RE: Regarding Submissive's Fantasies...

RE: Regarding Submissive's Fantasies... (Full Version)

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littlewonder -> RE: Regarding Submissive's Fantasies... (7/16/2009 5:11:44 PM)
I would have no problems sharing my fantasies with Master if I had any but to be honest my fantasy revolves around dominance..him simply him being a dominant man in a long term committed relationship. Otherwise I really don't have any. Anything I'v really wanted to try in my life I've already done and these days my ultimate thrill is being with a man like Master.

kallisto -> RE: Regarding Submissive's Fantasies... (7/16/2009 6:16:14 PM)
For me if I can't tell him my deepest darkest fantasies (or the quiet, sappy ones) then I'm not being truthful with him and something is wrong somewhere. And why wouldn't I want to? I don't expect for us to jump up and fulfil them, (well, maybe some of them) [:)] If I don't let him in my mind, how can continue to build our relationship?

blmtrsne -> RE: Regarding Submissive's Fantasies... (7/16/2009 6:26:59 PM)
It's always good to know slave's fantasys. I'll work something out with some of them, and others I won't. It just helps me to know how to toy with him, and I'll make shure he's not topping from the bottom.

catize -> RE: Regarding Submissive's Fantasies... (7/16/2009 7:13:21 PM)
Yep, I want to share them and I do---in great detail! Some of my fantasies aren’t even remotely realistic but when I write or talk about them it gives them an idea of what goes on in my perverted brain. And the ones that are do-able often get incorporated in our play. I am very lucky that both R. and S. are of the opinion that if I’m having a great time their pleasure is enhanced. I don’t think they particularly care whether anyone else might consider them a service top

DesFIP -> RE: Regarding Submissive's Fantasies... (7/16/2009 7:16:12 PM)
But if what turns you on in fantasy is being taken by him with no regard for your pleasure, then you don't have a fantasy of any kind to offer up. Some people's biggest turn on is to not have to script the scene in any way. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

NihilusZero -> RE: Regarding Submissive's Fantasies... (7/16/2009 7:18:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Jeptha Doms; do you want to know your sub's fantasies? I expect to be informed of everything pertinent, and then everything I ask for as well. I've seen subs/slaves that have a certain personal aversion to mix their personal desires in because it distracts from their focus on directly serving the desires of the D-type, but I will have moments where I want the sub to experience things pleasing to them. A number of different threads have indirectly hit on a topic similar to this recently and usually it's a sexual issue that comes to mind first: subs/slaves that do not want their pleasure put into the equation of serving/pleasing their D-type. I, however, am very visual, tactile and sensory in a vampiric sort of way when it comes to sex. I specifically feed off of the sexually heightening pleasure of my partner, to a great extent because, frankly, it turns me on. I've often wondered about whether those certain types of subs/slaves would find this too convoluted a path to serving if they are essentially forced to cater, accept and indulge their own desires and fantasies which they are habitually self-denying. I should think, though, that it would end up coming down to an obedient sub/slave obeying...in which case, if I'm telling her to soak in and surrender to the moment, she'll do just that.

DesFIP -> RE: Regarding Submissive's Fantasies... (7/16/2009 7:23:24 PM)
Surrendering to the moment is a good thing. Having to craft the moment is a bad one. One of the reasons I love bondage and intense stimulation so much is that I can stop thinking and simply feel. And that's a lot easier done when it isn't something that I know what he's doing next and the general form of the evening entertainment. Instead I have the luxury of just reacting and responding. But if I know what he's going to do, then I can't turn off my brain.

SlyStone -> RE: Regarding Submissive's Fantasies... (7/16/2009 9:06:30 PM)
From the dominant perspective; Knowledge is power, seems pretty simple to me.

