I Want the Roses AND the Thorns Thank You Very Much!

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I Want the Roses AND the Thorns Thank You Very Much! - 5/29/2009 10:42:10 AM

lovingpet

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There has been plenty of talk about whether or not love CAN be part of a D/s dynamic. I say the same thing every time, sure it CAN. There are plenty of questions about whether love SHOULD exist within a D/s dynamic. I say, it depends on the couple.

In the end, I want my cake and eat it too. I don't do well with having to just quietly know he cares because he does x, y, or z or because, "I'm still here aren't I?". I like flowers and candy, tokens of affection, sweet words... the whole kitten caboodle.

My question is simply, for those who do need caring or dare I say love in your relationships, how are they balanced? How is the sweet stuff expressed? How does it relate to the saucy stuff? Just curiosity.

lovingpet

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RE: I Want the Roses AND the Thorns Thank You Very Much! - 5/29/2009 10:43:36 AM

LaTigresse

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For me it is a case of, yes love can be a part of it, but it is not a requirement.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to lovingpet)

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RE: I Want the Roses AND the Thorns Thank You Very Much! - 5/29/2009 10:57:10 AM

Lockit

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When my motor needs fixin... which ever motor it is... he fixes it. When a door needs opening, he opens it. When in the late night hours I need something from the drug store, the grocery or him... he gets it. When I want knights in conversation his armor shines.

He pays attention because he cares, he whispers sweet lil things in the actions I hold dear. He learns me and knows what I like and he gives me a way to know him and what he likes. He brings sunshine and sometimes clouds and he basks in my sunshine and shines in my clouds. He is there when I need him and there when I don't, he's often underfoot just smiling and ready to laugh.

When he looks at me he doesn't see the older haggy parts or the parts that still look good... he see's me as me, not some fantasy in the making.

And he even takes out the trash... yes that is the man for me. Okay I may still be dreaming... but if I ever meet him... that's how he will be.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to LaTigresse)

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RE: I Want the Roses AND the Thorns Thank You Very Much! - 5/29/2009 11:16:08 AM

oceanwinds

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I am not really a romantic, but I do enjoy surprises for no reasons. He is good at that. I remember our first Christmas together, when he realized I am a Christmas tree junkie and have to really control myself to not go up to each one and touch it. He bought me an indoor Christmas tree that you can grow in your house. He does things without a reason or occassion, and i do like that about him.

_____________________________

I know where I came from and where I am today. I am forever grateful to all that touched my life. Thank you all and especially you, Goddess.

(in reply to lovingpet)

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RE: I Want the Roses AND the Thorns Thank You Very Much! - 5/29/2009 11:25:12 AM

Lockit

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I once mentioned I loved stuffed cabbage and hadn't had it in a long time. The next morning I awoke to him coming through the door carrying a box full of things he needed to make stuffed cabbage. He had just fallen asleep and I knew I had a problem. Not a need for a doctor just yet, just some over the counter medication... he was dressed in a hot flash, literally and off to the store we went. Both car's went down at the very same time and he rode a bike twelve miles each way to work until he could work on the cars.

When I blew up when I lost most my belongings... he understood my pain and even though I did blow it in the anger following so much... he still knew me and loved me. So when I struck out at the world in my pain, he knew what it took to get me there and loved me all the same.

That's romance!

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to oceanwinds)

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RE: I Want the Roses AND the Thorns Thank You Very Much! - 5/29/2009 11:28:57 AM

oceanwinds

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I remember going to his house and ended up with an infected tooth. He took me to a dentist who messed up royally on my tooth. For 3 weeks he took care of me back and forth to dentist, making me food etc. He is really a wonderful person.

Lovingpet, thank you for this thread. It is bring so many happy memories and smiles.

< Message edited by oceanwinds -- 5/29/2009 11:30:28 AM >

_____________________________

I know where I came from and where I am today. I am forever grateful to all that touched my life. Thank you all and especially you, Goddess.

(in reply to Lockit)

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RE: I Want the Roses AND the Thorns Thank You Very Much! - 5/29/2009 11:47:42 AM

colouredin

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Well first you have to work out what love is, if love is sticking by someone, wanting to make them happy then well yup D/s can involve it, if love is buying someone flowers and chocolates and having never ending conversations entailing the lines 'you hang up, no you' then you can shove it

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to oceanwinds)

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RE: I Want the Roses AND the Thorns Thank You Very Much! - 5/29/2009 11:50:16 AM

scottishjason

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This is a damn good question and I am going to give you a damn good answer. First off just like in the vanilla world every relationship is very different. If you start off with two people that are interested in love than you will find an aspect of love in there relationship. Where… if you start out with only lust you are less likely to find any love.

