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First post.. - 8/11/2009 7:33:17 AM   
forze


Posts: 7
Joined: 8/4/2009
Status: offline 		Hi all. This is my first post here after sneaking around here for a week or two. I have little experience with bdsm, but my partner and I have tried a bit bondage and blindfolding. The experiences so far have not been particularly good, it feels like we are not 'getting' it. What strikes me when reading posts here is the intensity of it and it seems like we are missing it. I guess this takes practice? Or did you get it at once? Anyway would love to hear about your journey if you want to share..
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RE: First post.. - 8/11/2009 8:12:57 AM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		No, I didn't get the full intensity all at once either. It takes time to get over the newness, and just thinking it's weird doing these things to your partner! What helped Me was getting to know other bdsmers, just knowing we weren't alone made it feel a bit easier! And then getting involved, particularly going to play parties and soaking up info like sponges! I've moved so much further into this than I ever could have imagined initially with absolutely no regrets.

Good luck!
Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to forze)
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RE: First post.. - 8/11/2009 8:40:34 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		Hi there forze:

Since we don't do the SM part and hardly and BD, I can only interpret. But in my experience, things do get more comfortable and therefor better as one goes along. Although so far at least, the things that end up working well always registered in the beginning with some sort of "zing". For instance, seeing Carol kneel the first time was powerful... but also awkward. Having her kneel now is just powerful. Doing some sadism on Carol the first time was a total yawn... as it was the second and third times. After maybe 15-20 attempts, I stopped playing around with that for now. As is my habit, I'll recheck every year or two just to make sure nothing has changed, but for now at least, I apparently don't have any sadist connections in me.

In the end, I agree that you need to experiment with somethign beyond one or two tries... you need to get past where it feels awkward and stupid to really evaluate it. But you also need to pay attention to your own inner selves. Not everyone is a sadist or masochist despite what it may seem like on these boards.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to forze)
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RE: First post.. - 8/11/2009 8:43:06 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I never got it at first either.  Bondage when I engaged in it in my younger relationships seemed tedious, I would have preferred to be tossed on the bed and used hard.  Plus, I can escape most bindings so for me it was mostly thinking of, ok.. twist my wrist here move my thumb.. escape.  I was always planning escape in my head, so it was taking my mind off sex.  With the blindfold on I was rehearsing my escape routine while my partner tied me up.

I didn't get into it until I met my x, then it became easier because he was so intent on how to get my tits where he wanted, how to pull the rope up tight on my crotch, ect., when my entire focus was on him, it became more fun for me.  It was not about the bondage at all, but the time together, the touch and the very up close and physical face time, the hour or so of being man-handled and restrained.. yumm.

If I was blindfolded I would have missed that connection.  My first partner was very good at knots and new what he wanted to do with them.  He was intent more on the knots than on me, I thought.  But my more recent x, he was only into bondage for the potential of making me squirm, and squirm I did, while he yanked, poked, prodded, bit, sucked, and pulled me around to where he wanted me.

Bondage looks nice.. but it is the interaction and the face time connection that makes me miss it now.

(in reply to forze)
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RE: First post.. - 8/11/2009 3:05:23 PM   
SouthernSpankin


Posts: 106
Joined: 7/13/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: forze

Hi all. This is my first post here after sneaking around here for a week or two. I have little experience with bdsm, but my partner and I have tried a bit bondage and blindfolding. The experiences so far have not been particularly good, it feels like we are not 'getting' it. What strikes me when reading posts here is the intensity of it and it seems like we are missing it. I guess this takes practice? Or did you get it at once? Anyway would love to hear about your journey if you want to share..


