RE: He's a Bad Bad Man (Full Version)

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lovingpet -> RE: He's a Bad Bad Man (7/20/2009 8:24:40 PM)

Agreed! No matter how it's sliced, a relationship with someone who poached the other partner has a lot of problems from the outset. The guy has no shot at all.

lovingpet



lovingpet -> RE: He's a Bad Bad Man (7/20/2009 8:29:18 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Think about it lovingpet... although there may be some truth to a whole lie that makes it believable, there can also be some small fear or something that someone can notice and work on, enhancing it, embellishing it and making you somehow feed on what has been said.

Get rid of the drama.. take a few days time out and examine yourself and what you feel without the drama and then decide if anything said has any merit or use.


Oh great! You want me to do the sensible thing! LOL

Actually, this is where we are. While he is away this week, we are both stepping back from the whole thing and just looking at it all for what it is. I guess this post is part of my process. We will talk about what we discover next weekend when we are together. I don't see any real or major legitimacy to what the poacher has had to say, but I do think it is wise for us to figure out how we got to this place at all. We will have to do better staying out of "harm's" way. He is not at all happy with what I have gone through in this and I foresee a quick end to the whole thing when he gets home next week.

lovingpet



DarkSteven -> RE: He's a Bad Bad Man (7/20/2009 8:35:30 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: caelestis

I've always wondered how this would begin any decent basis of trust for a relationship if this actually did work with someone.  If the poacher managed to suceed, wouldn't they worry about it happening to them?


Yep.  And so should you, if you took up with him.  He might well begin to look afield soon.



Elousia -> RE: He's a Bad Bad Man (7/20/2009 9:03:50 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

quote:

ORIGINAL: caelestis

I've always wondered how this would begin any decent basis of trust for a relationship if this actually did work with someone.  If the poacher managed to suceed, wouldn't they worry about it happening to them?


Yep.  And so should you, if you took up with him.  He might well begin to look afield soon.




I'm ashamed to admit it, but this is how my marriage started- and exactly what happened (he quickly began to look afield again).  My experience aligns with the reasoning expressed.



pixidustpet -> RE: He's a Bad Bad Man (7/20/2009 9:34:45 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

Agreed! No matter how it's sliced, a relationship with someone who poached the other partner has a lot of problems from the outset. The guy has no shot at all.

lovingpet


you know...my uncle cheated on his second-to-last wife with his last wife, she poached him from her.

first chance he got once the divorce and remarriage were all final?  cheat on current wife with the last one.

remind mr poacher that "a girl that will run around on one partner will run around on the subsequent ones, too."

that or a kick in the balls when your Dominant is standing there to laugh at him.  either one.

kitten, [;)]



Elousia -> RE: He's a Bad Bad Man (7/20/2009 10:01:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: pixidustpet

remind mr poacher that "a girl that will run around on one partner will run around on the subsequent ones, too."

that or a kick in the balls when your Dominant is standing there to laugh at him.  either one.


Personally, the second option sound better to me than the first!

Elousia



GYPZYQUEEN -> RE: He's a Bad Bad Man (7/20/2009 10:11:36 PM)

OP:
a poacher should be set free in the woods with many hound dogs on his ass..
and ppl with torch lights chasing him..as with any poacher..

I am making my torch as we speak...[:)]

GQ



IronBear -> RE: He's a Bad Bad Man (7/21/2009 12:52:44 AM)

The poaching matter and my response depends on who is being approached by the poacher and their attitude. Irrespective if someone is trying to snaffle a girl of mine or Bruin Cottage, or trying to set a wedge between myself and Neets the slave or Neets will come directly to me and let me know the score. I will confront the poacher and suggest that they ask the poachee in front of me if they want to leave me for the poacher. If either they do not have the courage to do so and still try making moves, they get one warning politely and if that fails they have declared war on my home and can face the consequences. I am a patient man but I suffer fools, thieves and those trying to disrupt my home and marriage/relationship gladly. In short they will have a new arsehole reamed at least No matter what action I take the poacher will never be permitted to have dealings with me or mine again. 





CaringandReal -> RE: He's a Bad Bad Man (7/21/2009 5:11:22 AM)

quote:

What is your response when someone is attempting to "poach" your partner(s)?


