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what would you do? - 8/14/2009 10:45:16 PM   
satyrsnymph28


Posts: 379
Status: offline 		So, the timing of everything is exactly right for my boyfriend to NOT be where he told me he was going to be tonight.

He said he was going to his kid's house, but then when he was still home at 7:30, he claimed they weren't home, and would be shortly. I know that the lady he cheated on me with before is available after 8 on Fridays. He was supposedly going over to the kids around 6, originally.

The whole forum knows he has a history of cheating- no, I haven't left him yet.

My question is... I can drive 20 minutes to see if he is where he said he would be... (and another 5 minutes from there to see if he might be at home instead) with the possibility of him seeing that I'm driving by to check... or, I can just wait here until he calls when he gets back and hope that he was where he said he'd be (or that he's honest about deceiving me).

Do you wait and jut hope he's honest, or do you drive and see for yourself?

If he was there, it might renew a sense of trust... if not, it would be the fuel I needed to finally say I'm through.

What would you do?
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RE: what would you do? - 8/14/2009 10:57:20 PM   
KneelforAnne


Posts: 1011
Joined: 6/14/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: satyrsnymph28

So, the timing of everything is exactly right for my boyfriend to NOT be where he told me he was going to be tonight.

He said he was going to his kid's house, but then when he was still home at 7:30, he claimed they weren't home, and would be shortly. I know that the lady he cheated on me with before is available after 8 on Fridays. He was supposedly going over to the kids around 6, originally.

The whole forum knows he has a history of cheating- no, I haven't left him yet.

My question is... I can drive 20 minutes to see if he is where he said he would be... (and another 5 minutes from there to see if he might be at home instead) with the possibility of him seeing that I'm driving by to check... or, I can just wait here until he calls when he gets back and hope that he was where he said he'd be (or that he's honest about deceiving me).

Do you wait and jut hope he's honest, or do you drive and see for yourself?

If he was there, it might renew a sense of trust... if not, it would be the fuel I needed to finally say I'm through.

What would you do?



I'm going to address the underlined parts. 

1-  Does he actually have a background of cheating, or are you just suspicious?

2- If that's what you see the outcome being, then go for it.  What do you have to lose? 

But, don't just tell yourself that THIS could be the one thing to seal the deal if it won't.  Be honest with yourself. 

Other thoughts:  What if he is where he says he is and sees you?  Would that hurt his trust in you?  Would that matter?

Good luck! 

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RE: what would you do? - 8/14/2009 11:05:58 PM   
satyrsnymph28


Posts: 379
Status: offline 		Yes, he has cheated. We had a discussion about it in May, and he had in fact been sleeping with other people.

I AM worried about the impact it would have if he saw me driving by, but I think that's probably not very likely, if they're INSIDE cleaning like he said he'd be.  His car is VERY noticeable, so if he were there, it wouldn't be hard to just see that he was, and continue driving.

If he's NOT there and NOT at home, then I'd be worried... the same goes for if he's at home and there's someone else there. 

I'm concerned because it's all set up just right tonight...

I guess if I drove by, and he saw me, I could just let him know that I had been concerned because of the way everything played out. 

We've been talking about this a lot lately, because we're not swinging again (due to a lack of parties/people of interest) and I know he likes a little variety (which I don't mind as long as I'm informed and included).

I just want to know FOR SURE.

Maybe I'm reading into it too much today, but he was exhibiting behavior similar to last time like getting upset at me for asking him what size aquarium to buy, and things like that. He admitted when we talked in May that when he knows he's going to do something that I don't like, he'll get upset at me because he's upset at himself.

I'm just worried... and I'd like to know one way or another for sure, instead of just having to trust him, since that didn't always prove to be the right thing in the past.

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RE: what would you do? - 8/14/2009 11:59:27 PM   
ThatDamnedPanda


Posts: 6060
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline 		If you're that worried about it, go look.

But what's the point? You obviously don't trust him, and you obviously have good reasons not to. You can't follow him 24 hours a day, so at some point you're going to have to accept that you'll never know whether he's sleeping with someone else behind your back. If you're going to live him, one way or another you're going to have to learn to live with that.

Sorry, but it is what it is. No matter how long you two are together, he's always going to be someone you can't fully trust because he cheated on you before. There'll always be that question somewhere in your mind. Good luck to you.

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RE: what would you do? - 8/15/2009 12:03:50 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Considering your prior posts......

I'D LEAVE HIS ASS!


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RE: what would you do? - 8/15/2009 12:12:36 AM   
GreedyTop


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Status: offline 		What LAdy P said so eloquently

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RE: what would you do? - 8/15/2009 12:19:30 AM   
SweetPoosy


Posts: 822
Joined: 3/12/2009
Status: offline 		I agree with Panda, you have to decide if it will be OK to never trust him again, to have nights like this every now and again until you finally break it off with him.

You don't really think he's at home or his kid's do you? So jump in the car and take a gander. Better yet, do you know where you suspect him to be? Go check it out, because it will eat at you until you know for sure. If you don't do it tonight, then you will do it the next time, or the next time.

