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lally2 -> signing up (5/13/2009 6:09:52 AM)
in signing up for a relationship in BDSM i have always accepted that things will change and grow as the relationship changes and grows. hard limits become soft limts sometimes, reluctance becomes acceptance, submission sometimes becomes enslavement. we get used to adapting to our D's and because nothing will go beyond youre absolute limits, whilst everything else might change all around you the relationship you have with youre D remains constant and oddly impervious. im just wondering how many of you guys, D and s, have a glance back and think wow! - i never did sign up for that, but look where we are! - or - wow! - look how far we've (ive)come/changed/altered. being wafted along by a force of will stronger than my own or at least stronger than my desire to resist i sometimes find myself wondering where this is all going to take me. persephone on another thread quoted the icathus maxim, that it isnt the destination its the journey. do you think we consider the destination atall or are we people addicted to pushing ourselves and growing and ever changing. in which case then its a case of 'destination unknown' on pretty much every level. threads talk about the next wild experience like waterboarding or giving poly a shot when statistically evidence would suggest its a tricky thing to pull off. we strive to explore. at what point do we say 'ive arrived' - im begining to think that thought process doesnt exist here. no bad thing, just an observation.

tiinkerbell -> RE: signing up (5/13/2009 6:25:35 AM)
I was having a discussion with a young lady on the other side one day; and she brought up an interesting point about life, how we live it, and how we look backwards over our accomplishments/failures/etc. I am only 22 years old. I have barely begun to live my life. Yet, if I look backwards to when I was, say 16; at that time, I thought I knew all there was to know about life [:)] Now, all I can say is 'how naive was I' lol. I am sure that in another 10 years, I will look back to now and think the same thing; "how naive was I". My discussion with her made me remember that line from Men in Black "Just think what you will know tomorrow" I don't think we ever stop learning new things; even when we beleive that we have learned all we can. Everyday brings something new; whether it be good or bad; it's still a new experience. So , no, I don't believe we ever come to a time in our life where we say "I have arrived". Just my thoughts [:)]

RCdc -> RE: signing up (5/13/2009 6:53:28 AM)
Death is the destination. By then, it's too late to utter the words, I made it. The rest, is living. People who focus on the connections, tend to forget to live. the.dark.

IrishMist -> RE: signing up (5/13/2009 7:14:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark Death is the destination. By then, it's too late to utter the words, I made it. The rest, is living. People who focus on the connections, tend to forget to live. the.dark. the.Dark said it all [:)]

Marc2b -> RE: signing up (5/13/2009 7:14:56 AM)
quote: I am only 22 years old. I have barely begun to live my life. Yet, if I look backwards to when I was, say 16; at that time, I thought I knew all there was to know about life Now, all I can say is 'how naive was I' lol. I am sure that in another 10 years, I will look back to now and think the same thing; "how naive was I". Reminds me of a couple of things: First, something my grandfather told me: “There are only two things wrong with teenagers. They think they know everything. They don’t know anything. That’s arrogance combined with ignorance. At best, it can be amusing. At worst it can be tragic.” And something Mark Twain said (I’m paraphrasing): When I was seventeen my father was so colossally stupid I could barley stand to be in the same room with the old man. By the time I was twenty-five I was astounded by how much he had learned." If, at twenty-two, you already understand that you understand little then you are already ahead of the pack and are off to a good start. I look back upon my own early twenties with a mixture amusement and horror.

Antheia -> RE: signing up (5/13/2009 7:38:34 AM)
Good morning lally2, First I hope I never "arrive" that I keep being surprised how far I can go, being pushed further and what more I can learn about how far I can go. I know what you are saying there were many times he got me past a hard limit and I had no idea exactly how it happened. Several times the " There is no way I could think of that happening" changed to " How did it happen " and " hey that was pretty good". And yes sometimes " I don't wanna go there again " lol I don't believe it is a bad thing either, it is just growing, to me Take care A.

