Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

I made the first contact...now...


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> I made the first contact...now... Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
I made the first contact...now... - 6/25/2009 11:03:37 PM   
ShaharThorne


Posts: 11071
Joined: 2/24/2009
From: Somewhere in TX
Status: offline 		I have been exchanging emails with a Dom in my state since earlier this month and he is appealling to my mind, especially with his poetry. He has been truthful to me and allowing me to ask as many questions as is humanly possible. I even asked him what style of relationship he is looking for (cyber, 24/7, LTR). I am just waiting for his reply.

In his collection of photos, he is displaying a couple of floggers which make my knees go weak. He is accepting of my weight since he is overweight himself. His emails are courteous and detailed. No nasty stuff or "get on your knees". He makes me feel comfortable.

Now...I have the feeling he will want to exchange phone numbers. I don't mind exchanging them if it means chatting with him once a week or more. I just feel like we might be moving too fast, but I don't see it yet. He did ask for a pic, but I just found out today that this compaq is getting close to crashing and the CD drives are dead. I describe myself fully and even mentioned that I love sugarfree fudgcicles... We are exchanging more personal info.

I want to know what to do next. Let him take the lead in this budding relationship? I view him as a friend right now, with a little bit of PE mixed in. What if he is looking for a LTR and is willing to relocate me? I am finally on the right treatment here for my bipolar and I make sure mom does not slip into a depression since my father's death. I am not sure if the local MHMR down there works rapidly on bipolar patients.

I guess I still have a lot of questions, but no real answers at this time. I am not 'in love' with him, but I do love his poetry and his mannerisms. I feel this can be a healthy and kinky relationship.

_____________________________

Goddess of Yarn

You are making two and a half feet of irresistible, tubular sex! -Lola, Kinky Boots

Founder: Bitch with Tits

Whip me, beat me, make me feel cheap and have great sex
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: I made the first contact...now... - 6/25/2009 11:50:50 PM   
CountrySong


Posts: 554
Joined: 1/25/2008
Status: offline 		Hi ShaharThorne -
You've been perved.
Before you get too deep make sure he understands bipolar really well and where you are on the scale. I'm extreemly mild (I actually convinced myself it was not an issue for about 15 years until I had a couple of major stressors and nearly killed myself. Sounds like you might be dealing with some major stressors yourself.). My EX was very rapid cycling.
We tend to be tough to live with in LTR's but like you said the sex is totally awesome!
If he understands that then go for the gold!
Hugs. I wish you love and happiness! 

_____________________________

Cowboy clown and cowboy poet!
Jouster of windmills.
Knight in tarnished armor.
Rescuer of damsels who don't want to be rescued.
Dreamer of Impossible Dreams

(in reply to ShaharThorne)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: I made the first contact...now... - 6/25/2009 11:56:33 PM   
ShaharThorne


Posts: 11071
Joined: 2/24/2009
From: Somewhere in TX
Status: offline 		I am a level one with mixed episodes and rapid cycling, but I am doped up most of the time due to my meds.

Now...about that dungeon you're building...any luck?

_____________________________

Goddess of Yarn

You are making two and a half feet of irresistible, tubular sex! -Lola, Kinky Boots

Founder: Bitch with Tits

Whip me, beat me, make me feel cheap and have great sex

(in reply to CountrySong)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: I made the first contact...now... - 6/26/2009 12:59:41 AM   
FullfigRIMAAM1


Posts: 1160
Joined: 11/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

I have been exchanging emails with a Dom in my state since earlier this month
I have the feeling he will want to exchange phone numbers. I don't mind exchanging them if it means chatting with him once a week or more. I just feel like we might be moving too fast, but I don't see it yet.
This is a matter of different strokes, and if you want to go slowly, just let him know that...  

