NewNJsub22
Posts: 13
Joined: 10/23/2008
Status: offline
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(I apologize for the length of this post ahead of time. I hope whoever reads this finds it interesting and insightful if they had not already thought about what I discussed. It mainly deals with submissive men but all men are capable of meeting the same problems on here. I also supply some suggestions at the end of the post for attempting to help with the issues.)
Now I know why men pose as women for multiple reasons, either to scam people out of money or for their own secret internal desire to be a woman (at least in their sexual fantasy) and therefore pretending to be a woman gives them that temporary fulfillment without the social stigma associated with such a desire. However, what I don't get is how people fall for the blatantly obvious "fake women" and how these people don't see the potential harm they are causing on others. I've been looking at this site for a while and only recently created an account, but the numerous obvious fakes and scam artists are almost a joke if not for the people that fall for them. I find it mainly sad for the ones that get scammed because it is such an exploitation of people and their desire to find someone either within the lifestyle or to fulfill their play desires with. I mainly want to start a discussion about people's opinions of the "fake women" who affect other people, men and women, in negative emotional ways.
I somewhat understand the men who pose as women and list themselves as "lesbians" and try to talk to other "lesbians" (which quite humorously are most likely other men pretending to be lesbians) or bisexual women because on sites like these it is much easier for women to talk to people than men, and it is also easier for women to talk to women than men to talk to women. This can be attributed to society in general where men pursue women and thusly women get more attention from both genders leaving them the ability to pick and choose who to talk to while men can simply hope to get a response. However, this can also be attributed to the absurdly large amount of men seeking women coupled with the very small amount of real women looking for an actual BDSM relationship as this adds to the desire for some men to get an "edge" if you will for talking to women, even if that pretend conversation will never lead anywhere.
But what about the blatantly obvious scam artists who, unfortunately, might have large negative effects on other people besides through their wallet? I bring this up mainly because, after taking numerous psychology classes where we actually had a discussion on fetish desires and society as well as the internet and its effects on human interaction through anonymity, we discussed how ingrained such desires are on a human beings, especially men. Also, since society gives women much more sexual freedom then men in terms of exploration and sexuality in general (not that men can't it is just that women are accepted for doing many things that men are not generally accepted for by as many people such as having sex with people of the same gender or wearing certain clothing and acting certain ways) men can easily be exploited by these types of scam artists as their desire for such an outlet only increases with their conflict about fulfilling the desires and their desperation for finding someone who accepts them for it. I don't think that the people who exploit men for these desires fully understand the possible ramifications of their actions.
Obviously there are people who have various emotional issues dealing with all kinds of things. However, people who have desires that they feel they need to hide or are unable to fulfill due to a social stigma or finding the right person to enact them with can potentially grow increasingly depressed and withdrawn from society and life in general. I know this is an extreme example but if someone who is so desperate to fulfill a desire, such as submit to a woman in a BDSM relationship, is scammed or exploited repeatedly (or sadly even once) on this desire, this can have damaging affects on their life and even, in extreme cases, turn them suicidal. I know this seems hard to believe but two of the biggest aspects that are important in a human being's life in our society are sexuality and social acceptance, and the kind of exploitation that occurs with "fake women" or scam artists affect both of those aspects in extremely negative ways. Add on the fact that some men who are exploited may also lose large amounts of money and this combination can turn highly negative for their emotional well-being if not deadly.
I know that what I wrote will most likely not change any scammers' minds, but I can only hope that it may open serious discussion on the topic aside from ranting about "fake women" and how mad people are about them...and I know some people may consider this a rant but really it is not. I was prompted to write this simply because I have viewed many profiles on here asking for money and other forms of exploitation by people who are obviously trying to scam desperate men (and some might actually be real women but I won't get into the discussion of Pro-Dom vs. Lifestyle-Dom as that is not necessarily the kind of exploitation I am referring to, although in many ways a Pro-Dom does touch on the same forms of exploitation but the negative affects, if any, are not the same).
(Took out the example part.)
My Suggestions:
Allow a rating system for CollarMe profiles. Not even reviews but something like the star system on iTunes showing how many people gave the user 5 stars, 4 stars, etc. This will allow users to easily see if someone has scammed a lot of people previously as they will have a lot of 0 star ratings and few 5 star ratings. This will also be good for the real people on here as they will receive a lot of 5 star ratings and few 0 star ratings. One negative affect, admittedly, are the immature people who will give bad ratings to good people simply because they are rejected or pissed off. Does anyone else have similar suggestions? I was also thinking that maybe you could not rate someone unless you had conversed with them on here a certain number of times. That should decrease the ability of people giving out bad ratings because of rejection anger and immaturity.
About Me:
Have I been scammed by someone on here? NO
Have I ever pretended to be someone else online? YES, when we were little and the internet was just starting to be in everyone's homes, my friends and I had created a fake female profile on aol to trade pictures with other "girls". This was before porn was so readily available, or at least we didn't know how to get it, so one friend had found out about this way of getting pictures by trading. We always joke about how funny it was that we did that since, looking back on it, we know it was just a bunch of adolescent males doing exactly what we were doing and no real girls were most likely ever involved.
Do I have any real BDSM experience? NO, besides playing around occasionally with my ex-girlfriend.
Why did I write this? I was bored and wanted to see if I could start a serious discussion about a topic that has probably been discussed before but not in a such a serious way. I also wanted to see if people could suggest solutions for the problem that CollarMe and other sites could possibly adopt to increase their reputations.
< Message edited by NewNJsub22 -- 5/26/2009 8:47:14 PM >
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