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Newly Owned - 6/28/2009 6:32:41 PM   
painslave4u2abus


Posts: 8
Joined: 7/26/2005
Status: offline 		I've been an owned slave for two months.  Originally, we discussed things that we were both into, but after that there has been no discussion.  Basically we do the same things everytime I'm with him.  He has not let me touch his cock yet.  He loves for me to rub his cock through his underwear, but has yet to let me jack him or give him oral.  I asked him once when I could suck his cock and he gave me a quick tongue lashing and said not to ask again.  He is very verbal and while he is jacking off on me, he talks about all the things he is going to do to me one day.  The next time I see him it's the same thing.  He loves tt and my nipples remain sore everyday.  He just doesn't seem to be interested in taking things further.  He has me use a butt plug at home because he wants to stretch my hole for his cock, but he never touches my hole with his cock or anything else.  This is my first Maser/slave relationship so I'm new to all of this.  I guess my question is...as a slave, do I have the right to voice my concerns because we discussed things ahead of time, or do I need to just wait until he is ready to take things further?  I think he might like some of my suggestions, but then again I don't know if I have the right to do this.  I would appreciate any help or suggestions you may have, thanks!!
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Newly Owned - 6/28/2009 6:35:12 PM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline 		I have found at times with "Dominants" that talk is cheap and when the rubber has to meet the road, well it never does--because they don't know how to begin or its all  in the head and then its a "holy shit" now what do I do.

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to painslave4u2abus)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Newly Owned - 6/28/2009 6:37:20 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		What did you agree to? Did you have any kind of contract or something that specified what he expected of you, and what he would provide in exchange?

If not, then the problem is that you entered into a relationship without clear parameters. You need to talk to him, and, if he isn't willing to discuss the parameters of your relationship, and you are not comfortable where things are now and appear to be going, then you need to accept the possibility that this relationship may not be a good fit for you. The first stop, though, has to be with the person you're involved with -- you can't get answers from us, because we don't know what's going on in his head.

Dame Calla

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to painslave4u2abus)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Newly Owned - 6/28/2009 6:39:33 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		Is he able to reach orgasm with his own hand?  Is he able to maintain an erection for five minutes?

If the plumbing works, you might want to research "retarded ejaculation."  One link here:

http://www.sexhealthmatters.org/v2/data/health/miscellaneous/conditions/delayed_ejaculation.asp

I've talked about this with female subs, because it's apparently not uncommon among doms.  A control "freak" who masturbates a lot to porn may have a hard time achieving orgasm when someone else is stroking him.

Good luck.


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to painslave4u2abus)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Newly Owned - 6/28/2009 7:28:39 PM   
GYPZYQUEEN


Posts: 730
Joined: 4/14/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: painslave4u2abus

Originally, we discussed things that we were both into, but after that there has been no discussion.  ..

do I have the right to voice my concerns because we discussed things ahead of time, or do I need to just wait until he is ready to take things further? 


1)
it is not necessary to tell all you  are doing or not doing..

2)
WHAT DOES HE say...that you have a right..or not?
DID you discuss a NO Limit slave relationship?
IF so what does that mean to each?
WHAT did you discuss>?
Was it written down?
Is there a contract?
IS there an indication that because you discussed already you are not to discuss now?
What was agreed to?

ASSUMPTIONS may have been made due to NOT talking enough..
As a human being you have a right to ask for a meeting and discussion..to voice concerns...
You  are confused...you are not too happy

The worst that can happen is you are told you cannot talk and things will remain the same...............

THEN YOU HAVE A CHOICE to MAKE
the best that can happen is re-structuring of the relationship

best of luck


GQ

(in reply to painslave4u2abus)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Newly Owned - 6/28/2009 9:04:07 PM   
peachgirl


Posts: 396
Joined: 6/25/2009
Status: offline 		M/s relationships have much more longevity with open communications.  if you want to stay together, sooner or later you're going to have to learn to talk to your Master.  this is the perfect opportunity for you to find a way to communicate with him. 

_____________________________

Have you seen that girl in the corner?
I'd like to take her out of her chains
Cause if I had my way with you baby
I would be changing your life today.
- Bob Welch

(in reply to painslave4u2abus)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Newly Owned - 6/28/2009 11:41:52 PM   
KaityK


Posts: 36
Joined: 6/27/2009
Status: offline 		If he is not delivering his side of the bargain then you have no obligation to stay as far as I am concerned. I have done this before with a dominant who talked the talk but essentially just wanted blowjobs and not much else.

Also I am concerned that you say you're not sure if you 'have the right' to say anything. There should always be communication in a D/s relationship. He should be interested in your happiness and how satisfied you are. That's just my take on it but I'm not the kind of sub that does everything for him, I want to enjoy it and be happy too. As well as be able to talk.

Two months and you haven't touched his cock. Wow. You must ask him straight why that is!

