bad you aren't closer to me, i think we could become friends. 


I agree 

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: insecurities - 8/16/2009 7:51:52 PM   
slave2own48


Posts: 14
Joined: 11/13/2008
Status: offline 		Greedy.....i was in each room but didn't go thru closets.

Nika....i once lived with someone for 2 years + after knowing him 6 days.

i wasn't collared, does that help?  A "relationship" can mean many different things.  And why has this turned in to a relationship thing?  It was supposed to be about helping me deal with insecurities in the future.  My "relationship" with Him is done.

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: insecurities - 8/16/2009 8:01:28 PM   
HarderToBreathe2


Posts: 181
Status: offline
quote:

OMG RedMagic.........the amount of time spent together doesn't matter.


for some reason this made me laugh... in a good way... haha 

(in reply to slave2own48)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: insecurities - 8/16/2009 8:05:07 PM   
slave2own48


Posts: 14
Joined: 11/13/2008
Status: offline 		Harder...same name at yahoo if ya ever wanna chat

(in reply to HarderToBreathe2)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: insecurities - 8/16/2009 8:08:10 PM   
HarderToBreathe2


Posts: 181
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slave2own48

Harder...same name at yahoo if ya ever wanna chat


oh I'd love to.  i'm getting really sleepy at the moment and losing my mental energy, but i'll add ya tomorrow 


(in reply to slave2own48)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: insecurities - 8/16/2009 8:15:48 PM   
slave2own48


Posts: 14
Joined: 11/13/2008
Status: offline 		sweet dreams Harder

(in reply to HarderToBreathe2)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: insecurities - 8/17/2009 9:05:29 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Married no, in a relationship, yes. Sounds like he's one of those guys who think that there are two kinds of women; the kind you have kinky sex with and the kind you introduce to your family.

If he wanted my phone number, but wouldn't give me his, no thanks.
Same for contact, it has to be both ways for me.

How you handle this next time? Say "no thanks but good luck in your search".

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: insecurities - 8/17/2009 9:18:44 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slave2own48

OMG RedMagic.........the amount of time spent together doesn't matter.  It was what He and i BOTH decided.  Just because You do things differently doesn't mean everyone has to!!!!  i didn't scare him off, if anyone was scared off it was me.  Not being able to get in touch with him, Him insisting i look for a 3rd already, so soon!!!!  DO NOT make me look like the bad one here, i did NOTHING wrong!!!!



You did nothing wrong...Except you decided to enter into a relationship with someone when you didn't like the terms.
The adding a third conversation should have been discussed very early on and then there were the contact restrictions which was the deciding factor... .
The only thing "wrong" that you did was not taking care of your needs by entering into a relationship with someone you were incompatible with.

If you had taken just a little bit longer you might not be distressed now.



_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

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(in reply to slave2own48)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: insecurities - 8/17/2009 10:24:45 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slave2own48
i would like some advice on how to deal with insecurities and a long distance relationship.  Should it bother me that i am not allowed to call or text someone when i need to talk to Him?  To me, not being allowed to even text feels like He is hiding something.  How do i get past something like this should i ever be in a LD relationship again?

Communication is the core of any relationship.... no seriously... not just as a trite saying. Us humans are not telepathic. Ergo, there is a vast gulf between self and not-self. Communication is the only real bridge we have to overcome that yawning gulf. To disallow communication is to disallow the relationship.

Whether or not he is "hiding something" is completely irellevant to the fact that he is clearly and concisely saying, "I don't want a relationship with you."


_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to slave2own48)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: insecurities - 8/17/2009 7:23:06 PM   
slave2own48


Posts: 14
Joined: 11/13/2008
Status: offline 		Leadership.....Really?  Today in an email He sent He said i needed to keep the insecurities in check so it doesn't come between what we are trying to build.  i don't think He is clearly saying anything like He doesn't want a relationship.

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: insecurities - 8/18/2009 2:40:14 AM   
TurboJugend


Posts: 481
Joined: 6/15/2009
Status: offline 		What happens when you do text him?
just curious

(in reply to slave2own48)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: insecurities - 8/18/2009 6:04:54 AM   
DomThoughts


Posts: 50
Joined: 11/29/2006
Status: offline 		I would have a problem with anyone who said that contacting them was strictly forbidden - although I have dated women who were married, where there was an obvious reason why that was acceptable

but point blank refusal of allowing you to contact them means - to me - that they want to keep you a secret from some aspect of their life, it might not be that they're married, but there is something untowards occurring.

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: insecurities - 8/18/2009 7:44:47 AM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slave2own48

Nika....i usually do go with my gutt, sometimes it wrong though.  i could ruin something that could be a good thing.
wind.....oh believe me, He wasn't the first one, i have been in the lifestyle over 10 years.  i dated someone for a while that knew i was insecure and made it possible for me to get a hold of him any time i wanted to, just to prove there was no one else.  That was a good feeling :)

Then go with that "good feeling" and seek it out.  There are some people who are going to make this post about the distance and about this being just one more reason why L.D.R.s can't work but it is not...what you are dealing with is a "dominant" who is playing off your insecurities rather than doing what he can to assuage them.  I don't believe it is the dominant's job to cater to the submissive but neither is it the dominant's job to do things in such a manner that only encourages restlessness and more insecurity within a partner. 
It could be possible that this man is a dominant who believes it is his job to contact the submissive and initiate conversation and that could be as true with the dominant who lives around the corner as the one who lives 10, 100, 1000 miles away.  If that is the case, then you already know it is not working for you.  Pull up one of the stones that...in my opinion...a good relationship and a good D/s dynamic is built on and communicate your unease to him.  His answer and his subsequent actions will show you how important nullifying your insecurity is to him.

(in reply to slave2own48)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: insecurities - 8/19/2009 9:31:59 PM   
slave2own48


Posts: 14
Joined: 11/13/2008
Status: offline 		Just want to say thanks to everyone that cared enough to help.  Sadly, i give up, at least for now.  i have deleted my profile.  i will be back one day, i am sure.

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: insecurities - 9/1/2009 10:26:41 PM   
Acer49


Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slave2own48

i would like some advice on how to deal with insecurities and a long distance relationship.  Should it bother me that i am not allowed to call or text someone when i need to talk to Him?  To me, not being allowed to even text feels like He is hiding something.  How do i get past something like this should i ever be in a LD relationship again?



Communication is paramount, especially in a LDR. If I was in a LDR I would expect to be able to contact my sub whenever the need arose. OF course I would not expect a reply when someone is working, but other than that, I'd better hear from them within a reasonable amount of time. I of course would so the same for the individual I was involved with


_____________________________

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Harvey Fierstein

(in reply to slave2own48)
Profile   Post #: 40
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