RE: Finding my place in all of this

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RE: Finding my place in all of this - 4/17/2009 10:24:34 PM

greeneyedreamer

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quote:

I very much get what everyone's saying. The problem is giving the impression of a dominant personality when meeting people, because once an impression is formed, its very hard to change.

I take it your a natural leader, and a kind person! Those two go perfectly, and are quite dominant. So don't sweat it, you will be able to meet many people who will see you in the way you see yourself. You are young, you are growing and changing, you have already identified a need, a desire in yourself. Keep growing... don't worry about anyone else!

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RE: Finding my place in all of this - 4/18/2009 9:13:07 AM

Jeptha

Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Eraser

I very much get what everyone's saying. The problem is giving the impression of a dominant personality when meeting people, because once an impression is formed, its very hard to change.

People will make snap judgments based on insufficient evidence all the time.

I'm not sure what can be done about that.

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RE: Finding my place in all of this - 4/18/2009 12:04:53 PM

slaveofHisDomain

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Joined: 4/14/2009
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My M is a bit like you in ways. He isn't bravado, or full of himself. He masters in a very quiet way, but let there be no doubt in our relationship who has the authority.

I can understand wanting to give yourself somewhat of a label, I think that is the way humans are. I have tried to do that to myself many times on here, in real life there doesn't seem to be the necessity.

I think you should just relax and enjoy the journey you have started. You don't have to make yourself into something, or even name yourself a title to get along around here. It's easy to get ideas that you should be a certain way to call yourself dominant. I have noticed those ideas mostly come from people who in real life have no idea what any of this is all about. Life is not a chat room or msg board, just always be upfront in how you are and don't try to change into what you think you are expected to be. In the end that would only let down not only yourself, but the person you were in a relationship at some point.

Just my opinion, but hope it helped a bit.

nee

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RE: Finding my place in all of this - 4/18/2009 1:20:38 PM

Andalusite

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You could be a top,a sadistic submissive, a switch, or a dominant. Basic personality in vanilla circumstances don't have a direct correlation to D/s or BDSM orientation. Basically, rather than trying to think it out logically in your own head, getting some experience and finding out what you like will probably be more helpful. Do you enjoy tying up, thwacking them, ordering them around, playfighting/overcoming their resistance? Do you feel drawn to being in charge only sexually, only in vanilla situations, or both? I don't really mind people using "switch" as "I don't know yet," since there isn't an option for that listed here, but it does tend to make some people think that anyone who identifies as a switch is also confused or inexperienced. That gets annoying, especially when I've been doing this stuff a lot longer than they have! Focus less on the labels, and more on what draws you, in terms of implements, rituals, playstyles, etc.

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RE: Finding my place in all of this - 4/18/2009 1:31:26 PM

InTonguesslave

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Joined: 2/6/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Eraser

Well that's how I see it, being dominant in a subtle or softer way, its just the societal impression of what the typical alpha male is like that I don't really fit. People generally see the macho roid-head as being the dominant one, not the easygoing quiet one.

i think you dont need to fit any typical anything.

its a common enough misconception that a dominant has to be this macho chest beating heathen - it isnt so.

edited to add: its so much hotter to be quietly, firmly controlled (for some) and thats what counts youre of a type that will be extremely interesting to some of the subs out there, and those are the types you want to attract anyway, so its all great. type for type. no problemo

< Message edited by InTonguesslave -- 4/18/2009 1:36:41 PM >

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RE: Finding my place in all of this - 4/18/2009 4:34:19 PM

SlaveBlutarsky

Posts: 491
Joined: 10/10/2005
From: Upstate, NY
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Eraser

I very much get what everyone's saying. The problem is giving the impression of a dominant personality when meeting people, because once an impression is formed, its very hard to change.

I don't worry about giving a submissive personality to anyone when I first meet them, because in reality, I'm the stereotypical macho roid head who is only submissive in a very specific situation.

I'm looking for something real, so I'm my real persona when I meet people. When that is in 'the scene,' people already know I'm submissive, so that's not a concern.

Submission (in you case dominance) is something that I share with someone in a special situation, and while it's an important part of my personality, it's just not the public face that people see.

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Post #: 26