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punishment...and acceptance therein? - 7/19/2009 10:28:50 AM

fyt2btyed

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I noted the posting regarding fear, but determined that this was a bit of a different type of concern. I experienced my second true punishment yesterday; the experience should not be an easy one, and surely it was not. This time, at least I thought I knew what to expect, but I suppose part of His job is to keep me in the dark :)

Has anyone here had trouble, after the fact, accepting the punishment? I believe some of my problem is that the punishments end up bringing out feelings of abuse from my past. Even with trust in the relationship, it is challenging at best to try to escape from those ghosts. Right now, I am feeling very troubled.

I wonder how someone who cares for another deeply can see the absolute terror in her eyes, and still carry out a punishment that is exposing certain extreme vulnerabilities.

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RE: punishment...and acceptance therein? - 7/19/2009 10:31:33 AM

lusciouslips19

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Really sweetie, have you talked to him about this? Because if you have and he is still punishing you in a way that makes you relive your abuse, then there is something not right in the relationship. If you havent told him your feelings, then you must do so.

< Message edited by lusciouslips19 -- 7/19/2009 10:32:24 AM >

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RE: punishment...and acceptance therein? - 7/19/2009 10:32:48 AM

TurboJugend

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quote:

I wonder how someone who cares for another deeply can see the absolute terror in her eyes, and still carry out a punishment that is exposing certain extreme vulnerabilities.

Ask him. He is the only one who knows.
that was my nice answer
"aboslute terror in your eyes" remark....deserves a not so nice answer regarding your Dom....but it is sunday..so lets keep it nice :P

(in reply to fyt2btyed)

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RE: punishment...and acceptance therein? - 7/19/2009 10:42:35 AM

fyt2btyed

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Can fear be something that we can be guided through?? What if He believes that my irrational fear of the belt is something to be confronted?

He saw the terror, yes. He responded by calmly repeating the instructions, and then executing the punishment, albeit gently. I have no physical markings.

Last time, it took me a few days to get over, and then it was like i felt stronger. Is that a delusion?

Yes, luscious, I have talked to Him. We talk about everything.

(in reply to TurboJugend)

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RE: punishment...and acceptance therein? - 7/19/2009 10:53:11 AM

TurboJugend

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Some subs find satisfaction in punishment. Soem even complain when they don't get it (which can be punishment also).

Terror in ones eyes..is not something I consider as "caring for"...but then again..it is your relation.

Afther your second post I am confused, you had terror in your eyes and he punished you gently?

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RE: punishment...and acceptance therein? - 7/19/2009 11:00:06 AM

Sunnyfey

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quote:

ORIGINAL: fyt2btyed

Can fear be something that we can be guided through?? What if He believes that my irrational fear of the belt is something to be confronted?

He saw the terror, yes. He responded by calmly repeating the instructions, and then executing the punishment, albeit gently. I have no physical markings.

Last time, it took me a few days to get over, and then it was like i felt stronger. Is that a delusion?

Yes, luscious, I have talked to Him. We talk about everything.

theres nothing wrong with feeling strong when one has accomplished overcoming a fear. Your doing well, I'd advise your sir about your feelings reguarding the thoughts of abuse, but keep with the phase pf punishments, when its warrented, and gradually, I think you should and will throughly overcome your fear of punishments/and/or the belt.

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RE: punishment...and acceptance therein? - 7/19/2009 11:06:30 AM

fyt2btyed

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Relationships and situations can be difficult to explain to the others, but I will try. Yes, He knew how scared I was. He talked to me calmly, then the first time He belted me "there", He did so in a way it did not really hurt. Then He upped the painfulness a bit, but never top the point where it left marks.

What if your sub really really didn't want a certain punishment? Would you acquiesce? Wouldn't you lose something? Thanks for your comments.

(in reply to TurboJugend)

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RE: punishment...and acceptance therein? - 7/19/2009 11:25:30 AM

BoundDragon

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Maybe if the punishment was altered in some small way to seem less like a previous bad experience (or the thing that makes you relive it).

It sounds like you would like to continue with such punishment as you feel it will help you overcome you fears from the past (please correct me if I am wrong) but there is no need to jump right in, maybe talk to him and explain that maybe it is better to work up to what you are struggling with right now.

Remember there is more than one way to beat a subbie

(in reply to fyt2btyed)

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RE: punishment...and acceptance therein? - 7/19/2009 11:33:25 AM

lusciouslips19

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If I have an issue with face slapping or verbal humiliation(and I do) I would not expect that my Master(metaphorically speaking, I dont have one) would use those things to punish me as it would be very damaging to me mentally. They are on my hard limit list. I would expect that my Master would not cross this line.

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Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

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RE: punishment...and acceptance therein? - 7/19/2009 11:57:27 AM

TurboJugend

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quote:

What if your sub really really didn't want a certain punishment?

Punishment actually never should be wanted. No by a sub..nor by a MAster..sometimes it seems to be needed :P
But..fun aside...I don't think a good Master would hurt his property so badly that it leaves scars on her soul.
He seems to be carefull with you....that is good..

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

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RE: punishment...and acceptance therein? - 7/19/2009 11:58:51 AM

fyt2btyed

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Very good points. Verbal humiliation and face slapping are both on my hard limits list, also, and very well respected. As bounddragon stated, I am not at the point where the punishments He is choosing are on my hard limit list. If my fears are something I can push through, then that is what i want to do. I successfully came through the first punishment feeling more focused and strong.

