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The Power of Words - 5/17/2009 6:09:18 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I was at an absolutely wonderful event last night.  Yes, it was our local slave auction that I had posted about before on the boards.  For those of you who are wondering, it was nothing short of a fantastic night.  One slight note, I'm not exactly young anymore and playing until the wee hours of the morning isn't as easy to bounce back from as it used to be.

In talking with the folks who went up on the block last night, one thing keeps coming back over and over again.  That being, just how much it means when someone says to them good girl/good boy.  There is so much power in those simple words.  They strive to harder to please, take more during play, and often helps them to find even more strength to submit.  Those little words can mean so much.  I'm glad I could contribute to the highlight of someone's day just by saying (and meaning) them.

No question.  Just opening the topic for discussion.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread
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RE: The Power of Words - 5/17/2009 6:13:13 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		although I dont particularly identify as a submissive, hearing those words never fails to make me feel good :) 

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Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
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RE: The Power of Words - 5/17/2009 6:18:20 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline 		Quite simply, everyone reacts better to some form of praise.  Whether it is your boss telling you that you did a good job, someone telling you how they admire the way you handled a particular situation or appreciated your help.  The simple desire to serve or please is unfufilled if you never know that you have done so, so naturally little words such as those are a form of encouragement.

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RE: The Power of Words - 5/17/2009 6:37:19 PM   
heartcream


Posts: 3044
Joined: 5/9/2007
From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
Status: offline 		Receiving comfort, feeling comfortable is not as natural and simple as it really ought to be in our everyday life. In fact the way we were raised has made it difficult for any of us to feel comfortable to simply be who we are. The act of us being smacked at birth created distrust and disconnection for one small example.

quote:

when someone says to them good girl/good boy.

Those words are comforting, a body relaxes, feel accepted, like they belong.

I told my deceased dog constantly how good she was. She was and I loved to tell her.

I imagine what bliss it would be to exist in the state of relaxation and comfort those simple words conjure up in me. I recently read how exccedingly important for us to find ways to get stroked. I like to make it a priority, finding ways to get comfort for myself.

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Every single line means something.
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RE: The Power of Words - 5/17/2009 7:31:55 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		From Master they mean everything.

From anyone else they're just words that mean nothing at all.

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RE: The Power of Words - 5/18/2009 7:22:36 AM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		I enjoy them so much that I find myself applying them even when no one sees me.  For instance, if I just get a stain out of a carpet that I didn't think I could I'll catch myself thinking, "you're such a good girl!".  LOL 

The other word that gets to me is "my".  Being told that I am "a ..." doesn't carry nearly the meaning of being called "my ...".  To use the previous example, being told "you are my good girl" will mean about ten times as much to me as being told "you are a good girl".  The second one makes me happy, the first makes me ecstatic.


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RE: The Power of Words - 5/18/2009 7:26:24 AM   
mystickoolaid


Posts: 519
Joined: 11/15/2008
Status: offline 		I think everyone likes to feel like their hard work was appreciated, or at least NOTICED. Hell it makes me happy when my um's remember to say thank you for something. LOL

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RE: The Power of Words - 5/18/2009 7:38:03 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Words well chosen and used in the correct context giving an incontrovertible manner and used at the most appropriate manner are probably the most powerful "weapon" humans have to be used for good or ill. It is my belief that words of praise have a huge healing and uplifting effect if they are meant and not just so much flim flam. For this reason I never flatter someone. if I am impressed with, proud of or just like some one I will tell them so even at the risk of embarrasing them.I bel;ieve that flattery is false and dishonerable.  If I don't like some one I am rarely rude and say so unless the situation requires such frankness, but will be somewhat polite and avoid conversations with that person. I have found that they get the message rather quickly. I see no reason to cause upset to others for any reason unnecessarily unless the situatioin dictates I forgo the usual social conventions I was trained in. Of course I enjoy being praised for something I believe praiseworthy but take greater pleasure when others I love and care for are praised for their deeds. 

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

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RE: The Power of Words - 5/18/2009 8:29:12 AM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		In casual play, when I did that before, it just made me puzzled and a little conflicted. Usually we were only doing what I experienced as yummy pain, or at least far more positive than negative, so being told I was a "good girl" for taking it seemed a little silly! It's like getting told I'm a good girl for eating chocolate!

< Message edited by Andalusite -- 5/18/2009 8:30:19 AM >

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RE: The Power of Words - 5/18/2009 8:38:31 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

Words well chosen and used in the correct context giving an incontrovertible manner and used at the most appropriate manner are probably the most powerful "weapon" humans have to be used for good or ill. It is my belief that words of praise have a huge healing and uplifting effect if they are meant and not just so much flim flam. For this reason I never flatter someone. if I am impressed with, proud of or just like some one I will tell them so even at the risk of embarrasing them.I bel;ieve that flattery is false and dishonerable.  If I don't like some one I am rarely rude and say so unless the situation requires such frankness, but will be somewhat polite and avoid conversations with that person. I have found that they get the message rather quickly. I see no reason to cause upset to others for any reason unnecessarily unless the situatioin dictates I forgo the usual social conventions I was trained in. Of course I enjoy being praised for something I believe praiseworthy but take greater pleasure when others I love and care for are praised for their deeds. 


Dude, some days you just rock! 

