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Is it rude? - 6/11/2009 10:51:46 PM

kitastrophe33

Posts: 85
Joined: 9/3/2007
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My partner recently gave me a collar (the first one he's ever given. I truly do feel honored). I love it. He picked a lovely color and it's super comfortable. I just want to wear it all the time, lol. The only trouble is that, depending on what I'm wearing (clothingwise), it's not always as subtle as I'd like for wearing in the vanilla world. His goal is for me to wear it as much as possible, without it causing trouble in my personal/professional life. He's not trying to go for some humiliation thing by making me wear a really obvious collar or anything like that.

I know lots of people have a necklace or something they wear as their public collar. But I really like the weight and feel of an actual collar. I'm wondering...Would it be rude to ask if I can maybe have one or two other ones to better coordinate with some of the things that I wear that won't look right with the one he gave me? It's not that I don't like the one he picked. I love it. I just can't wear it every day like I want to, without it being a detriment to my professional life (and social life).

Of course my intentions are good, but what do you think?

Post #: 1

RE: Is it rude? - 6/11/2009 11:03:35 PM

scottjk

Posts: 335
Joined: 4/18/2005
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I wouldn't think it would be rude. Where I in his place, I'd be delighted with the request and see about making it happen. If he's as sensible as you indicate, I don't think it would be an issue.

Ask away!

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Post #: 2

RE: Is it rude? - 6/11/2009 11:04:28 PM

breatheasone

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Joined: 7/14/2007
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Daddy got me a simple very elegant silver collar. It looks like a plain sliver band, choker like. i could wear it with jeans, or with an evening dress.... It DOES look like a collar in my opinion...A vanilla may look at it and say, "Gee i didn't know chokers were in style" LOL...Someone else may think it looks "goth"...and then others will KNOW its a collar

.... So i like that i have a collar that looks like a collar, but can be worn tastefully 24/7. As for asking for additional collars...i wouldn't think its rude.... The collar is a symbol that you would like to wear as much as possible.....i would think that a compliment.

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Post #: 3

RE: Is it rude? - 6/11/2009 11:09:48 PM

Kana

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It depends on the dynamic as to whether its rude to ask or not
For me, she can ask damn near anything...
She just has to remember who gets to make the decision and, like the Dude, abide

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 4

RE: Is it rude? - 6/11/2009 11:10:27 PM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
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This is on of the Gorean Customs that I became fond of.

Ankle Bells.

Very Discrete and pretty much go with ANYTHING.

Kajira Bells are pretty as well. They are common Belly Dancer Jewerly and usually very inexpensive maybe $25 to $45 and if you know Gorean Ideals at all they have a very nice concept behind them. They are a form of Physical bond but because of the noise they help to remind the girl that she is property and that she is owned.

I am not Gorean, but am fond of the bells as an equally acceptable bond concept as a Collar.

There is also the Turian Collar, It is a simple silver Steel Loop that is worn around the neck and if you don't get all wild on the D-rings and things I lived with a girl who was a Manager for a cell phone company (The ACTUAL company not the sales Store) and no one ever questioned it because it always just looked like a nice silver peice of jewerly.

Two things I like from the Gorean World and find work so much better than many of the concepts expected to work in many D/s relationships.

I think you should look into it.

Steel

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RE: Is it rude? - 6/11/2009 11:43:27 PM

NihilusZero

Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kitastrophe33

I'm wondering...Would it be rude to ask if I can maybe have one or two other ones to better coordinate with some of the things that I wear that won't look right with the one he gave me?

Of course my intentions are good, but what do you think?

*hearty laugh*

I totally got the image of you speaking the first sentence to him with this cartoonish, bashful shuffling of your feet...trying to gently persuade for the female D/s equivalent of just "one or two more pairs of shoes; you know...to match".

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Post #: 6

RE: Is it rude? - 6/11/2009 11:43:57 PM

kuriouswitch

Posts: 325
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i have a silver necklace that i wear, a gold anklet and my leather collar. the necklace and anklet never comes off. The leather collar is only worn at home when it's acceptable.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 7

RE: Is it rude? - 6/12/2009 12:18:00 AM

pixidustpet

Posts: 857
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline

i have a gold necklace that i cannot always wear, a locked on cuff that doesnt come off except for medical needs, and a play collar that is leather. those are from TheEngineer.

i also have a ring from Daddy that i wear a good deal of the time, and a necklace and bracelet engraved with his name for me.

and TheEngineer has "the ring of power" which is there to remind me that HE is the one in charge and i better mind my p's and q's. aka his wedding ring.

kitten

(in reply to kuriouswitch)

Post #: 8

RE: Is it rude? - 6/12/2009 1:49:58 AM

MistressSunny

Posts: 29
Joined: 1/3/2009
Status: offline

I would think he would be very happy that your asking for more PA collars. If it was one of my bois asking for this it would show me that they are wanting that physical reminder all the tie and not just at times when the collar can be worn.