CreativeDominant -> RE: signing up (5/13/2009 7:40:44 AM)
Funny how life will teach us, if we are smart enough to learn, that almost everything we plan will end up different than how we envisioned it. When I got married, I did not foresee myself 15 years later in an almost sexless marriage and if I had, I'd have been the first to tell you, it would not remain that way for long before I'd be gone. Well, it was that was for nearly 3 years before I'd exhausted all efforts to change it and faced up to the fact that it wasn't good for my kids or me to have my ex and myself remain in a marriage that had a very loving facade but in which one of the main planks was gone. I know what kind of a D/s relationship I want and I know there are certain areas I won't go or allow it to go BUT there are no fine, hard-edged lines around a lot of that simply because I do expect it to grow and evolve. I may end up at the end with someone much more submissive than what I pictured her, I may find that I am more of a harder player than I thought I could be (I've already discovered certain aspects of this and have surprised myself), I may find all kinds of things. The one thing I do know for certain is that I will not go backwards from what I want now.

lally2 -> RE: signing up (5/13/2009 7:41:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark Death is the destination. By then, it's too late to utter the words, I made it. The rest, is living. People who focus on the connections, tend to forget to live. the.dark. what do you mean by connections. i dont think that focusing on anything necessarily means youve come to a complete and total grinding halt. who can focus on anything for that long. focusing on the moment is an important part of life i think, else youre just skimming along and not taking in the important parts that catch youre attention. or am i completely misunderstanding you (again) lol [:D] life is for living, of course and yes, noone stops or atleast noone should stop exploring themselves. the internal journey will always continue - some would argue after death. im thinking i suppose by comparison, mainstream types like couples i know, of all generations who have, in a sense arrived, with what they set out to achieve. a job, a home, a family. it just seems to me at times that living for the moment as i do, largely suggests that i will never actually arrive. icathus represents the place, the destination. we may never get there and even if we do it may not be as wonderful as we assume, but our journey is. i completely agree with that. but even so i have this odd feeling that im missing some important point somewhere. its on the tip of my brain and i cant get to it.

agirl -> RE: signing up (5/13/2009 7:45:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lally2 in signing up for a relationship in BDSM i have always accepted that things will change and grow as the relationship changes and grows. hard limits become soft limts sometimes, reluctance becomes acceptance, submission sometimes becomes enslavement. we get used to adapting to our D's and because nothing will go beyond youre absolute limits, whilst everything else might change all around you the relationship you have with youre D remains constant and oddly impervious. im just wondering how many of you guys, D and s, have a glance back and think wow! - i never did sign up for that, but look where we are! - or - wow! - look how far we've (ive)come/changed/altered. being wafted along by a force of will stronger than my own or at least stronger than my desire to resist i sometimes find myself wondering where this is all going to take me. persephone on another thread quoted the icathus maxim, that it isnt the destination its the journey. do you think we consider the destination atall or are we people addicted to pushing ourselves and growing and ever changing. in which case then its a case of 'destination unknown' on pretty much every level. threads talk about the next wild experience like waterboarding or giving poly a shot when statistically evidence would suggest its a tricky thing to pull off. we strive to explore. at what point do we say 'ive arrived' - im begining to think that thought process doesnt exist here. no bad thing, just an observation. Personally.....I've arrived in all sorts of destinations but no planned ones. Arriving somehere isn't a dead-stop.....well, it hasn't been for me. Every arrival has been the springboard for the * we're off again. For all the agreeing and discussing beforehand that is talked about forever and a day....none of that applied to me. I didn't sign up for anything apart from his authority and that is/was as open-ended as it sounds. I don't ever wonder where it'll take me because it has never mattered to me at all. I'll end up where I end up. It's got nothing to do with me being in a D/s relationship and everything to do with the way I live life, frankly. I've always been this way whether I've been in a relationship of any kind , or been on my own. As for dipping into the next wild* thing.....well, it's only wild if I really am champing at the bit to try it .......other than that it just a different thing. I don't see a we at all in this. I'm no more like any other person here or within D/s realms than I am anywhere else. agirl

