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RE: The messages we send out - 7/7/2009 1:47:59 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I don't remember seeing too many people ranting and raving on the forums that somebody else deserves a beating for holding an opposing viewpoint. And on the rare occasions I have seen it, it was fast outweighed by many other people being outraged at such a response.

What I've never seen is someone when told they deserve this, respond by saying "Thank you op, I'll be at the motel in your town on Tuesday registered as Jane Doe, come right on and beat me because I so deserve it".

Since nobody ever takes these types up on it, what bad message is it sending? Who is in danger because a couple of twits think they have the right to dominate everyone else? No one.

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Post #: 21

RE: The messages we send out - 7/7/2009 2:06:18 PM

NorthernGent

Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RealGirl4One

Am I alone in this feeling or is anyone else offended by posers who bully and intimidate?

I think you adopt an idealistic approach RealGirl but it's not necessarily a negative force. You will always have people who are weather beaten by life and they will insist that you lower your standards - but your standards are yours to create.

No I'm not offended by such posters - but then maybe my expectations aren't as high as yours.

There's something quite attractive about someone who expects better.

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Post #: 22

RE: The messages we send out - 7/7/2009 2:34:13 PM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
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quote:

...Am I alone in this feeling or is anyone else offended by posers who bully and intimidate?...

some folks get very turned on by what others find offensive, repugnant and uncomfortable...it's why they are here...to connect with like minded souls of a complimentary nature.

as well...the label "dominant" doesn't include any caveats to said person also having the wonderful qualities of being sensitive, gentle, romantic, compassionate, thoughtful, caring, intelligent, full of concern for another's safety, etc.

we...as a group...have precious little in common.

(in reply to RealGirl4One)

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Post #: 23

RE: The messages we send out - 7/7/2009 3:33:18 PM

CaringandReal

Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
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Ok, I found the message you were referring to. I needed to see the context. People often write flippant things on a message forum thinking they're being cute or clever or they do so because they want someone to pay them attention by telling them how cute and clever they are. That's how that remark struck me: flippant, not threatening. I don't think it had anything to do with you personally or at least I didn't sense that any animosity or even misogyny was intended. I do hear it hit you in the wrong place at the wrong time, but maybe the poster had no idea you'd have this reaction. Stranger things have happened! And maybe they were trying to get you to laugh at your situation and not feel so stressed out/bad about the awful personal ad responses, which, believe me, all of us, including I expect the person who wrote that comment, get.

Um, haven't you ever been so horny that you would read a remark like that and think, "Oh GOD yes!" ... Or am I the only one who does that? :/

(in reply to RealGirl4One)

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Post #: 24

RE: The messages we send out - 7/7/2009 8:47:37 PM

atropa7

Posts: 72
Joined: 10/8/2006
From: Michigan
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a couple of things: just because someone expresses an opinion doesn't mean the opinion is worthy of respect.
Speaking out against actions that you find unacceptable that other people do, that reflect badly because they share some group designation, is important. I think you're wrong about that particular point, thedark. It's a way to negotiate and debate community standards. It's a way to change norms. It can be productive.

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Post #: 25

RE: The messages we send out - 7/7/2009 9:25:38 PM

slaveboyforyou

Posts: 3607
Joined: 1/6/2005
From: Arkansas, U.S.A.
Status: offline

quote:

Specifically I refer to those who would suggest that anyone who is a submissive, a slave or a bottom should be administered A Good Beating by someone they have not agreed to submit to, said action presumably to send the message that they are not entitled to their own viewpoint.

You can ignore folks here, and you don't have to take shit off of anyone. I've been posting here a long time, and no one talks to me like that because of my sexual preferences.

quote:

To see such messages, irresponsible in nature, offends me personally and also causes me concern for those new either to this website or the d/s society in general.

You're wasting your energy by being offended. I laugh and ridicule people that I think are fools.

quote:

It is NOT ACCEPTABLE in my viewpoint to say anything that gives the impression that anyone but a dominant may express themselves without being subject to corporal punishment for the same.

This type of behavior reflects badly on all of us. It is the reason we get bad p.r.

Am I angry, yes, I admit I am angry. I am also hurt that there are people who have such little regard for anyone but themselves.

What do you mean it's not acceptable? Do you not see the irony in your statement? You're psoting about being browbeaten for your opinion. Now you're saying other's opinions are UNACCEPTABLE. Who is this "all of us" that you speak of? I am not part of some magical cult. I do what I do because it's fun. What others with similar interests do is not my fucking problem. Again, you're wasting your energy with anger. I am never angry at anyone here. I get angry when I need to get angry.

quote:

Finally, I am also disgusted with this type of behavior and make it a personal practice to try to correct this misperception whenever I see it because it is my duty to not allow others to get the wrong impression and thus into possible harm.

Am I alone in this feeling or is anyone else offended by posers who bully and intimidate?

You can't correct anyone's behavior. Misperceptions my ass....we're all individuals. The perception folks have of you is dependent on your own behavior, not the behavior of others.

No you're not alone. A few people here think they need to "correct" others. It's one of the big reasons I tend to stay out of the lifestyle related forums. It's childish; like I said, BDSM is not a cult or society. It's a kink, and you shouldn't turn it into your religion. It's incredibly silly when folks do.

(in reply to RealGirl4One)

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Post #: 26

RE: The messages we send out - 7/7/2009 10:49:50 PM

WyldHrt

Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
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quote:

After having been what I consider savaged in another thread here I have to ask what kind of safety message we are sending out to people who do not have the benefit of much knowledge or experience within this "lifestyle".

Specifically I refer to those who would suggest that anyone who is a submissive, a slave or a bottom should be administered A Good Beating by someone they have not agreed to submit to, said action presumably to send the message that they are not entitled to their own viewpoint.

Wow. I know both the thread and post you are referring to, and it's amazing to me that you didn't recognize the comment for what it was, a joke directed at the last sentence of your OP in that thread. Twisting such a joke enough to see it as intending to send the message that subs aren't entitled to their own viewpoint takes some mental gymnastics I'm just not capable of.

A quick read of some forum threads will quickly dispel the notion that s-types are somehow routinely bullied or threatened by D-types on the board due to their orientation. I've seen it tried on rare occasion, and the offending party is usually handed his or her ass, most often by other D-types as well as s-types. That said, the negative reaction you got in your other thread had to do with the content of your post, not the fact that you identify as an s-type.

If you are going to get upset every time a joke about an s-type needing a spanking or some such is made in a thread on a BDSM forum, I really don't know what advice is going to help, other than hide the people whose posts bother you. If you come charging in playing safety police every time something you find unacceptable is posted, be aware that you will probably get your ass flamed off. This is an adult site, and attempts at nannying the posters are not likely to be well received.

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(in reply to RealGirl4One)

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Post #: 27

RE: The messages we send out - 7/8/2009 4:15:22 AM

Level

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Joined: 3/3/2006
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Some posts are meant as a metaphorical "glass of water in the face", an attempt to wake someone up.

Sometimes it works, sometimes not.

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