What is it that turns you on about BDSM? What got you interested in BDSM in the first place? If it is just "I heard those BDSM people have more intense sex and romance and chemistry than vanilla people," then my guess is that you don't have to do any BDSM to have an intense relationship, and that there are many totally vanilla couples out there with intense relationships, an intense sex life, and intense chemistry. I would guess it is possible that BDSM people could have more intense relationships than vanilla people because BDSM people have a taboo sexuality they are naturally into and it is harder for them to find someone with a similar natural taboo sexuality ... so when those two find each other, they cherish and love it more because it is harder to find than a vanilla person finding another vanilla person. But I have no idea because my BDSM interests have always been natural to me. I never felt awkward about them, I've never had an experiece where I didn't "get them." They have never been "new" to me, it was never "hard" to me. For example, like the poster above who felt some of the things she did to her partner were weird at first and the poster above who felt partially awkward about making his/her partner kneel at first... I've never had that experience of awkwardness. If something is weird to me, I'm not interested in it (and there are aspects of BDSM to me that are weird). Also, as a poster above said, he/she is not too into S&M... he said it was a yawn when he first tried it and he's still not into it. Make sense to me, if you're not into something, you're not into it. But, like he said, he rechecks as he gets olders, because our interests do evolve. There are some BDSM things that I used to love but I'm not that in love with anymore and vice versa. And like he (she?) said, not every BDSM person is into S&M. BDSM is a broad term encompassing a variety of different interests (B&D, S&M, D/s, etc). As for myself, I've never been huge into bondage. Don't get me wrong, I love and have always loved trying my girl down and restraining her as part of my other BDSM interests, but I've never been into bondage for it's own sake by itself... for example, shibari has never interested me so I've never been interested in trying it out. I agree with Missokyst that the important part is the interaction and the connection. Do what you'd love to do, and if you partner loves it as well... awesome. I've met many people who have been into their BDSM interests as long as they can remember. And I've met many people who weren't introduced to BDSM until late in the lives, but they loved it. Also, sometimes some BDSM fantasies don't translate to real life.

< Message edited by SouthernSpankin -- 8/11/2009 3:18:18 PM >

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RE: First post.. - 8/11/2009 8:09:49 PM   
kallisto


Posts: 1185
Status: offline 		The first time for most anything for me will feel strange and awkward.    Think back to your firsts ... your first kiss, your first touch, your first partner, your first sexual experience ... they all seem awkward to me.   Maybe I'm the weird one.         As time goes on and your relationship grows and you and your partner are doing things that you want to do, that you both desire, that you both want, then it becomes more comfortable (not as in boring), but your confidence is boosted and you feel as though it is becoming second nature. 

(in reply to SouthernSpankin)
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RE: First post.. - 8/11/2009 8:46:34 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Google BDSM checklists and try those things that both of you say "Wow, I want to do that!".

Not everybody likes bondage and blindfolds. Some prefer primal play where you both let out your deepest, most animalistic feelings and fight.

And of course, some of us do adore blindfolds and bondage!

There's a lot of stuff out there, keep trying till you see what you like.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to kallisto)
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RE: First post.. - 8/12/2009 12:41:45 PM   
forze


Posts: 7
Joined: 8/4/2009
Status: offline 		Thanks for your interessting replies everyone... we'll keep experimenting.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: First post.. - 8/14/2009 3:43:16 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: forze

Hi all. This is my first post here after sneaking around here for a week or two. I have little experience with bdsm, but my partner and I have tried a bit bondage and blindfolding. The experiences so far have not been particularly good, it feels like we are not 'getting' it. What strikes me when reading posts here is the intensity of it and it seems like we are missing it. I guess this takes practice? Or did you get it at once? Anyway would love to hear about your journey if you want to share..

If you're not "getting it" you probably need to take stock of what it is you actually seek. D/s is a control dynamic but many are only interested in the kink aspect of physical play. And kink is a bit like fashion - what you absolutely must have this season is old hat next year....

I'm in it for the control aspects. While I still enjoy the physical play D/s offers, "kink" such as bondage is really a physical means of controlling my girl. As is having and enforcing the relationship rules. And for those of us whose need is control (be it controller or controlee), the intensity of the dynamic never seems to wear off.

So this "bit (of) bondage and blindfolding"; this was about spicing up your love life or actually exerting your will through inescapable control?

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

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RE: First post.. - 8/15/2009 5:47:23 AM   
forze


Posts: 7
Joined: 8/4/2009
Status: offline
quote:



So this "bit (of) bondage and blindfolding"; this was about spicing up your love life or actually exerting your will through inescapable control?

Focus.


