RE: Rushed Choices (Full Version)

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sweetsub1957 -> RE: Rushed Choices (5/27/2009 6:15:33 PM)

When i had sub frenzy, i was always in a rush...everything had to happen yesterday if not before.  Now i know i'm not in a rush, everything seems more relaxed, i'm willing to wait, i'm not in a hurry.....good things come to those who wait.  [:D]



littlewonder -> RE: Rushed Choices (5/27/2009 6:15:51 PM)

I used to rush into things when I was young, immature, rash and wild.

Now that I'm older, I'm much more mature and I don't rush things at all. In fact most people these days consider me downright slow in one way or another.

I will now sit back, think things through, think about how my actions will affect others, what the outcomes could or would be and remind myself that there's more than enough time in my life to make decisions. There's no reason to rush even if my libido is telling me differently.

I think not rushing into things comes with maturity.



LATEXBABY64 -> RE: Rushed Choices (5/27/2009 6:25:45 PM)

i think being wise about what you do makes good sense taking the time to know someone  sometimes you really never know them



RavenMuse -> RE: Rushed Choices (5/27/2009 7:28:02 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64
sometimes you really never know them


Exactly so no matter how long you spend the only way you will know who they are and how they will react in a certain situation is to allow things to move into that situation. Too many people make the opposite mistake, spend so long 'taking their time and waiting till they are sure' that they find they are never sure and always second guessing themself.

I trust My intuition, if that is saying I need to go slower then I go slower, but if it is giving the all clear then I take a chance. Fortune sometimes DOES favour the brave. My girl only came over for coffee and a chat.... she never left, thats moving fast even for Me but it felt right and We took the risk. Had We not then she would have been a few hundred miles away and neither of us are good at LDR's, I doubt We would have still been together let alone where We are now over a year and a half later.



Joseff -> RE: Rushed Choices (5/27/2009 7:43:23 PM)

Most times, slow and easy is smart. Sometimes life doesn't give you the choice. Choose door #1 or curtain #2, you have 10 seconds. Other times it may be move fast or miss the oppertunity, someone mentioned getting married before going off to war. The more controll we have over our lives, the slower we can take things, and usually the better choices are made. 



AlexandraLynch -> RE: Rushed Choices (5/27/2009 7:48:22 PM)

If it's meant to be, it can handle going slowly. I was engaged for five years before we married, so I'm good at this. Plus, I now have a husband who keeps me from thinking with my crotch. (grin)



Calandra -> RE: Rushed Choices (5/27/2009 8:34:51 PM)

~laughs softly~

I married my first husband after only KNOWING him for 2 1/2 weeks. We are still friends and are eagerly awaiting the birth of our granddaughter in July.

My second husband joined my household as a slave after only 2 1/2 weeks... we're still together after 9 years (first marriage lasted 12 years)

sometimes you cannot plan things, you just know that things are right and you never look back.



LATEXBABY64 -> RE: Rushed Choices (5/28/2009 6:45:09 AM)

those are only rare cases  sometimes they can go south to



Calandra -> RE: Rushed Choices (5/28/2009 7:07:34 AM)

Actually I could list 100 cases in My life... even ones that have gone south have added something to My life...

You cannot keep yourself safe from all hurt no matter what you do... you can MITIGATE the danger in all you do and hope for the best in yourself and others...

I don't want to be safe in an ivory tower because when I'm locked inside those thick walls, then no one can get in to hurt me, but I also suffocate because I can't get out to play.

Sometimes it isn't about spending more TIME getting to know someone. Rather it is about tuning your instincts, and then LISTENING to them as you get to know people.

I've found that people are almost desperate to show themselves to you if you are willing to listen. All too often people listen only to what they WANT TO HEAR and disregard the rest and later feel blindsided when the truth was staring themselves in the face all the time.



