Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

More of a friend than a Mistress


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> More of a friend than a Mistress Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
More of a friend than a Mistress - 5/17/2009 9:03:31 AM   
slavejanetaylor


Posts: 1
Joined: 3/13/2009
Status: offline 		Hello

i am slave jane.  i am shortly to move in with my new owners (a couple) to take up my position as their slave.  i am very excited and honoured about it all!.  i have been staying with them for various weekends the past few months and i have noticed that, when Sir is not around, Miss becomes much more of a friend than an owner.  i think that being a domme might be an effort for her and i think she maybe after a friend more than she is a slave.  she is a wonderful person but i was really seeking to be owned by them both.  can anyone suggest what i should do?! thank you! jane
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: More of a friend than a Mistress - 5/17/2009 9:19:12 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		See how things go, and talk to the people you're moving in with about any concerns you have as they come up.

Also, remember, people are people first, and Doms second.  If you want her to be not-human, you are setting yourself up for sabotage.  She's a real person, not a character in the Story of O.


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to slavejanetaylor)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: More of a friend than a Mistress - 5/17/2009 9:24:56 AM   
Fitznicely


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		It depends. Do you feel your status in your actions or your heart? Does your service stop at the physical, or do they own you mind, body and soul?

It's not easy to keep up the whole intense Big Bad Dom thing all the time. I'd say there's nothing wrong with being friends with your owners, so long as you do remember they deserve obedience and deference, even if they don't necessarily insist on it 24/7.

_____________________________

I tell you this: No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn
Proud Owner of Darkmoonkat. Such a good girl!

(in reply to slavejanetaylor)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: More of a friend than a Mistress - 5/17/2009 10:23:00 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Maybe she doesn't feel she has to talk down to you as long as you are following the rules. He was a lot stricter with me in the beginning then he is now simply because I already know what he wants. He doesn't have to be standing over me saying it's 5:00 shouldn't you be cooking because he knows I will have dinner on as close to 6:30 as I can manage. He doesn't have to be constantly saying "get me more tea" because he knows I will check on his cup automatically the next time I'm up.

Besides what's wrong with being friends also? Do you really want to live in a relationship where you can't talk to people about your problems.

Now if you're talking about playtime, there is nothing wrong in asking if there will only be play interactions between him and you, him and her and you or if sometimes she and you will play alone. And if that's what you want, you have to ask for it directly, when are you allowed to ask for it, how often she feels like it, etc.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Fitznicely)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: More of a friend than a Mistress - 5/17/2009 10:30:41 AM   
MsDDom


Posts: 368
Joined: 1/1/2009
From: GA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejanetaylor

Hello

i am slave jane.  i am shortly to move in with my new owners (a couple) to take up my position as their slave.  i am very excited and honoured about it all!.  i have been staying with them for various weekends the past few months and i have noticed that, when Sir is not around, Miss becomes much more of a friend than an owner.  i think that being a domme might be an effort for her and i think she maybe after a friend more than she is a slave.  she is a wonderful person but i was really seeking to be owned by them both.  can anyone suggest what i should do?! thank you! jane



you should tell them about this change in dynamics you feel. why move in w/ that uncertain feeling of being "owned" by her?  you should bring it to their attention--together.



_____________________________

...:: MsDDom ::...
... live Life honestly ...

(in reply to slavejanetaylor)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: More of a friend than a Mistress - 5/17/2009 10:38:35 AM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		Woo   -  reality setting in a little?

My Sir is my best friend. We talk about everything under the sun, and share what is going on. Most people aren't aloof and stern constantly. Most people want to be comfortable with the people they live with, and having to comply with a subs. idea of what a dom should be would be tiring.

You need to ask her what her role is with you. Obviously some clarification is needed here, on your part as well as hers.

I serve my Sir when he is being friendly and talky as well as when he is being all domly. My service doesn't change because of his attitude - infact, if it did , his attitude would change very rapidly to one that i wouldn't care for!

Good luck with your new relationships.

(in reply to MsDDom)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: More of a friend than a Mistress - 5/17/2009 12:12:29 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		Maybe she feels comfortable enough with you now that she feels she can be a Mistress and a friend. That is the relationship that I have with my sub and its a beautiful one that works for us, but I understand that it would not work for all people. Talk to her about it and see what she says before you move in so that you all know whats going on.

~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to slavejanetaylor)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: More of a friend than a Mistress - 5/17/2009 1:29:09 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I can't imagine not being on friendly terms with someone living in my house.  It's possible to be dominant without being distant.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: More of a friend than a Mistress - 5/17/2009 1:31:40 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		God I hate it when someone realizes I am a human being and can't be all dominantrix 24/7! 

Some images (fantasy) are meant to be broken...

You may find someone who wants only a slave and no real connection... but although I am not afraid of much... I would be afraid of that!  Be carefull what you wish for or expect.  It might just come up and bite you on the ass when you least expect it.  Reality is a true bitch!

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: More of a friend than a Mistress - 5/17/2009 3:29:35 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Stupid, basic question - if the Mistress feels she's better served by a friend, what's wrong with serving her by being one?

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: More of a friend than a Mistress - 5/17/2009 3:32:09 PM   
tiinkerbell


Posts: 96
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejanetaylor

Hello

i am slave jane.  i am shortly to move in with my new owners (a couple) to take up my position as their slave.  i am very excited and honoured about it all!.  i have been staying with them for various weekends the past few months and i have noticed that, when Sir is not around, Miss becomes much more of a friend than an owner.  i think that being a domme might be an effort for her and i think she maybe after a friend more than she is a slave.  she is a wonderful person but i was really seeking to be owned by them both.  can anyone suggest what i should do?! thank you! jane


Perhaps you should talk to them about this? That, to me, seems to be the most logical answer.