To be honest, I don't know. What I do know is that what turns me on the most is the control aspect of this, that is what I am interested in. Wether this is a kink or bdsm or D/s, I don't know.

(in reply to Focus50)
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RE: First post.. - 8/15/2009 6:39:44 AM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: forze

Hi all. This is my first post here after sneaking around here for a week or two. I have little experience with bdsm, but my partner and I have tried a bit bondage and blindfolding. The experiences so far have not been particularly good, it feels like we are not 'getting' it. What strikes me when reading posts here is the intensity of it and it seems like we are missing it. I guess this takes practice? Or did you get it at once? Anyway would love to hear about your journey if you want to share..

I still haven't got to it....
and hoping it will take the rest of my life in searching and discovery.


_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

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Profile   Post #: 11
RE: First post.. - 8/15/2009 6:47:16 AM   
LillyoftheVally


Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: forze

Hi all. This is my first post here after sneaking around here for a week or two. I have little experience with bdsm, but my partner and I have tried a bit bondage and blindfolding. The experiences so far have not been particularly good, it feels like we are not 'getting' it. What strikes me when reading posts here is the intensity of it and it seems like we are missing it. I guess this takes practice? Or did you get it at once? Anyway would love to hear about your journey if you want to share..


I have had both relationships where the intensity takes a while to develop, and relationships that have intensity right away and indeed casual plays that are burned in my mind.

My journey has been very up and down, starting with an online connection which gave me some amount of information about what I saw myself as, to the first play, in a club which was one of the most intense experiences of my life, then I had a poly relationship and I developed an even deeper understanding of who I am, then it was shattered by a few relationships where I just couldn't get the dynamic, lots of questioning myself again, and now I am starting to get my feet again. It i like life

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VsN5MtKtWcg corny but true

If you are both experimenting and working out what works for you, no doubt it will take time to get there.


_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

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RE: First post.. - 8/15/2009 7:04:30 AM   
forze


Posts: 7
Joined: 8/4/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally

If you are both experimenting and working out what works for you, no doubt it will take time to get there.



I have no doubt about that. Expecially since I am more seeking than my partner.... she plays along, but I am the active one, reading, looking, chatting and so.

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RE: First post.. - 8/15/2009 7:06:49 AM   
LillyoftheVally


Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: forze

quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally

If you are both experimenting and working out what works for you, no doubt it will take time to get there.



I have no doubt about that. Expecially since I am more seeking than my partner.... she plays along, but I am the active one, reading, looking, chatting and so.




Is there a specific reason for that?

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

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RE: First post.. - 8/15/2009 7:13:59 AM   
forze


Posts: 7
Joined: 8/4/2009
Status: offline 		Hmmm.. good question. Not sure really. I think that in general I am more interessted in sex and everything about it. She doesn't fantasize much and isn't that qurious about exploring things, like myself.

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RE: First post.. - 8/15/2009 7:30:14 AM   
LillyoftheVally


Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline 		Ok, so next question, do you both know what each other wants to get out of it? And does it match up?

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

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RE: First post.. - 8/15/2009 7:33:33 AM   
forze


Posts: 7
Joined: 8/4/2009
Status: offline 		tough question. I am not sure about the answer there.... afraid it might not match up though.

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RE: First post.. - 8/15/2009 7:44:48 AM   
LillyoftheVally


Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: forze

tough question. I am not sure about the answer there.... afraid it might not match up though.


I think that this is something you need to talk about with your partner, I really do, if you are wanting different things it stands to reason that it won't 'work' for both of you

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to forze)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: First post.. - 8/15/2009 7:48:51 AM   
forze


Posts: 7
Joined: 8/4/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally


quote:

ORIGINAL: forze

tough question. I am not sure about the answer there.... afraid it might not match up though.


I think that this is something you need to talk about with your partner, I really do, if you are wanting different things it stands to reason that it won't 'work' for both of you


You are right of course. I find the topic difficult to discuss... *sighs

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RE: First post.. - 8/15/2009 7:50:07 AM   
LillyoftheVally


Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline 		Course it is, but maybe you can find some common goals to work towards, also there is no shame in incompatibility.

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to forze)
Profile   Post #: 20
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