As a switch, Master has me wear a nice necklace most of the time ( and i say most as it is not always practiable with 3 UM's) and we also have a heavy metal bracelet ( more like a cuff) that he wil leave on the end of the ench if he is wanting a much more attenative slave than what i usually do in our day today life.

Sunny

(in reply to pixidustpet)

Post #: 9

RE: Is it rude? - 6/12/2009 3:55:11 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kitastrophe33

My partner recently gave me a collar (the first one he's ever given. I truly do feel honored). I love it. He picked a lovely color and it's super comfortable. I just want to wear it all the time, lol. The only trouble is that, depending on what I'm wearing (clothingwise), it's not always as subtle as I'd like for wearing in the vanilla world. His goal is for me to wear it as much as possible, without it causing trouble in my personal/professional life. He's not trying to go for some humiliation thing by making me wear a really obvious collar or anything like that.

I know lots of people have a necklace or something they wear as their public collar. But I really like the weight and feel of an actual collar. I'm wondering...Would it be rude to ask if I can maybe have one or two other ones to better coordinate with some of the things that I wear that won't look right with the one he gave me? It's not that I don't like the one he picked. I love it. I just can't wear it every day like I want to, without it being a detriment to my professional life (and social life).

Of course my intentions are good, but what do you think?

This definitely comes under the heading of *communication* - something adults in a relationship (ANY relationship) should make an effort at.

I'm your typical old fashioned male who knows buggar-all about contemporary female fashions (beyond what I know looks good to behold) but I'd never want my girl doing or wearing anything that'd attract unwelcome or invasive attention to her. So if it were desirable to have her wear a collar 24/7, then even I know you've gotta be a bit creative and diverse to match the outfit and occasion.

Most Christmases, the girls at the local supermarket wear a small Xmas themed scarf as part of the uniform and it *grabs* my attention of what it "could" imply. A collar doesn't have to scream COLLAR for those who know to appreciate it for what it is. Or, like my supermarket girls, what it might be - and us fellas mostly like a bit of mystery in our women.

Having more than one physical collar needn't diminish the overall symbolism; not with mature adults. "Rude" would be NOT talking about something on your mind.

Focus.

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Post #: 10

RE: Is it rude? - 6/12/2009 4:14:11 AM

Fitznicely

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline

I got my girl a Turian collar. She's worn it now for three and a half years and only those friends with half an interest in SM have ever commented. With the addition of a small O ring (you can also get a "story of O" slave ring that fits snugly onto the Turian), you can hang jewellery from it, adding to it's vanilla credentials.

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Post #: 11

RE: Is it rude? - 6/12/2009 4:34:04 AM

SoulPiercer

Posts: 374
Joined: 5/27/2007
Status: offline

I don't think it's rude at all. He'd probably love the idea and the fact that your relationship is so important to you that you want to express it regularly.

On another note, ankle bells pre-date Gor by several thousand years.

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Post #: 12

RE: Is it rude? - 6/12/2009 6:38:01 AM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

I think it all comes down to how you ask. If you explain how you would love to wear it all the time, but the one you have just isn't appropriate in the outside areas of your life, he might even be the one to suggest getting something that is more asthetically appropriate.

(in reply to SoulPiercer)

Post #: 13

RE: Is it rude? - 6/12/2009 2:37:41 PM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline

I'm of rather mixed thought processes on this one.
My ex- gave me a lot of jewelry across the years (Not D/s-relevant; I like sparkley things, particularly interesting metal work and unusual stones). More than once, I recall initially looking at the piece and wondering what he was thinking as it didn't initially strike me as a 'me' piece of jewelry. I came to realize that when he did that, it was something he liked and also that there tended to be a stone involved he didn't think I had in my collection, so he was generally taking both of us into account in his choosing which I really liked. Some of those pieces became ones that I held a great fondness for and the memories associated with those things endure despite the relationship no longer doing so.
Sooooo, I'm thinking of what my inclination would be in your situation. You like the collar but you would like other options for outfits and professional situations. I'd probably wear it and say 'hell with' the other considerations, actually I know that's what I would do. That having been said, though, I don't think it's unreasonable to have more than one, particularly if the request is made respectfully and within the parameters of yours and his relationship.
Congratulations on the collar! :>
Davan

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Post #: 14

RE: Is it rude? - 6/12/2009 2:43:05 PM

SexyBlackMan2

Posts: 108
Status: offline

no. your request is actually very smart and very reasonable. Other than those in the goth lifestyle, most only wear a collar in private, but something more subtle in public. It could be a necklace, a bracelet, an anklet, a ring....