And then, like Lady Pact says, when you know for sure, and it isn't the answer you want, then dump his ass. Turn off your phone, and just ignore him because he isn't worth the bother, and if you talk to him, you might relent and let him back in your  life. How do I know? Been there, done that, and I can say that the gut-churning hours of doubt and darkness simply aren't worth it.

Hugs.


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RE: what would you do? - 8/15/2009 12:26:55 AM   
MrRodgers


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Joined: 7/30/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Considering your prior posts......

I'D LEAVE HIS ASS!


No question...

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RE: what would you do? - 8/15/2009 1:22:28 AM   
WyldHrt


Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline 		Another vote for what Lady P said. If I had to think about whether to follow/ check up on him, the trust is gone and the relationship is already over. 

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RE: what would you do? - 8/15/2009 1:30:27 AM   
sirsholly


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quote:

ORIGINAL: MrRodgers

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Considering your prior posts......

I'D LEAVE HIS ASS!


No question...

none...

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RE: what would you do? - 8/15/2009 1:59:04 AM   
hizgeorgiapeach


Posts: 1672
Status: offline 		While I intensely dislike being "just part of the crowd" - I gotta admit, I'm with a whole slew of others on this one.
 
Just leave him and get it over with.  Period.  End of discussion.
 
You don't trust him.  You have no reason to trust him.  You aren't going to start trusting him.  He's not likely to change, since you didn't bother to leave him the last time you Caught him.  He's made it plain that he has no qualms about lying to you.
 
Do yourself a favor, grow a backbone, end your own misery, and save yourself the hassle of having yet another reason to post stupid questions like this one later on down the road.....

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RE: what would you do? - 8/15/2009 5:48:29 AM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		this is a great time for a make over.

doll yourself up and go to the farmers market.

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RE: what would you do? - 8/15/2009 7:42:22 AM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline 		You are the maker of your own misery here.

Do what you are going to do anyway.

It is obvious none of our opinions matter or you would have left his ass when he put you and your health in jepordy with this cheating shit the last time.

However what you have proven is that no one ever gets trust back.

You will always wonder if he is cheating of not. No Matter what happens when his story doesn't gel with what you think it should be you will feel you need to check up on him.

What kind of relationship D/s or Otherwise is this to have?

You having to play Secret Squirrel and he not giving a shit what you think.

Seriously at this point I have the same opinion I did last time. You can't trust him who cares if he is still cheating or not the FOUNDATION of the relationship ..... TRUST...... has already been shot to shit why stick around. It will never get better only get worse.

Steel

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RE: what would you do? - 8/15/2009 10:07:59 AM   
UncleNasty


Posts: 1108
Joined: 3/20/2004
Status: offline 		He is trustworthy. He has proven that in the past.

The ways you can trust him, and the ways he is trustworthy, are for him to be exactly who and what he is. You've already a history that shows you that.

The question is how are you willing to live?

Uncle Nasty

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RE: what would you do? - 8/15/2009 11:37:57 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

What would you do?

I'd get the fuck out of the relationship

But that's just me.



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RE: what would you do? - 8/15/2009 11:44:54 AM   
barelynangel


Posts: 6233
Status: offline 		Maybe its just me but damn -- aren't you -- the OP -- exhausted by now?  It all seems way to intensely a lot of work.  I guess i am just lazy but if i needed to be my boyfriend's keeper, to me that's just way to much work. 

angel

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RE: what would you do? - 8/15/2009 1:18:54 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: barelynangel

Maybe its just me but damn -- aren't you -- the OP -- exhausted by now? 


This was exactly my thought while reading.  I don't have the energy to be wondering, second guessing, questioning, following, etc.  I don't want that kind of negativity in my life, and would make decisions for myself to ensure it was not.




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RE: what would you do? - 8/15/2009 1:21:27 PM   
Termyn8or


Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline 		Yes this does bring on a sense of deja vu. Some of my friends lie, cheat and steal, but they don't do it to me. I don't tolerate it even from acquantences. That's me. If they don't have enough respect for me to do me right I'll have nothing to do with them.

But (OP) you are in a relationship. What has happened here is that you have seemingly condoned his actions by not leaving him. Now shit or get off the pot. Either accept it, and just figure it is an "open" relationship, or get out. It is much better for the PH balance in your stomach, even if you decide to accept the situation. But make it official, and if you happen to find a little (or bigger) something on the side, have your fun without guilt.

People rarely realize that drugs are not the only addiction going around. I think The Godz put it pretty well in a song. "There's money junkies, sex junkies, booze junkies dope junkies". The first two go largely unrecognized. Some guys just can't say no to a piece of ass. And of course there are a few nymphos around (where BTW ?).

You just need to make a choice as to whether you will put up with it or not. He's not going to change, once you get that through your head the rest is a simple decision. It is your perogative to put up with it or not.

T

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RE: what would you do? - 8/15/2009 2:21:52 PM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline 		If you were me there'd be no doubts, no relationship and no new thread.

Just saying..

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RE: what would you do? - 8/15/2009 2:27:09 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I echo what Stella said. I would have dumped his sorry ass after the first time. Then again I am a bitch like that. Too many other things in life to worry about, not going to worry about my life partner sneaking around and lying to me.

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