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Not a Sub, sure as heck not a Domme - 5/5/2009 9:36:06 AM

Elisabella

Posts: 3939
Status: offline

So I had the realization the other day that none of the CM ticky-boxes describe me. For a long time I thought I was submissive, just with preferences, but now I've realised that all my preferences tend to be against things that include, well, submitting. I mean voluntary submission - things like saying "Yes, sir" or asking permission for mundane things (I'll still ask permission to use his credit card...usually

) or kneeling or begging for things, or pretty much anything that involves voluntary submission.

My biggest fetishes all tend to involve coersion or intimidation or force...not just the standard rape fantasy, though that's a big one, but also being kidnapped, being kissed when I'm spitting mad, I even recommended to my fiance that we take a form of martial arts so we could learn to hit each other without doing damage. You know how most BDSM'ers like, talk about The Secretary as the hottest mainstream movie...mine is Mr and Mrs Smith, specifically the part where they tore the house apart. I like to struggle, fight, and most importantly, I like to lose. It's no fun if I win, no fun at all.

So...is there a classification for me? I suppose I could just be easy and go with "Switch" because I do have Domme tendencies, especially when I'm already in a relationship that satisfies those other tendencies, but I want to know just exactly what someone who's into fight fucking and coersion is called, and if there's anyone else who is the same way.

Pax,
Bella

Post #: 1

RE: Not a Sub, sure as heck not a Domme - 5/5/2009 9:40:48 AM

tiinkerbell

Posts: 96
Status: offline

Does it truly matter that you are able to distinguish yourself to others on the internet?

In person, just use the term bottom.

Otherwise, I fail to see why it would matter.

Allison

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(in reply to Elisabella)

Post #: 2

RE: Not a Sub, sure as heck not a Domme - 5/5/2009 9:44:50 AM

Elisabella

Posts: 3939
Status: offline

Well it does matter to me, I talk to people online about this sort of thing, and it's easier to say I'm a ________ on the initial contact than to post a bunch of stuff about specific fantasies I have, especially if I'm just getting to know the person.

I always thought that bottom implied some sort of masochism...like it was used to describe people who were into physical sensations without power play, but I might be wrong.

Hmm I can always just say I'm into "power play" but that might require a bit more explanation.

Thanks for replying :) I do think "Bottom" would be more accurate than "Submissive" though I don't really feel either are perfect.

Take care,
Bella

(in reply to tiinkerbell)

Post #: 3

RE: Not a Sub, sure as heck not a Domme - 5/5/2009 9:51:53 AM

tiinkerbell

Posts: 96
Status: offline

quote:

I always thought that bottom implied some sort of masochism...like it was used to describe people who were into physical sensations without power play, but I might be wrong.

Generally speaking, no. A bottom usually refers to a person ( male or female ) who enjoys the 'submissive role' for a time. For obvious reasons, a Top, would be the opposite. LOL, and, in a lot of ways, you could combine the two and use switch.

You are most welcome

Allison

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Allison

- Some People walk in the rain; others just get wet -
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(in reply to Elisabella)

Post #: 4

RE: Not a Sub, sure as heck not a Domme - 5/5/2009 9:52:55 AM

Vjklander

Posts: 41
Joined: 3/28/2004
Status: offline

You would enjoy Camp Crucible. There is a sign-up list where girls can sign up for blocks of time. At the beginning, she is set loose naked to run through the woods. Then she is set upon by packs of roaming savage Doms. It is a very popular sport and always the first sign-up sheet to be filled. So, you are not alone. I guess there are elements of Masochism and Brattiness, but maybe we need a new category: femPrey.

(in reply to Elisabella)

Post #: 5

RE: Not a Sub, sure as heck not a Domme - 5/5/2009 9:54:20 AM

subtlebutterfly

Posts: 2230
Joined: 6/15/2008
From: Not your hood
Status: offline

How does that sound for ya:
Sub with a dash of topping add a cup of strawberries and shake maybe?

Personally I describe myself as uhm..a vanillasub :O) I mean heck..it doesn't exist, but it works for me. I'm not even slightly masochistic, nor do I fit as a switch 'cause I'm not that much into the dominating role..I'm very inbetween all of this so yeah just make something up hunni....but all in all liking to fight and put up resistance doesn't necessarily make you non-submissive.

< Message edited by subtlebutterfly -- 5/5/2009 9:57:04 AM >

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Post #: 6

RE: Not a Sub, sure as heck not a Domme - 5/5/2009 9:55:49 AM

Vjklander

Posts: 41
Joined: 3/28/2004
Status: offline

One girl I know really likes to put up a fight. She says it is because she loves being dominated, but doesn't want to be dominated by a weakling.

(in reply to Vjklander)

Post #: 7

RE: Not a Sub, sure as heck not a Domme - 5/5/2009 9:58:30 AM

Elisabella

Posts: 3939
Status: offline

Vijklander, that sounds like something I should do with my fiance! Thanks for the idea :D And yes, I soooo identify with the role of 'prey' - I like that one :)

Subtlebutterfly, I used to call myself a vanilla sub too! Then I switched to French Vanilla because it made sense to ME but someone told me that it implied a prostitution act and that ended pretty quickly. I will so make something up...hehe when my fiance first started talking I remember he called me little Vicki...short for victim.

It's nice to hear from you....now I know while I might be a freak, I'm not a *total* freak

(in reply to subtlebutterfly)

Post #: 8

RE: Not a Sub, sure as heck not a Domme - 5/5/2009 9:59:50 AM

Elisabella

Posts: 3939
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Vjklander

One girl I know really likes to put up a fight. She says it is because she loves being dominated, but doesn't want to be dominated by a weakling.

