CreativeDominant
Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: DesFIP
quote:
ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant
Tis funny how life experiences, upbringing, etc. can result in differing perspectives. When I've told a submissive to ask or request things respectfully, I've always had...and have stated so as to demonstrate...something similar in mind to what Steven states above in the first statement as being respectful and have always had...and have stated so as to demonstrate...something similar in mind to what he states in the second statement as disrespectful. I tend to look at nagging as a form of CONSTANT harangueing about something...it is not something that is said once, it is said over and over again in a disrespectful manner that turns it into nagging for me.
Nobody here will argue about this for the first expression of stated needs. But if you're told this, and tell her that you can and will cuddle with her then how is she to get her needs met if you don't follow through?
Would you prefer she simply never answers the phone again and tells all her friends that you're a liar and a wannabe or would you not prefer she express herself forcibly in an attempt to make you understand that you aren't doing what you said you would do?
Because if he says he'll do it, then he damn well needs to live up to his words.
Hijack aside, OP, anybody who says you telling him what you must have, what you won't tolerate, what you like and dislike is automatically the dreaded topping from the bottom is not someone you should be with. There are some real idiots out there. Stifling communication is always a bad thing.
The part that I have made bold above is what is important about your response...to me, anyway. You are right...if he says he is going to do it, then he has made a commitment, taken on a responsibility as it were. If he does not follow through, despite continued statements of the need for it, then the submissive has to decide several things...is what she is asking for an important enough need to "amp" up the communication factor and say "With all due respect Sir, we have an important issue to clear up" or is it not? If it is, then by all means...amp it up. If it is not, then drop it while perhaps noting that it is the first (or second...or third...or fourth) responsibility he committed to that he did not follow through on. There is another choice here, also. To leave. If she has communicated to him numerous times and he has not followed through on his responsibility, then she may decide...after taking note as I mentioned in the last sentence...that he is not being the dominant he promised he would be.
Ironically, since you mentioned communication...and since I think communication is important...let me clarify further what I mean by nagging. "Sir, would you please take the trash out?" is not nagging. Waiting a reasonable period for him to do so and then asking again is not...in my world anyway...nagging. Not waiting a reasonable period before reminding him again in a more forceful tone OR repetitious "requests" to take the trash out is nagging. Nagging...in my world anyway...has to do with little inconsequential things. Is it an annoyance when he does not take the trash out this morning and instead leaves it to the afternoon? Yeah, it may well be but it isn't...or shouldn't be...the cause of the break-up of the dynamic. But...if the dominant has not followed through on a commitment to a submissive's wants/needs/desires and the submissive communicates that to him again, I see that as necessary communication important to the dynamic and, if there is one in place, the romantic relationship.
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RE: Is it bad?? - 
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