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Role Models for the Long Run - 5/12/2009 1:41:20 AM   
laempirica


Posts: 2
Joined: 5/17/2008
Status: offline 		I'm submissive through and through. I've been exploring BDSM since high school and I plan on continuing to do so for the foreseeable future.  However, I'm planning on a serious career along with a healthy dose of vanilla pursuits and friends.  I find myself constantly torn between "normal" life and the lifestyle.

It's a tall order, but I was wondering if those of you who've been down this path can give me some advice and some perspective. I'm not expecting some detailed how-to or anything. God forbid life be that convenient!

Thank you!
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Role Models for the Long Run - 5/12/2009 1:51:17 AM   
Fitznicely


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		Best advice I could give you is to stop thinking of them as two separate things.

Live your life, do what comes natural to you, be safe and sensible and have all the fun you can, but don't try and live a SM life and a Vanilla life, cos as someone who lives the lifestyle,I can tell you that when it works, the two are indistinguishable.

_____________________________

I tell you this: No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn
Proud Owner of Darkmoonkat. Such a good girl!

(in reply to laempirica)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Role Models for the Long Run - 5/12/2009 3:58:02 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Fitznicely

Best advice I could give you is to stop thinking of them as two separate things.

Live your life, do what comes natural to you, be safe and sensible and have all the fun you can, but don't try and live a SM life and a Vanilla life, cos as someone who lives the lifestyle,I can tell you that when it works, the two are indistinguishable.


I agree completely with Fitznicely. I'm not sure why the two should be separate in your mind unless you're thinking that you need to keep your BDSM activities a secret and if that's the case simply keep it to yourself.  

There are parts to everyone that are for general comsumption and parts that are for sharing with a more select audience. People don't really know that I get tied up in the bedroom or that I defer to my Dom unless I share that knowledge with them. My Dom and I have a relationship that's mainly based on the vanilla activities we share. We ride bicycles, kayak, paint/draw, go to sporting events, motorcycle, eat out, and belong to several vanilla groups with which we share these interests. Those people don't know what we do in private not because we're ashamed of it but because they don't need to know and it's completely irrelevant to the activity at hand.

(in reply to Fitznicely)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Role Models for the Long Run - 5/12/2009 4:28:46 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I'm the same person whether I'm hassling my youngest about his homework, going out for coffee with a friend, or being tied up and used. The only important thing is doing what is the appropriate thing in the circumstances. I'm a mother, a daughter, a sister, a lover, a friend. I take my kids out to play miniature golf, I listen to my father tell old stories, I do laundry for the whole house, etc. I do the appropriate thing at the appropriate time.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to lizi)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Role Models for the Long Run - 5/12/2009 4:36:08 AM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline 		I think when you start to separate or think of this and that as separate--issues arise--its is only a means of defining you or the enhancements you want to your life, nothing more. Keep it in that perspective and you will find it can be all in one.

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to laempirica)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Role Models for the Long Run - 5/12/2009 5:22:59 AM   
tiinkerbell


Posts: 96
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Fitznicely

Best advice I could give you is to stop thinking of them as two separate things.

Live your life, do what comes natural to you, be safe and sensible and have all the fun you can, but don't try and live a SM life and a Vanilla life, cos as someone who lives the lifestyle,I can tell you that when it works, the two are indistinguishable.

I would have to agree with what was stated here. Just be yourself and do what comes natural in a safe, and sensible way.

Allison

_____________________________

Allison

- Some People walk in the rain; others just get wet -
Roger Miller

(in reply to Fitznicely)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Role Models for the Long Run - 5/12/2009 6:50:06 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		BDSM occurs in two places - in the bedroom and outside of it.

What happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom.  All those vanilla people around you - you have no idea what happens in their bedrooms, and they shouldn't in yours.

Outside the bedroom, there are ways a man can take charge discreetly.  Ordering for you at a restaurant, kissing you unexpectedly when he feels like it, asking you to do some vanilla task for him.  It doesn't have to be dressing you like a slut or spanking you on a park bench.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to tiinkerbell)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Role Models for the Long Run - 5/12/2009 7:11:15 AM   
Fitznicely


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

...spanking you on a park bench.



