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earning a collar - 7/19/2009 7:52:28 PM

kateindenver

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i was wondering if anyone has any information about earning a collar and if the can share views with me
kate

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RE: earning a collar - 7/19/2009 10:54:22 PM

dodedo

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I'm sorry for the generic response, but it really is going to be different for each individual. This question is better suited for the person you're trying to earn to collar FROM.

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RE: earning a collar - 7/19/2009 10:57:03 PM

sweetsub1957

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kateindenver

i was wondering if anyone has any information about earning a collar and if the can share views with me
kate

I'm not sure what I did, but I just try to be the best, most obedient, most pleasing submissive I can be, and now I'm wearing His collar.

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RE: earning a collar - 7/19/2009 11:04:50 PM

SteelofUtah

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Exquisite Beauty and Absolute Obedience.

All the time, and all for Him.

Every thought begins "In being pleasing to him I will..."

Not find pleasure in what he ask of you.... but finding the pleasure in that it was YOU he asked.

Steel

< Message edited by SteelofUtah -- 7/19/2009 11:16:55 PM >

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RE: earning a collar - 7/19/2009 11:10:03 PM

tazzygirl

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Hi Steel

~grins

i so love that response!

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RE: earning a collar - 7/19/2009 11:28:55 PM

Padriag

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I have generally made it the practice that a slave has to earn my collar. I can tell you from experience that has put me in an unpopular minority.

My philosophy has always been that I do not want just anyone as a slave. I look for specific qualities, traits and skills. Anyone can claim to possess these, and many do. But requiring someone to demonstrate those claims very quickly starts sorting things out.

Among other things, I will require a prospective slave to demonstrate their ability to serve in various ways. My criteria here is personal, based solely on what I deem important for my needs and desires. Additionally, I'll subject the prospective slave to stress, requiring them to serve under difficult and stressful conditions. When things are tough you start seeing who a person really is, and what their capabilities really are. You also start seeing how genuinely committed they are.

I will not actually collar a slave until I am satisfied with both their qualifications and their level of commitment.

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RE: earning a collar - 7/20/2009 4:02:54 AM

CelticPrince

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kateindenver

i was wondering if anyone has any information about earning a collar and if the can share views with me
kate

quote:

i was wondering if anyone has any information about earning a collar and if the can share views with me
kate

kate,

Well good to see you join the boards girl. You will find a ton of advice on your subject; some good and of course some not do good.
You will know in your objective mind when and how your earning that collar. Because this Dom stayed around he may be a valued person to be collared to. Just keep your wits about you as you proceed.

CP

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RE: earning a collar - 7/20/2009 5:44:56 AM

CallaFirestormBW

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kateindenver

i was wondering if anyone has any information about earning a collar and if the can share views with me
kate

My servants 'earn' their formal House Bladewing collars. They do so by showing, over time, that they are dedicated to the same goal that I have -- a pleasant, smooth-functioning home; a sense of excellence in every task, regardless of complexity or simplicity; that they take direction well; that they show initiative, particularly in their areas of focus/expertise; and that they are committed to the success of the household, including the success of those who serve alongside them. I'm also one of those people who uses 'consideration' collars and 'training' collars during that period while we are determining whether there is a good servant/household fit, or when someone is learning new skills, though I think I prefer the term 'provisional' collar to the more common term of "consideration" collar.

There will be many opinions, but, as a gross generalization, it seems to me that the people who tend to require the 'earning' of a collar tend to be more heavily vested in the M/s or D/s dynamic aspects of a given situation than the romantic aspects, where both exist simultaneously. For example, earning the collar in our household, requires showing proficiency in a given set of skills (which varies depending on why a person was collared), and also requires showing a deep dedication to the household as a primary focus/goal. It isn't a sign of romantic status, as I rarely become romantically involved with those in service to me (I won't say it can -never- happen, but in all reality, it is very unlikely), and while other free members of the House may become romantically involved with a servant, we decided early on that romantic involvement was a poor 'screen' for effective service over the long haul, so it became extraneous to our collaring process. So, for us, time within the household or an intimate relationship with a member of the household does not guarantee a formal House collar. Because of this, I don't treat a collar as the equivalent of a "wedding band" or "engagement ring", but more like, say, a recording contract -- it binds us in a defined relationship to one another that may change over time -- but only if it is renegotiated. It is not subject to romantic 'whims', and requires that certain obligations be met on everyone's part in order to fulfill the contract. There are also 'bonuses' provided that come with superior completion of ones' responsibilities.

Dame Calla

< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 7/20/2009 5:46:57 AM >

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RE: earning a collar - 7/20/2009 9:34:28 AM

sweetsub1957

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag

I have generally made it the practice that a slave has to earn my collar. I can tell you from experience that has put me in an unpopular minority.

My philosophy has always been that I do not want just anyone as a slave. I look for specific qualities, traits and skills. Anyone can claim to possess these, and many do. But requiring someone to demonstrate those claims very quickly starts sorting things out.

Among other things, I will require a prospective slave to demonstrate their ability to serve in various ways. My criteria here is personal, based solely on what I deem important for my needs and desires. Additionally, I'll subject the prospective slave to stress, requiring them to serve under difficult and stressful conditions. When things are tough you start seeing who a person really is, and what their capabilities really are. You also start seeing how genuinely committed they are.

I will not actually collar a slave until I am satisfied with both their qualifications and their level of commitment.