(in reply to peachgirl)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Newly Owned - 6/29/2009 6:51:24 PM   
painslave4u2abus


Posts: 8
Joined: 7/26/2005
Status: offline 		Thanks for all the replies!  We do not have a contract.  The basics...we agreed to limits...no permanent marks, safety, etc.  He likes to verbalize the things he want to do to me, the things he expects from me, and things he wants to happen between us.  He ecspecially likes saying these things, while he is jerking off in front of me. 

I know partly he thinks that by holding back a little, it makes me want him more and the more I will do for him.  But at the same time I can't help but wander if there isn't something more. 

For instance, during the time we were corresponding, I told him of my interest in having him face fuck me and gagging me.  He told me he had done that before and was excited to to that to me.  Not only has this not happend, I haven't even touched his cock except thru his underwear and he LOVES that.  This is just one example.  He expresses his interest in me while he is using me by being very vocal, but then nothing.  He is a sadist and he loves inflicting pain and he's very verbal during the session, but again it's like he forgets everything he tells me and wants to do to me after he's done. 

I'm really not a pushy bottom.  I pretty much go with everything he says.  I like my Master, but unless I talk to him about this, I don't know how long it will last.  I'm afraid of losing him by expressing my opinion and I'm also afraid of losing him by not talking to him.

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Newly Owned - 6/29/2009 7:24:05 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		After reading both of your postings the thought I have is that there is a piece to this puzzle that you are missing. After 2 months of him doing the same types of things when you are with him sexually I am seriously wondering if he ever plans on doing more. He seems satisfied with the way things are. If he was really into doing more (and not just talking about these other things) it just seems as though he'd have started doing them... especially after 2 months. It's not like you haven't had the opportunity to be with him enough by this time.

Ask him point blank what's going on. It can be asked in a non confrontational way- approached perhaps from the standpoint of wanting to further your connection with him or however else you feel would foster a good heart to heart conversation. That's not being a pushy sub, it's about getting your needs met too. You're in this for something too. I mean the man has to have something to offer you to or you can surely find someone else who can offer you more of what you seek. You need to know what you can reasonably expect from him, consider if it will work for you and either stay with him or move on. Any kind of relationship is between two people not just one. You seem to be filling his needs but is he filling yours? If he forgets everything you've told him after he's done and never gets around to doing any of it I have to think that what you want is just not that important to him. Is that ok with you?

Talk to him and find out what the missing puzzle piece is so you can make an informed decision for yourself- you are the only one who can look after yourself in the end.

(in reply to painslave4u2abus)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Newly Owned - 6/29/2009 8:05:53 PM   
ZenDragoness


Posts: 372
Joined: 1/21/2006
From: Berlin/Germany
Status: offline
quote:

I've talked about this with female subs, because it's apparently not uncommon among doms. A control "freak" who masturbates a lot to porn may have a hard time achieving orgasm when someone else is stroking him.


I thought the exact same. It sounds like a heavy porn user who do not know how to transport the seen actions in reality. The other possibility is something i learned from gay friends. As one put it: The real thing is the cock. A gay man how is out of the closet and in peace with being gay will always touch the cock of the other man, if not there are some problems with acceptance.

Knowing him not it is only something that i put out to think about, you will know better what the situation is.

_____________________________

aka Morgaine289

http://goldenerkern.blogspot.com/

(in reply to RedMagic1)
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RE: Newly Owned - 6/30/2009 7:04:21 PM   
painslave4u2abus


Posts: 8
Joined: 7/26/2005
Status: offline 		Thanks guys for all the replies.  I know what I need to do.  I truely appreciate everyone taking the time to answer my post!

(in reply to ZenDragoness)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Newly Owned - 7/7/2009 4:13:16 PM   
seekerof


Posts: 18
Joined: 5/26/2009
Status: offline 		Painslave- I just read this post. I am wondering how it all turned out for you?

(in reply to painslave4u2abus)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Newly Owned - 7/7/2009 4:40:22 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline 		Fast reply but have read the responses.
Some get more aroused when there is guilt or repression.
Is he out?
Is he older than you?
Some get off on what I call push you, pull me...meaning he needs to push you away to feel he pulls you. It's a absence of intimacy he needs if this is the case.
Is it the control he is into rather than the sex?
Is he living a vanilla straight life and you are just a play thing?
If you seriously feel you cannot communicate this is going nowhere fast.
He's what I call a wanker anyway.



_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to seekerof)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Newly Owned - 7/7/2009 6:31:08 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		I'm going to think outside the box a little here......and none of this is meant to be negative in any way.....

I see by your photo you're male.  My initial reaction without consciously thinking about it is that you were a female slave, so I was a little surprised when I saw the picture of a guy.  But it's cool.