My former owner used to laugh, long and hard, whether he was the target or I was. He found a lot of things that many people take seriously to be quite amusing, and the futility of cockblocking an established, dedicated couple was high on that list. I was more typical: if the smearjob was aimed at him I got mad; if it was aimed at me in order to poach him, I felt hurt because it was usually done by a woman who had also used an initial friendship with me as a stepping stone.

I hope you still aren't associating with that individual. Unless you are capable of appreciating the humor in this, such people can be pretty toxic, not because you believe them necessarily but because they engender such bad feelings over the fact that they could say/do such things.



janiebelle -> RE: He's a Bad Bad Man (7/21/2009 5:59:34 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: pixidustpet

you know...my uncle cheated on his second-to-last wife with his last wife, she poached him from her.

first chance he got once the divorce and remarriage were all final?  cheat on current wife with the last one.

remind mr poacher that "a girl that will run around on one partner will run around on the subsequent ones, too."

that or a kick in the balls when your Dominant is standing there to laugh at him.  either one.

kitten, [;)]


Yep.  If they'll fuck around with you, they'll fuck around on you.
I recommend the "kick the balls through the roof of his mouth"  approach. [:D]
j



variation30 -> RE: He's a Bad Bad Man (7/21/2009 6:41:42 AM)

we are talking about leeroy brown, aren't we?



antipode -> RE: He's a Bad Bad Man (7/21/2009 6:46:05 AM)

quote:

I hate it when I fall into the drama trap.


And then you let your partner deal with "it", whatever "it" is. I tend to think that you probably placed yourself in this situation, you cannot be approached by a poacher unless you somehow are open to it. I cut off contact with anybody trying to manipulate me at the first sign of manipulation, and that clearly is a skill you have not developed. This is nothing to do with your partner, really, but is your problem, so you should deal with it.



SimplyMichael -> RE: He's a Bad Bad Man (7/21/2009 6:51:50 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

quote:

I hate it when I fall into the drama trap.


you cannot be approached by a poacher unless you somehow are open to it.


While I think people can project the sort of energy that says "I would never" even then it happens, especially if the partner is desirable.



Rainfire -> RE: He's a Bad Bad Man (7/21/2009 6:58:47 AM)

*shrugs*

There were a few attempts when Lumus was still on CM shortly after people found out that we were together. All were aimed at Him, more than just casual flirting. Only once did it get personal with me and that was because the dumbass bitch took it to the boards attacking and sniping at me. So I dealt with her personally. Other than that, if I know about it, it's  discussed between us and I left it in His very capable hands. He knows how I feel about poaching, in fact, I have very strong feelings on it. Guess you could say it's a hard limit of mine; I won't tolerate it.

I don't fuck with other peoples relationships, and expect the same in return. If they can't respect that, then it's their problem. I state my thoughts and feelings to Him and move on.... I'm the one who wears His collar and name.



DesFIP -> RE: He's a Bad Bad Man (7/21/2009 7:16:53 AM)

Being monogamous and not being the kind of people that enjoy flirting with others when in a relationship, this doesn't happen. Neither of us would want to continue talking with someone who was doing this. And even if I didn't directly identify what such a person was doing, I would feel uncomfortable with them, and stop associating with them.

It did happen with the ex because he enjoyed flirting with others which gave them the incorrect assumption that he was looking to move on. He found it flattering and encouraged it, just to get his ego stroked. Thankfully The Man isn't that insecure.

If someone hits on me, I don't continue any kind of a relationship with them. That ends it immediately.



lovingpet -> RE: He's a Bad Bad Man (7/21/2009 10:30:03 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

quote:

I hate it when I fall into the drama trap.


And then you let your partner deal with "it", whatever "it" is. I tend to think that you probably placed yourself in this situation, you cannot be approached by a poacher unless you somehow are open to it. I cut off contact with anybody trying to manipulate me at the first sign of manipulation, and that clearly is a skill you have not developed. This is nothing to do with your partner, really, but is your problem, so you should deal with it.



Actually, my partner and I were approached by this individual for a very specific purpose. He had an interest, skills, and time to invest in working with me on something important to us. Things have gone horribly awry and we were just trying to ride it out as the person's role would be quickly over anyway. I don't think we are going to be able to do it though.