However, I personally would become very suspicious of someone who was trying to establish a relationship, thought that emailing for nearly a month was too short to exchange phone numbers, and said person didn't have photos of himself I could see.    I may be slightly jaded given all of the people who fail to mention significant pieces of information about themselves; even given that, I generally go with my instincts about someone, would never say never.     M

_____________________________

The place to improve the world is first in one's own heart and head and hands.-Robert M. Persig

Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence Erich Fromm

(in reply to ShaharThorne)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: I made the first contact...now... - 6/26/2009 2:08:08 AM   
ZenDragoness


Posts: 372
Joined: 1/21/2006
From: Berlin/Germany
Status: offline 		My feeling is that you are thinking a bit long into the future. Right now the contact is good, if you want to speak to him it will oblige you to nothing. Being myself bipolar, i can understand your fears and thoughts. Take it really one moment after the other and i send you strength for the caring about your mother and you own wellbeing. Good luck!

Ruth

_____________________________

aka Morgaine289

http://goldenerkern.blogspot.com/

(in reply to ShaharThorne)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: I made the first contact...now... - 6/26/2009 2:12:59 AM   
Fitznicely


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		Sounds great. Congrats for finding a decent one

I'd ech other's advice of full disclosure. It sounds like he could handle being told about your situation, so go to it...

And if your computer can handle it, and you're really worried about giving out your phone number, there's always VoIP.

_____________________________

I tell you this: No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn
Proud Owner of Darkmoonkat. Such a good girl!

(in reply to FullfigRIMAAM1)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: I made the first contact...now... - 6/26/2009 3:35:02 AM   
wandersalone


Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline 		It sounds like both of you have been enjoying the communication so far - congratulations. I guess I am a little concerned that you are possibly over thinking things and jumping quite a few steps ahead - wondering if he would be willing to relocate you etc after less than a month.  I definitely would not start thinking about any of that before you both have exchanged photos and talked and if possible met in person.

Keep us updated on how it all goes



_____________________________

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. Martin Luther King
Godmother of the subbie mafia
My all time favourite threads
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=2002501
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=790885

(in reply to ShaharThorne)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: I made the first contact...now... - 6/26/2009 3:46:34 AM   
kallisto


Posts: 1185
Status: offline 		Don't over think things.   Sounds as though you're both getting to know each other.   Let the relationship progress.    Ask questions as they come up.   Seems as though the communication is open on both sides.    Enjoy

(in reply to wandersalone)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: I made the first contact...now... - 6/26/2009 4:40:59 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Reread your post.  Basically, you have a guy who has nice floggers, isn't a dick, and is overweight, which you assume means he's okay with your weight (odd way to think, but you do post your height/weight on your profile and he's aware so he is ok with it).

It all sounds good and you have more than enough for a first date with the guy.

The only problem is that in your mind, you're picking out curtains.  You're a case of sub frenzy waiting to happen.

Relax and enjoy.  Let him take the lead - he's probably got a clearer head than you!


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to kallisto)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: I made the first contact...now... - 6/26/2009 4:56:08 AM   
Rainfire


Posts: 4047
Joined: 1/5/2009
Status: offline 		 Ya know, Steven, you make it hard to add anything to the conversation when you sum it up so well..... 

Shahar, relax and let things take it's course. What is meant to be will happen, unless it's rushed too fast. Besides, it sucks if he's looking for something totally different than you and you set yourself up for a major hurt/disappointment.

Take a deep breath and have patience..... and all the best of luck to you! 


_____________________________

"I have sold my soul to the devil for You, will You still love me when I am soiled, stained and souless in my love for You?
Or is this the beginning of the end?"
Proud member of the Clan Scarlett O'Hair

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: I made the first contact...now... - 6/26/2009 5:11:55 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

Shahar, relax and let things take it's course.
this would be my advice as well 

_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)


(in reply to Rainfire)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: I made the first contact...now... - 6/26/2009 8:46:45 AM   
maia09


Posts: 113
Joined: 6/10/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Reread your post.  Basically, you have a guy who has nice floggers, isn't a dick, and is overweight, which you assume means he's okay with your weight (odd way to think, but you do post your height/weight on your profile and he's aware so he is ok with it).