What I'm wondering is, since he's so hesitant to let you touch him, etc., it almost sounds to me like maybe he's really heterosexual and this is an "exploring" type fantasy he's had, or, he's lived as a hetero, but is secretly bi or gay, but he's not ready to admit to himself or to the rest of the world yet that he might be bi or gay. 

Just back to say that I wrote this before reading Zen's post.......

< Message edited by windchymes -- 7/7/2009 6:33:04 PM >

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to Prinsexx)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Newly Owned - 7/7/2009 6:53:41 PM   
painslave4u2abus


Posts: 8
Joined: 7/26/2005
Status: offline 		Thanks again for the responses.  I still haven't said anything to him yet.  I don't want to ruin my first Master/slave relationship.  I know that I need to talk with him and probably will in time.  To answer some questions:  he isn't straight, however he isn't out to everyone either.  All his relationships have been with men, but he isn't out to his family or co-workers.  Also something that I didn't mention is that he used to play on the sub/slave side.  However, he quickly learned that this wasn't going to work.  Even a Master friend of his told him he wasn't going to make it as a slave.  Now, he doesn't have any of those qualities.  I think that he does in fact get off knowing that he isn't giving me what I want.  I think it's part of his control.  As I said before, he loves for me to message his cock through his underwear but doesn't let me touch it otherwise.  Sometimes he will let me put my mouth on it with his underwear on.  I asked him this weekend during play if I could touch his cock and he said he would think about it, but yet again that did not happen.  I think maybe the push pull thing Prinsexx talked about may be exactly the case.  I guess until I make up my mind what to do, I'll just have to hang in there!! 

(in reply to windchymes)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Newly Owned - 7/7/2009 7:07:59 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: painslave4u2abus

I don't want to ruin my first Master/slave relationship.  I know that I need to talk with him and probably will in time. 

Not communicating your concerns and needs will ruin the relationship.  This plan of yours is a recipe for drama and explosion down the road.

To be honest, I don't expect you to believe me... or to talk to him any sooner.  However, if things break bad -- and I hope they don't -- then I hope you remember this thread, as a guide toward future relationships.

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.  Talk to the guy.

< Message edited by RedMagic1 -- 7/7/2009 7:08:35 PM >

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to painslave4u2abus)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Newly Owned - 7/8/2009 12:07:34 AM   
Danemora


Posts: 752
Joined: 10/9/2006
Status: offline 		   Im going to go ahead and second the great advice you have already been given by these insightful people.  I understand that you have concerns over blowing your first M/s relationship by saying what is on your mind.  But one of the cornerstones of a healthy D/s relationship is open and honest communication.  Not fully knowing the dynamic that you have with your Master, I can only express my thoughts based upon my own thoughts about D/s. 

From a dominant's perspective, I honestly feel that its just as detrimental to the relationship for my submissive to not be completely upfront with me about what they are thinking and feeling.  Ive found from previous experiences back in my early days that it made huge mountains out of what began as a little molehill. 

If you have placed enough trust in him to become his slave, trust in him enough to be willing to be honest about what you are feeling.  No matter what the consequences may be.  No sense in filling yourself with all these worries and concerns when you dont have to, right?

< Message edited by Danemora -- 7/8/2009 12:50:13 AM >

(in reply to painslave4u2abus)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Newly Owned - 7/8/2009 12:39:02 AM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:


.  I think maybe the push pull thing Prinsexx talked about may be exactly the case.  I guess until I make up my mind what to do, I'll just have to hang in there!! 


I said: Some get off on what I call push you, pull me...meaning he needs to push you away to feel he pulls you. And then it goes: pull you, push me... meaning that when you try to pull him, he pushes you away.

He has the makings of a real good emotional sadist if you can stick with it.
It's not only the remit of the gay world either imo.


< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 7/8/2009 12:40:27 AM >

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to painslave4u2abus)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Newly Owned - 7/8/2009 12:43:27 AM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: painslave4u2abus

I don't want to ruin my first Master/slave relationship.  I know that I need to talk with him and probably will in time. 

Not communicating your concerns and needs will ruin the relationship.  This plan of yours is a recipe for drama and explosion down the road.


I agree. Time does not equal communication but it does equal a snowball effect.

< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 7/8/2009 12:44:01 AM >

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Newly Owned - 7/8/2009 6:07:24 AM   
librarysub


Posts: 32
Joined: 11/16/2008
Status: offline 		Please don't put off communication too long. i made that mistake trying to "hold on" to my previous relationship. It ended badly and now i have someone i can't even call a friend. Plus getting out of that relationship led to the marvelous one i have with Master now. It's just more compatible and therefore easier/more fun. No risk - no gain.

linda{Monticore}


_____________________________

De Ja Moo: The feeling I've heard this Bull before

i'm an adult so i can do whatever my Master wants

i swallow because i like to keep things clean.

(in reply to Prinsexx)
Profile   Post #: 20
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