I have managed to piss the poacher off twice via email in the past week. Given when this went from uncomfortable to downright ugly, I am left to deal with "it". If it is not resolved, then my partner and I will work it out from there. There are other issues at work in this that lend a great deal of value in leaving him to do the dirty work if it comes down to it.

I am guessing my growl didn't scare anyone, huh? [&o]

lovingpet



lovingpet -> RE: He's a Bad Bad Man (7/21/2009 10:31:47 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

quote:

I hate it when I fall into the drama trap.


you cannot be approached by a poacher unless you somehow are open to it.


While I think people can project the sort of energy that says "I would never" even then it happens, especially if the partner is desirable.




And some people will just read what they want into a situation. We asked for very specific assistance. The poacher took it to mean something else entirely apparently.

lovingpet



lovingpet -> RE: He's a Bad Bad Man (7/21/2009 10:37:26 AM)

I have to agree with the rest of the discussion about the future of poacher/bambi relationships. The outlook isn't too terribly good. I am just staying clear of the situation as much as possible. I am more than happy to hand it all over to my partner and watch him work. He will be more than happy to do it too!

lovingpet



SteelofUtah -> RE: He's a Bad Bad Man (7/21/2009 11:01:34 AM)

I am a Poacher.

Always have been.

It may be wrong but perhaps I can offer the other side if you will. I am a "Poacher" in that I speak my mind. I point out things that may be ignored. I point out the holes that we like to pretend aren't there.

In the thread I started "I'm a submissive DAMNIT!!" one could say that I tried to Poach the female part of that relationship because I saw a few things that I felt I could bring to the attention of those involved.

I did not seek to seperate the girl from her guy instead I wished to bring to light things that she (admittedly) did not wish to have to admit to herself.

I pointed out that the 7 year relationship they had that was a Fantasy Based roly play in which she served as his slave did not prepare her for what ACTUALLY being his slave would be like. I pointed out his reluctance to discuss what it was that she needed and instead focued on trying to recreate what they had in a virtual setting. I pointed out that it was obvious that she wasn't happy and just going through the motions and that to try and hold onto an idea that resulted in her feeling that she was forced to send him away.

I also after discussion with andi offered her a place in our house. If not as a submissive to me at least a place that she could be herself without having to worry about what was expected of her because I would define that.

After a long discussion she is still thinking about the offer andi and I both gave her. Who knows what will happen but I am sure of one thing when she speaks next to the guy she sent home I am sure that he will see it as I tried to talk her out of a relationship with him. When in reality I made it clear that no matter the decision she makes be it a temporary situation or a Permanent one should she ever come to me and want to make him a part of her life again I will accept that and not judge in any way. I may be sad I may think she is making a poor decision but it will always be her decision to make.

I have done this many times when I see something unhealthy in a relationship. Mind you I do not seek out random people for this when I find that I genuinely care for someone and I care about thier well-being and I notice something that doesn't gel well with the info they are giving me I try to be BLUNT and point it out. The Goal is not to break them up, the goal is to know that they are aware of it.

I have done this with Friends in the Vanilla world and Gender is rarely an issue I am an equal opportunity poacher in that respect. If I see the actions of a person being suspisious and someone living blissfully unaware and I think it could be damageing to someone I care about I bring it up.

Most recent was the girl upstairs, before that was my Best Friend and finally convincing him that his marriage was very unhealthy and to seek counceling, from that counceling they will be getting a Divorce and I know that I am somewhat responsible for that because I bluntly told him what I was seeing and he couldn't deny it once it was laid out in front of him.

Does this make me an Asshole? I am sure to some it does I know that those who appreciated it afterward would disagee with those who were held to the microscope and found wanting.

Steel



Audaciter -> RE: He's a Bad Bad Man (7/21/2009 12:38:07 PM)

Its difficult because you are very close to the situation...i would find somebody who is level headed who knows both you and your partner and ask for an unbiased opinion...the #1 best way is to go by your gut feeling...if you feel deep down in your gut that what is being said is the truth, then make a decision based on that...If you feel that you are being fed lies...then you should stop associating with a person who would lie to further their own gain. It is a tricky situation that has many possibilities for disaster, and the truth is hard to ferret out...I would follow your gut...not your heart. our hearts always want to believe the best...but gut feelings usually don't lie



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