It all sounds good and you have more than enough for a first date with the guy.

The only problem is that in your mind, you're picking out curtains.  You're a case of sub frenzy waiting to happen.

Relax and enjoy.  Let him take the lead - he's probably got a clearer head than you!



Exactomundo!!! The mind, not a good place for a sub to go alone.


_____________________________

She reaches up, not for the apple, but for what causes it to be there.

"I will always be the virgin-prositute, the perverse angel, the two-faced sinister and saintly woman." - Anais Nin

Owned by Chairman


(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: I made the first contact...now... - 6/26/2009 9:30:03 AM   
variation30


Posts: 1190
Joined: 12/1/2007
From: Alabama
Status: offline 		meh...thought this thread would be about aliens.

_____________________________

all the good ones are collared or lesbians.

or old.

(in reply to maia09)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: I made the first contact...now... - 6/26/2009 9:31:12 AM   
UndreamtHeaven


Posts: 14
Joined: 12/3/2007
Status: offline 		Speaking from experiance, and this was just mine, let things happen at a pace that is right for you. Be open and honest about everything. Pictures are a must, know who your talking to, names, birthdays, jobs. It sounds all really simple and maybe boring, but a person willing to share all of this without batting an eyelash, is the one to trust. I have had first steps of just talking in e-mail take months and other times (like my current situation), we moved in together right around the 6month mark. And I wouldn't trade him for the world.


(in reply to maia09)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: I made the first contact...now... - 6/26/2009 9:48:24 AM   
sleazybutterfly


Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline 		You remind me a lot of my best friend.  She is afraid to buy a house because someday in the future her husband might have a house already and she isn't sure what she would do.
The thing is, she isn't even close to meeting anyone, is still hung up on her ex, and isn't even really out there trying to meet anyone. :)

Just relax and enjoy the process.  Don't put so much worry into the future "what if's" that you aren't able to just live in the moment now.

It sounds good, but so do a lot of things that start out.  Things take time, so take the time you are given and make sure this person is what you want.  If you really think about it, talking on the phone..then meeting, then spending time together are things that will probably happen before the move would anyway.  So, you have plenty of time to figure the rest out.

Best wishes.

< Message edited by sleazybutterfly -- 6/26/2009 9:49:06 AM >

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to UndreamtHeaven)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: I made the first contact...now... - 6/26/2009 9:50:43 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Shar it is real easy to be excited when you think you meet a decent person that has the potential to fit you or your life and easy to go into thoughts of a future.  I don't think it is a bad thing to think about, but is getting into area's where you could project or rush if you don't balance it all out.  I evaluate where I think something could go in a sense.  Like I don't want to spend a lot of time with someone long distance as feelings could come up and I am not willing to do the long distance thing.  I need to know that people are okay with my health or my son before things go to places I wouldn't want a heart to go if we built a deep connection that could go no where.  So in general I will ask these things in determining how much involvement I will have with someone and if we are to meet.  I am not talking about it to bring on the cement! lol  Just in general wish to know how the other person feels and what could or could not happen if we were to get close.  I am not walking into something that could not work at all.

Just temper and balance everything out.

I'm glad you met someone who seems nice to you.  Its okay to feel a bit excited because you are enjoying it, but don't plan your life just yet.  Just enjoy!  If you feel comfortable, share your number with him and go to conversations... you know the risk, just be prepared to deal with them if it does turn risky.  I won't live in fear, but I am careful and after a few I've met, there is good reason for that!

Have fun!