Dammit, I love the ideas you lot give Me!

_____________________________

I tell you this: No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn
Proud Owner of Darkmoonkat. Such a good girl!

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Role Models for the Long Run - 5/12/2009 10:59:00 AM   
SylvereApLeanan


Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Fitznicely

Best advice I could give you is to stop thinking of them as two separate things.


Yep, this.
 
A good D-type will want what is best for you, whatever that means, whether it's "vanilla" friends, a career, or staying home to care for house and offspring.  You don't have to be a 1950's housewife to be submissive.  Additionally, there are few D-types who can single-handedly support an s-type.  More than likely, you will have to work in order to afford for the two (or more) of you to play.  Your romantic relationship doesn't stop just because you put on a suit and walk out the door to pursue a career any more than it stops when you spend the holidays with your family.  If a D/s dynamic is part of that relationship, it won't stop either.

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl
"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to Fitznicely)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Role Models for the Long Run - 5/12/2009 11:31:10 AM   
army101


Posts: 42
Joined: 5/2/2009
Status: offline 		Learn what you like from both life styles then enjoy them...trust me they dont come together that much! except when you meet a in-law at a local munch

dont question what you have fun with just enjoy it while you can okay?

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Role Models for the Long Run - 5/12/2009 12:25:40 PM   
daddysliloneds


Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline 		what, you're not clad in leather and being beaten and fucked 24/7 and you call yourself a submissive? i'm kidding of course; everyone has a life outside the bedroom...

you can still defer to your partner, still be submissive, still hold a career, not be 'playing' all the time and be true to yourself and your desires, whether that be while being a mom or being a slut.

(in reply to laempirica)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Role Models for the Long Run - 5/12/2009 1:44:14 PM   
janiebelle


Posts: 332
Joined: 4/29/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

BDSM occurs in two places - in the bedroom and outside of it.

What happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom.  All those vanilla people around you - you have no idea what happens in their bedrooms, and they shouldn't in yours.

Outside the bedroom, there are ways a man can take charge discreetly.  Ordering for you at a restaurant, kissing you unexpectedly when he feels like it, asking you to do some vanilla task for him.  It doesn't have to be dressing you like a slut or spanking you on a park bench.


Well said.  I too believe that this life has a serious degree of  "a time and place for everything".  Whether vanilla or BDSM, circumstances largely dictate behavior.  You don't wear the same skirt to Mass that you do to a club.
j

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Role Models for the Long Run - 5/12/2009 3:43:07 PM   
SexyBlackMan2


Posts: 108
Status: offline 		Don't separate the two....just do what is appropriate for the circumstance. I am a professional for a large company and my slave is an assistant vice president for a regional company. We do what we do during the day and even do "vanilla" things in public. Remember, being submissive is a mindset, not so much of what you do and when you do it.

I may also give her orders that no one else would even have a clue about. Most who are in the lifestyle are discreet about it publicly anyway.

(in reply to laempirica)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Role Models for the Long Run - 5/13/2009 12:50:04 AM   
laempirica


Posts: 2
Joined: 5/17/2008
Status: offline 		Thank you all for your positive detailed responses!

(in reply to SexyBlackMan2)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Role Models for the Long Run - 5/13/2009 1:27:14 AM   
SIRLOINSTEAK


Posts: 84
Joined: 3/30/2009
Status: offline 		I agree with you guys, If you can be as honest as possible that is the best approach. Some people are stuck in situations where they have dual indentities, where they are one type of person with this friend, and another with another group of people. This was made prevelant in "Seinfield" when "my World's are colliding" - George's different relationships were getting to know each other, which was causing trouble for George in that he wanted them kept apart....

Some people find comfort in boxes, and like to stick themselves in a box and limit their own choices. Few people allow other people to flourish and enjoy their lives without being overly critical. Even I have certain expectations, and if things aren't a particular way, will have problems....

Like I prefer people to take showers once a day.
Be able to wipe their own butt when not tied up/in a cage
enjoy cuddling when afforded the luxury
Not be overly manipulative or critical. {I'm critical enugh.)