I was in an 18 year relationship with my ex wife who was also my first sub. We started out with lots of lust but over time found a lot of love. The DS side of our relationship fed into this and I think made our love even stronger. When we split up I felt a lot of loss and started looking again for that same type of relationship.

When I was in the relationship I would do a lot of thing you would expect two people who are in love would do. I took her out to late night dinners that we would both have to dress up for. I would bring her home candy or flowers for no reason at all. I would spend time with her and not out with the boys at least twice a week. But I think most important of all was if she cooked a big meal for us and served me I would say thank you. I would let her know that I did appreciate what she did for me by taking care of me and our home.

So if you are a loving person who wants a relationship that has that dynamic than you need to look for a dom/master that is looking for the same thing. Good luck in your search.

(in reply to oceanwinds)

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RE: I Want the Roses AND the Thorns Thank You Very Much! - 5/29/2009 11:52:02 AM

leadership527

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I actually kind of like the way Lockit put it. My wife is a complex person (as are all people) with lots of different needs and wants bubbling along under the surface. I do my best to satisfy them all within the context of running the relationship well. It hadn't really occurred to me to think of any dichotomy between the saucy stuff and the sweet stuff. It probably helps that my dominance doesn't express in any sort of cold/harsh/stern/whatever way so it really doesn't conflict with loving at all. In fact, my dominance IS an expression of my love.. as is her submission.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to lovingpet)

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RE: I Want the Roses AND the Thorns Thank You Very Much! - 5/29/2009 12:26:21 PM

LaTigresse

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Lovingpet, thank you for a thought inducing thread. It has reminded me how very blessed I really am.

I do not define love as, what people will buy for me, say to me, or even at times, do for me. So I've been sitting here working and thinking, "Okay LeeAnn, you know you are surrounded, have lived your life, surrounded by love." Such a really amazing and wonderful thing, to feel that. Yet, people are not running around buying me things, coming up with new ways to say flowery words, or even jumping to open every door, constantly cook favourite meals.

So, how do I measure what I know is there?

I don't really know how to answer that question. It's in all the little things that fill our days. A touch, a smile, an offer to share a favourite treat. A phone call. The unexpected gifts regardless of monetary value. The occasional card you know was deliberated over with care from an unusual suspect. A hug, sometimes a demand NOT made (think about it). Shared teasing about pillow hairdo's on a Saturday morning. Changing plans and no one gets upset because they "get it".Just so many things really. They may not be big individually, but all together, consistantly, add up to the knowing.

Feeling loved.

Yes, I have that. In spades. The thorns would be nice, but I can survive without them if I have to. I've got lots of daisys, lilacs, lilys, and hundreds of other flowers just as lovely.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 5/29/2009 12:27:19 PM >

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to lovingpet)

Post #: 10

RE: I Want the Roses AND the Thorns Thank You Very Much! - 5/29/2009 12:29:43 PM

Bstardsbitch

Posts: 154
Joined: 11/19/2005
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Awwww, what's wrong with flowers and chocolates? lol
leadership, I seem to be following you lately around here lol, but I agree, my submission is an expression of my love, His dominance is too, though I do admit to buying Sir chocolate too ,lol
For me whichever way love is expressed is good, love is good, maybe not eseential for everyone but whatever form it comes in, in my world it's all good.
xx

< Message edited by Bstardsbitch -- 5/29/2009 12:52:59 PM >

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 11

RE: I Want the Roses AND the Thorns Thank You Very Much! - 5/29/2009 12:44:35 PM

janiebelle

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quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin
never ending conversations entailing the lines 'you hang up, no you' then you can shove it

That's not love, that's not romance.
That's just, uh, stupid. If you're older than twelve, that is.
j

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 12

RE: I Want the Roses AND the Thorns Thank You Very Much! - 5/29/2009 1:45:06 PM

colouredin

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quote:

ORIGINAL: janiebelle

quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin
never ending conversations entailing the lines 'you hang up, no you' then you can shove it

That's not love, that's not romance.
That's just, uh, stupid. If you're older than twelve, that is.
j

This is the problem though, love seems to have all these connotations attached to them that are not really the kinds of things that I associate with the kind of love that I want

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to janiebelle)

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RE: I Want the Roses AND the Thorns Thank You Very Much! - 5/29/2009 1:50:17 PM

lusciouslips19

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For me personally love or at least feelings need to be involved with D's. With BDSM love is not required but then I am sort of bottoming but not submitting.

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Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to colouredin)

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RE: I Want the Roses AND the Thorns Thank You Very Much! - 5/29/2009 2:16:29 PM

kuriouswitch

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I've found that yes, I do need love in my relationship with Master and he does as well thankfully. How it's expressed depends on the protocol at the time, but generally it's caresses, he'll touch my face or kiss my forehead or nose, things like that. lots of cuddling, which is my favorite thing, I can't cuddle with him enough. At rare times I'll recieve a gift, the last one was at christmas and I try to send him cards at times but it's just spending time together really. Master does say, "I love you" quite a bit and I tell him the same thing often as well.