DesFIP -> RE: signing up (5/13/2009 7:47:01 AM)
I'm 54 years old. I'm not terribly interested in pushing or growing at this point, I'm more interested in happiness of the moment, in being content with what I have. I've loved, lost, mourned and grieved. What else is there really, at the end of the day? I just hope when it's my turn there will be those who mourn my passing and who will know I loved them as much and as well as I could. As far as the relationship goes? I don't think he's got any big destination in mind to spring on me. We live our lives as well as we can and love as well as we can. We've had some surprises but we weather the storms we've had and are back on a calm sea.

lally2 -> RE: signing up (5/13/2009 8:04:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant Funny how life will teach us, if we are smart enough to learn, that almost everything we plan will end up different than how we envisioned it. - ive learnt not to plan - its pointless [:)] maybe thats it, youre such a clever clever man - smooch xx ......... and if youre not going to plan the journey how the hell can anyone expect to know the destination. in a way its what DF says too - she's arrived because she's in a place where anything else would be a poor replacemnt (in essence and please correct me if im wrong) im thinking that a destination doesnt have to be the ending atall.

antipode -> RE: signing up (5/13/2009 8:06:57 AM)
quote: I am sure that in another 10 years, I will look back to now and think the same thing; "how naive was I". I never use that word - and I mean in mentoring, and in managing my young interns, IOW, in general. Nobody is truly naive, I fnd that a negative. One can only go by the amount of experience one has - humans have a tendency to only learn by experience, that's how we're built. The flipside of young minds is that if you let them roam, inasmuch as possible, they come up with amazing stuff, new solutions to things that we "experienced" folk have long since accepted as immutable. I like the example of texting - SMS - it was invented as a way to get billing and carrier messages to customers, using a spare bit of bandwidth on GSM phones. Kids went and since they could not increase the message size, they adapted the language to fit the medium. It is something that we developers would have never thought of, even though we were handling the tool on a daily basis, even using it internally. Anyway, I have said "I have arrived" on many occasions, but by that I never mean there wouldn't be another ladder to climb. When I moved to Manhattan, I thought I was doing pretty good - many years later, when I got my first office there, on the corner of 6th and 42nd, I stood looking up at the building, fresh off the plane from DC. And I said to myself "I have arrived" - and I had. Then I went across the street and had my ponytail cut off, to great hilarity of the girls at the hairdresser's. There have been other "arrivals". Main point is that one continues to learn, and be open. The exact wojds don't matter [8D]

KoolnSassy -> RE: signing up (5/13/2009 8:31:20 AM)
quote: at what point do we say 'ive arrived' - im begining to think that thought process doesnt exist here. no bad thing, just an observation. - lally2 Great post! It took Me awhile to really get it, internally, that the journey IS the arrival, if that makes any sense to anyone else. My mind is capable of visualizing many things. Typically what it visualizes is not what the real experience feels like, even if all the people, places and things are lined up as I anticipated. For Me I just accept that life is change and just listen to My own inner director as I walk ahead.

oceanwinds -> RE: signing up (5/13/2009 8:42:56 AM)
Great post, lally When i sign up for this i was clueless. To me it is a journey and letting go of planning destinations has been rather difficult for me. Something that even surprised me, didnt realize how i needed things plan. In the present i feel like an ugly duckling looking for the grace of the swan. perhaps this journey will unlesh the swan in me. Just need to not focus on outcomes, since really i have no control over them. oceanwinds

Missokyst -> RE: signing up (5/13/2009 8:50:52 AM)
People focus too much on the destintion. It is the ride that is the adventure. Robert Frost (1874–1963). Mountain Interval. 1920. 1. The Road Not Taken TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth; Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same, And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back. I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.

