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RE: First post.. - 8/15/2009 4:05:36 PM

Esinn

Posts: 886
Joined: 6/23/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: forze

Hi all. This is my first post here after sneaking around here for a week or two. I have little experience with bdsm, but my partner and I have tried a bit bondage and blindfolding. The experiences so far have not been particularly good, it feels like we are not 'getting' it. What strikes me when reading posts here is the intensity of it and it seems like we are missing it. I guess this takes practice? Or did you get it at once? Anyway would love to hear about your journey if you want to share..

This is not a very good subject for a first post. Although it is descriptive of what it is... It ought to be descriptive of what it is about.

Consider that for your second post.

12,453 post (heh?)

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RE: First post.. - 8/15/2009 5:33:29 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
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The intensity for me comes with the investment i have with my partner, and his investment in what we are doing. If what we do was just a bit of slap and tickle and sex thrill then it wouldn't be as intense.

For me it is a life living thing. My Sir and i live together and live what feels good and makes sense to us. And since i was brand new when i met him, his plan of action or life plan is what we live by. I follow the rules and rituals he established, and life is good.

Perhaps you need to decide how you want to live your life, decide on a plan and how you want your sub to cater to you, and present it to your lady. It would be strange at first, but familarity will come with time.
Routine will come in time, but for it to have meaning , you need to feel it inside. It has to be part of who you are. And just for your info. i discovered this part of me at 48, my Sir at 17, so there isn't an optimum age to find who you are. Most people continue to grow through their lives, discovering new things as they grow.

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RE: First post.. - 8/15/2009 5:41:26 PM

Acer49

Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: forze

Hi all. This is my first post here after sneaking around here for a week or two. I have little experience with bdsm, but my partner and I have tried a bit bondage and blindfolding. The experiences so far have not been particularly good, it feels like we are not 'getting' it. What strikes me when reading posts here is the intensity of it and it seems like we are missing it. I guess this takes practice? Or did you get it at once? Anyway would love to hear about your journey if you want to share..

I suppose it is possible that the two of you were abit neverious and that nerviousness blocked your ability to truly enjoy

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RE: First post.. - 8/15/2009 6:14:24 PM

peachgirl

Posts: 396
Joined: 6/25/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: forze

quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally

quote:

ORIGINAL: forze

tough question. I am not sure about the answer there.... afraid it might not match up though.

I think that this is something you need to talk about with your partner, I really do, if you are wanting different things it stands to reason that it won't 'work' for both of you

You are right of course. I find the topic difficult to discuss... *sighs

I believe a key component of power exchange relationships is communication. so, if you really want to get somewhere with this, you need to find a way to discuss it. I'll admit at first it was difficult for me to say what I was interested in and what I enjoyed, but I found a way to get over it

.

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Cause if I had my way with you baby
I would be changing your life today.
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RE: First post.. - 8/15/2009 8:59:32 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: peachgirl

I believe a key component of power exchange relationships is communication. so, if you really want to get somewhere with this, you need to find a way to discuss it. I'll admit at first it was difficult for me to say what I was interested in and what I enjoyed, but I found a way to get over it .

I agree wholeheartedly with this. Faulty communication got in the way for me in a relationship that was very good in so many other ways.
Good communication makes that intensity happen. You just feel the other person so much more, it's at the heart of D/s for me- the communication and the intensity it brings. Try getting at the heart of things and if it doesn't work...try again. It might bring you what you're looking for.

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RE: First post.. - 8/16/2009 3:18:27 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: forze

quote:

So this "bit (of) bondage and blindfolding"; this was about spicing up your love life or actually exerting your will through inescapable control?

Focus.

To be honest, I don't know. What I do know is that what turns me on the most is the control aspect of this, that is what I am interested in. Wether this is a kink or bdsm or D/s, I don't know.

The average vanilla couple will toy with bondage as a means of spicing up their love life. So it's basically a means to an end = kink.

But as a control dynamic, I'll truss the girl up and just leave there on the floor, bed or sofa etc for an hour or more (sometimes much more) as a means of reinforcing who controls who and who has the choices and makes the decisions etc in this relationship.

Do that to a vanilla g/f without the added stimulation of it being a means to an end and she'd likely get bored (and worse) in a hurry because vanillas have no inner "escape" such as sub-space to drift into, thus turning hours into seemingly micro minutes. And that's the point (or bonus); subs get off on sub-space and those same hours of helplessness are equally mesmerising to my Dom self. It's seemingly micro minutes to me, too, even though I'm monitoring her and keeping an eye on things such as the time etc, it's just that it's all through a dream like state.

Of course I often do all kinds of weird and wonderful things to her when she's bound as well, but it technically isn't kink when it's really about how helpless, vulnerable and without choice her dilemma is. It all ends when I desire - she's merely "meat" at my whim....

Focus.

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Post #: 26