(in reply to kitastrophe33)

Post #: 15

RE: Is it rude? - 6/12/2009 4:02:26 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
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I'm struggling to think of reasons I would object to a woman saying she was so deeply mine that she wanted to wear my collar 24x7 and here's how I can faciliate that.

Hold on, let me think...

.... thinking....

I'm still coming up blank here.

:)

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Post #: 16

RE: Is it rude? - 6/12/2009 4:53:38 PM

sweetsub1957

Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline

i understand what you're saying. Right now, i have a black dog collar w/ silver flat studs and red stitching along the edges. i love it and i wear it 24/7 except when i'm in the shower.....i don't want to mess it up. This is my training collar, but W/we plan on getting me another permanent collar later on. i'm going to ask if it can be something that "fits in" a little better.....maybe something that i can hang a pendant on. He already mentioned that. That would be nice and would work better when i'm wearing dressy wear too.

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Post #: 17

RE: Is it rude? - 6/12/2009 5:53:35 PM

Asherdelampyr

Posts: 9556
Joined: 11/14/2006
From: The Desert
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

This is on of the Gorean Customs that I became fond of.

Ankle Bells.

Very Discrete and pretty much go with ANYTHING.

Kajira Bells are pretty as well. They are common Belly Dancer Jewerly and usually very inexpensive maybe $25 to $45 and if you know Gorean Ideals at all they have a very nice concept behind them. They are a form of Physical bond but because of the noise they help to remind the girl that she is property and that she is owned.

I am not Gorean, but am fond of the bells as an equally acceptable bond concept as a Collar.

There is also the Turian Collar, It is a simple silver Steel Loop that is worn around the neck and if you don't get all wild on the D-rings and things I lived with a girl who was a Manager for a cell phone company (The ACTUAL company not the sales Store) and no one ever questioned it because it always just looked like a nice silver peice of jewerly.

Two things I like from the Gorean World and find work so much better than many of the concepts expected to work in many D/s relationships.

I think you should look into it.

Steel

If you hit up a good craft store you can get the bells for like 10 bucks :D I use them a lot in my chain

ETA: Julianna wears a silver chain with an egyptian Cartouche (sp?) on it that I had owned since I first "got into" the lifestyle
Sometimes it is the personal touch that really makes it special

< Message edited by Asherdelampyr -- 6/12/2009 6:03:54 PM >

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Post #: 18

RE: Is it rude? - 6/13/2009 2:07:04 AM

KateyCaine

Posts: 274
Joined: 5/7/2009
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At the risk of appearing a freak, i wouldn't care what type of collar Master Charles placed around my neck - i would even be honored to wear a normal steel or leather collar (complete with ring for attaching a leash, etc..) with my work clothes to the office. He has told me that He will choose a dress collar for me to wear when in public with Him, when His band performs or when He takes me with Him to spend time with friends, however, He means everything to me, so whatever collar He chose for me to wear 24/7 would mean everything to me.

k

< Message edited by KateyCaine -- 6/13/2009 2:10:48 AM >

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i wear His collar on my heart; and wherever i am, i know He is with me.

His love and my devotion and service to Him are stronger than leather or steel.

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RE: Is it rude? - 6/13/2009 3:31:15 AM

DragonNphoenix

Posts: 617
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline

Hummmm.... Lets see.. No, I dont think it would be rude. I, myself, have several. Though I have a nice steel chain mail style one that I wear everyday, it rarely comes off. I do have 'play' collars that complete with D-rings, and a beautiful lace one with a Dragon pendent on it. But, I agree with the post about communication... that is probably the most important facet in any BDSM style relationship. Just talk to him... I am sure he will understand.

Oh, and BTW ~ the Gypsy tradition with the bells is that if the woman wears them on her right ankle she is taken, but if they are her left you may approach her. Just thought I would add that for those interested.

Phe

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