(in reply to laempirica)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Role Models for the Long Run - 5/13/2009 9:12:26 AM   
KoolnSassy


Posts: 65
Joined: 5/5/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: laempirica

I'm submissive through and through. I've been exploring BDSM since high school and I plan on continuing to do so for the foreseeable future.  However, I'm planning on a serious career along with a healthy dose of vanilla pursuits and friends.  I find myself constantly torn between "normal" life and the lifestyle.

It's a tall order, but I was wondering if those of you who've been down this path can give me some advice and some perspective. I'm not expecting some detailed how-to or anything. God forbid life be that convenient!

Thank you!



You're submissive through and through is what you said. That doesn't change because now you've discovered there's a lifestyle about it. It's just that there are some things you want to share with people openly, and some things you don't. I don't see it as a separation between D/s and vanilla. It's a mistake many make in categorizing - this goes here, that goes there etc. And yet it's all part of the whole - the whole being ourselves. So rather than think - this is vanilla, this is D/s, I like to think I access different parts of Myself at different times to whatever is appropriate for what's going on. But I am always Me. It's My choice how to interact and with whom.

To give an example, I love to sing, but I don't identify Myself solely as a singer and categorize My life accordingly. It's part of who I am, but now ALL of who I am. Hope this helps.

_____________________________

If you don't know what you're doing, why do you think I know?

KoolnSassy

(in reply to laempirica)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Role Models for the Long Run - 5/18/2009 11:31:27 PM   
GYPZYQUEEN


Posts: 730
Joined: 4/14/2009
Status: offline 		I AM A WOMAN..

who isa  retired teacher...grandmother..mother,,artist..jeweler..mag publisher..workshop leader..who bakes..cooks, gardens..travels..writes and loves to Dominate  and live poly..

YOU ARE A WOMAN who...............................and.......................
......................and............................and......................................
and ...............................and loves to................................who is submissive

Many facets....many aspects...ALL ONE WOMAN..

best of luck love..

GQ

(in reply to KoolnSassy)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Role Models for the Long Run - 5/18/2009 11:37:01 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline 		simplify simplify simplify.

we complicate the hell out of our lives often unnecessarily. live. accept you will change your mind. embrace your experiences. check you expectations at the door. use goals as guide posts but understand they do change and be okay with that. find yourself, and i really mean this. the more aware of who you are as a person, the happier you'll be. the outcome is better choices in the long run. be happy. even when mistakes happen. see the lesson, grow if you can, and keep going. enjoy it all. you've only got one life. you might as well make the most of it. good luck.

porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to laempirica)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Role Models for the Long Run - 5/19/2009 10:08:12 PM   
lilmisssubmiss


Posts: 284
Joined: 9/29/2008
Status: offline 		Uh...well??????? You're still growing up...you're still learning about who you are and what you want.


Of course you are going to be confused about how to juggle the two at first.... (really there should be no juggling about it...you know how you feel so you shouldn't have to hide it)..but in our society obviously you that doesn't work... i don't think it's a matter of being torn between vinillia and the bdsm lifestyle, I think it's just a matter of getting to know yourself.
All I can say is follow your gut, don't get too wrapped up in how other people live their lives (focus on your needs/wants) ... continue to learn about the lifestyle ...and see from there. I think just time and expierence will help answer a lot of your questions.

(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Role Models for the Long Run - 5/19/2009 10:19:27 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: laempirica

I'm submissive through and through. I've been exploring BDSM since high school and I plan on continuing to do so for the foreseeable future.  However, I'm planning on a serious career along with a healthy dose of vanilla pursuits and friends.  I find myself constantly torn between "normal" life and the lifestyle.

It's a tall order, but I was wondering if those of you who've been down this path can give me some advice and some perspective. I'm not expecting some detailed how-to or anything. God forbid life be that convenient!

Thank you!


my Master/Daddy says "We are what We are"  my family knows i'm "kinky", and we are all pretty open. If they REALLY wanted to know they would ask. As for work, just be as careful as You have to be and don't ever post pictures of yourself if that could come back to bite you. Best of luck to ya!


_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to laempirica)
Profile   Post #: 20
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