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RE: earning a collar - 7/21/2009 7:09:16 PM

KateyCaine

Posts: 274
Joined: 5/7/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

Exquisite Beauty and Absolute Obedience.

All the time, and all for Him.

Every thought begins "In being pleasing to him I will..."

Not find pleasure in what he ask of you.... but finding the pleasure in that it was YOU he asked.

Steel

That was so beautifully said :) i agree wholeheartedly with the last statement, taking pleasure in that it was me He asked :)

k.

_____________________________

Proud to be owned and cherished by Master Charles (Gauge)

i wear His collar on my heart; and wherever i am, i know He is with me.

His love and my devotion and service to Him are stronger than leather or steel.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

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Post #: 41

RE: earning a collar - 7/21/2009 8:12:50 PM

yellowroses

Posts: 167
Joined: 6/12/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

Exquisite Beauty and Absolute Obedience.

All the time, and all for Him.

Every thought begins "In being pleasing to him I will..."

Not find pleasure in what he ask of you.... but finding the pleasure in that it was YOU he asked.

Steel

I must disagree.

These statements sound like they come from a book, both because they do, and because they are of the sort that make perfect sense, only if one were sitting in an online chatroom, or within the heady thrall of a romantic novel like Gor or O or Beauty.

("why, a girl must simply be exquisitely beautiful! and absolutely obedient! Of course! How simple it is now!")

The problem is that this presents a warped and unnatural view of the relationship between the sexes. It presents the image of male Dominants standing aloof, passively evaluating the merits of the horde of females groveling at their feet, in hopes that He will deign to select her.

The more true picture is that in the natural order of things, males of any power orientation pursue females; So the picture is correct for Dommes, who generally have a surplus pool of males begging for their attention.

But is this true for male Doms? Do male Doms here get flooded every day with a dozen emails of slaves begging for their collar?

Or is it the female submissives who are flooded with a dozen emails every day from men? And the chief task for a female submissive is mostly sifting through the pile, trying to discern which one is worth responding to; and of those, which one is trustworthy enough to submit to.

Mercnbeths comment was perhaps too mild, in that for the most part, in the natural order of things, it is the male who needs to demonstrate admirable qualities to the female, in order to win the right to claim her.

Telling a submissive that she need only be beautiful and servile and so forth, when she is looking at 37 new messages which all begin with "nice tits" seems like it could only lead to confusion, or worse.

Please note that I am not taking issue with the notion that a slave needs to be obedient and cherish her Dominant with the deepest devotion; its just that the statements are merely obvious platitudes, not useful advice on how to select or keep a Dominant.

Finally, the purpose here is not to be unkind; it is more to state that lifting thoughts from the works of literary fantasy, trying to use them as a template for useful daily relationship advice, is like quoting Danielle Steele to newlywed vanilla couple.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

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Post #: 42

RE: earning a collar - 7/21/2009 9:45:16 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I no more 'earned' his collar than he earned the right to collar me. We simply talked for hours and came to appreciate each other enormously, and realized that we were highly compatible. He proved himself highly competent at decision making which meant I could trust him to make good decisions that would impact on my life. I proved myself able to trust him and turn things over to him, making his life easier since nobody was fighting with him.

It probably took a full year before I stopped asking why he had made a decision. Simply because in the beginning the decisions were minor and it wouldn't have mattered either way. The greater the impact of the decision, the more I needed to know he made good ones, the more he needed to know I could trust in his decisions. We finally got to a point where I simply asked if he had also considered these other factors, and all I needed to know was that he had thought about them. At that point I just started asking him how to solve a problem, and following his response.

We earned each others; trust, loyalty, respect, love and so on.

The only major disagreement we still have after all these years is the barbecue grill, He is of the opinion that you don't need to regularly take it apart and clean it entirely, and I think it ought to be done weekly although I rarely do.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to yellowroses)

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Post #: 43

RE: earning a collar - 7/21/2009 11:11:24 PM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW

If you write me on the other side, I can answer questions and perhaps get you some information like our handbook that we used when we had several trainee servants coming in at a time -- these days, we're a lot more 'oral tradition' focused. I like the intimacy of it, and it sits well with my preferred self-vision of the house matriarch and storyteller, who shares instruction and philosophy in equal measure, seasoned with generous dashes of humor, joy, anger, sorrow, hope, pain, fear, ecstasy, and reason. It also gives us a -lot- of flexibility, which is nice, and makes it easy to put the household first, while still nurturing a wide variety of individual preferences and needs.

This is how thing have generally worked out for me as well. I've made several efforts at writing a training manual... in fact I'm doing so again now. However, it usually ends up being a reference work for myself more than anything else... something that helps keep me on track with my own priorities and goals (something that can be difficult to do when you have a lot of other demands on your time and energy). One of the problems I've found in the past about having such training manuals become too rigid is that they become a trap for myself... the rule book ends up being in charge instead of me, not a situation I care for. As such, any "manual " I have or write these days is rarely seen by anyone but myself, its contents are for my benefit.

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Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)

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Post #: 44