_____________________________

Allison

- Some People walk in the rain; others just get wet -
Roger Miller

(in reply to slavejanetaylor)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: More of a friend than a Mistress - 5/17/2009 4:23:31 PM   
GYPZYQUEEN


Posts: 730
Joined: 4/14/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejanetaylor

,
quote:

when Sir is not around, Miss becomes much more of a friend than an owner.  i think that being a domme might be an effort for her and i think she maybe after a friend more than she is a slave.
 

REPLY:

This woman is a woman first..a person...she can be a friend...lover..confidante..DOMME..corrector..mentor..owner
her STYLE...IS different than his..

Her style may not be what YOU think a DOMME is about>.???
but it is hers
.
It is unfortunate a judgement may have been made already which may impede your progress..
TALK TALK TALK

IN a D couple one may of course on can be more D and you then get a "parental" type authority..which can be good..where one is harsher and one more "mothering"...
 
If it pleases MISTRESS to have a good friend..be the best one you can be..she  will show you what she needs...
 
serve well and best of luck...
 
 
GQ




.......

< Message edited by GYPZYQUEEN -- 5/17/2009 4:42:15 PM >

(in reply to slavejanetaylor)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: More of a friend than a Mistress - 5/17/2009 5:47:36 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I couldn't agree more with the above posters.  I'd much rather be a happy, friendly Mistress any day of the week than someone who has to be stern all of the time.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to GYPZYQUEEN)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: More of a friend than a Mistress - 5/17/2009 5:54:33 PM   
SylvereApLeanan


Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline 		~FR~
 
It's entirely possible that friendliness is her personal "style" of dominance, as opposed to having a dictatorial style.  It's also possible that what she wants is for you to be a Lady's Maid.  If you're not familiar with that role, it's more about companionship than about whips and chains.  In some respects, it's easier because you're doing girly things together like shopping, doing hair, and so on.  However, in other ways it can be much more difficult because it's easy to forget that just because you're a companion and confidant doesn't mean she isn't also your owner.  You should definitely talk to her and find out what role she expects you to play and what her personal style of dominance is.  In fact, I'm more than a little surprised you haven't discussed this before making plans to move.

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl
"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to GYPZYQUEEN)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: More of a friend than a Mistress - 5/17/2009 6:38:01 PM   
LovingMistress45


Posts: 271
Joined: 2/7/2009
Status: offline 		I wouldn't want someone in my home I didn't consider a friend.  Also, not all of us are bitches 24/7 - it gets tiring frankly.  I have told subs before just because I say "Would you please _____?" doesn't actually mean there is an option other than yes, it means I don't like barking orders.  I enjoy talking to the one that serves me as a person, not just telling them what I need next.  Maybe her style more like this than being stand offish.

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: More of a friend than a Mistress - 5/17/2009 11:09:58 PM   
KoolnSassy


Posts: 65
Joined: 5/5/2009
Status: offline 		Well, if it were Me, I'd be giving way more thought to whether moving in with them was the best decision for Me. It sounds like you have your own vision of how a Domme is supposed to act and feel. That's a mistake made more than any of us can count. She is not supposed to meet your conditions and ideas. She is simply who she is. If it's not what you need or are seeking, then there will definitely be trouble in Paradise My dear.

_____________________________

If you don't know what you're doing, why do you think I know?

KoolnSassy

(in reply to slavejanetaylor)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: More of a friend than a Mistress - 5/18/2009 2:08:59 AM   
Sunnyfey


Posts: 1436
Joined: 9/21/2007
From: OK
Status: offline 		Just for instance here....Your happy right? They are happy right? If it's aint broke dont fix it. Besides she may as well still be feeling you out and seeing what kind of Dominance fulfills you. *hugs* Best advice I can give to someone starting a new relationship like this?

DON'T OVER THINK YOURSELF



_____________________________

Resident Hell Cat



(in reply to KoolnSassy)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: More of a friend than a Mistress - 5/18/2009 6:08:49 PM   
slavekal


Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline 		Very timely post.  As much as I love Ms. Mlicious, I blogged that this weekend she was WAY too much in vanilla/ buddy mode with the crew of men who gave up a Sunday afternoon and evening to work at her house.  Even after I mentioned it to her, she just would not get out of that rut.  She was behaving like the five men working for her were her brothers or something.  That is a good way to drive away all your disciples.  Act like their pal. 

_____________________________

"The Courage to Submit: the submissive male's guide to finding a dominant woman"
http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/the-courage-to-submit-the-guide-for-the-submissive-male-seeking-a-dominant-woman/5968917

(in reply to slavejanetaylor)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: More of a friend than a Mistress - 5/18/2009 7:05:32 PM   
Joseff


Posts: 505
Joined: 6/2/2007
Status: offline 		What interests me is that her treatment of you changes when her husband isn't present. Maybe its him who wants the slave, and she just wants a friend. The best thing to do is what everybody else has already said, talk to them.

_____________________________

This is gonna hurt...

Joseff

(in reply to slavekal)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: More of a friend than a Mistress - 5/19/2009 11:50:24 AM   
Chesterthemolest


Posts: 13
Status: offline 		I had someone who wanted to be my slave but didn't want to be a friend and wasn't interested in day to day chit chat. I want day to day chit chat, not just a slave. Strange for some but for me it works. Needless to say I sent her packing to find someone who'll fit her better than I.

(in reply to slavejanetaylor)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> More of a friend than a Mistress Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.188