Danemora -> RE: Regarding Submissive's Fantasies... (7/16/2009 10:54:28 PM)
Do I want to know my submissive's fantasies? I personally do. I find that knowing about them does give me some insight into how a submissive ticks. I also find it part of my responsibility to understand and care for my submissive. There is no guarantee that I will ever fulfill them, but I have been known to take parts and pieces that I find suit my own personal agenda at the moment. It may not be exactly as they had it pictured in their mind, but the feedback I have received is that it was a balance between fulfilling part of a desire yet falling just short because I controlled just how much of that fantasy was realized. Plus I find it an amusing form of teasing. Just enough to whet the appetite, yet not enough to quench the hunger. On the flip side, Ive also found that fantasies can reveal much about a submissive's motivation behind their submission. This can be either positive or negative. An example of this has occurred recently. A prospective submissive that Ive ultimately determined to be a washout was having some trouble with being way to drama-filled in messages to me, way too pushy, and way too overeager. Id suspected that this behavior was being dictated by some personal agenda on the submissive's part about how it was supposed to go and he was getting edgy that it didnt fit in with this fantasy world he had in his mind of a dominant woman forcing him to submit to her. Even after explaining that no one could realistically force him to do this, I dont think that these words reached him. In this instance, the submissive's fantasy was driving what was viewed as negative behavior....which ultimately resulted in their downfall.

Jeptha -> RE: Regarding Submissive's Fantasies... (7/16/2009 11:01:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NihilusZero ... I've often wondered about whether those certain types of subs/slaves would find this too convoluted a path to serving if they are essentially forced to cater, accept and indulge their own desires and fantasies which they are habitually self-denying.... I think you've pointed out how it can get convoluted somewhat. I think I've used humiliation in the past to deal with this little irony; to sort of remove the sense of the locus of control and origination from the submissive to the dominant, even tho the dominant is essentially playing on or with the (psychological) field provided by the submissive. Playing with the triggers that they sort of come with, which may be unique to that person...or, at least, which not all people share in common. I should probably put humiliation in quotes in the sentence above, because I don't know if it's exactly the same as what most people assume when they hear that word. In this case, I think it has a more specific function. I've experienced this in several relationships, so I was wondering how common it was, or if I just happen to gravitate towards that kind of thing. Ok, prolly overthinking it. Fun to think about , though.

lilmmismuffet1 -> RE: Regarding Submissive's Fantasies... (7/16/2009 11:15:39 PM)
Sir always knows when sluts fantasies are being acted out because slut squirts everywhere when Sir does something she likes. Even when Sir leaves slut wanting, Sir knows that it gets slut hotter and hotter until he is ready to use her again.

Jeptha -> RE: Regarding Submissive's Fantasies... (7/16/2009 11:16:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah quote: ORIGINAL: IrishMist What about those of us who don't have, and have never had; fantasies about anything in relation to relationships? It does happen you know. Those of you who do not have and never have had fantasies....... this thread doesn't apply to.... I'm fascinated by that question, too, though, 'cause it's hard for me to imagine not having fantasies about stuff. I even fantasize about stuff I don't want, just to see what it's like. That might not be all that uncommon, actually... For people who don't fantasize, I wonder how their desires are made, what they think about when they think about them, and so on. I'm not even sure what the right questions to ask would be. DesFip mentions that sometimes people feel things, as in tactile sensations, rather than always making visual images. You could "feel" a dynamic, too, I suppose - it wouldn't be limited to physical sensations. Is that what the non-fantasy people are doing?...?

DesFIP -> RE: Regarding Submissive's Fantasies... (7/17/2009 4:33:37 AM)
Feel not just being tactile, but in pure emotional response as opposed to logical thought processes.

LadyMayhem -> RE: Regarding Submissive's Fantasies... (7/17/2009 6:58:15 AM)
I always ask my my minions about their fantasies, and then bring them into being as a rewarding surprise for service and obedience well done. There are, of course, some fetishes that I would never get into, however, I find that much of the play that the sub enjoys is also enjoyed by me. This is where communication is so very important right from the very start of any relationship.