CallaFirestormBW -> RE: Rushed Choices (5/28/2009 7:46:24 AM)

I've finally learned balance in this area, and it took a -lot- of time to reach that point where I could move quickly to claim opportunities that presented themselves and needed rapid response, while taking sufficient time to assure that all of the possible implications of taking the leap had, at least, been examined. In terms of intimate commune and creating a family, one thing that was particularly beneficial to me was coming to truly understand, know, and respect myself. Are there aspects of me that I would like to change?.. absolutely. Change is, often, the best road to growth. However, even if I am stuck in some areas of my life, I respect myself enough to be aware of that fact, and to take my time so as not to ride roughshod into situations that could cause me to lose my sense of self-respect. In doing so, I've found that it is possible for me to encourage -others- to care for their own self-respect in similar manner, and has also enabled me to accept and cherish those times when a prompt action, taken to exploit an opportunity, is then followed by reflection and the decision is made not to move forward. It is in learning when to -stop- that I have finally developed the confidence to move forward without hesitation, and yet without reckless disregard.

Dame Calla



RavenMuse -> RE: Rushed Choices (5/28/2009 7:48:28 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

those are only rare cases  sometimes they can go south to


Rare maybe for the type that seeks to be SURE before moving forward, not rare for Calandra, not rare for Me. The one thing you can be sure of in life is that there are NO guarentees, you can never be 100% sure, there is ALWAYS risk. All My longest relationships have started fast, fast enough that only the basics where able to be checked out but it felt right and I moved forward with My eyes open. Hope for the best but prepair for the worst.... something that has lead to some of the most rewarding times of My life. I won't let fear and insecurity hold Me back, if you never risk defeat you never get a victory worth having.



Rainfire -> RE: Rushed Choices (5/28/2009 8:08:05 AM)

*shrugs*

Speed is relevant only to the people involved. What might seem fast to others might be slow as molasses on a freezing cold day to others. I knew within a couple of days that I had something special with my now ex-husband, we were together almost 20 years. I knew within a couple of weeks that I loved Lumus and wanted no other in my life. It was about 3 months from meeting Lumus to moving to Canada to be with Him, 5 weeks after that He collared me, then 3 1/2 months after that we were married. Fast? To some. But not to us. We knew where we stood, how we felt and that this is right for us. For some things, I move slow and cautiously, but in this regard, it was right to move forward; I trusted Him and love Him. It's been worth it all....

No risk, no gain. As I once said in a casino (just before I won a nice jackpot) "you can't win if you don't play". For some reason, the management there loved me! [:D]



camille65 -> RE: Rushed Choices (5/28/2009 8:10:04 AM)

I think if you (general you) are living a fearful life because of what may happen then you end up missing out on an awful lot.

The bad that happens is part of what makes up a person, in how they handle fall out and pick themselves up afterward. It is what shapes and gives a person depths.

Personally I could never live a timid self-enclosed life out of fearing 'what if', I have found too much joy in leaping ahead and trying my best to land on stable feet.

That doesn't mean forging ahead blindly but it does mean there are times when forging ahead really has been the best choice. It isn't very difficult, if you know something is going to have a negative outcome then avoid it. If you don't know then go and try it.



army101 -> RE: Rushed Choices (5/28/2009 8:14:56 AM)

Nice thread and interesting responses in it. Seems like a lot of moths here looking for a flame?[;)]

Rushing is good but not always at the start as you may find out quickly both people should have talked more about likes and dis-likes.



Calandra -> RE: Rushed Choices (5/28/2009 9:03:33 AM)

~soft laugh~

I agree with the "You can't win if you don't play" idea.

When I consider my all time worst relationship ever... I still feel I gained more than I lost. I gained good memories, and coping skills from the bad memories. I learned to connect with someone who saw things vastly differently than I did and found that I had the choice to change my views, or proceed more firmly on the path I was already on. (maybe more convinced than ever) I had the honor of being there for him through some of the worst times of HIS life, and even though we were not able to continue in a healthy relationship, the time we did have was a valid CHOICE that I would probably make again given the chance.