I think this is a fantastic answer. Looking back on it, this is how Sir & I did it, but You're better with words than I am. :)

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In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

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RE: earning a collar - 7/20/2009 10:09:48 AM

TurboJugend

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kateindenver

i was wondering if anyone has any information about earning a collar and if the can share views with me
kate

follow his rules, satisfy him

< Message edited by TurboJugend -- 7/20/2009 10:11:53 AM >

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RE: earning a collar - 7/20/2009 10:34:33 AM

Padriag

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetsub1957

I think this is a fantastic answer. Looking back on it, this is how Sir & I did it, but You're better with words than I am. :)

Curiously enough, that was my sentiment regardind Calla's post.

But thank you for the compliment just the same.

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RE: earning a collar - 7/20/2009 10:51:50 AM

sweetsub1957

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You're very welcome.

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RE: earning a collar - 7/20/2009 10:55:11 AM

Prinsexx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

Exquisite Beauty and Absolute Obedience.

All the time, and all for Him.

Every thought begins "In being pleasing to him I will..."

Not find pleasure in what he ask of you.... but finding the pleasure in that it was YOU he asked.

Steel

Oooh i really love this.

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RE: earning a collar - 7/20/2009 11:02:13 AM

Prinsexx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kateindenver

i was wondering if anyone has any information about earning a collar and if the can share views with me
kate

In my experience a collar is symbolic of a relationship and therefore how to earn the coller represents how to earn a particular role in that relationship.
Substitute how does one earn a living or how does one earn respect and both of these hold clues. I think implicit in a collar for me is both meritocracy and abiding by the terms of service or job description. Where my merits are not recognize r no longer required i have usually been quick witted enough to ask for release. Where I have been unable to abide by the terms of service I have also asked for release.
Now it has also happened that a collar has been more than once conferred upon me unearned... that is to say quickly given and used for play. And easily taken off. What i call a Velcro collar. So again: a symbol of the relationship.

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RE: earning a collar - 7/20/2009 11:14:50 AM

Mercnbeth

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depending on your perspective, "earning a collar" could mean the dominant is the one doing the earning.

sometimes, submissives require that dominants earn their submission, as well as any ensuing "right" to collar them.

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RE: earning a collar - 7/20/2009 11:16:58 AM

Prinsexx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

depending on your perspective, "earning a collar" could mean the dominant is the one doing the earning.

sometimes, submissives require that dominants earn their submission, as well as any ensuing "right" to collar them.

Excellent point.

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RE: earning a collar - 7/20/2009 11:55:53 AM

LafayetteLady

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Depending on the type of relationship one is seeking, in my opinion, makes a huge difference in the concept of "earning" anything. If there is to be no intimate relationship between the parties, then I would view it as seeking a job. The sub/slave wants the dom/master to "hire" them and goes through some type of "probationary" period of proving they are up for the "job." When there is going to be an intimate relationship, however, both must "earn" the "privledges" the other has to offer, because it isn't simply a "job." When two people are going to embark on an intimate relationship, regardless of the dynamics that may be involved, each must prove to be worthy of the other. For me, looking for a relationship, men who approach me with the concept that I must prove myself "worthy" of them, have just proven themselves as "unworthy" of me.

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RE: earning a collar - 7/20/2009 11:59:32 AM

atypicalsub

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Ooohhh Steel! That is such a beautiful line. Can I steal that Steel?

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

Not find pleasure in what he ask of you.... but finding the pleasure in that it was YOU he asked.

Steel

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RE: earning a collar - 7/20/2009 12:23:54 PM

CreativeDominant

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It's a good question but, as dodedo noted, the answer is going to vary with each dominant. Sometimes, as Merc noted...in a somewhat sad and cynical manner...tis a matter of the dominant being the one to "earn" the collar although I tend to think that in reality, there is going to be some accomodation by the dominant. I agree with Merc though in that it should not be very much, especially from someone who intends to guide and lead and command another.

What I require, at least in general (because the details and the discussion that go with these generalities would take too much time and too much space to put down):

that the submissive be someone who doesn't consider themselves or their submission a gift...a gift is not something you take back from someone.

that the submissive understand that "there's room for two partners and one leader...and it is not the submissive" means exactly that.

that the submissive understand that "to yield your will" means that, by the odds of life alone, yielding will not always be to pleasant things and that she understands and FEELS that the yielding to me specifically is wherein the pleasure is to be found, not necessarily the task.

that the submissive understands that in terms of wants and desires, the dynamic is served first, I am served second and she is served third and that she finds this the way it "should be".

that the submissive understands that I place a high importance on thought process and introspection. If they do not know themselves, how can they expect me to know them?

that the submissive understands that I place a high value on consideration of feelings. If you want me to treat their feelings with due thought and care, placing them at a higher priority... overall... than others I deal with, then I have the right to expect the same.

that the submissive understands that I place a high value on personal responsibility.

that the submissive understands the value of communication and understands that since it is so important to both the dynamic and the relationship, then naturally some things are going to be said that don't always feel good or that invoke bad feelings. The statement of these things may concern a specific incident or a specific behavior and are not meant to convey the all of the subject or a change in feeling towards the submissive nor should they when they are coming from the submissive.

These are generalities. They are not all. As I said, there is much that is unsaid here and I am fairly certain that is true for each dominant here. But those above are the ones that go the furthest for me.

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RE: earning a collar - 7/20/2009 12:29:13 PM

BOUNTYHUNTER

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Steel leaves nothing else to be said..bounty

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