(in reply to IronBear)
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RE: The Power of Words - 5/18/2009 9:39:16 AM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

Words well chosen and used in the correct context giving an incontrovertible manner and used at the most appropriate manner are probably the most powerful "weapon" humans have to be used for good or ill. It is my belief that words of praise have a huge healing and uplifting effect if they are meant and not just so much flim flam. For this reason I never flatter someone. if I am impressed with, proud of or just like some one I will tell them so even at the risk of embarrasing them.I bel;ieve that flattery is false and dishonerable.  If I don't like some one I am rarely rude and say so unless the situation requires such frankness, but will be somewhat polite and avoid conversations with that person. I have found that they get the message rather quickly. I see no reason to cause upset to others for any reason unnecessarily unless the situatioin dictates I forgo the usual social conventions I was trained in. Of course I enjoy being praised for something I believe praiseworthy but take greater pleasure when others I love and care for are praised for their deeds. 


Eloquently said and nail-on-the head!  :> 
  Davan

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-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

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Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to IronBear)
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RE: The Power of Words - 5/18/2009 1:19:08 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		i couldn't agree more LadyPact. i try to look for AND take advantage of, genuine  opportunities to say nice stuff. i don't always succeed, and sometimes i'm in a foul mood, and say some foul shit, but i know "a soft word turns away anger" i just need to get MUCH better at that part.

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Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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RE: The Power of Words - 5/18/2009 3:01:36 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		One of the most wonderful feeling i get is when i hear my Sir praising me to others. The comments aren't directed at me, so i really get a sense of how he truly feels. Makes me all warm and fuzzy inside.

Not that he doesn't tell me to my face, but the idea that he likes/appreciates/loves me enough that he would want to talk about me to others is just fabulous!

Its one of the ways that reinforces our relationship in a positive way.  Love it!

(in reply to breatheasone)
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RE: The Power of Words - 5/18/2009 3:29:00 PM   
LyraLaLaurie


Posts: 83
Joined: 4/14/2009
Status: offline 		It sounds silly, but the first time I heard the simple phrase "yes, Mistress" directed towards me...I literally got chills and instantly felt an extreme bond. I became more aware of the body language and vocal tones and just about anything from the sub. There is definitely a way to say it that fosters connection, and when he said it right, I just wanted to hear that again and again and again. :)

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RE: The Power of Words - 5/18/2009 3:36:30 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
That being, just how much it means when someone says to them good girl/good boy. 

Hello LadyPact. I just had to comment on this one because that particular phrase both amuses me and stumps me in our relationship. Here's how it is from both sides...

Me: I find the word 'girl' demeaning. Moreso than an awful lot of other words. The whole idea that I would call my wife, a mature, competent, grown woman a 'girl' is... well.. ludicrous and vaguely troubling.

Her: She finds the phrase 'good girl' to be powerful just as you describe. What's interesting to me is that Carol has no BDSM experience, knowledge, or involvement. I would've thought at a minimum that this was BDSM code speak. But in her case, whatever the base association it, it has nothing to do with kink or BDSM.

*sighs* Fine fine... so in the interests of communication, I've buckled and I use 'good girl' when appropriate. Grrrrr *laughs*.


_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: The Power of Words - 5/18/2009 4:09:00 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
 Those little words can mean so much.  I'm glad I could contribute to the highlight of someone's day just by saying (and meaning) them.

No question.  Just opening the topic for discussion.


My favourite word at the moment is

darling

from Master. Goo...ey dough eyed week at the knees tearful thankful will do anythng and be thankful adoring little slave girl at my age wow how wonderful can life get it don't get any better never let this moment end let it be forever subby spaced orgasm tripping out on him kind of favorite word.....


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RE: The Power of Words - 5/18/2009 8:44:28 PM   
Joseff


Posts: 505
Joined: 6/2/2007
Status: offline 		Words have power, because words have meaning. I always try to apply praise when its due, and it never hurts to use a kind word. You know what they say, the carrot and the stick...

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This is gonna hurt...

Joseff

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RE: The Power of Words - 5/18/2009 9:40:30 PM   
ZenDragoness


Posts: 372
Joined: 1/21/2006
From: Berlin/Germany
Status: offline 		The Power of Words and the power of the person who is speaking them, is something i leaned some 20 years ago.
Being i a very complicated situation and nearing desperation a friend of mine visited me and after i talked for a long time, she only said (yes, she is a wise person, philosoph by trade): Ruth, you have to draw yourself by your long hair out of the swamp, like Münchhausen.

These powerful words became my mantra in the following months during which i successfully draw myself out of the swamp.

< Message edited by ZenDragoness -- 5/18/2009 9:41:18 PM >

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RE: The Power of Words - 5/19/2009 4:47:11 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Interesting this discussion, I can remember many years ago when I commented to one of my mentors that the kajiri were both the strongest and yet most fragile women I knew. A single work of praise or kindness from their Master could have them flying high in the skies and yet a single word of disapproval or reprimand could have them plummeting to the darkest pits of the soul.. So often have I found this to be true and not just in the Gorean Lifestyle but accros the spectrum of slaves and submissives who were truely bonded to their Dominant. 

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

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RE: The Power of Words - 5/19/2009 6:31:26 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		Wow, interesting observation IronBear. And ot support your point, I offer up Carol who in fact behaves this way yet has no known connection to gor, bdsm, slavery, submission or any other such thing. So she didn't pick up this behavior thorugh some sort of submissive enculturation process... it is just how it is.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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