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smoking versus obedience!! - 7/11/2009 4:53:37 PM   
frazzle


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I would like to quit smoking.

I'm trying my best, but the cutting down etc is being done at a rate He deems doable. He has never smoked.

I have cut it by half in the last month, its that next step scares me to death.

Monday is my quit day.

I know in advance its highly unlikely.

Is punishing someone for not quitting an addiction reasonable??? i am trying, but threats dont over ride the need.

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RE: smoking versus obedience!! - 7/11/2009 5:12:38 PM   
lovingpet


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I tend to think that expectations should be reasonable in order for it to be punishable. What reasonable is, well that's another story altogether. The moment you agreed this was reasonable, you forfeited the ability to say it was not reasonable. Put a little perspective on this for us, if you would. Are we talking half is still like a pack a day or is it more like a half dozen or so? The more you are having to cut back to go to zero the harder it will be obviously. If you are able to work it out there may be other ways to take another step and reduce if things are still too large to tackle all at once. Maybe during certain times of day or activities it would be a no smoking zone. Then take another step in a few weeks or a month until it's behind you. It really depends on how far you have to go.

I know it's not easy, but good for both of you for working on it together! Good luck!

lovingpet

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RE: smoking versus obedience!! - 7/11/2009 5:29:08 PM   
frazzle


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Thank you/

I'll get there. because i want to. no threat etc are really going to help.

You can not kill an adiction with threats.

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RE: smoking versus obedience!! - 7/11/2009 5:54:47 PM   
DesFIP


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Maybe he needs to learn about the addiction. For about 20% of smokers, nicotine is harder to quit than heroin is. If you're one of them, then no amount of threats or punishment will do it for you.

Are you allowed to get help as in the patch, the e-cigarette, Zyban or does he insist it be done cold turkey? Because what matters here is that you quit, not that it be done his way. What happens if you can't, if it turns out he set you up to fail by not allowing you to get help to make it doable?

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RE: smoking versus obedience!! - 7/11/2009 5:58:23 PM   
leadership527


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quote:

ORIGINAL: frazzle
You can not kill an adiction with threats.

No, I agree. You cannot. But you can kill an addiction with obedience. I offer this up as encouragement for you. Apparently, to my wife at least, her desire to obey was sufficient to overcome her addition... several addictions actually. It's an intriguing point to me that the same woman who didn't have the willpower to eat less just because it would add years to her life does have the willpower to eat less because I commanded it. I think of it as her doing some mental gymnastics to take the problem out of an area of weakness (healthy consciousness) and into an area of strength (obedience). It's a neat trick.


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RE: smoking versus obedience!! - 7/11/2009 5:58:56 PM   
oceanwinds


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I quit June 1st, 2009 and have remain quit. I qut from a 2 and half pack a day habit. From your post you already made your mind up you wont succeed. There are great sites on the internet that have a lot of information on quitting smoking and forums.

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RE: smoking versus obedience!! - 7/11/2009 6:20:48 PM   
Bruticus


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It sounds to me like you're looking for reasons or excuses to go back on the timetable that you and your Master agreed upon some time ago. I could be wrong, but I don't have a lot of information here.

That said, if I'm right, it wouldn't be much of a surprise - chemical addictions are notoriously difficult to end. Your brain is utterly convinced that you need nicotine to function, so as the "end date" draws near, your subconscious is screaming at you to slow down or stop. Your subconscious is probably wrong.

My advice:
*First of all, I see that you're in the UK, which means you can see a doctor without much difficulty. If you haven't consulted your doctor yet about quitting, you should do so. Your doctor may be able to better advise you on whether or not your time table is reasonable, healthy, and could be expected to be effective. (Quitting "cold turkey" is notoriously ineffective, so you've avoided that pitfall.) Your doctor may have other ways to help you end this addiction safely and for the long haul.

*Have you discussed your concerns with your Master? Aside from establishing a time table and punishment, what else has He done to help you with this? I don't know what the nature / extent of your relationship is (nor is it my business) but I'm going to operate under the assumption that He wants you to quit for your own good and not just because it displeases Him. (If my assumption is correct, it's something you should bear in mind. Even if He were to release you in the future, if this works you'll be the better for it.)