As much as I fear punishment, I must say I appreciate the correction that comes with it. He is helping me to become a better person through it.

Again, I want to know if others have had trouble accepting the feelings that preceded or followed their punishment. Ultimately, did it help them grow, or did it cause a problem for the relationship?

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

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RE: punishment...and acceptance therein? - 7/19/2009 12:04:52 PM

TurboJugend

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quote:

Ultimately, did it help them grow, or did it cause a problem for the relationship?

A sub chooses her role. A Master/Dom doesn't take it. SHe knows he will guide and correct her. Punishments can be part of it.
An Owner is not gonna beat the crap out of you..till you have a black eye and bleed. ( if that happens..leave him..unless you enjoy it...to each his own)
Punishment also can be writing..cleaning....sitting still..it is not always a beating.
As a girl wants to please...even small and light punishment will push her in the right direction. IF there is a need for constant hard punishmenbt...the D/s dynamic will not work.

We can just guess..best way is to talk with him...

(in reply to fyt2btyed)

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RE: punishment...and acceptance therein? - 7/19/2009 12:21:12 PM

fyt2btyed

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I will speak with Him, of course. That is a given.

I am not punished often. If I go off course, he guides me where I need to go. He has been quite merciful in that way. Oftentimes I believe I might have earned a punishment, but we have talked about it, and then I was back on track.

Perhaps it is the lack of punishments for smaller transgressions that leads away from the lesser punishments. Not sure about that.

(in reply to TurboJugend)

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RE: punishment...and acceptance therein? - 7/19/2009 12:23:21 PM

TurboJugend

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quote:

ORIGINAL: fyt2btyed

I will speak with Him, of course. That is a given.

I am not punished often. If I go off course, he guides me where I need to go. He has been quite merciful in that way. Oftentimes I believe I might have earned a punishment, but we have talked about it, and then I was back on track.

Perhaps it is the lack of punishments for smaller transgressions that leads away from the lesser punishments. Not sure about that.

It is important to know why you get punished....else it has no use ;)
YOu can only learn when you know what you did wrong.
Just keep talking..then there is less space for worries.

On the other side...he can do as he pleases...but it is not punishment then.

< Message edited by TurboJugend -- 7/19/2009 12:24:07 PM >

(in reply to fyt2btyed)

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RE: punishment...and acceptance therein? - 7/19/2009 12:32:42 PM

fyt2btyed

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I always know why I am being punished. Both times, i earned it, most definitely.

I also appreciated the guidnace that the punishment provided.

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RE: punishment...and acceptance therein? - 7/19/2009 1:22:20 PM

tazzygirl

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Sounds to me like he is trying to condition you to trust him. to me, part of his responsibility is to help you face your fears. sounds like your fear of a belt isnt all you are holding on too.

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Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

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RE: punishment...and acceptance therein? - 7/19/2009 2:19:18 PM

fyt2btyed

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astute observation, tazzygirl. at least i am trying to let go...

even a great oak was once a seedling

f2bt

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RE: punishment...and acceptance therein? - 7/19/2009 2:26:10 PM

DesFIP

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If it is likely to cause flashbacks then hard limit it. If it makes you distrust him, then hard limit it. If it's too risky for you or a violation of your hard limits, then just say no.

Some of us don't have punishment dynamics. If I need his help to get through something, that's hard enough. Adding the risk of failure to it makes it harder to accept, not easier.

But the bottom line is whether or not you can now do what you couldn't do before, which is what you were punished for not doing. If you still can't do what he wants, then all the punishment in the world won't help.

I'm curious as to what went wrong that you were punished in the first place. Did he know you couldn't do it, didn't have time to do it, had a panic attack at the thought of it? Or did you just think "Fuck him I ain't doing it"? Because the first things meant he didn't help you through it. If it was because you were angry and resentful then you need to address that. Punishment won't remove resentment, it just makes it worse.

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RE: punishment...and acceptance therein? - 7/19/2009 2:43:05 PM

amaidiamond

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I think it sounds like you have a very caring Master and yes, sometimes I have been with a man who has hit on things that "trigger" me, there are still some things i struggle with after a highly abusive relationship.

Usually with me i will try and beat the fear to accept the punishment and I find that once i have beaten the fear and accepted it I feel stringer, more able and a deeper level of trust with him

thats just personal though

(in reply to DesFIP)

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RE: punishment...and acceptance therein? - 7/19/2009 2:47:02 PM

fyt2btyed

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The first punishment was because I was in a situation where he tied me up with a release, and was to be gone for 7-8 hours. When the release rope undid itself, without thinking it thru, I got myself into a predicament. BTW, He had told me if i was good, he would come back and ..., but if i was bad, he would have to punish me. So, i was in a situation where i had to release myself. If I had just stayed still in the first place, even after the one rope came untied, I would have been okay. I learned two things that day. Well, three.
1. I have to learn to trust the bindings He has set, to try to recreate that was dangerous and somewhat stupid on my part.
2. I set a hard limit on Him tying me up while he is away, even with an out.
3. I need to learn how to submit to His will.

The second time, it was because I stayed up really late one night. When i do that, I am guaranteed a migraine the next day, if not for 2-3 days afterwards. Sometimes I am like a little kid, and I lack the self discipline I need to care for myself. It stems from the abuse.

At first, I thought He should ahve told me that I would be punished if i did it again. But later, I realized that this behavior (defiantly staying up late and hurting myself that way) was symbolic of other ways I don't take care of myself, or get in my own way. The punishment gave me direction like no warning could have.

(in reply to DesFIP)

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