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RE: what would you do? - 8/15/2009 3:30:56 PM

Lashra

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If I had so little faith and trust in him, I wouldn't do anything...except be done with him and looking for someone else.

~Lashra

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(in reply to satyrsnymph28)

Post #: 21

RE: what would you do? - 8/15/2009 3:35:18 PM

winterlight

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Let's see he's a snake and you wonder if you should trust him? You already know he's a snake what more do you want?

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 22

RE: what would you do? - 8/15/2009 3:36:45 PM

GoddessImaginos

Posts: 1493
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

If I had so little faith and trust in him, I wouldn't do anything...except be done with him and looking for someone else.

~Lashra

Amen. 'Nuff said.

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Post #: 23

RE: what would you do? - 8/15/2009 4:56:13 PM

CallaFirestormBW

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If you already don't trust him, what is the point? It sounds like you're just biding time and ready for a reason, because deep down inside, you really don't believe in him.

Sweetie, quit wasting your time, and move on and find a relationship where you feel valued instead of deceived.

DC

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(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 24

RE: what would you do? - 8/15/2009 4:58:35 PM

GoddessImaginos

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW

If you already don't trust him, what is the point? It sounds like you're just biding time and ready for a reason, because deep down inside, you really don't believe in him.

Sweetie, quit wasting your time, and move on and find a relationship where you feel valued instead of deceived.

DC

What Calla said. You don't really need Us to validate what you already know inside yourself.
Trust your instinct in all things, for it will never lie to you.

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~10 fluffy points
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(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)

Post #: 25

RE: what would you do? - 8/15/2009 7:03:45 PM

littlewonder

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let's see..he has a history of cheating, you don't trust him, to make yourself less concerned you have to check on him or you get to sit at home and wonder who he may be fucking or where he might be....do you really, I mean really...wanna lead a life like that? I know I wouldn't.

Personally I'd find a better man or just get used to the fact that this will be the type of situation you'll live with.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 26

RE: what would you do? - 8/16/2009 12:19:49 AM

corsetgirl

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What Lady P, LaT, Calla, goddess, littlewonder and others have said because a relationship should not have to be miserable due to trust issues.

You cannot always be with someone everytime and all of the time. I would want to have security in knowing that I can trust this person to value me and respect me by not cheating on me.

Three years ago, I broke it off with a dom who was not honest with me by his word and intentions. It is not easy being alone but it beats becoming mired in what I felt was not good for me.

< Message edited by corsetgirl -- 8/16/2009 12:20:36 AM >

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 27

RE: what would you do? - 8/16/2009 3:43:29 AM

sirsholly

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quote:

Three years ago, I broke it off with a dom who was not honest with me by his word and intentions. It is not easy being alone but it beats becoming mired in what I felt was not good for me.

being alone is not easy, but i think it is preferable to the situation the op is dealing with

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Post #: 28

RE: what would you do? - 8/16/2009 8:40:42 AM

ThatDamnedPanda

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

Three years ago, I broke it off with a dom who was not honest with me by his word and intentions. It is not easy being alone but it beats becoming mired in what I felt was not good for me.

being alone is not easy, but i think it is preferable to the situation the op is dealing with

She's already alone.

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Post #: 29

RE: what would you do? - 8/16/2009 9:07:16 AM

InvisibleBlack

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quote:

ORIGINAL: satyrsnymph28

What would you do?

I would have been gone a long time ago - but that's me.

You're you.

My ten cents worth of advice is, before you do anything, to sit down somewhere quiet for a few minutes, somewhere where you won't be disturbed and think about this. What are you getting out the relationship? Where is it going? Is where it's going somewhere you want to be? How does it make you feel about yourself? About who you are? Is that someone you want to be?

It your answers to all of those things are negative. Get out.

If, for you, to get out you need to drive by and see if he's lying to you or not - then do so. If it's enough that you're unahppy, second-guessing yourself all the time, and have no faith that your boyfriend can keep his word - then just accept that it's over and move on.