As for what else He could do to help - well, I'm not a doctor, nor do I play one on TV. (I do love Dr. House, though!) Here's what I do know:

1. Motivation is key. My father quit many years ago - he promised my mother that he would quit so long as she recovered from her first open heart surgery. (FYI, her heart condition was not her fault, nor was it genetic - it was the fault of her negligent and abusive parents who allowed a nasty fever to go untreated when she was a child. Turns out it was rheumatic fever - the same fever that robbed Helen Keller of her sight and hearing. In my mother's case the fever damaged her heart quite a bit.) She did (and she's still kicking ass today) so he quit. Immediately. (He was one of the few "cold turkey" successes that I've heard of.) so he was motivated by fear - and also love. If your only motivation is to avoid the whip - well, maybe that's not enough. Perhaps you need positive reinforcement as well. Or perhaps you need to be reminded periodically why you're quitting - your health, being alive for the sake of your children, etc.

2. Break the cycle. One thing that I've heard many times is that addicts are reinforced by habits - after waking up, with coffee, etc. Break those habits and you'll be in better shape to not only quit, but stay clean. Your Master may be able to help you with this - modifying your routine with a leash if need be!

3. Use BDSM to your advantage. This is just theory on my part, but I think that you and your Master have options available to you that vanilla folks wouldn't consider. I'm not just talking about the whip or the leash.
*What about gags? Tobacco abuse is partially fueled by an oral fixation. Instead of sticking food or candy in your mouth, a ball gag / bit gag / penis gag will definitely keep you from relapsing!
*What about caging? If He locks you in a cage, you surely won't relapse.
*What other kinky things could you use? Be imaginative.

I hope this was helpful, and I wish you the best.

(in reply to frazzle)
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RE: smoking versus obedience!! - 7/11/2009 6:23:22 PM   
naughtysubK


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I quit 4 and a half years ago after smoking for almost 20 years.  I don't know if I could have quit because someone told me to,   no matter how mportant that someone was to me.  I had to make up my mind that that is what I wanted to do.  Once I decided to quit,  set a date,  and smoked that last cigarette the nght before ( I still remember how good that cigarette was) it really wasn't that hard to do.   I used the Commit lozenges.  Put one under my tongue when a cravng hit.  Those were great!   Good luck to you

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RE: smoking versus obedience!! - 7/11/2009 8:13:49 PM   
MidMichCowboy


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I quit cold turkey. 2 Packs a day. I threw away a carton that was almost full.
I was tired of those I love, wheezing and coughing around me.
So, I quit.
8 years I've not had a cigarette.
Did I feel pain from withdrawal quitting? Yes.
Was it hard? Yes

It takes willpower, control and commitment.
The same things it takes to have a successful relationship and to live life.
Good luck.

Added: I quit cold turkey. No gum or aids, no medication. I just quit smoking.
To me, it was eliminating a crutch.
I didn't want to replace it with another one.
Do I miss it ... Nope :)


< Message edited by MidMichCowboy -- 7/11/2009 8:15:57 PM >


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RE: smoking versus obedience!! - 7/11/2009 8:19:14 PM   
Arpig


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The only way, and I stress only,  way you (or anybody) is going to be able to quit smoking is if you have decided for yourself to quit. You cannot quit because somebody else wants you to, or because you really can't afford to smoke, or any other of the miriad other reasons one hears for people attempting to quit. If you have made up your mind that you really want to quit, then you have a good chance of doing so, if not, then don't even waste your time trying.

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RE: smoking versus obedience!! - 7/11/2009 8:26:41 PM   
VampiresLair


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Threats of punishment add to stress. Stress increases the likelihood that you will smoke. So, realistically, the more he threatens to punish you the less likely it is to be effective.