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to UndreamtHeaven)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: I made the first contact...now... - 6/26/2009 4:31:39 PM   
ShaharThorne


Posts: 11071
Joined: 2/24/2009
From: Somewhere in TX
Status: offline 		We are communicating via emails and I have seen several of his pics on his profile. He is a DM for one of his city's local events. I did ask about safety words (his opinion) and how he felt on religion. We have quite a few common interests and he has made no lewd remarks to me. HE has requested a pic but understands I am dealing with an old computer that deserves to have an 8-pound sledgehammer swung into it. I want my dell right now! At least it works!!!

Country, I know I got a couple of stressors in my life: Getting my SSI for my bipolar, making sure I stay on my meds and making sure my mom does not slip into a depression. Since I moved in with her, I have been seeing how she is hurting all the time. She is still working but having trouble moving about. At least the house is paid off but we got bills to pay and the van. I even offered to go to work but where I am at, there are no clerical jobs that can go with our schedules. IF I get my SSI, I will help mom pay off the bills.

Everyone else, I appreciate y'alls opinions. I am taking it slow because I did give my number to a sub and he never called me after several emails. He was a do me anyway, never mentioning what he could bring to the relationship.

I don't want to leave my mom behind yet I want my independence. I feel like I am in a mire of swamp water and can't decide between the rowboat or solid ground and that gator is coming right at me...LOL!

_____________________________

Goddess of Yarn

You are making two and a half feet of irresistible, tubular sex! -Lola, Kinky Boots

Founder: Bitch with Tits

Whip me, beat me, make me feel cheap and have great sex

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: I made the first contact...now... - 6/26/2009 10:48:00 PM   
CountrySong


Posts: 554
Joined: 1/25/2008
Status: offline 		Country, I know I got a couple of stressors in my life: Getting my SSI for my bipolar, making sure I stay on my meds and making sure my mom does not slip into a depression. Since I moved in with her, I have been seeing how she is hurting all the time. She is still working but having trouble moving about. At least the house is paid off but we got bills to pay and the van. I even offered to go to work but where I am at, there are no clerical jobs that can go with our schedules. IF I get my SSI, I will help mom pay off the bills.
SSI as in Supplemental Security Income - anychance with your dads passing that you could get SSDAC or with your work history SSDI?
I don't know what your dream is but SSI is what messed up part of my relationship with my EX. It has income and asset limits and where and who you live with limits - can't even get married without losing the income and medical benefits. Lots of paperwork to get around those issues. My EX and I had a five year plan to have her work for me until she qualified for SSDI so that one day she could marry me.
It sounds like you have a dream of being with this person in a LTR. If that is the case and SSI is involved then take some SS benefit classes and learn what you can about getting to your dream whiole working around SSI.
I guess go have fun and if it starts to get serious then step back and take a deep breath - look hard before you leap unless this guy can and will cover all of your benefits. I could not do that for my EX. Her benefits ran between $2500 and $4500 a month to replace. She would not marry me without that.
I really do wish you love and happiness and I know I sound like a cold shower but the reality is that it is a lot easier to toss aside someone who is not married to you.

_____________________________

Cowboy clown and cowboy poet!
Jouster of windmills.
Knight in tarnished armor.
Rescuer of damsels who don't want to be rescued.
Dreamer of Impossible Dreams

(in reply to ShaharThorne)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: I made the first contact...now... - 6/26/2009 11:46:27 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline 		Beware.
It's very easy to give a great deal, for someone to be jacking off on what yo are doing and saying and then get nothing in return.
Be prepared for their sudden disappearance at any point.
It happens especially if they are cruising here.


_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to ShaharThorne)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: I made the first contact...now... - 6/27/2009 3:44:34 PM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I just found out today that this compaq is getting close to crashing and the CD drives are dead


So you have everything in place to make sure he can't see you - no pictures, no cam, no camera on your cellphone, nuttin'. I personally believe you're doing that deliberately - a netbook with a built in cam can be had for $300, and an external CD drive is $50. Not a good way to go.

(in reply to ShaharThorne)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> I made the first contact...now... Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078