oceanwinds -> RE: signing up (5/13/2009 8:54:17 AM)
Thank you Missokyst for posting this poem by Robert Frost. Oh how I forgot about it, and sure needed a reminder today. blessings oceanwinds

ranja -> RE: signing up (5/13/2009 9:50:42 AM)
beautiful poem we just plod on...making good memories mostly

lally2 -> RE: signing up (5/13/2009 9:58:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: oceanwinds Great post, lally When i sign up for this i was clueless. To me it is a journey and letting go of planning destinations has been rather difficult for me. Something that even surprised me, didnt realize how i needed things plan. In the present i feel like an ugly duckling looking for the grace of the swan. perhaps this journey will unlesh the swan in me. Just need to not focus on outcomes, since really i have no control over them. oceanwinds i think thats all part of this, youre right sweetpea - if youre not part of the decision making, the planning and youre just being swept along, how much of it is youre destination anyway, in a sense, if youre giving all of that up to someone else. youre like a passenger on a mystery bus tour - where will it end - disney world or paultons park (a very very poor uk equivalent). lol... oh blimey! and i love the poem, thank you Kyst. xx

RCdc -> RE: signing up (5/13/2009 11:12:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lally2 quote: ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark Death is the destination. By then, it's too late to utter the words, I made it. The rest, is living. People who focus on the connections, tend to forget to live. the.dark. what do you mean by connections. i dont think that focusing on anything necessarily means youve come to a complete and total grinding halt. who can focus on anything for that long. focusing on the moment is an important part of life i think, else youre just skimming along and not taking in the important parts that catch youre attention. or am i completely misunderstanding you (again) lol [:D] life is for living, of course and yes, noone stops or atleast noone should stop exploring themselves. the internal journey will always continue - some would argue after death. im thinking i suppose by comparison, mainstream types like couples i know, of all generations who have, in a sense arrived, with what they set out to achieve. a job, a home, a family. it just seems to me at times that living for the moment as i do, largely suggests that i will never actually arrive. icathus represents the place, the destination. we may never get there and even if we do it may not be as wonderful as we assume, but our journey is. i completely agree with that. but even so i have this odd feeling that im missing some important point somewhere. its on the tip of my brain and i cant get to it. Birth is the beginning (Point A). Death is the final end of the destination(Point B). In between - life happens. People get so focused on the connections that get them from point A to point B that they sometimes get lost along the way because of the diversion, forgeting the ultimate goal. Some get stuck in jams and never move. Some crash and burn. Some don't even see the scenery. Relationships, illness, friendships, places, collars, marriages, .want.wanting.wants. These are all the connections. Placing limits on the journey. Still leads to the same place in the end. the.dark.

lally2 -> RE: signing up (5/13/2009 1:22:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark quote: ORIGINAL: lally2 quote: ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark Death is the destination. By then, it's too late to utter the words, I made it. The rest, is living. People who focus on the connections, tend to forget to live. the.dark. what do you mean by connections. i dont think that focusing on anything necessarily means youve come to a complete and total grinding halt. who can focus on anything for that long. focusing on the moment is an important part of life i think, else youre just skimming along and not taking in the important parts that catch youre attention. or am i completely misunderstanding you (again) lol [:D] life is for living, of course and yes, noone stops or atleast noone should stop exploring themselves. the internal journey will always continue - some would argue after death. im thinking i suppose by comparison, mainstream types like couples i know, of all generations who have, in a sense arrived, with what they set out to achieve. a job, a home, a family. it just seems to me at times that living for the moment as i do, largely suggests that i will never actually arrive. icathus represents the place, the destination. we may never get there and even if we do it may not be as wonderful as we assume, but our journey is. i completely agree with that. but even so i have this odd feeling that im missing some important point somewhere. its on the tip of my brain and i cant get to it. Birth is the beginning (Point A). Death is the final end of the destination(Point B). In between - life happens. People get so focused on the connections that get them from point A to point B that they sometimes get lost along the way because of the diversion, forgeting the ultimate goal. Some get stuck in jams and never move. Some crash and burn. Some don't even see the scenery. Relationships, illness, friendships, places, collars, marriages, .want.wanting.wants. These are all the connections. Placing limits on the journey. Still leads to the same place in the end. the.dark. thank you - i see what you mean now. [:)]

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