Interestingly, some of the relationships where I went slow, or knew the person a long time with little or no difficulties ended in the most dishonor and emotional wreckage. NOTE: "relationship" here means lovers, friends, business associates, etc.

I think maybe one difference between me and the "go slow and make sure" people is simple: I don't begin any relationship with the idea that I will someday find the ONE I'll spend the REST OF MY LIFE WITH. I choose DAILY who I want in My life, and let the future take care of itself. Once I find someone that I consistently connect with, we build a life together either through love, friendship or even work. I don't expect relationships to be set in stone and so I'm not surprised if they change and grow over time. If those changes lead to us going separate ways, then I respect it, grieve it, and go on without the baggage that so many other people do.

I'm always amazed how people can rip each other up when they decide to go separate ways rather than celebrate the time they had together. I still love My first husband, My first Master, and several of the slaves that have impacted My life over the years... Just because we couldn't be happy staying together doesn't mean that everything we had together was flawed and meaningless.



SmokingGun82 -> RE: Rushed Choices (5/28/2009 2:50:32 PM)

I've had a mixed bag... I got to know a girl for six months before we moved beyond just friends, and that relationship crashed out over a long weekend, and we've never spoken again. Another ex moved half-way across the country to move in with me four months after we'd started talking (and after only one visit) because the situation made sense... she's still in my life, albeit in a different way.

I'm big on trusting my instincts, whether it's gambling, career moves, or relationships. Have I made mistakes? Of course. But at the end of the day, I'm happy with who I am, where I am in my life, all of that. And when another big risk (new job, new relationship, whatever) presents itself, if it feels right I'm likely to take it, regardless of the timeline.



greenearth21 -> RE: Rushed Choices (5/28/2009 2:56:00 PM)

As far as relationships, I certainly take my time.  My idea toward relationships is that they all have their life span and so I dont rush.  I believe that people are meant to have a role in ones life for an unspecified amount of time and so if i take my time and the relationship (lover/friend etc) fizzles...so be it.  I have a difficult time being commited to anything and sort of follow my own path...when its time to change the path...dont really care to have commitments that I rushed to get to in the way.
Also feel that when things are rushed into...there will be times where one will ask themselves "did i rush in too quickly" , "could I have taken my time" etc etc. I never think "if I had rushed into it then xyz (good) would have come out of it".  It either will or wont in its own time.



Calandra -> RE: Rushed Choices (5/28/2009 9:37:35 PM)

I can see your points, however I don't ask "did I rush?" I usually am sighing in relief that I didn't waste time getting to the heart of the matter.

I do admit, I also draw people who have similar outlooks so we often both appreciate that life played us a good one.

I feel things deeply, passionately, playfully, seriously, and just as thoroughly as the rest of you... I simply ask the hard questions early and trust my gut as the answers come in.

Have I made mistakes? Of course! but I also make a hell of a LOT of right choices and I can look at Myself in the mirror with contentment every night of My life because I am literally surrounded by love that I have inspired and earned.

It's so sad to watch some people I love and respect going slowly and testing every step and literally WASTING time trying to safeguard themselves only to end up alone anyway a couple of years later.



LATEXBABY64 -> RE: Rushed Choices (5/29/2009 6:31:46 AM)

i have to agree  some people rush to get married with in a year  you never know someone  living i can understand or being with and seen someone you just knew where headed for distaster but did not see the deer in the head lights lol



KoolnSassy -> RE: Rushed Choices (5/29/2009 8:04:01 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

I think in any part of this lifestyle we s hould always think things through. Some people do not and this gets them into trouble. Rushed loves rushed marriages Rushed collarings. how do you avoid the rush thing and how do you know when you are 


Prior to any real time long term experience I admit it, I was in a BIG hurry. But having suffered the slings and arrows of not separating fantasy from reality, I don't feel the need to rush into anything nor do I encourage anyone to do so with Me.



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