(in reply to lovingpet)

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RE: I Want the Roses AND the Thorns Thank You Very Much! - 5/29/2009 2:26:25 PM

TaoWoman

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From: Kpe'me', Togo
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With no intent at negativity, all my relationships have had thorns and very few roses....I am at the point of saying screw the thorns, I only want roses~

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The Teacher who is wise does not bid you to enter the house of his wisdom but rather leads you to the threshold of your own mind~

Kahlil Gibran

(in reply to lovingpet)

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RE: I Want the Roses AND the Thorns Thank You Very Much! - 5/29/2009 2:40:37 PM

lovingpet

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Thanks to all who have responded and I am glad it is a happy thread that makes for good memories. We need those once in awhile. It truly is in those little things that tenderness is expressed and I just love those things so much. It isn't a money thing or having to have the world revolve around me, but it is so wonderful to just get those sweet things along the way. One big one that just gets me is when my partners remind me of things that could cause me harm while I am out or through the day for other reasons. Until this part of my life started, I never had that. It is amazing!

Sweet things are nothing new. I have had and do have many who are kind and considerate of me and really say and show they have my interests at heart. Something was missing though. When I started down this path, I found that none of these people were able to accept ALL of me. No one would give me the thorns. One did try, but in the end it was a lost cause for many reasons. Now I am surrounded by "incomplete love". It is still love and I know these people do deeply care for me, but it is incomplete. The love in my D/s is complete because they can accept the whole package and lovingly provide both the sweets and the thorns I need. There is nothing to hide and I am free to be exactly me in every way. That may well be the part of love I was missing all along.... the freedome to be me without reservation.

lovingpet

(in reply to TaoWoman)

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RE: I Want the Roses AND the Thorns Thank You Very Much! - 5/29/2009 3:08:33 PM

lronitulstahp

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*hugs lovingpet* For me, the most loving thing someone can do is accept me. It's not about gooey stuff and romance so much. It's about honesty, forgiveness, caring, being able to be real, sharing laughter, sharing sadness, and importantly, guidance. All these things make me feel love, and so, yes... in D/s, i expect at some point, to have a loving relationship. i seem to be a little more willing to wait, though. i guess i have had so many claim to "love" me(What can i say? i'm lovable...) without actually knowing that real love should have honor and integrity at it's foundation.

As far as the thorns...next to the guidance, mastery, security...the S&M stuff is pretty low on the list of "must haves" for my life.

_____________________________

Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." -Bob Marley

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RE: I Want the Roses AND the Thorns Thank You Very Much! - 5/29/2009 3:12:09 PM

littlewonder

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For me love is a requirement. Anything less and I'm just not interested at all.

When I was younger, yeah I did the whole one night stand, have fun with no feelings involved, etc...but it got old and it was unpassionate and empty.

These days I can't have be with someone unless I know they want me completely and fully with love and the whole enchilada.

I've not found it any problem to have it all. There are times he's romantic and soft and it's just like living in a dream. There are times with him that I wonder how I got so lucky and he's just a wonderful man.

Then there are those times when he's brutal and rough and demeaning but I also know during those times he still cares deeply for me.

How do I balance it? By being who we are and enjoying each other's company immensely.

(in reply to lovingpet)

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RE: I Want the Roses AND the Thorns Thank You Very Much! - 5/29/2009 3:18:47 PM

Lockit

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The greatest man I ever loved... wow... He had seen me and knew my brother and they insisted I go to a party. I didn't want to go, refused and was told that if I wasn't ready in an hour my brother would come pick me up and carry me there and I knew he would. I determined in full on attitude... fine... I will wear the worst clothes I have, no make up and will be a party pooper, show up and leave very quickly. I did just that.

That man attached himself to me, knew I wanted to go and said if I walked with him to check out the second pool to make sure party goers weren't being a problem he would drive me home in his pretty lil vet. Deal. By the time we got back to the party room... I knew I would stay. I looked like shit, was in a shitty place in life and the man treated me like gold. Anything I needed to be okay from that shitty place, was what he did. Letting me go to his apt for isolation from my family/roomate situation and all sorts of things he suggested, not me.

One day he came over and saw me writing on paper bags and on my last pen. ( I was supporting my sister's family and couldn't afford more.) He knew from the amount of paper and paper bags I had written on and a sweet little note story I left him, that writing was something I needed. One day he surprised me and said he had something for me that he knew I would love. I cringed inside becasue I thought he meant a ring... it was about that stage of things. To my surprise that huge hunk walked in with the biggest smile I'd ever seen on his face and brought me a stack of packages of notebook paper and a handful of pens.

He always knew just what I needed.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to lronitulstahp)

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