Some people quite and never look back. Some have a lot of trouble and take 2 or three tries to stop, sme never do. If you have decided you want to stop, then you are a few steps ahead. Now, you need to tell your Master that he needs to support you, not threaten you. If this is something he actually wants, then he will be willing to help. If not, then he is not being realistic at all and perhaps he is in need of some education in the ways of quitting smoking rather than trying the "Im the Dom and I said so" gambit.

DV


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RE: smoking versus obedience!! - 7/11/2009 9:12:59 PM   
LovingMistress45


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I think a better way to help you would be to reward you than threaten to punish you.  Have you sat down and talked to him?

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RE: smoking versus obedience!! - 7/12/2009 5:32:49 AM   
daddysliloneds


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no, punishment is not reasonable, but then again, neither is a non-smoker hooking up with a smoker under the expectations that the smoker will quit.

no one should go into a relationship expecting one person to change for the sake of another; it's a recipe for disaster.

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RE: smoking versus obedience!! - 7/12/2009 5:48:15 AM   
UglyTruth


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I don't have any advice for you on quitting your habit, but I wanted to wish you luck. So... good luck. You can do it.

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RE: smoking versus obedience!! - 7/12/2009 6:18:42 AM   
frazzle


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Thanks to all that have replied.

I'll see what happens tomorrow, it may be more doable than i think, ive got this far.

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RE: smoking versus obedience!! - 7/12/2009 6:24:39 AM   
sirsholly


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quote:

ORIGINAL: frazzle

Thanks to all that have replied.

I'll see what happens tomorrow, it may be more doable than i think, ive got this far.
there are aids out there to help you. The electronic cigarette, Commit lozenges, nicotine gum, nasal spray, and the patches. But please be careful with the patches if you have any history of blood pressure issues.

If you cannot quit tomorrow, i would suggest that you have NOT failed. You have succeeded in the reduction you have made thus far. You are fighting a very powerful addiction and it may take many attempts.

You Master should be so proud of you!!


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RE: smoking versus obedience!! - 7/12/2009 6:25:27 AM   
pompeii


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It's a seesaw ... The only way you can quit is if you want to quit ... if the penalty of smoking is greater than the penalty of the pain of not smoking ...

Your Dom is going to have to be on one end of the seesaw ... your brain the other end.

It's up to him to convince you ... or it's up to you (but it doesn't sound like you've accepted that part) ... so it's up to him to convince your brain.

Good luck!


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RE: smoking versus obedience!! - 7/12/2009 8:07:19 AM   
BossyShoeBitch


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quote:

ORIGINAL: frazzle
Monday is my quit day.
I know in advance its highly unlikely.


That's the spirit!

quote:

Is punishing someone for not quitting an addiction reasonable???


I stopped talking to my mother 17 years ago because she wouldn't stop smoking.


quote:

i am trying, but threats dont over ride the need.


That's what my Mom said.


Then she died of lung cancer that had metastasized all over her body...17 years ago.




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A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

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RE: smoking versus obedience!! - 7/12/2009 8:19:35 AM   
oceanwinds


Posts: 530
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BossyShoeBitch


quote:

ORIGINAL: frazzle
Monday is my quit day.
I know in advance its highly unlikely.


That's the spirit!

quote:

Is punishing someone for not quitting an addiction reasonable???


I stopped talking to my mother 17 years ago because she wouldn't stop smoking.


quote:

i am trying, but threats dont over ride the need.


That's what my Mom said.


Then she died of lung cancer that had metastasized all over her body...17 years ago.





Sorry for your loss, Bossy

That is one reason I quit too, I didnt want my daughter to go through this again. Her dad died from lung cancer and emphysema. I finding too that it is one area I can really control and I didnt want a cig to control me any more.

OP
I wish you well on your journey as a none smoker. It really is doable.
oceanwinds

_____________________________

I know where I came from and where I am today. I am forever grateful to all that touched my life. Thank you all and especially you, Goddess.

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RE: smoking versus obedience!! - 7/12/2009 8:32:55 AM   
UglyTruth


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Wow, BSB, I'm really sorry to hear about your mother.

(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)
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