Yes! Exactly! If he can't *take* it he certainly doesn't *deserve* it :P Also, is there a difference between 'being dominated' and 'submitting' - I personally draw a distinction but I'm not sure anyone else does.

(in reply to Vjklander)

Post #: 9

RE: Not a Sub, sure as heck not a Domme - 5/5/2009 10:02:08 AM

junecleaver

Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline

We must have been separated at birth, because I feel the EXACT same way and I don't hear of many people who find themselves in that position. Srsly. I think back when I didn't understand it very well...they might have referred to me as a 'brat.' lol

I love being forced especially when I'm mad and I love love love losing games. I call myself submissive more because he is my owner than because I'm actually submissive. He understands that I like to play those games and sometimes he gives me that. But I understand submission is an essential to the relationship running smoothly and I try to give him that as well.

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(in reply to Elisabella)

Post #: 10

RE: Not a Sub, sure as heck not a Domme - 5/5/2009 10:03:17 AM

subtlebutterfly

Posts: 2230
Joined: 6/15/2008
From: Not your hood
Status: offline

Labels are what YOU make of them

There're so many interpretations of the whole thing that you just make it your own..as long as you don't end up talking about submissive as the one playing the dominant role..

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(in reply to Elisabella)

Post #: 11

RE: Not a Sub, sure as heck not a Domme - 5/5/2009 10:04:43 AM

MissJanice2

Posts: 178
Joined: 3/4/2009
Status: offline

This is what happens when we try to label ourselves. Just go with who you are.

Best Wishes,

Mistress_Jan

(in reply to tiinkerbell)

Post #: 12

RE: Not a Sub, sure as heck not a Domme - 5/5/2009 10:05:23 AM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

OMG!...i would LOVE resistance play!! That would be just my game. i used to be quite a scrapper in my day

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(in reply to subtlebutterfly)

Post #: 13

RE: Not a Sub, sure as heck not a Domme - 5/5/2009 10:32:21 AM

Vjklander

Posts: 41
Joined: 3/28/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Elisabella

quote:

ORIGINAL: Vjklander

One girl I know really likes to put up a fight. She says it is because she loves being dominated, but doesn't want to be dominated by a weakling.

Yes! Exactly! If he can't *take* it he certainly doesn't *deserve* it :P Also, is there a difference between 'being dominated' and 'submitting' - I personally draw a distinction but I'm not sure anyone else does.

Absolutely! being dominated is the result of an outside force, submitting is the result of an inside force, if you will. Kind of like the difference between sucking and blowing ...

Vjk

(in reply to Elisabella)

Post #: 14

RE: Not a Sub, sure as heck not a Domme - 5/5/2009 11:14:09 AM

Jeptha

Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: junecleaver

...I love being forced especially when I'm mad and I love love love losing games....

Interesting. I hear this a lot. I don't mind fighting physically, but I would never try and dominate anyone when they were mad. Too many possibilities for mixed signals.

To do this, my partner would have to be able to give consent while she was angry...or something. There's some sort of conceptual hurdle in my mind there that would have to be gotten over.

For me, it would have to be a "scene" that had some pretty clear boundaries, as opposed to just starting whenever, spontaneously.

And - if there are going to be "no limits" for her fighting me, she'd better be ready for the consequences if she loses...but I somehow doubt that's gonna happen.

I mostly prefer psychological (or voluntary) submission, so; I guess I'm just wondering how women conceptualize this.

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Post #: 15

RE: Not a Sub, sure as heck not a Domme - 5/5/2009 11:22:22 AM

marie2

Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline

Op, I've seen the terms kinkster and fetishist around. Maybe that would work for you?

(in reply to Jeptha)

Post #: 16

RE: Not a Sub, sure as heck not a Domme - 5/5/2009 1:31:30 PM

janiebelle

Posts: 332
Joined: 4/29/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeptha

Interesting. I hear this a lot. I don't mind fighting physically, but I would never try and dominate anyone when they were mad. Too many possibilities for mixed signals.

To do this, my partner would have to be able to give consent while she was angry...or something. There's some sort of conceptual hurdle in my mind there that would have to be gotten over.

For me, it would have to be a "scene" that had some pretty clear boundaries, as opposed to just starting whenever, spontaneously.

And - if there are going to be "no limits" for her fighting me, she'd better be ready for the consequences if she loses...but I somehow doubt that's gonna happen.

I mostly prefer psychological (or voluntary) submission, so; I guess I'm just wondering how women conceptualize this.

I would have a big problem with getting over that "conceptual hurdle". If my submission is not voluntary, surrendered after careful consideration, i'd have some residual, er, "resentment" is too weak a word but on the right track.
I'd have a problem getting into a physical confrontation with any man; i'm afraid something would get carried away and someone could get more than their feelings hurt, and it would likely not be me. Probably not a good step in D/s relationship building.

j

(in reply to Jeptha)

Post #: 17

RE: Not a Sub, sure as heck not a Domme - 5/5/2009 1:48:06 PM

oceanwinds

Posts: 530
Status: offline

I am submissive as I am many other things. To not need a label is a fetish for me..Another fetish is a man who is wise enough to not be around me when I am really angry. It shows me they have nothing to prove and they have the wisdom to know it.

Just my 2 cents

(in reply to janiebelle)

Post #: 18

RE: Not a Sub, sure as heck not a Domme - 5/5/2009 2:10:24 PM

Fitznicely

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline

Brat, hellcat, takedown subbie, hella lotta funsub...*shrugs*

You're whatever you feel you are. A label is something other people put on you. Don't sweat it

Sounds like a whole lot of fun!

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Post #: 19

RE: Not a Sub, sure as heck not a Domme - 5/5/2009 4:55:09 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

What you're describing is called resistance play, in which you fight back but are overcome.

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Post #: 20

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