If the only reason you haven't left yet is that your fear or breaking up, or being alone, or not having someone there is stronger than your unhappiness in your current relationship then what you're doing is waiting and allowing your misery to escalate until it overcomes your fear of breaking up or being alone or whatever - in which case you're setting yourself up to be more and more unhappy and anxious and upset until it gets so bad that things blow up, and then you'll have to go through the whole breakup and being alone part anyway.

On the flip side - if you're happy with where things are going and the relationship and your boyfriend are making you feel wonderful about yourself and about your life and you're content in every way except this one - then you need to work with him on adapting and changing until you're both comfortable with what the steady-state of your interactions are going to be - but that doesn't sound like the case here.

< Message edited by InvisibleBlack -- 8/16/2009 9:08:40 AM >

(in reply to satyrsnymph28)

Post #: 30

RE: what would you do? - 8/16/2009 5:29:38 PM

kevinmontana

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i think i would move on

(in reply to InvisibleBlack)

Post #: 31

RE: what would you do? - 8/16/2009 8:17:04 PM

gobsmack

Posts: 56
Joined: 8/11/2008
From: Mars
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Hide a GPS in his car. Then you'll always know where he is.

(in reply to kevinmontana)

Post #: 32

RE: what would you do? - 8/17/2009 5:54:04 PM

LookieNoNookie

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Joined: 8/9/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: satyrsnymph28

So, the timing of everything is exactly right for my boyfriend to NOT be where he told me he was going to be tonight.

He said he was going to his kid's house, but then when he was still home at 7:30, he claimed they weren't home, and would be shortly. I know that the lady he cheated on me with before is available after 8 on Fridays. He was supposedly going over to the kids around 6, originally.

The whole forum knows he has a history of cheating- no, I haven't left him yet.

My question is... I can drive 20 minutes to see if he is where he said he would be... (and another 5 minutes from there to see if he might be at home instead) with the possibility of him seeing that I'm driving by to check... or, I can just wait here until he calls when he gets back and hope that he was where he said he'd be (or that he's honest about deceiving me).

Do you wait and jut hope he's honest, or do you drive and see for yourself?

If he was there, it might renew a sense of trust... if not, it would be the fuel I needed to finally say I'm through.

What would you do?

Probably dump him.

(in reply to satyrsnymph28)

Post #: 33

RE: what would you do? - 8/17/2009 6:09:05 PM

MsFlutter

Posts: 1305
Joined: 11/12/2008
From: East Coast
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quote:

ORIGINAL: barelynangel

Maybe its just me but damn -- aren't you -- the OP -- exhausted by now? It all seems way to intensely a lot of work. I guess i am just lazy but if i needed to be my boyfriend's keeper, to me that's just way to much work.

angel

barely said exactly what I was thinking. It is not worth the hours of agony that you lose/have lost worrying about a human who clearly isnt too worried about you. He's a shmuck and he's not going to change. He has no reason to as, to date, there have been no consequences for his behavior.

Get out of this 'not goin' anywhere fast' thing and breathe your own air.

Change will occur when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change. Have you had enough 'same' yet?

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Post #: 34

RE: what would you do? - 8/17/2009 6:20:20 PM

kiwisub12

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Wouldn't stay with someone i couldn't trust - and that doesn't just include sexually.

Being alone is a relief in some instances.
Lack of drama is a good thing.
The dog, the cat, the bird, the book can be GREAT company compared to the alternative.

(in reply to MsFlutter)

Post #: 35

RE: what would you do? - 8/19/2009 6:21:01 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

Wouldn't stay with someone i couldn't trust - and that doesn't just include sexually.

Being alone is a relief in some instances.
Lack of drama is a good thing.
The dog, the cat, the bird, the book can be GREAT company compared to the alternative.

Leave us not forget however....if there's copious amounts of cash involved....that could change things quickly.

(I do try to be somewhat flexible in my thinking).

< Message edited by LookieNoNookie -- 8/19/2009 6:23:26 PM >

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 36

RE: what would you do? - 8/19/2009 7:07:24 PM

Rhodes85

Posts: 445
Joined: 11/15/2008
From: Nova Scotia, Canada
Status: offline

From personal experience in this sort of problem I can say that the suspicions you have you are having for a reason. I would drop his ass and find someone you can trust. That being said if he did flip out because he saw you drive by or whatever that should say something right there....

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 37

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