maia09 -> RE: Regarding Submissive's Fantasies... (7/17/2009 8:22:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Jeptha Here's something I've been wondering about and would like to try and sort out. It is prompted by the "Is it wrong?" thread which is going on currently. In fact, it is very like that thread, but I wanted to try and be a little more explicit and add a bit more detail. I am thinking of this question in the context of a relationship, as opposed to casual play, although I still will use the word "play" as I can't think of a better word at the moment. I've heard subs say that they don't want to tell their dominants what they desire, or what their fantasies are, because they don't want play (substitute whatever word you wish for "play", as appropriate) that revolves around their desires or fantasies. They want play to revolve around whatever the dominant's desire is. And they feel they don't want to temper, influence or dilute that. So, the sub's desire in this case, is just a very general one,, "to serve"...without anything more specific stated. And I think there are dominants who would concur with this view. They would probably be a good match. Perhaps, for them, paying substantial heed to a submissive's fantasy life would be a form of catering to them, a la the 'service top'. This subject of the submissive's fantasy life and how it is regarded has interested me for a while. I'm curious to know how doms and subs view it. Doms; do you want to know your sub's fantasies? Subs; do you want to share them? For one thing, maybe I'll have to make a further distinction in the future, for clarity's sake, if what it is that I want turns out to have an unusual slant. And, then, I'm just nosy in general. Master likes to know what my likes are, be they kinky, sexual or whatever. However, it is always His option as to if and when any of them are fulfilled.

Andalusite -> RE: Regarding Submissive's Fantasies... (7/17/2009 8:35:05 AM)
shrugs Some of my fantasies are things I don't want to do, but are hot to think about. Sharing them tends to make them less hot, and I have to switch to fantasising about something else.

Calandra -> RE: Regarding Submissive's Fantasies... (7/17/2009 8:56:37 AM)
Fast Reply: I want My slave to tell Me his fantasies... It helps Me to know how to keep him challenged, engaged and on his toes - not just keep him happy. It helps Me to know him better as a person. I notice that the focus is on whether it becomes an imperative that the Dom/me must fulfill the fantasy. I see it totally differently. I tend to be fairly verbal with cubby during intercourse. Quite often I will begin weaving a tale in his ear that touches on a fantasy he has, but I will put My own spin on it. I can describe tiny variations that make it MY fantasy too, and I am always the one who is in control. Over the years, I've revisited his fantasies many many times (even the REALLY TABOO ones) and the lines of where his fantasies end and Mine begins are so blurred now that it would be hopeless to unravel them - BUT we have a wonderfuil and fulfilling fantasy life TOGETHER. Oftentimes, even when I decide to make one of his fantasies come true (in full or in part) it is on MY terms which only enforces that I am the perfect Mystress for HIM. ~shrugs~ I think people sometimes overthink things.

Jeptha -> RE: Regarding Submissive's Fantasies... (7/17/2009 9:16:20 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Andalusite shrugs Some of my fantasies are things I don't want to do, but are hot to think about. Sure - I'd venture to say a good portion of fantasy falls into this category. As a side note to that I'd mention that there are ways to play with ideas and fantasies without actually doing them ~ some would be quite unsafe, impractical, or even illegal , possibly, after all. quote: ...Sharing them tends to make them less hot, and I have to switch to fantasising about something else. I'm curious why that would be? I can understand being reluctant to mention a fantasy to someone who doesn't share that fantasy, as it just wouldn't resonate or "make sense" to them in the same way. Is that something like what you are thinking of?

Andalusite -> RE: Regarding Submissive's Fantasies... (7/17/2009 9:22:14 AM)
No, three times, I went ahead and shared them, and he responded to it well, and even incorporated it a bit (if only verbally). I found that for 6 months to a year afterward, though, it no longer made me hot to fantasise about it. I have no idea why! I am pretty up-front about the desires I actually want to do, and my Master encourages me to communicate, but my fantasies evaporate if they're brought into the light.

peachgirl -> RE: Regarding Submissive's Fantasies... (7/17/2009 12:55:40 PM)
I do share my fantasies with him...both spontaneously and when I'm asked. since both our fantasies have evolved as time goes on, it's usually pretty fun and interesting to share them. when I was younger, my fantasies revolved around just a blanket thought of wanting a man to be in control, all the time. but I know that can also make for a pretty boring relationship.

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